Chapter 22 #2
I shake my head. “Not a lot, no. Usually I have leftovers from the bakery if I want something. Sometimes I’ll do it if I’m experimenting with something new, or if I need stress relief.
” The reminder of earlier when I was trying to do that crosses my mind, but I shove it away before I can blush at the memory of how that turned out.
“I always had this dream of baking for a family or my friends though,” I admit.
“Getting up on a Sunday morning and making pancakes from scratch or muffins or something. Spending a Saturday doing croissants and then having them the next day. It feels good to make things for other people, but the bakery is close enough.”
“You make people happy,” Sawyer tells me. “I saw it when I was there the other day.”
I smile at him, touched. “Thanks. That’s all I want to do, really.”
“It’s good,” Lennox says. “That you have something like that. Something that you know is your calling, that brings you joy.”
“A lot of people don’t,” Rhett agrees, his voice soft.
“Or they do and never pursue it,” Sawyer adds.
“What,” Lennox says, giving him a look. “Can you relate to that?”
“Maybe.” He shrugs. “But we’re not talking about me.”
“Maybe we should be. Wandering all over and ‘sowing your wild oats or whatever’ isn’t doing it for you anymore?” Lennox makes air quotes with his good hand, but Sawyer doesn’t laugh.
His face closes down, and he turns back to the bowl. “What do we add next, Vi?” he asks me.
“Oh, uh, put that in the freezer while we mix the wet stuff.”
“Sawyer being avoidant,” Rhett mutters. “Must be a day ending in a Y.”
Sawyer whips around to give his brother a hard look. “Are we talking about being avoidant? Because you wrote the book on that shit, Rhett. Maybe I learned from watching you.”
“Or maybe I’m avoidant because every conversation with you ends with you running away. I don’t spend my time chasing pointless shit, and after this many years, I know a lost cause when I see one.”
“No, you just chase squirrels up there in the middle of fucking nowhere. I’m surprised you even remember how to have a conversation with real people.”
Lennox sighs heavily. “Can we not do this right now?”
Both brothers look at him, but Sawyer has a nasty expression on his face. “It was fine when you were poking at me a minute ago, but as soon as I poke back, you want to step in and be the responsible one?”
“I wasn’t poking—”
“Fuck you, yes you were! You and your fucking air quotes. You know good and damned well I didn’t say it like that.”
“Then how did you say it, Sawyer?” Lennox asks, putting down the silicone spatula he’s been holding. “How did you put it when you said you were running away?”
“I told you there was no point in me sticking around. You made sure of that.”
There’s a ringing silence after Sawyer’s words, and I glance between the three of them, not sure what that means. Before I can ask, or try to move things back to the lighthearted mood from before, Lennox explodes.
“Just say what the fuck you mean!” he snaps, turning to face Sawyer. “Blame me. I know you want to. Both of you do.” His hands are clenched into fists at his side, and one of them shakes noticeably. But he doesn’t seem to care, too caught up in this argument to hide it or shake his hand out.
“If the shoe fits,” Sawyer mutters.
“Say it with your chest, Sawyer.”
“Fine.” He faces off with his older brother, everything about his posture screaming anger and hostility.
“You want me to say it? Fine. It was your fault. We could have kept Zephyr going, regrouped after Mom died, and built it up to something even bigger. But at the first offer, you fucking folded. You didn’t give a shit what we wanted, or what made sense.
You just gave in, and the rest of us didn’t have a fucking choice in the matter. ”
“That’s not true,” Lennox replies, his voice quiet but lethal somehow. “You know that’s not true. Rhett—”
“Rhett wasn’t going to fight for it! And you knew that. You got him on your side because he didn’t give enough of a shit—”
“I didn’t give a shit?” Rhett breaks in, looking angry and incredulous.
“As soon as the deal was signed, you were gone. Don’t act like you weren’t champing at the bit to be done with us.
You took your share of the money and you were on the other side of the country within a week.
If you wanted to hang on to the company so badly, why didn’t you fight for it? ”
“Maybe I was sick of being the one fighting alone,” Sawyer says.
