Chapter 8 #2
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Nina sitting stiff as a board atop Capac. It would make everything hurt that much more
when she finally dismounted.
“You don’t need to hold yourself so stiffly,” he said, breaking their silence. Nina kept her eyes forward and ignored him,
and Kasik fought the urge to roll his.
When she finally spoke, it was not at all what he had expected. He was coming to understand that would be the normal with
her.
“Is it gold? Or maybe a fancy room in the kancha? Oh!” She gasped dramatically. “Perhaps they’ll let you pick a wife as well!
That’s a valuable reward for a lonely boy.”
And they were back to that. Kasik felt his face flame with frustration, but he kept his eyes on the road ahead and the trees around them as he said, “It is duty. Something you wouldn’t understand.” He wanted to say more, to defend himself and Maicu, but he had never been very good
at controlling his emotions, and he couldn’t allow himself to give her the satisfaction.
Nina, however, had no qualms about showing everything she was feeling and saying whatever was on her mind. “I am more familiar
with duty than you think, Kamayuq. Perhaps it is you who doesn’t understand what it is to serve out of love and not out of obligation.”
Kasik stared at her, jaw clenching. Nina stared back, unashamed, her eyes hard and her shoulders back. She looked like an
empress on her beast. Confident and in control while her servant yielded to her every command.
But it was her words that hit a nerve Kasik did not realize was exposed. Had he ever done anything out of love? Was he capable
of it?
There was nothing he could say, and it seemed Nina thought that as well, because she had turned back to the road, dismissing
him entirely. They walked on in another heavy silence. Kasik couldn’t help but think that it should have been Samaq beside
him, and his men behind them.
They would have been almost to Tullumay, where Lord Anri would have greeted them with enthusiasm and a large cup of chicha,
which would have led to a rich meal and countless stories of a thriving ayllu.
It was something he had been looking forward to for quite some time, and now there he was, wondering, not for the first time—
“Why you?” Nina asked suddenly, as if she had plucked the words from his mind.
He glanced at her, waiting to see if she would say more, but she was still looking ahead and her lips were pressed tight.
Kasik sighed. “Is there someone else you might have preferred?”
“I just meant that you’re young, and if I’m to be the emperor’s wife, I would have thought he would have sent someone with
more experience.”
He didn’t owe her an explanation, didn’t want to explain it, but he found himself doing so, anyway. “The emperor is my friend. He trusts me, and I’m experienced enough.”
“Is that why you have a title? Because you’re the emperor’s ‘friend’?”
“I have a title,” Kasik said through gritted teeth, “because I have trained for years to prove my worth and loyalty to the
emperor, just as my tayta has served the emperor and his family for years.”
“And your mamay? Does she serve the emperor as well?”
“My mamay is dead,” he said quickly, the words harsher than he had meant them to be. He touched the stone around his neck,
which had belonged to her, and imagined she must have loved him enough to want to keep him safe. The actual weight of that
feeling was lost to him.
Nina finally looked at him. “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “That was rude of me.”
Kasik shrugged. “You couldn’t have known. It happened a long time ago.”
“And your siblings?”
“No siblings,” he answered truthfully. It was just him and his tayta, who was more absent than he was present. Kasik had mostly
been raised by the kancha staff, and then Master Wara once he began the lessons that would shape him into the perfect tool.
But he didn’t tell Nina any of that.
“When did you join the emperor’s army?”
“I was seven years old when I learned to wield a tumi, but we don’t have official roles until the age of fifteen.”
“What’s a tumi?” Nina asked, brows furrowed. Already, Kasik was beginning to understand her facial expressions, something
he had been taught to notice from a young age. It will help keep you alive, Master Wara had said. Hopefully, it would help keep others alive as well.
Kasik pulled the weapon at his hip out of its holder and twirled it in his palm. “This is a tumi.”
Nina’s eyes were wide. “You must have been terrified.”
Kasik smiled. “Quite the opposite. I was eager to begin training.”
“That’s . . . strange,” she finally said. “At seven, I was playing in the dirt.”
“A privilege you had because there are those of us willing to carry out our duties to serve and protect.”
Again, the words were harsher than he intended. Mostly, he was repeating what he constantly heard, but before he could explain
or apologize, Nina was sliding off Capac while he was still in motion. “Whoa,” he called, motioning for the beast to stop.
“What are you—”
“I’m tired of riding.” She stretched her arms to the sky, the newly made slit in her robe revealing the top of her thigh and
drawing Kasik’s eye like a moth to a flame. “Will we be stopping soon?”
Kasik cast his attention elsewhere. “Yes, but you have to ride, Nina.”
“I don’t want to ride, Kasik. I’d rather walk. You ride the beast.”
It occurred to Kasik, in that moment, that Nina had not said his name once since they met. He wasn’t sure why, but it stuck
in his head, the way her mouth formed the word. Sharp, but not at all painful. “I’m not going to ride while you walk.”
Nina shrugged her shoulders and took off down the road. “Then we can walk together.”
There was no sense arguing. It was a lesson he was quickly learning. He hurried to catch up with her, hesitant to let her
go too far from his side. If she decided to make a run for it, he would be ready to hunt her down.
Like an animal, his mind tossed at him. But she wasn’t an animal, he knew that, and this wasn’t a cage, just like he knew he was doing this
because it was the right thing to do. He trusted Maicu and the gods. There was no questioning that.
With time, Nina would come to do the same.
But first: “There are a few matters we should discuss. You’ll need to stay close at all times. There are creatures in these woods that would love to take advantage of a young, defenseless girl.”
“I am not—”
“And I need you to trust me. If I say run, run. If I say be quiet, be quiet.”
She came to an abrupt stop and stared at him. “You do realize that trust is earned, right?”
“How have I not earned it? You are alive. You are unharmed. You have ridden my beast more than I have. What else do I need
to do to earn your trust?”
“All of those things you’ve done for your own benefit. This has nothing to do with me.”
“This has everything to do with you.” Kasik took a step forward, hand balled into a fist at his side, his frustration finally
overflowing. Capac followed closely behind and nudged his wet nose into Kasik’s arm. “I swore on my life to deliver you unharmed.
I cannot do that if you don’t follow simple directions.”
Nina stepped closer, so close he could see the flecks of amber in her dark eyes. “It is not me who is having trouble understanding
something so simple.” She looked into his eyes, her judgment bright and heavy. “I hope whatever they are paying you is worth
it.”
She turned away, and he muttered, “Nothing is worth this.”