CHAPTER 5 #4
“Drunk driver.” She took another sip of wine. “They went out to celebrate their seventeenth anniversary. Never came home.”
“I’m so sorry.”
She offered a warm smile. “Thank you. Anyway. My grandparents took my brother and me in without question, but they were getting up there in age, so my brother took care of me most of the time. I don’t remember a lot about it, but I do remember it took a significant amount of time for us to get to a new sense of normal. ”
“I can understand that.”
“I remember, as I got older, watching people to see how they reacted to the events that affected their lives. Especially my brother. Some people believe his Sadist routine is an act. It’s not.
And while I know he’s different with me, I still see it in his interactions, saw the changes in him as I got older.
When I was talking to my high school career counselor, the subject of psychology came up.
She mentioned it might be suitable for my inquisitive nature.
I looked more into it, found it to be an interesting prospect.
But I didn’t make a firm decision to pursue it until I learned about my brother and his … needs.”
“His needs?”
Jamie smiled, took another sip of her wine, leaned forward. “I know what it means to be a Sadist. Someone who takes great pleasure in inflicting pain. And I know it’s not only sexual in nature. And it’s not only for the purpose of sexual pleasure between partners.”
“Serial killers?” I asked.
“Yes. And though I’ve recently found a fascination in the psychological makeup of that, I’ve been more interested in the aspect from my brother’s perspective. I’ve also researched masochism, trying to wrap my head around the idea of someone needing the pain in order to find release.”
“It’s not as simple as it sounds, huh?”
She seemed genuinely pleased that I hadn’t made any assumptions there.
“Not at all. When most people learn about Zeke’s dark desires, their immediate reaction is disdain, as though he’s some sort of serial killer, a man hell-bent on hurting others.
That couldn’t be more wrong. And while I’m fascinated with the human mind and how we process things, I find most of my interest lies in the realm of human sexuality.
More specifically, BDSM. A lot of people want to box it up, make it into something that can be defined as sexual gratification performed mostly as recreational leisure.
And perhaps that’s partially true, but they’re wrong to think it’s all based on physical release. ”
The woman waylaid me with her perception. For being so young, she had a much older perspective on things. Perhaps that was due to the tragedy she’d experienced early in life. “I agree, it’s certainly not all physical. But how do you make the jump from human sexuality to FBI profiling?”
“I don’t know that I can, but that doesn’t mean I won’t look more into it, see if it’s what I want. For now, I’m sticking with my first choice. Ultimately, underneath it all, I think we’re all driven by the same needs. It’s how we exert those desires that separates one from another.”
“A serial killer versus a Sadist.”
Jamie took a sip of wine. “Yes.” She sighed. “Okay, enough about serial killers. I’m more interested right now in understanding who has more power in the relationship, a Dominant or a submissive.”
“Who do you believe does?”
“The submissive,” she said easily, as if it were a no-brainer. “But that’s merely an assumption based on what little knowledge I have. There are times when I question it.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Like tonight,” she added with a grin.
“What about tonight?”
She leaned in, her words barely above a whisper. “The fact that I’m not wearing panties.”
I smiled, took a sip of wine, waiting for her to continue.
“You issued the command, which gave you the power. Since you haven’t touched me, and you haven’t asked me to prove it, there’s no way for you to know whether or not I followed your order. I can only assume it’s also tied to mental stimulation.”
I considered that. “But for whom?”
Jamie laughed and sat up straight once more. “That’s a good question. I can’t seem to take my mind off of it.”
“Neither can I,” I assured her.
“So, the question is, did you do it to maintain the control?” Jamie asked. “Or more to test my limits?”
I leaned forward, kept my voice low. “If you’re asking whether or not I like the idea of you bein’ naked beneath that very sexy dress, then yes, I definitely do. However, I gave the instruction to see if you’d follow it or not.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t?”
“I don’t make assumptions one way or another. I merely instruct as the situation permits and allow it to progress from there.”
“How did you become a Dominant?”
“I’d say it came naturally.”
“Was it recreational for you?” She tilted her head. “One of the papers I’ve read concluded that BDSM was deemed mostly recreational leisure as opposed to the expression of psychopathological processes.”
