Cash
C ash knew that the news of Mercy being pregnant hit Callan hard. His friend felt blindsided and quite honestly, so did he. knew that Mercy was going to be at the wedding today, Jackson had given him a heads-up since she would be paired with him. He wasn’t sure what Jack knew about him and Mercy hooking up with Callan. Jackson knew that liked his privacy and respected the fact that if he didn’t bring it up, then they didn’t talk about it. And didn’t want to talk about Mercy because doing so would mean that he had to think about her and remember the one steamy night the three of them spent together. It was all that he could think about most days and those memories had him longing to hold her for one more night. He knew that was a dangerous game to play, one night would always morph into another and before he knew it, she would be living at his place and demanding a piece of his heart—one that he might not be willing to give.
Watching Mercy walk down the aisle at Jack, Travis, and Emily’s wedding only made him long to claim her even more. She looked so fucking sexy in that little blue dress that she wore with her long, dark hair spilling over her shoulders and dipping down into the swells of her breasts. He spent most of the ceremony hard and when it came time for the reception and the first dance, he worried if he would be able to get through it without whisking Mercy off to a back room and taking her. But then, she refused to dance with him, giving him some bullshit about her ankle hurting and he wasn’t sure if he felt relieved that he wouldn’t have to hold her against his overly eager body or if he was pissed that he wasn’t going to get the chance.
For the rest of the evening, she barely talked to him, hanging out with Regan or some of her and Emily’s friends from the hospital. Hell, until today, didn’t even know where Mercy worked. He was afraid to find out where she worked or lived for fear that he’d show up on her damn doorstep begging her to let him in.
He caught her looking at him throughout the night and a part of him wanted to drag her off by the hair and claim her, but he also knew that if he pushed a girl like Mercy, she’d run. He saw the hint of fear in her eyes every time he caught her stealing a glance at him. By the end of the night, when the band announced the last dance, he knew that his chance to hold Mercy in his arms again was fading away. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, she was so fucking perfect. He watched the way she looked at the happy newlyweds with longing and for a moment, he wanted to be that for her. But that thought would lead him down a dark road that he wasn’t ready to go back down.
When Mercy gently cupped her tummy he felt like he had been run over by a freight train. The realization that she was pregnant had him throwing all his good sense out of the window and crossing the dance floor to find out if the baby was his or Callan’s. Mercy being so upset that she fainted wasn’t a part of his plan, but it gave him the excuse to hold her again. He lifted her into his arms and carried her out of there like she was his to take and dammit, she was. If the baby was his, there would be no way in hell that he’d ever let Mercy go. Knowing that was even a possibility had his inner caveman roaring to life.
Finding Callan still at the bar was a relief. If Mercy was pregnant with their baby, his friend needed to know. What wasn’t planning on was Callan acting like a complete ass and treating Mercy as if she was disposable. After Callan left, Mercy broke down and cried letting him hold her and her sobs nearly broke him.
“It will be all right, little one,” crooned. He loved the way Mercy fit against his body and thoughts of making her his danced through his mind again. He wasn’t sure what to do about his desires for her. All he knew was that letting her go wasn’t an option. He watched her walk out of his life once and he didn’t know if he could do that again.
“How can you say that? You don’t know that it will all be all right, . I am pregnant and I don’t even know which one of you is the father. Callan just walked away from me like I have the plague and I’m not sure that I blame him.” Mercy sniffled, and noticed the way that she shivered even with Callan’s big jacket around her.
“Let’s get you inside and we can talk there. You’re cold, little one.” Mercy seemed to hesitate, she looked back at his truck and a part of him worried that she would ask him to take her home. He wanted to take her up to his apartment and figure out what the hell he was going to do next. If she wanted to go home, he’d take her, but he was afraid that she would disappear from his life again and that was unacceptable.
“Please Mercy, I just want to talk. Let me take care of you at least for a few hours,” begged. He knew that he sounded desperate, but he didn’t care. Mercy shyly nodded and he let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding.
“Thank you, . I would love to sit down, I’m exhausted.” Mercy wrapped Callan’s jacket tighter around her curvy body and a pang of jealousy sliced through . He knew that it was crazy to feel that way, especially since Mercy wasn’t his but he did.
He led her through the dark bar and back to his office, unlocking the door that led up to his apartment. “I haven’t been up here in months,” admitted. “I’m not sure if I have much to eat but I can offer you a drink.”
Mercy sat down on his sofa making herself at home while he turned on lights and rummaged through the kitchen pulling a bottle of vodka from the minibar that he had set up. “Um, I really can’t drink right now, .” Mercy barked out her laugh and he put the bottle back in the bar.
“Right, sorry. I haven’t been around too many pregnant women. How about some water?” Mercy smiled and nodded. He grabbed two glasses and filled them with some bottled water from the refrigerator. He crossed back into his tiny living room and handed her the glass noting the way she was still shivering.
“Sorry, it’s a little chilly up here. I keep the heat set lower when no one is using the place.” sat down next to Mercy and pulled her against his body, hoping to share some of his body heat with her. Hell, he wanted to share a whole lot more than just some body heat, but they would get to that.
