Chapter 22
I reached for my ringing phone in the dark and answered without looking at the Caller ID. A yawn forced its way out of my mouth and I rolled onto my side and set the phone on my ear.
“Hello?”
“Hey.” My mom’s voice was sweet and soft and I briefly wished she was still in the United States. “What’s wrong? You told me to call you as soon as I could?”
“Yeah, but I really just wanted to talk,” I admitted.
“Okay. Then let’s talk. What’s going on, Jezzy?”
“How’d you decide when you wanted to leave Dad?”
“What?” she scoffed.
“You were with him and put up with his shit for a while but what was your final straw?” I yawned.
“Uhm, I think when I saw it was doing more harm to you and your brother to see me with him than it would have ever been to just do the custody agreement thing.”
“But you gave him primary custody?”
“Yeah. He was a shitty husband but he was a good father. He was settled and had roots and he loved you guys. He made sure you were well taken care of and I don’t know if you remember or not, but the first year I was gone, he sent pictures of you and Rene every single morning.
I talked to you guys whenever I wanted and he never tried to stop me from getting you over school breaks.
” She exhaled. “Is something the matter? Did something happen while I wasn’t there? ”
“No,” I said quickly. “No. I just… I’m dealing with man drama and wanted to know what made you stay and what made you go. That’s all. Rene likes to say we’re a lot alike, so I just wanted to see if I could get some perspective.”
“I stayed because I loved your father and you and Rene and I wanted my family to work. That’s it.
That’s the entire reason but love isn’t enough, Jiselle.
You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your confidence or dignity because you feel you’re in love.
Love without respect, communication, and understanding isn’t love that can survive the test of time. ”
I nodded.
“Do you think men can change?”
“I think almost anyone can change if they truly want to but I also think people lie and there’s no shame in being fooled. I say give people a second chance but don’t give them a third and fourth.”
“Okay.” I nodded and yawned again.
“Did that answer your question?”
“Yeah. It did. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. If you think of anything else, just call me, okay? No matter what time it is.”
“Okay. I will.”
“Okay. Get some sleep. Love you.”
“Love you.”
I hung up the call and lay on my back in the dark with my eyes focused on the ceiling for so long the sun came up. When my alarm went off at six, I didn’t have to pull my eyes from the spot they were focused on to grab my phone. I sighed but pushed myself up.
I went through my morning on autopilot. I took a shower, threw clothes on, and headed out.
I spoke to Kiano’s mom on my drive, even though I hadn’t spoken to Kiano, and got an update about how Stone was doing.
I’d cried for hours after missing his call but she told me he was doing well and wanted her to tell me he loved me and would call me when he could.
She told me that he would be out before I knew it thankfully which lifted my spirits enough to get me through my drive.
When I got to my childhood home, it was a little bit after seven and I didn’t use the key I still had. I banged on the door instead.
It only took a minute or so for the door to fly open. I could tell from my stepmother’s face she was shocked to see me but a huge grin crossed her face. I forced a smile in return.
She was a nice woman. She’d always been nice to me and Rene but it was hard to be a fan of the woman who’d fucked your father while he was still married to your mother.
I didn’t hate her, but I had no desire to be her friend either.
I’d spent most of my teenage years just flat out ignoring her.
Even as an adult, I spoke to my father somewhat often.
I didn’t know the last time I’d spoken to her.
“Baby! Jiselle is here!” she screamed. “Come on, Jiselle.” She moved and gestured for me to walk inside. “Do you want breakfast? I can make you something,” she offered.
“Nah. It’s okay. Genuinely. Thank you.”
“Jiselle!” my dad yelled as he rounded the corner.
I smiled as he closed the space between us and hugged me.
“Hey.”
“Hey. Come on in.” He nudged his head for me to follow him. “How are you? To what do I owe the pleasure?”
I trailed him toward the kitchen.
“I want to talk about you and my mom.”
“Me and your mom?” he repeated.
“Yeah. Can we?”
“Sure. We can do that. You want to talk outside?”
“Sure. That’s fine.”
“Alright.”
We walked through the house and headed to the backyard. We sat on the porch swing side by side and my dad exhaled.
“Have you spoken to your mother?”
“Yeah. I talked to her this morning but I wanted to talk to you.”
“Alright. Let’s hear it. What’s on your mind, honey?”
“Why’d you cheat on her?”
