Chapter 39
With the eyes of the empress on her, Nina was acutely aware of her own rage. The injustice of it all was maddening. That she
had been brought there against her will, torn from her family and forced to give up everything and everyone she loved, just
so that they could build their empire.
And she was the monster?
Nina replayed every conversation, every look passed between walla and kunay, kunay and emperor, emperor and empress, empress
and mamakuna. Who knew the truth of her fate? Who had been lying directly to her, stuffing her with luxuries while leading
her to slaughter?
She had fallen right into their trap. Had been acquiescent and loyal to her vow. As if anyone’s vow had ever meant anything
at all. Not even the gods had helped her—if anything, they had allowed her to find this place, become this person, succumb
to this fate.
And Nina refused.
No longer would she hold herself to their impossible standards. No longer would she try to meet their incredible expectations.
Kasik had asked her to leave with him, to wash her hands of murder and revenge and power, and she would do it, if only to
take control of her story once again.
Empress Chaska poured their tea while Nina tried not to fidget.
Every moment of silence felt like a death knell.
The longer they stayed, the more opportunity there was for things to go wrong.
But Kasik had been right—if Inti Raymi celebrations at the kancha were anything like they were at home, then there would be plenty of distraction.
They could not afford to be reckless in this.
Nina had already seen her impetuousness cause problems. Had she not tried to trick the emperor, Taruc might still be alive.
As much as she wanted to be free, she didn’t want anyone else to die. She could leave and hide and finally put all this behind
her.
“Power is such a fickle thing, don’t you think?” Chaska interrupted Nina’s thoughts and slid the cup of tea in front of her,
head canted subtly in thought. “It can be incredibly deceiving and yet, somehow, we all believe when one claims to have it.”
“It isn’t difficult to believe when every command is obeyed.” Nina sniffed her tea and took a small sip. It was fresh and
hot and familiar, just as she liked it, and for a moment, all her worries were soothed.
“Yes, but we never seem to question who they answer to.”
Confused where this was going, Nina narrowed her eyes. “They answer to no one but themselves. That’s the problem.”
Chaska leaned back, the steaming cup of tea cradled in her hands, her red dress so dark it almost looked black in the firelight.
“Everyone has a master,” she casually said. “The most dangerous are the ones who believe they are righteous rulers. That the
suffering of some is necessary for the salvation of all.”
“And you disagree with that?”
“No,” Chaska said quickly. “I only believe that we should have the right to choose our suffering. If someone is forced, then
we cannot blame them when they fight against it.” Her sharp umber eyes met Nina’s, and though the room was dim, they were
filled with light. “We cannot run from suffering, just as we cannot escape death. But we can rise up against those who demand
our blind faith.”
Chaska’s words were inspiring, but the weight of them was lost underneath their circumstances.
“But you are here,” Nina said, gesturing to the room, to Chaska’s clothing and jewelry and general ease.
She was speaking of resistance while she sat comfortably in the lap of luxury.
“You are not rising up against anything.”
“Am I not?” Chaska leaned forward and placed her cup on the table. “Here is where I belong. This is my seat of resistance, and there is much you do not see because you are not willing to look.”
The word resistance echoed in Nina’s mind, and Chaska’s voice slowly morphed into Shayim’s.
We are a resistance, the Seer had said.
“You cannot hide from this, Nina,” Chaska said softly. “The future is uncertain, but your part in it is not.”
Nina opened her mouth to ask what she knew. Was Chaska aware of her true fate? Did she still think Nina was there to marry
the emperor? Did she somehow know what Nina intended to do last night? But Chaska held up a sharp hand. “I cannot say more
than that, but I can tell you that I am not your enemy, Nina.”
“You are all my enemy,” Nina said, but the venom with which she had said it to Kasik was gone.
Chaska lightly laughed and shifted back in her chair. “You remind me so much of your brother.” She said the words casually,
as if Nina could have known, if only she had thought to ask.
“Is he here?” Nina leaned forward and gripped the small table, hands trembling and heart racing. “Is he safe? Can I—”
“He is not here,” Chaska interrupted. “And you can rest knowing he is safe with my people. For now. But Nina, the tides are
rising, and no one will be safe much longer. One day soon, you will have to make a choice.”
But Nina had made her choice, and she would not share it with Chaska, no matter how adamant the empress was. They may not
be enemies, but neither were they allies.
They finished their tea and then Nina was escorted to Master Wara’s room.
Unlike Kasik, Chaska politely knocked on the door.
It was opened a few moments later by a harried-looking Master Wara, who took one look at Empress Chaska and gave a small bow.
“Empress,” he said breathlessly. “What a surprise to see you. Will you be joining us for today’s story? ”
“Not today, Master Wara. I have many things to attend to before the festivities begin.”
“Of course,” Master Wara said. “Another time, then.”
“Yes, another time,” Chaska replied. Then she turned to Nina. “Remember what we spoke about. It’s never too late to change
your mind.”
Nina watched the empress leave and ignored the urge to chase after her and demand to know more about her brother. Whatever
the reason, she knew Chaska would not give her answers. Perhaps Kasik would explain once they were free of this place.
Master Wara opened the door wider, and Nina entered. Just as before, she was struck with an overwhelming sense of awe the
moment she stepped over the threshold. The amount of information hanging from every available space made her feel insignificant.
Her fate inevitable. She imagined her story hanging from one of those hooks and what, exactly, it would say about her.
