CHAPTER 9 #2
“Being submissive doesn’t mean you ever pick up a dishrag,” I explained. “Or a vacuum. Cleaning the house, doing the dishes, making the bed … those aren’t forms of submission. Those are chores.”
“In some of the books I’ve read, a Dom will order a submissive to do those things.”
“And you think the submissive derives pleasure from the actual act of cleaning the house?”
“No?” She stared at me, and I could tell she was thinking it through.
I waited for it to click.
“She derives pleasure from pleasing her Dom,” she mused. “From following his instructions, regardless of what those instructions are, she would get that. To know he was pleased by her actions…” Jamie smiled. “That would be where the pleasure comes from.”
Bingo. She’s a fast learner.
“She wants to give up control to her Dominant,” Cav explained. “She craves his command because it gives her the structure she needs, plus the opportunity to please him.”
“I didn’t think of it that way.” Her eyes shifted back to mine. “So, this is what you learn in the training class?”
I shook my head. “It’s more about safety, reading a Dominant’s intentions, being able to assess the situation, and making sure you’re in it for the right reasons.”
“I won’t learn how to please my Dominant?” she questioned.
“Not by vacuuming the floor, no,” Cav said with a chuckle.
“You will learn how to please him,” I acknowledged.
“In a sense. And you’ll learn about the various equipment, the positions, the logistics of it all.
But most importantly, you learn how a Dom can fulfill your needs and the difference between submission and abuse.
A submissive ultimately holds all the power because without your need to submit, what does a Dominant have? ”
“A rag doll,” she said simply, her eyes locked with mine.
“Exactly. That’s not what I’m looking for.” I glanced at Cav. “You?”
“Nope. Prefer my submissives to be a little more interactive.”
“I need to walk in a submissive’s shoes,” she finally said after a few moments of silence. “To see what it feels like. I mean, I understand what you’re saying. It makes sense in my head, but I can’t quite grasp how a submissive would know they hold all the power.”
Cav sighed. I glanced over to see him rolling his eyes.
She was making this too difficult. Too clinical.
“You’re looking at this the wrong way,” Cav said, exasperation in his tone.
“How so? It makes more sense now.”
“No, it doesn’t,” I argued.
“But it’ll make perfect sense once I can go through the motions.”
I locked eyes with Jamie. “If the underlying need to submit, to please your Dominant, is not going to get you anything in return, then it’s a waste of your time and mine.”
“What if we gave her a brief introduction?” Cav suggested.
Not a bad idea.
“That’s a great idea,” Jamie said gleefully.
“I’m not convinced she’s in it for the right reasons,” I told Cav.
“Maybe not,” he agreed.
I turned my attention back to Jamie. “Care to plead your case?”
“How do I do that?”
“It’s not my place to give you direction in everything, sweetness,” I said through clenched teeth.
Frustration had me looking out the window.
Somewhere in the past ten minutes or so, this had gone in an entirely different direction than we’d been headed.
I’d already given in to the idea of taking her back to my place.
Pizza, a movie, perhaps something more intimate.
I hadn’t, however, given in to the idea of exploring Jamie’s submissive side.
I really didn’t think she was in it for the right reasons. She was spending too much time dissecting it, trying to break it down into little pieces so she could pick out the parts that made sense to her.
The limo came to a stop outside my building. I cast a quick look at Cav. He was clearly waiting for me to say something, do something.
“Edge?”
I turned to Jamie, cocked an eyebrow.
“I understand why you think I’m not grasping the concept,” she said softly. “But I really don’t want it to end here. I’ve enjoyed my time with both of you, and I want that to continue. But that’s above and beyond the D/s stuff.”
“But it’s not,” I said with a grimace. “This is who I am, Jamie. I don’t walk around thinking about how I’m going to turn the next woman I encounter into a submissive.”
“I know,” she said quickly. “I’m not implying that, either.” Her dark eyes bounced between me and Cav once more. “I’m sorry. I don’t seem to be communicating this well.”
That was something we could both agree on.
“But I’d like the experience,” she pleaded. “And not just for my paper.”
I stared at Cav. He was watching the two of us, and I could see he sympathized with both. He’d spent more time with Jamie this week. Perhaps he was seeing this from a different perspective.
