Chapter Seventeen
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
A sh’s question filled the cold air around them. For a second, Amelia couldn’t understand it; her mind was foggy with sensation and, when she did, she almost cursed at him. If his hand had continued its journey along her skin, she wouldn’t have had to think. She could have allowed him to sweep them both up into this moment, and she would have to live with the consequences later. But his question had given the decision back to her.
‘I don’t know,’ she whispered back.
He laughed, his body rubbing up against hers in a way that sent a wave of delicious sensations running through her body. She’d never had anything like this with Marcus. He had never kissed her until she was almost a puddle of desire; never explored her gently but with purpose. Everything had been about getting from one point to another quickly and efficiently so that they could both get through the ordeal as soon as possible. Ash’s touch made her feel revered, as if her body was something truly special. She didn’t want to stop, although she had no idea how much of herself she could or should give him. ‘I want to keep going,’ she told him.
His large hand remained circling her ankle, his mouth hovering somewhere above her in the darkness. When he spoke, his voice rasped, ‘I will stop as soon as you tell me to.’
‘I know,’ she assured him.
His mouth took hers in a blistering kiss and his hand began to move. She squirmed as his fingers tickled the backs of her knees, her hips and the base of her spine. He was touching her everywhere but somehow it was no longer enough.
‘Please,’ she murmured, not even sure what she was begging him for.
He moved quicker then, his hands brushing over her skin almost desperately. Her stays were up around her waist and then they were gone all together, the cold night air rushing across her skin.
‘Keep going?’ Ash groaned into her neck.
Her hands tightened on his hair. ‘I will kill you if you stop.’
His fingers trembled against the side of her breast. She cried out as his thumb brushed over her nipple, and she lost all thought as his mouth followed suit.
Hours, possibly days later, she’d lost complete ability to speak as his mouth continued its path down her body. And then his tongue was on her most intimate of places and she was babbling nonsense, no idea before this moment that it was even possible to feel like this. The backs of her heels scrabbled on the wooden floor as the pressure inside her built, her fingers locked in Ash’s hair. And then her back arched as waves of pleasure shot through her and she was crying out his name, heedless of how much sound she was making.
She came back to herself when he was lying by her side; his arms were wrapped around her, the blanket pulled around them both. He softly kissed her brow and she shifted closer to him, resting her head against his chest. Minutes ticked by. She should say something but she had no words to express what she was feeling right in this moment. She’d thought that side of her was dead and buried, that Mortram had killed her sensuality, but Ash had coaxed it back with his clever hands and tongue, and now she was scared to admit just how much more she wanted from him.
She gradually became aware of the solid presence against her hip. She had no idea that a man could be like that so soon after he had already… ‘Ash,’ she said. ‘What is this?’ She lightly touched him with her fingertips and he jolted against her.
‘Um… I thought…you seemed to know earlier. I…’
‘I know what it is. What I mean is why is it like this? Is it always?’
His bark of laughter made her jump. ‘Sorry,’ he said, running a soothing hand down her arm. ‘I didn’t mean to laugh. No, it’s not always like this. I doubt I’d be invited anywhere if I was in a constant state of hardness.’ He laughed again, his length brushing against her skin. ‘Goodness, can you imagine the ladies at Almack’s?’ His whole body was shaking with mirth, but she was still confused.
‘But didn’t you…? I thought that meant that you couldn’t…for a while…after it ended.’ It was as well the room was in darkness because her skin was aflame.
‘Ah,’ he said, after a long pause. ‘I see what you mean.’ She heard his nails scratch against the stubble on his neck. ‘I…um…enjoyed what we just did as in…what I did to you. The noises you made and the…um…way you grabbed at my hair and this is…the result of that enjoyment.’
She reached out and touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers. His skin was as hot as hers, which gave her confidence to say, ‘I can’t have children.’
Lying with nothing between them, she could feel the humour drain from him. ‘I know,’ he said, lightly brushing her forehead with another gentle kiss.
‘What I mean by that is that we could…’ His whole body stilled. ‘If you would like to, that is.’ She hoped he understood what she meant because she didn’t know if she could voice the words, even after what had just passed between them.
He cleared his throat. ‘Just because my body is ready to lie with you, does not mean that we have to.’
She’d been about to tell him that she knew that, but she realised that she didn’t. She had only ever seen Marcus when he was ready to bed her. Once it was over he left and returned to his own room. He had never held her as Ash was doing now, and so she had no idea if what was happening to Ash was normal for a man or not. She could stop this now. She could slip into her clothes and make her way back to the house or she could go on. She moved restlessly against him and he grunted, but it did not seem that he was in pain.
If she went back to her room, she may never get another chance to lie with Ash again. She had never intended to take a lover, but being with Ash was different. He was the only man who had ever made her feel out of her mind with desire, that the consequences of lying with him were outweighed by the sheer joy of the moment.
This dalliance did not change the fact that she did not want to marry again, and it did not mean that she was once more infatuated with her childhood friend. It did, on the other hand, fall into the category of enjoying herself, which was her aim of the season. Although, she might not like it, she never had before, but she had enjoyed what had passed between them this evening and so…
‘I can practically hear you thinking.’ Ash sounded amused once more.
‘I’m debating whether or not this is a good idea.’
‘I see.’ He shifted until his whole body was turned towards her. He began to stroke her back, his touch sure and true, as if they lay like this all the time.
‘What do you think?’ she asked because debating with herself was all well and good, but if the man next to her wanted to go and get warm at home, then it was a pointless deliberation.
‘I am desperate to lie with you. I am almost out of my mind with it.’ The words were at odds with his casual tone.
‘Oh.’
He chuckled. ‘But I mean it when I say that it doesn’t matter. I can lie here like this or escort you back to the house. Whatever you want, Melia.’
No sooner were the words out of his mouth than she kissed him. She knew he meant it, that he would leave her be and demand nothing from her, and because of that, she wanted to give him everything her body could offer.
Somewhere along the way, the blanket was discarded but she was too far gone to feel the cold night air on her skin. Ash’s hands were everywhere and her body leaned into his touch as she tried to map his skin with her fingers. He spoke only once, as he braced his arms on either side of her, holding some of his delicious weight off her. ‘Are you sure?’
‘I have never been more sure of anything.’
That was all the encouragement he needed. Amelia knew she would never forget the sound he made as he began to move over her, or the way he appeared to surrender his whole body to hers. She couldn’t say she was enjoying herself as such, but she loved hearing the almost desperate noises Ash made as he seemed to come apart in her arms. There was something so disarming about the way he held her as if she was at once precious and the object of his greatest desire. And then, Ash shifted, changing the angle of his body, and she gasped as something delicious shot through her. He did it again and again and suddenly, she wasn’t thinking about anything at all.