30. Chapter Thirty Rhowyn
Chapter Thirty: Rhowyn
I woke to a soothing, crackling sound and warmth that surrounded me like a comforter. A red haze danced on the other side of my closed eyelids as I squeezed them shut, not quite ready to fully come into consciousness. As I shifted, I realized that I was lying on a cold, hard surface without a blanket, my head pounding out a rock song without any sound.
Fuck, my head was killing me . I started to roll to my side but stopped when a sharp pain from my ribs shot through me, pulling a loud gasp from my lips. I take that back; my head was a walk in the park compared to this pain.
“Good. You're awake.” I heard a deep rumble sound from somewhere out of my sight. I wanted to laugh at the cliched words but held it back for fear of the pain it would cause me if I did.
The memories came back to me then, of the race from the pixies, falling paralyzed to the ground from their venom, and feeling every single bone snap as I hit the ground but unable to move. Then I remembered the flames and Callum rescuing me until he threw us recklessly into the river. Whatever he'd done, we seemed to be safe now.
“How long have I been out?” I asked, wiggling my fingers and toes before taking stock of the rest of my body. My right arm also wasn't cooperating, having been broken during the fall, so I pushed myself slowly to sitting with a gasp.
“Careful!” Callum snapped, rushing to my side, and helping me come to a sitting position. Watching as I breathed heavily from the pain, he demanded, “Heal yourself.”
When I could breathe without excruciating pain, I snapped, “Yeah, I keep forgetting about the wonders of magic since I've spent most of my life as a human. Silly me. I should automatically remember this stuff.”
He huffed a breath as he hovered, one hand resting on my back as he squatted next to me, his huge thighs dwarfing me. Damn, he was a big male. Licking my lips, I struggled to change my train of thought, closing my eyes to the delectable temptation that he presented to me.
I found the green magic that swirled around my core and started to slowly pull on it, sending it out to heal my many wounds. The concussion was the first to go, a slow bleed in my brain resolving in a matter of seconds to my surprise. Then the fractures, the two in my right forearm and the four along my right ribs followed closely by the muscle tears.
Finally, the bruises and scrapes from our mad dash closed themselves, leaving me panting in exhaustion, my magic depleted. I knew I had somehow been siphoning Arryn's reserve there at the end, but I didn't yet know how to pull the magic back. It was either all or nothing for the moment, at least until I learned how to control the finicky powers. I just hoped they didn't have any major injuries that he needed to treat.
“Where are the others?” I asked, just now realizing they weren't around.
“I'm not sure.” I straightened at his declaration, fear pulsing through me with the need to find them and make sure they were all okay.
Callum pushed my shoulder back into the wall. No, not wall, it was rock. Stone that curved into a cave of some sort. “Take it easy. You're still in no condition to go rushing out there after them. Besides, we can't leave now anyway.”
“Why not?” I demanded from him. Patience had never been my strong suit, and I didn’t see that changing anytime soon.
He sighed at my petulance, standing and moving to stoke the fire before answering me. “Because it's nighttime. The last place any of us wants to be is out there in the dark. Too many predators and threats. Better to wait it out in here.”
“Okay, then we'll go find them first thing in the morning, as soon as it's light out.”
“No. We'll wait here for them to find us. If we leave, then it will take longer for them to find us. Plus, they have the Raven, who will find us quicker than we could manage to find any of them.” He watched the flames, his tone firm and brooking no argument.
Not happy talking to his back, I pushed up to a standing position. “I need to find them. I need to know they're okay,” I told him, my fear leaking into my voice.
“They're all okay, Trouble,” he said soothingly, finally meeting my eyes.
“How do you know that?” Tears swam through my vision, and I swiped at them angrily. How did these guys get under my skin so quickly? I hated being this emotional. Nothing good ever came from reacting emotionally, but I couldn't seem to help myself.
“Feel the bond.”
“Why would I do that?” I demanded, frustrated with his non-answers .
“Just close your eyes and feel the bond.” Not happy about it, I capitulated and closed my eyes. When they were firmly shut, he continued, “Can you feel them? You should feel their relief that you're okay. They could feel your pain and were consumed with frustration, anger, and desperation until you finally healed yourself. Now, all I can feel from them is relief and resolve. Do you feel it now?”