I considered that for a moment. “I guess it was recreational. Back in the very beginning.” I smirked. “I won’t deny that sex has always been appealing to me. At least since puberty, anyway. And sure, I went into it thinking mostly with my dick.”
“But that can be attributed to young adulthood,” she said with a smile. “As well as your lack of experience at the time.”
“True. I was pretty cocky back then, thinkin’ I knew everything.” I set my wineglass down. “Didn’t take long before a Dom took me aside and gave me a piece of his mind, informed me I had no clue what I was doin’ and until I figured it out, I had no business portrayin’ myself as a Dom.”
“Was he right?”
“Absolutely.”
Her eyes widened as though she hadn’t expected that response. “Did you stop?”
“No. I’d already had a small taste, and the craving had built from there. I did, however, decide it was important to understand the lifestyle. Took some time and a lot of training, but I eventually felt as though I’d come into my own, finally found myself.”
Jamie nodded. “Being an alpha male and being a Dominant are two different things.”
“Correct. One’s a personality trait, the other a lifestyle.”
Her smile was brilliant. “Exactly. And you’re interested in living the lifestyle full-time?”
I picked up my glass again, swirled the liquid. “Not necessarily. I do admire the structure.”
“Are you looking for a serious relationship?” She shrugged one shoulder. “You know, for a full-time … pet?”
I raised my eyebrows, encouraging her to elaborate.
“Of course you’ll put me on the spot,” she said with a soft giggle. “You know Landon and Langston Moore, I presume.”
“I do.”
“They have Luci.”
I found it interesting how she said have and not are with. “They do.”
“And she’s their pet.”
“Is she?” I wanted to understand her observation on the subject.
“Technically, I guess she’s their submissive. But she’s called herself their pet. By choice, of course. And it’s a unique dynamic.” Jamie leaned back as the waiter delivered the dessert course. “But so is the one between Justin, Ben, and Addison.”
“Those are very different situations,” I pointed out.
“Yes. Landon and Langston are brothers, and they share Luci between them.”
“Okay.”
“And Justin, Ben, and Addison have an intimate relationship all the way around. Justin’s the alpha. Although Ben submits to Justin, he also dominates Addison.”
“What do you think about that?” I asked. “Justin and Ben having an intimate relationship?”
Jamie’s gaze never wavered from my face, and I admired that about her. “It’s twofold. From a psychological perspective, I have a hard time wrapping my head around how it works. How a Dominant can submit to another Dominant.”
“You don’t believe there’s a paradoxical possibility that there can be submission within dominance?”
She cocked her head to the side as though considering this. “Well, in all fairness, it does seem contradictory.”
“Maybe.” Since I was currently battling that exact scenario, I didn’t have a decent argument, so I waited for her to continue.
“However, I do believe everyone has sexual needs and desires. It’s possible those can vary from situation to situation.
So, yes, it’s feasible.” She picked up her fork, waved it over her plate.
“Would I like to dig into their psyche to understand the dynamic? Sure. Like I said, I find it fascinating. The two men love one another and can offer each other something the female cannot. And the same goes for Addison. She gets something different from each man.”
“It’s not conventional.”
“Who says it should be?” she countered.
“A lot of people.” I wanted to ensure she knew that most people didn’t agree.
“Yes. Maybe. Those who are misinformed or lack information on the subject, maybe,” she agreed. “Those who haven’t had the opportunity to understand what drives a person.”
“Like your brother?”
Her eyes dropped to her plate. “Yes.”
I leaned forward, regarded her closely. “Jamie, you understand this lifestyle is frowned upon by a lot of people. They don’t understand all aspects of it.”
Her gaze lifted to mine. “True, they don’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”
“I agree. However, you’ve been exposed to a group of people who aren’t shy about their needs and desires.
I know your brother’s open about it, takes no shit from anyone.
He can handle the pressure, though. The question is, if it’s something you learn about yourself, are you willing to live the lifestyle?
To be subjected to the scrutiny of those around you?
I think that’s an avenue you’re not considering.
Just because people are members of a BDSM club doesn’t mean they want their desires to be publicized.
They go to Dichotomy because they feel safe there.
They know they can express themselves without contempt from others. ”