“There we go.” Master Wara extricated himself from a tangle of threads. One caught in his hair and he plucked at it absentmindedly.
“Come—sit. If I remember correctly, we left off right about here.” The threads were fanned out on the table in front of him,
and Master Wara ran his fingers over one with many knots.
In fact, the last several threads were thick with them. Nina eagerly sat across from the teacher. Finally, she would hear
the rest of the story.
“As I said, the Emperor pleads for the Adviser to heed his words, and the Adviser relents. That night, he goes to confront the Girl that he loves and she denies using her attay to influence him. She tells him that she is with child, his child, and begs him to leave with them. The Sister and the Scholar are waiting for them just outside the kancha grounds.”
Nina settled into her chair, once again pulled into a story so rich that she could almost see it. She watched Master Wara’s
gaze go distant as if he, too, could feel everything.
“But the Adviser has changed. The Girl cannot find his threads, and the Sister cannot See them as before. He is no longer
filled with love or free will, and not only does he refuse to go with the Girl, but he drags her to the lowest levels of the
kancha, where he keeps her imprisoned until she gives birth. The Sister waits for the Girl and watches, devastated, as the
Scholar’s threads change before her very eyes. She tells him he must go back, that it is his fate to accompany the Girl in
her final days of life, and then to teach and love her Son like his tayta will not.”
No longer was Master Wara’s gaze distant. He was staring right at Nina, his words like arrows through the fog of denial and
refusal that she had surrounded herself with.
“The Scholar agrees, because he loves the Sister more than anything. When he goes, he leaves a piece of his heart with her,
and when the Adviser kills the Girl after her Son is born, the Scholar loses another piece of his heart. But slowly, the Son
mends the holes left behind. The Scholar’s purpose has never been clearer.
“Until ten years later,” Master Wara said, his voice so low that Nina had to lean forward to hear him, “when the Adviser has
another dream of another girl with attay like he has never seen in a place far from Vira. He goes to collect the girl, but
comes back without her. She was hidden from him, somehow, but the Emperor has collected many boys to fight for his cause,
and he is very pleased.”
Nina’s breath caught in her throat. She felt tears on her cheeks but didn’t bother to wipe them away. She was afraid to move, afraid to break the surface of truth she was walking toward.
“As predicted, the Adviser has been cruel to his Son, but he has been very careful to groom the Emperor’s youngest son for
service. When the Emperor dies from the same illness that stole his tayta’s life, we are told that the eldest son takes his
own life in misery.” Master Wara paused, as if to give Nina time to contemplate the blatant lie. “It is the Adviser who places
the youngest son on the royal seat. And it is one year later that the Adviser dreams again.”
“I think I know how this story ends,” Nina whispered past the lump in her throat. Master Wara’s hands found hers on the table.
They were rough from years of knotting and interpreting threads, and they reminded her of her tayta. Warm, and steady, and
strong. It only served to deepen the ache that the absence of her family left behind.
“This is not the end.” He emphasized the last word with a squeeze. “But you are not alone, and you are not so easily defeated.
Now, listen closely. There is—”
A knock on the door forced Nina back into her seat, fingers tingling with dread. Master Wara stood so quickly that his chair
almost toppled over. “Come in,” he said, and then he shot Nina a look. Stay quiet.
She didn’t turn when the door opened, and it only took one heartbeat to know who it was. Nina felt Kunay Atik’s presence before
she saw him. The room grew colder and her power stirred angrily within her.
“Kunay Atik,” Master Wara greeted. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”
“Can’t a man visit his favorite scholar?”
Nina still hadn’t turned to face him. Was hoping he would ignore her as he had done thus far.
But she wasn’t so lucky. She could feel his presence like a harbinger of death, and it was like a blade through flesh when his hand settled on her shoulder. If she wasn’t aware of her own power, she would have thought she was dying right then. That her innards were being torn out and twisted.
Except, there was no blade and no blood. It was only her attay being stolen right from underneath her beating heart.
Master Wara’s eyes didn’t so much as drift toward her as he spoke to the kunay. Nina wasn’t sure what else was said, only
that Master Wara’s movements were stilted, and he came around the table as if to hide what was on it.
But Nina was drowning in a sea of nothing. She was searching for air only to find that she had ceased to exist, and though
the pressure from Kunay Atik’s hand disappeared, the presence his touch left behind was a bloody wound that only time could
heal.
Each heartbeat that pounded as he stood there was a moment lost. A step closer to an undesirable end to her story.
“Nina? Nina?” Master Wara was bent in front of her, his eyes peering worriedly into hers. “Breathe, Nina,” he said, and Nina obeyed, sucking
down air as if she had been without for too long. “Good. Now, listen carefully. You must remember that even when you feel
powerless, within you is the ability to choose love. That is the greatest power there is.”
Nina heard his words but did not understand them. She was only capable of nodding, of offering a quiet “yes” when he asked
if she could find her way back, even though it felt like a lie. The halls were unfamiliar, and Nina’s body felt unlike her
own. She stumbled away from Master Wara’s until she found a walla who carefully guided her back to her room.
There, she collapsed onto her bed and curled into a ball, as if she could hold the pieces of herself together that had been
exposed. She fell asleep with Master Wara’s story in her mind, and she dreamed that she was the Girl, and it was the Adviser’s
blade in her belly, and she was powerless to stop him.