As he spoke, I searched the emotions that were cascading through me, picking out each of their emotions easily. Each man was responding just a little differently. Arryn was relieved and determined, Baer happy, if not a little sore, a twinge of pain coming from him from time to time, and Lennox was relieved but disappointed and ashamed.
I frowned at that, but then Callum's emotions came to me. His frustration and concern evident. Opening my eyes, I said, “I do now.”
“You keep shutting us out,” he said simply, glancing away again.
“It's not like I'm trying to. I'm just so used to keeping everyone out that I guess I'm doing it out of habit.”
“Well, stop. It does us no good to have you shut off from us all the time. It's meant to help guide us in meeting your needs and keeping you safe,” he grumped at me.
Rolling my eyes, I realized he hadn't answered my earlier question. “How long have I been out?”
“You were unconscious longer than I’d like, but it's only been a few hours since the sun set. We've got a long night ahead of us.” He bent down and picked something up, handing it over to me.
“Eat this and then get some rest.”
“What about you?” I asked, sitting down next to the fire to eat. Now that I was thinking about it, I was famished, my stomach growling. This wouldn't be enough to fully satisfy my hunger, but it would at least take the edge off.
“I've already eaten, and I plan to stay up and keep watch.”
“Are we not safe?” I asked him between bites.
“As safe as we can be, but I like to be vigilant anyway. Never hurts to be too cautious,” he answered simply, moving to the mouth of the cave.
I scarfed down my food with little concern about the juices that ran down my chin, wiping my face and hands with the hem of my tunic. A shiver ran through me, and I scooted as close as I could get to the fire without actually setting myself aflame, the temperature continuing to drop as the night settled in.
I let my mind wander as I studied my surroundings without taking in any details, my thoughts turning to the trials and how I was going to go back to the life I’d lived before I was thrown into all of this. My girls were still waiting for me to come back, and I refused to leave them behind, forgotten and discarded. They didn’t ask for the hard lives that were handed to them, punished for simply existing. That feeling was all too familiar, and I wouldn’t be the one responsible for abandoning them.
However, I couldn’t reconcile going back to Earth, especially with the things I knew now. Not to mention the connections I was forming with the guys. Now that I had found my family and heritage, I finally felt like I could find my place in this world, do something worthwhile. For once, I had the chance to do more than just survive; I could see myself thriving here.
So how did I take what I want, because I wanted this more than I realized, without hurting my girls in the process? How was one person supposed to be in two places at once?
Needing a change from my maudlin thoughts, I spoke into the darkness, my voice cutting through the silence that surrounded us sounding louder than I had intended. “Why did the pixies stop chasing us after we entered the water?” The question had been niggling at me since I’d woken.
Startling, Callum turned to face me. “I don’t know for sure. Arryn would probably be able to answer you better than I can. All I know is that all water is considered pure, to some degree, and repels certain creatures such as the pixies.”
I nodded as if that made sense. Changing the topic again, I asked, “How come I was paralyzed by their bites and no one else was?” I shivered at the thought of being helpless. I never wanted to feel that way again. Able to feel and witness everything that was happening but unable to do anything to change it. It was like those nightmares that we all had, where no matter what we did, our bodies wouldn’t cooperate.
“It’s because you don’t have access to your fae healing. All of us purge the venom almost immediately due to our healing abilities, but with your glamor in place, those natural defenses are hindered. Whereas we simply feel an annoying pinch of pain, your body is vulnerable to their bites. We can be swarmed and slowly overwhelmed that way if too much venom is introduced that, even with our natural healing tendencies, we can become paralyzed, but it’s rare.”
We sat in silence, both of us staring at the fire and lost in our own thoughts. “I don’t know if I’m ready for the glamor to be removed, or if I want it to stay in place forever," I admitted out loud, the words whispered almost under my breath, my voice barely carrying to him even with his fae hearing.
“I don’t think there’s any going back,” he said in response. At my questioning look, he shrugged and continued. “You’ve already started to crack it. You’ve admitted as much. Once something like that is broken, it can never go back to the way it was.”
His last words were spoken as if he were thinking of something else entirely. I knew the feeling. “No. On Earth, there’s a saying, ‘You can never go home’. I think it’s quite apt in this situation. The only thing that’s certain is that everything changes.”
He flinched at my words, which were meant to commiserate, but he responded as if they’d wounded him instead. “In my case, those words are more literal than they were probably intended,” he whispered, voice breaking with the admission.