“Lennox brought the fucking offer up every other day. You were sulking. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I told you I thought it was too fast. We’d only had the business for two years.
I told you we needed to think about it or talk it over more. ”
They go back and forth between the three of them, laying the blame at each other’s feet.
Through the argument, I slowly start to understand what happened between them.
Their mother died, and I know it knocked them all for a loop.
I can imagine it would be hard to run a business while grieving, especially since they were all new at it and didn’t really have much experience.
But to hear that’s what killed their relationship in the end is hard. They should have been pulling together after losing their mom, instead of breaking farther apart.
“Lennox took the first opportunity not to work with us anymore!” Rhett is insisting. He’s right up in Sawyer’s face now, physically larger than him, but Sawyer doesn’t back down. “What the hell was I supposed to think?”
“That I had some motivation other than not wanting to be with my brothers anymore?” Lennox says.
“Like what? Like being a fucking coward?”
“Like wanting to make sure we walked away with something!” Lennox shouts back.
“God, you’re so fucking up your own ass that you can’t see anything.
None of us were in our right minds. What would have happened if we started failing clients?
If our reputation tanked and Zephyr failed?
At least if we sold, we went out on our own terms.”
“On your terms,” Sawyer shoots back. “Just like always. What Lennox wants, Lennox gets.”
Lennox laughs bitterly. “As if that’s ever been fucking true.”
“Oh, cry me a fucking river. People get hurt in the service all the time. You’re the only one turning it into your own personal pity party.”
I can see Lennox react to that like a physical blow, and he rounds on Sawyer. It doesn’t look like he’s going to hit him or anything, but there’s anger in his eyes, and he’s shaking from the intensity of his emotions, his shoulders tight.
Jesus. This is too much.
“Stop it!” I shout, moving to get between Lennox and Sawyer. “Just stop it.”
All three of them stop in their tracks, staring at me in surprise. I guess they’ve probably never heard me shout before, but if it’s the only way to get through to them right now, then that’s what I’ll do.
“I can’t believe you guys,” I say. “You’re brothers. You were always so close, and this is what your relationship fell apart over?”
“You don’t understand—” Sawyer starts, but I silence him with a look.
“I think I finally do understand, actually. Your mother died, you sold your company, and it ruined you. It made you richer than everyone in Sweetwater Lake combined, but it ruined you all the same. And I don’t think you even understand why.”
I wait, going silent for a beat to see if one of them is going to interrupt me. When they all stay quiet, I look at each of them in turn. “You were hurting. You lost your mother, and you felt lost. Isn’t that right?”
There’s some hesitation, but then they all nod.
“Lennox, why did you think taking the offer was a good idea?”
He looks at me, then ducks his head to stare at the floor.
“I wasn’t sure what else to do. None of us were thinking clearly, and I was worried that—” He swallows hard.
“I was worried that I was going to fuck it up for us. We had already lost so much, and I was afraid we would lose this too. Taking the offer meant letting it go on our own terms.”
Rhett makes a noise like he’s about to say something but then cuts himself off, and I turn to him next. “How did it feel to you?” I ask him.
He takes a breath, and I watch him go through the effort of unclenching his jaw. “It felt like he wanted out,” he mutters. “Like he didn’t even want that last thing that tied us all together anymore. After losing Mom… it just felt like a rejection.”
Lennox’s gaze shoots to him sharply at that. His face is set into a frown, but it looks more sad than angry.
I look to Sawyer. “And you? How did it feel?”
His arms are still folded, his posture screaming that he’s not getting over his anger that easily.
“It felt like giving up because things were hard,” he says bitterly.
“I just wanted us to all take some time to think before we rushed in and made a decision like that. Everything after Mom’s death felt like it happened so fucking fast. The funeral, the offer, the decision.
We didn’t even take time to grieve properly or breathe, and then we were selling our company. ”
“You wanted to keep it?” Lennox asks.
“I wanted it to at least be a discussion. More than just you telling us it was for the best.”
“It would have been nice to talk about it,” Rhett agrees. “The timing was bad.”