When he gave a slight nod, I took that to mean he had something to discuss on this subject. Figuring it wouldn’t do any good to hash it out in front of Jamie, I sighed.
“Let’s go upstairs. We’ll … talk some more.”
Jamie didn’t respond, but I hadn’t expected her to. The sexual tension I’d felt when we left the bar had dissipated completely. I suddenly felt tired and in desperate need of a real drink. Something a hell of a lot stronger than wine.
“Come on,” I told them as I reached for the door handle.
After dismissing the driver for the evening, I led the way into the building.
The ride in the elevator was quiet, and I could feel the rigidity in Jamie as she stood between us.
I could’ve settled her nerves by promising to go easy on her, but that would defeat the purpose.
If she wanted the full experience, I couldn’t treat her with kid gloves.
I got Jamie settled in the living room with a glass of wine, then asked Cav to join me in my office. Once inside, I closed the door, then motioned for him to take a seat.
“Havin’ second thoughts?” he asked, the look on his face one of concern.
“I don’t think she’s in it for the right reasons.”
“I do,” Cav insisted. “I think she’s using this paper as an excuse.”
“I know,” I agreed. “A reason to explore.”
He shook his head. “No. As an excuse to explore. She wants to, but she’s not sure she should.”
I hadn’t considered that. I’d automatically assumed she was interested because of her schoolwork. Not the possibility that she wanted to venture down this road, and this was an opportunity for her to do so.
“Give this a chance,” Cav said softly. “Stop tryin’ to map it out. Just sit back, see where it goes.”
Easier said than done. “Fine. Say I let it play out. Do I hold back or not? If I don’t, I’ll push her too far.”
Cav frowned. “How do you figure?”
I stared at him for a second, wondering if he’d catch on. There was only one point that needed to be addressed tonight.
When he didn’t come to the same conclusion, I helped him along. “She’s a virgin, Cav.”
His eyes narrowed. “So? Are you opposed to takin’ her virginity?”
“No.” And that was the problem. I wanted her virginity.
“She’d never been kissed before I kissed her.” He glanced at the door, then back at me. “Didn’t seem to cause her any problems at all.”
I didn’t say anything, not sure what to say.
What? No more excuses?
Cav sighed. “Why don’t we just let it happen? Enjoy the evening. Answer her questions, Edge. I know you’re tryin’ to map it out, but it won’t work.”
He’s right. You can’t. Not this time.
“Okay.”
His shock was evident. “Really?”
I smiled. “Really.”
His face softened, his smirk appearing. “Okay, then. Let’s see where it goes.”
Cav got to his feet, but before he could reach the door, I stopped him, spun him around, and got right up in his face. “Don’t think I’m through with you yet, either. Tonight may be about her, but I’ve got plans for you, too.”
“I’m ready whenever you are,” he whispered, his eyes locked with mine.
I fully intended to move back, but I couldn’t help myself. I leaned in, gripped his jaw in my hand, then crushed my mouth to his. I think it shocked me as much as him, but it didn’t stop either of us. I swallowed Cav’s surprise, met his tongue with my own, and let the kiss ignite.
When we came up for air, neither of us said anything. Words weren’t necessary. One way or the other, this would play out. How was yet to be seen.
Jamie
My nerves were clanging so loudly, I was surprised Edge and Cav couldn’t hear them from the other room. While I wasn’t sure what was going on behind that closed door, I was a little grateful for the few minutes I had to calm myself down.
While I tried to relax, I took in the space.
The apartment was nice. Open, airy, a lot of high-end finishes.
The furniture wasn’t pretentious. Soft, buttery leather covered the sofa and the armchair that sat at an angle beside it.
A large entertainment wall was decked out with wood and glass to go along with the giant television mounted on the wall.
My mind wandered back to the reason I was there. It wasn’t that I was afraid of what was going to happen tonight. I was actually looking forward to it. I just hadn’t given much thought to where this might lead. After tonight.
I knew that sex was a huge part of BDSM, and I was questioning whether or not I was ready. My body said yes without question. My mind, on the other hand, wasn’t quite sure. Since I’d never allowed my hormones to be in charge of my decisions, this was a first for me.
Of course, my heart had a say in the matter, as well, but I was doing my best to ignore it. The one thing I’d learned from my brother where BDSM was concerned … the heart must remain guarded at all times. I fully intended to keep that vital organ shielded as much as possible.