Needing to know more and tired of the constant dancing around this topic, I decided to push him. Maybe with us being secluded and alone, he would finally let me in enough to tell me the story. “What happened?” My words were woefully inadequate, but it was the best way I could think of to broach the topic without pushing him too far.
For a long moment, I didn’t think he would answer me, choosing instead to ignore me. The ache in my heart at that thought was more than I expected. I wanted in. I wanted to push through his walls and gruff exterior. There was more to him than the asshole he presented. Just like Lennox, he was wounded, lashing out to protect himself from further pain.
I sighed, disappointed that despite all we’d been through, he was still keeping me out. Just when I had made the decision that I should lie down and rest, he began to speak, “When I was a young fae, about forty years old, I met Lennox. My parents were the leaders of the Autumn court and had finally deemed me old enough to start learning my role as the future leader. Unlike the Queen’s Court, each territory has a ruling family that all answer to the Queen that has been chosen to rule the land. That way no single fae can upset the balance of magic which is necessary for our land to thrive.” He paused, shifting slightly, still not meeting my gaze. I held my breath, waiting for him to continue, too afraid that the slightest movement would halt him from explaining his history.
“So, there I was, my first time in Court, trying to find my place and learn my new role. I was in the training yard, still expected to keep up my studies. Autumn fae are usually the most skilled in warfare, our passionate natures lending themselves to the fight.” He smiled softly, his eyes tinged with sadness. This was a fond memory that still brought him sadness.
“I had just finished training when this little dark-haired youngling entered the yard. He was scrawny and utterly lacking in any physical prowess, obviously a couple of decades my junior. But what stood out to me was the fact that he was being pushed around by a group of others closer to my age and size. They were mocking him as he tried to lift a sword that weighed more than he did.
“As I watched, the teasing started to take a physical turn, and the boys pushed this scrawny fae to the ground, spitting on him and kicking him. All laughing at him and his inability to defend himself.” Callum’s voice grew disgusted at the memory of the bullies teasing the boy. Still, I remained as unmoving as a statue, letting him tell his story in his own way and time.
“Unable to stand their cowardly acts, I decided to intervene. Honor is a trait prized among the fae. Acts of cowardice are shunned by our society, but it doesn’t stop people from partaking in them. They simply find more cunning and conniving ways to get what they want, taking from those who are deemed weaker than them.” He looked up at me with this statement, as if to say he missed those simpler times, when honor was more easily distinguishable from cowardice.
Glancing away again, he continued, “After thrashing all the boys thoroughly in front of their peers and adults, they ran away to hide from their shame, leaving me with the boy. After that day, he followed me around everywhere. I was his hero, like a big brother to him.
“Of course, at the time, I didn’t want some young and pesky kid hanging around me as I took up the mantle of adulthood, but he slowly wormed his way into my affections. A decade later and we were almost inseparable, both of us causing mischief as we ran around the castle.
“Somewhere along the way that brotherly affection turned into something more. Something we both flirted with but never followed through on. Everything fell apart before we could ever get the chance.”
He grew silent as his face fell, his eyes haunted in the firelight. The shadows dancing across his face only lended to the somber moment. Unable to keep silent, I tried to urge him to continue. I knew there was more to the situation and the animosity between Lennox and Callum. “I’m assuming that boy was Lennox?” I asked, though I was certain of the answer.
“Aye,” he said simply with a deep sigh. “We were close, but there were things I had withheld from him. Things that he wasn’t aware of, and I’d made sure to keep him in ignorance.” He paused and glanced around briefly, standing and walking to the edge of the cave to scan the perimeter.
Finally satisfied, he came back to the fire to continue his story, convinced that we were indeed alone. The globe that followed us was nowhere in the vicinity. “You see, even back then, the Queen was a tyrant. She’d slowly been gaining power and increasing her strength in the Court. The edges of our lands were already starting to die, and my family was convinced it was because she was abusing the powers the land had given her, upsetting the balance of the magic somehow.
“Unable to stand by, letting the dishonor go unpunished, my family began to build an underground rebellion, slowly making moves to undermine the Queen. For several years, we were successful in remaining discreet. The Queen knew that someone was working against her but was unable to determine exactly who the traitor was.” He paused here, as if working up the courage to tell the final parts of the story .