“Yeah.” Lennox clears his throat, scrubbing a hand down his face. “I can see that. I just… wasn’t sure what else to do. I felt like everyone was looking to me as the oldest to know the right answer, but I was just as lost.”
“Did you tell your brothers that?” I ask him softly.
He draws in a breath, his chest expanding with it, then blows it out slowly as he shakes his head. “No. I didn’t.”
“I can’t imagine how it must have felt,” I tell them all.
“Losing your mom, and being faced with this decision and all the uncertainties. But can’t you all see that nothing that happened was about intentionally hurting anyone?
You were all just reacting from a place of grief and hurt feelings.
None of it was malicious. None of it is worth throwing each other away over.
Lennox wanted to protect you all from failure because he loves you.
Rhett wanted to stay working together because he loves you.
Sawyer wanted to discuss it as a family and not just rush into anything because he loves you.
It’s always been about love. You just never said it. ”
It’s sort of a cheesy speech, but I can tell that none of them ever thought of their fight in these terms. They just reacted with hurt feelings and let that carry them through the years.
Having it reframed seems to have shocked all of them, and I can see them thinking it over, replaying what happened through this new lens.
“Why does it feel like we just had a therapy session?” Sawyer asks after a long beat, and that draws a laugh out of the other two.
“Maybe because you needed it?” I shoot back, hands on my hips. “I think you all just forgot how to talk to each other and it spiraled from there.”
“You might be right.”
I give him a little smile. “Sawyer, you have to remember how to let people in. Otherwise you’ll miss out on too much and end up all alone.
I know you get restless, but your brothers used to be the people you trusted most in the world.
I hate seeing you estranged from them and having nowhere and no one to call home anymore. ”
A look of something almost like vulnerability passes over his face at that, and I can tell I’ve hit the nail on the head with him.
Surprisingly, he doesn’t hide it from me, letting me see the honest reaction in his expression.
I move in closer to him, meeting his gaze.
For a moment, we just stare at each other, and I try to convey with my eyes that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
That there’s nothing wrong with wanting a home to come back to.
I want him to understand that, to really feel it.
I want him to feel like he’s home now.
Following some instinct I can’t even name, I take one more step closer, until we’re standing almost chest to chest. So close that I can feel the heat from his muscled body radiating into mine. Then I lean up, brushing my lips over his.
I can feel his soft intake of breath, and after half a heartbeat of stillness, he kisses me back, deepening it enough that it sends a little shiver down my spine. His lips are warm and firm, and when we separate, I can feel my pulse in every limb of my body.
Lennox and Rhett are standing there, watching, and it feels weird to kiss Sawyer and not either of them. So I take a breath and move to Lennox next.
He looks surprised but doesn’t move away. I reach out and take his hand on the injured side, tapping the back of it until he uncurls his fingers from the tight fist he’s been holding them in.
“I know you think you have to protect your brothers and everyone else too,” I say.
“But you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to make all the decisions alone.
It’s okay to ask for help, and it’s okay to lean on the people who care about you.
That’s what family is supposed to be for.
Don’t shoulder all the burdens on your own, okay? ”
“Yeah,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.
I kiss him too, keeping a hold of his hand as our lips meet. He leans into it, and I feel something unclench, some tension drain out of him as he melts into me.
That leaves Rhett.
He’s watching, and before our moment in the bathroom, I would have thought the guarded look in his eyes was from not wanting to be touched. Now I can tell it’s because he’s wondering if he’s going to be left out.
I cross to him deliberately, stopping with a few scant inches of distance between us.
“It’s okay to like alone time,” I say. “But you can’t disappear inside yourself.
There are people who want you around, people who enjoy your company just as you are.
You can retreat for a while, but you have to poke your head out every so often.
You have to be present with the people who want you near them. ”
He nods seriously, and I lean up to kiss him. Rhett meets me halfway, our lips brushing tentatively at first, then gaining confidence. It only lingers for several seconds, but when I draw back, something in the air has shifted.
There’s still tension, but it’s different from before. Less antagonistic and more… curious. Like it’s heavy with anticipation—and possibility.