Chapter 67 #2
Pulling back, I look into his eyes. “Why are you here, Jack? Why didn’t you go home?”
He brushes my hair out of my face and wipes away the tears. “Because you needed me.”
Tears well again, but this time I laugh. “I can’t seem to stop crying.”
“I know.” He searches my eyes. “It’ll get better.”
I rest my head against his heart as he strokes my hair.
“I’ve never experienced subspace, but I’ve read about it.
” His voice is low to not wake the others, but it rumbles through his chest beneath my ear.
It’s soothing. “Like our brains shut off our pain receptors or some shit. It’s dangerous during rough sex because your brain stops distinguishing between pain and pleasure.
It all just feels fucking amazing, and chemicals flood your brain. ”
I sigh and listen to his heartbeat.
“The other side is when you finally rest and come down, your brain misses the hits it was getting. Subdrop. It can be like depression or just a down day. That’s why it’s important to stay close to someone after subspace.”
I lift my head to look into Jack’s pretty blue eyes. “Is that why you stayed?”
Suddenly it’s the most important question. I need to know the answer. Yes, these guys are all assholes, but they don’t always treat me like their personal sex toy. My heart stalls as I wait for him.
“Yeah, Harper. I stayed for you. To make sure you were taken care of, and because you reached out to me. It’s not like I’ll get in trouble. I’ll tell my folks I fell asleep at Caden’s watching a movie.” Jack cups my cheek and searches my eyes again. A little crease forms between his brows.
I take a deep breath, knowing he’s seeing more than I want him to right now. He’s seeing the gaping loneliness that loves that these guys pay attention to me now. That their sole focus is on me.
“That whole thing with Caden…” Jack sighs.
I start to draw away, but Jack holds me.
“You’re important to him. I know you don’t believe me, but I’ve known him all my life.
When he claims you, that’s it for him. He’s loyal and fierce.
And he claimed me a long time ago, and the other guys, but he’s never claimed a girl before.
He’s never wanted just one girl. You may think he’s doing this to have sex with you, but he’s all in. ”
My heart pounds against my ribs at every word spilling out of Jack’s mouth.
“Tanner is a problem. He won’t go away quietly like some guys. He’s angry and bitter.”
“You don’t think I know that—”
“Of course I do, but what you aren’t seeing is how he affects Caden. We’ve kept him out of Caden’s path to make sure he doesn’t break.”
“That’s what I was trying to do.” I move in close to Jack.
“I couldn’t do anything about the assignment, but I could try to protect Caden from finding out.
I could keep Tanner away and make sure Caden didn’t get arrested.
I saw how angry he was that day at my house.
If I could, I’d beat up Tanner myself, but that’s not an option. ”
Jack smiles and shakes his head. His finger brushes the tears off my cheeks. “Not an option. We want to protect you. But we knew when we claimed you, it made you a target. You make us vulnerable, because we’ll do anything to make sure no one hurts you.”
I draw in a breath. Everything he says makes sense, but I don’t know if it’s because I’m so damned emotional right now. He sounds sincere, like he’s not blowing smoke up my ass.
My cheeks flush with heat. I meet his eyes. “Would you have?”
“What, sweetheart?” Jack tips his head as he looks at me.
I take a deep breath, not sure I want the answer. “If I rang the bell and didn’t answer Caden, would you have fucked my ass?”
He releases a breath. “No, sweetheart. Consent is important. And yeah, I could make an argument you ringing the bell is consent, but you’re ours. You’re mine.”
My breath catches as he presses a kiss to my lips.
“While we’ve claimed you, you’re still Harper Davidson.
You have a right to your own thoughts and the right to decide when you’re ready to take the next step.
” He grins mischievously. “Even if we enjoy pushing you to make those decisions. I need you to feel safe with me. To know that I’ll protect you from the outside.
That when you’re ready, I’m fully prepared to take that ass, but not until you beg for it. ”
Like gears shifting inside me, something falls into place as I search Jack’s eyes. It’s too much. I can’t let myself believe they’re mine because, when it comes down to it, I’m just their toy. Nico proved that earlier. I don’t have the bond they have as teammates, as friends, as brothers.
I snuggle into Jack and let him comfort me because I need this. I take the comfort, though it’s fleeting. That feeling of someone caring for me. That feeling of belonging. But then I’ll tuck it all away, because I can’t have it. Not with these guys.
I want them, but not just a piece of them. That’s all they have to give me. If I believed these guys could love me, maybe I’d be willing to open my heart. They give me little glimpses of something more, but I’m not one of them.
A piece of me wants more and won’t settle for less. But for this year, I’ve agreed to be theirs. At the end of this, I’ll have to find a way to move on. Without them.