“We had to work in secret, even though it went against everything we believed. To us, there’s nothing worse than underhanded and secret meetings and dealings. We prefer the honor of working in the light. My father used to tell me that if I didn’t want others to know what I was doing, then I probably shouldn’t do it. For years, we lived by this tenet until our lands were threatened, leaving us to fight the only way we could. To face the Queen directly would have resulted in death. She was already too powerful.
“As my relationship grew with Lennox, I knew that I wanted more than the friendship we had shared for years, but I couldn’t see starting that kind of relationship with him without sharing all of myself with him first. So, I told him about the work I’d been doing over the years to weaken his mother.”
My mouth dropped open at this confession, and I covered it with a hand, dreading where his story was going. I already knew it wasn’t a happy ending.
“Somehow, the Queen started to suspect the Autumn Court. We had loyal allies all over the land, but she couldn’t gain any traction or get them to confess to who was leading those that wanted to overthrow her. That is, until she learned of my deepening relationship with Lennox. She used him to get to me, pulling the information from him against his will.”
He shut his eyes as if to block this memory from his mind, a sheen of moisture glinting in the glow of the fire when he finally opened them back up. He blew out a breath. “She retaliated by dragging my parents before the Court and beheading them for treason. She threatened to destroy the entire Autumn Court if I didn’t bend the knee, so I did. However, in order to ensure my cooperation, she kept me at the castle, subject to her whims.
“Any time she thought I was pushing back or taking too long to submit, she would threaten my people. Their deaths weren’t something I could live with, so I did what I had to to keep them safe. Even if that meant giving her use of my body.”
His voice trailed off, but I didn’t know what to say. How did someone respond to that knowledge? I knew firsthand the treachery of the Queen, but this brought her to a whole new level. Sure, you read stories about people who are depraved and purely evil, but a part of your mind can’t fully comprehend the level that some people are willing to go to to maintain that power.
Now, faced with the reality of her depravity, I grew angry. People like that were bullies. The only reason they were in places of power was because they weren’t afraid to stomp and trample on those below them to get ahead. There was nothing I hated more in the universe than a bully.
That bitch had scarred and almost ruined two of the greatest men I’d ever known, leaving them both broken in her wake of destruction. Even her own son. She’d used him against his will to get what she wanted. In this moment, I wanted nothing more than to destroy her, the feeling building in me, my rage simmering under my skin almost as if it was a tangible thing. I would destroy this bitch if it were the last thing I ever did.
A crack shot through my chest, causing me to gasp and lean over in pain. Callum was by my side in an instant. “What is it?”
“I…don't…know” I gasped out, the pain radiating through me before stopping suddenly. As soon as the pain fled, I slumped over. Callum kept me from flopping onto the floor, holding me in his arms as his gaze searched me for injuries. I smiled weakly at him. “I’m good now.”
Obviously, I wasn’t. I was completely spent. Whatever had just happened had left me burned out magic wise. I needed sleep and food to recover, but neither of those possible at the moment. There was nothing he could do though, so I put a hand on his cheek to reassure him. “I’m okay. I don’t know what that was, but I’m sure a little nap will help me. I’ll wake up, and we’ll be right back to normal. Me trying to get in trouble, and you trying to keep me safe begrudgingly.” I laughed softly at my pathetic joke.
“Don’t,” he said.
“Don’t what?” I asked him, my brow furrowing as I took in his expression.
“Don’t make light of the situation. Something happened, and it wasn’t good. I can’t protect you if I don’t know what’s going on,” he growled, his chest rumbling against me.
As if I was drunk instead of just exhausted, I burrowed into the vibration coming from his chest, seeking his comfort. “You feel good,” I told him, looking back up into his eyes.
Without a word, his eyes flashed with hunger before his mouth crashed into mine. One second, I was exhausted, and the next, I was set aflame by the passion in his kiss. I wanted to get closer to him, crawl inside him. An impossible task, but I could try.
I shifted in his arms as his mouth claimed mine until I was straddling him, my arms and legs wrapped around him like a spider monkey. I clung to his wide frame as best as I could, slowly rocking my hips until he fell back on his ass giving me more leverage to grind against him. Fuck! He tasted good.
A haunting laugh sounded out, piercing the haze of desire we were both under. I jerked my head up to find the source, meeting hundreds of glowing blue eyes.