Chapter Twenty-One
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
T he day dragged on. Amelia and Sienna were not at home to callers unless it was Ash, who didn’t arrive. Instead, they sat in Amelia’s favourite sitting room, the bright colours of her furniture failing, for the first time, to cheer her up.
‘I cannot sit here for much longer.’
‘It’s only been a few hours.’
‘Waiting is a special kind of torture.’
‘He said he will come and so I am sure that he will.’
Amelia shook her head. ‘I do not exaggerate when I say that anticipating someone’s arrival is a particular type of desperate misery. You don’t know what it is to watch the clock tick on and be unable to do anything other than sit and expect something to happen.’
‘I only don’t know because you never tell me anything.’ Sienna nudged a plate towards Amelia. On it was a large slice of Cook’s fruit cake. ‘Eat this and then explain.’
The sweetness did soothe Amelia’s stomach, which was swinging rapidly between nausea and ravenous hunger, but it didn’t stop the aching of her heart. She’d gone to Ash when she had needed him the most and he had turned her away. Hours had passed and he had still not returned her call and hadn’t she been here before? Waiting for him to find that he had given her up for something he considered more important. It was as if history was repeating itself. She had come to think of Ash as hers and once again, he had put something or someone ahead of her.
‘Tell me, Amelia.’ Sienna’s light brush of fingers on the back of her hand was Amelia’s undoing. For years she’d held on to the story of her and Ash but the words came pouring out of her as Sienna sat and listened.
‘I see,’ said Sienna when she had finished.
‘Now do you understand why it is so hard for me to sit and wait? There was a time when I did just that for weeks, which turned into months and then years.’
‘Then you married Mortram.’
Amelia nodded. ‘It was better when I had made the decision to do so. There was no more anxious anticipating, waiting for Ash to turn up and save us, just day after day of commitment to a man who didn’t love me but couldn’t hurt me.’
‘Mortram did you just as much damage as Ash,’ said Sienna.
‘No,’ said Amelia firmly. ‘I have only had my heart broken once and that was by Ash. Mortram may have put me off marriage but it was not the same as the pain I suffered by Ash’s disappearance.’
A silence settled over them once more as Amelia began to consider her future. She had thought that Ash would support her, but if he didn’t, if he was gone for a significant amount of time without contact between them, then she would need a second plan. ‘I’ll have to marry.’
‘I’m sure Ash will not let you down.’
Amelia nodded slowly. She would have to hope for that but she could not rely on it. ‘But if he does, I will have to consider someone else.’
Sienna gasped. ‘You can’t!’
‘I can’t have a baby out of wedlock. It would ruin you.’
‘You must not worry about that.’
Amelia leaned over and took her sister’s hand in hers. ‘That’s not how being the oldest sister works. I will always care about you and if that means I have to do something I do not wish for to rectify a mistake I have made, then I will do so every time.’
Sienna’s pursed lips suggested she didn’t agree but she said nothing.
As the day ticked agonisingly on, there was still no sign of Ash. She and Sienna sat down to an exceptional evening meal, a rich vegetable soup, and lamb, roasted so beautifully it fell apart in her mouth, followed by apple pudding in a delicate sponge. None of it tasted of anything.
Sienna tried to keep her spirits up but as the day passed into evening, there was a tightness around her eyes that suggested even she no longer believed that Ash was coming. Amelia sensed a horrible deadening feeling descending on her, resting on her shoulders and weighing her down. She’d been here before and it felt as awful as it had then. The endless waiting for Ash to write to her. The hope as each day dawned fresh, that today would be the day that she would receive a letter and the crushing despair as she climbed into bed knowing that none had arrived.
The next morning dawned with another bout of violent sickness that left her lying limp on the floor. She managed to dress but the day followed the same pattern as the previous one; Ash did not arrive nor send word. Sienna went to call on his sisters but they could only say that he had gone, not where or for how long. It was history repeating itself and she didn’t know how to stop her heart from breaking.
On the third day, Amelia turned to Sienna and said, ‘I need to leave London.’ Her sister helped her pack her bags, making no comment about remaining at home to wait for Ash. She had obviously come to the same conclusion as Amelia; Ash had left her for something he considered more important once again.