“What?”
“It’s not a trick question. I just want to know.”
“I was just unhappy and I loved your mother but I wasn’t in love with her. It seemed easier to cheat at that time while trying to physically keep our family together.”
“And you don’t think that’s selfish?”
“I know it was selfish but back then all I thought I had to do to be a good husband was take care of you guys. I never hit your mom. I never cursed at her. I didn’t control her spending or her friends or tell her she couldn’t achieve her dreams. We were good…
partners in life but romantically we didn’t flow and the thought of not having her in my life at all made me afraid to let go.
Was that selfish? Yes. But I thought the good would outweigh the bad. ”
“And if I told you the man I was with cheated on me, would you tell me to stay?”
“I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t, but I wouldn’t. And as long as your mother stayed with me, she wouldn’t either.”
I exhaled. “Do you think people can change?”
“Of course I do and I did. I mean, I don’t cheat anymore, Jiselle, and your mother is somewhere out there carefree, doing what makes her happy.
Our marriage didn’t make it but we both changed for the better.
” He threw an arm over the back of the swing and looked at the small yard.
He exhaled. “What is this about, Jiselle?”
“I have an irrational fear that every man who isn’t a hundred percent up front with me about every little thing is going to do me like you did Mom.”
He pulled his eyes from the yard to look at me.
“Jiselle, I made mistakes and I understand you, your mother, and Rene being upset about those mistakes but I wouldn’t have gotten on one knee if I didn’t love your mother. I loved her and when I married her I did so thinking we’d spend the rest of our lives together but—”
“But you still cheated on her after having two children.”
“That’s right but me falling short as a man and husband doesn’t mean every man will.
And you’re not your mother, honey. I loved her.
I still do, but we were two kids trying to navigate what we’d been taught and you and Rene weren’t taught that.
You were taught better and you know better.
Our story isn’t yours. We had Rene by the age you are now. ”
“Yeah. I know.”
“So, what’s going on?”
“I was dating a man and I found out he omitted some stuff.”
“Life changing stuff?”
“Not necessarily.”
“Things you can’t work past?”
“I wouldn’t say that either honestly.”
“Then, what’s the problem?”
“I feel like I was lied to.”
“Did they lie?”
“Not technically.”
“Then you can’t hold things like that over your relationship, Jiselle.
I say you give one chance. You can’t expect someone to respect a boundary they don’t know exists.
You found out this information. Fine. You tell them how you feel and leave it alone if you still want to be with them.
If you don’t, cut them free. If you do, give them another chance.
If they make the same mistake after knowing how it makes you feel, they aren’t for you. ”
“I hear you.”
“Did that help?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.”
He was right. I’d overreacted just a little bit and it wasn’t because I thought Kiano was a liar or a cheater but because I had control issues stemming from wanting to know every little thing my man was doing to make sure he wasn’t preparing to build a dream life without me.
Stone and Kiano weren’t my dad and I couldn’t just throw away a relationship I genuinely wanted and was happy about because of a little omission. My foot automatically tapped while I thought about the conversation I needed to have with Kiano soon.
My stepmom walked out of the back door carrying two mugs.
“I made you coffee.” She handed my father a mug. “And Jiselle I made you black tea with honey and sugar, just like you used to like in high school.”
“Thank you.” I accepted the cup with a smile.
“I think she drinks coffee now too, baby,” my dad said.
I elbowed him in his side, nearly making him spill his coffee.
“Oh.” She shifted on her feet. “Sorry.”
“No. It’s perfect. Thank you.”
My dad smiled, looking between the two of us.
“You don’t come out here often. Are you sure you don’t want to stick around for breakfast?”
“Uhh.” I looked between them. “I mean, I guess I can hang out for a little.”
“Perfect!” She clapped her hands. “I’ll start on that right now.”
“I’ll help,” I offered.
“No, no. Spend time with your dad,” she said quickly.
“That’s her way of trying to tell you she doesn’t want either of us in her kitchen while she works,” my father pointed out.
She giggled but didn’t say he was wrong. She just spun and bounced back into the house. My dad sighed.
“I’m happy you’re happy,” I said quietly.
“Yeah? Me too.” He wrapped an arm around me and kissed my head. “I’m happy you’re here.”
I leaned my head on him and closed my eyes. The weight I’d been carrying rolled off me and I sighed in contentment.
“Me too.”