Her rigid body didn’t give him much hope for her accepting anything that he was about to suggest but he had nothing to lose. “Mercy, I’m just trying to warm you up.” She sighed against his chest and relaxed some in his arms. He could still tell that she was uneasy about being at his apartment with him. had to admit that being there felt strange to him too. After he woke to see Mercy sneaking out of his place, after the night that the three of them spent together, he found that he just didn’t want to be there. He had a cleaning crew go through weekly but other than that and the occasional friend that needed a place to crash, his apartment stood empty.
“Why haven’t you been staying here?” Mercy whispered. “If it’s okay for me to ask,” she quickly added.
hesitated. Should he be honest and tell Mercy that memories of their night together kept him up most nights and that the thoughts of being here without her and even Callan felt wrong? He wasn’t sure if Mercy was ready to hear the truth from him, but he had no choice. He wouldn’t lie to her.
“I didn’t want to be here without you or Callan. It just didn’t feel—right.” Mercy groaned and tried to push away from him. He tightened his arm around her waist not letting her run from him or the truth. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, little one. I know it sounds crazy, but I have no other explanation.”
“Please let me up, .” He sighed and released her. He knew that he had probably pushed her too hard, but he didn’t care. Mercy stood and paced in front of him, and he resisted the urge to pull her back down and roll her under his body. She palmed her bump, and his eyes followed her little round belly. He wanted to do the same, touch her and their baby but he sat on the sofa, his eyes glued to her every movement.
“You are the most confusing man that I’ve ever met, . That night that we shared, it felt like you put up a wall, not letting me in. Sure, you gave me just what I asked for, but you seemed so distant.” Mercy’s words stung and he knew that there would be no avoiding the truth, not if he wanted his chance with her. He was going to have to tell her about Jasmine and that might have her running like hell and never looking back. What if the baby was his and she wouldn’t let him in their lives? He was taking one hell of a chance telling Mercy about Jasmine but what choice did he have?
“I’m sorry that I made you feel unwanted, little one.” She shot him a look that told him that she didn’t quite believe him. “My past relationships haven’t been—well, let’s just say they haven’t been easy.” He barked out a laugh at the irony of his own words. Not easy was an understatement but how was he supposed to go about describing how it felt to walk into his bedroom to find his dead ex-sub?
“I used to share women,” he whispered. “Like the night that the three of us spent together but not for just one night.” stood and pulled his hair free from the neat ponytail that he pulled it back into. He ran his hands through his hair and was pretty sure that he looked like an untamed lion after he finished, which fit his mood.
“Sorry, this is hard for me to talk about,” he admitted. Mercy crossed the room from where she had stopped pacing and wrapped her arms around his waist. He leaned into her body, taking the comfort that she was so willingly giving him. “My best friend, Slade, and I liked to share women. It started around the time that I first opened the bar. We have known each other since high school and sharing the same woman just worked for us. I was dominant and he liked having someone else call the shots in the bedroom. We would find women who wanted what we did and bring them up here to share. We had a few long-term relationships but nothing too serious. If one of us grew tired of the situation or wanted out, we would just move on to the next sub.” hesitated knowing that he was sounding like a complete ass for the way that he and Slade had treated women. They were young and stupid but that didn’t excuse the fact that they should have known better. They were all consenting adults, but things sometimes went too far.
Mercy remained quiet, her arms still around him so he took that as a good sign—she wasn’t running, yet. “Slade and I met a woman named Jasmine and things got pretty serious between the three of us. She even moved in here with him and I. Slade fell head over ass for her, but I just never felt those same sparks. It got to the point where Jasmine and Slade were making plans for the future, and I felt like a fraud. I couldn’t see myself with them for the rest of my life. Slade came home one night and told me that he bought Jasmine a ring and that he wanted to ask her to marry us.” reluctantly released Mercy and sat down on his sofa. He didn’t know if he’d be able to get this next part out or if she would even want to hear it, but he needed to just rip the band-aid off and get it over with.
“I told Slade that I didn’t feel that way about Jasmine and that I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be in a committed relationship with either of them. God, the look of hurt on his face nearly killed me.” couldn’t even bring himself to look at Mercy. She crossed the room and sat next to him on the sofa. She didn’t touch him but having her close felt like a balm to his broken soul.
“Later that night, Jasmine came home, and Slade asked her to marry him. When she asked about me and if I was going to continue to be a part of the relationship, I had to come clean and tell her that I wasn’t in love with her,” ’s voice cracked and he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to say the next part out loud.
“Oh , you did the right thing. You couldn’t be a part of a relationship that was moving forward without you. If you didn’t love her, it was best to let Jasmine go. Did she and Slade get married and find happiness?” Mercy’s question had his gut clenching. He shook his head, not ready to tell the rest of the story and she wrapped her arms around him, pulling his head to her shoulder. God, it felt good to be touched like that. wasn’t sure of the last time he let someone comfort him the way he was letting Mercy touch him right now.
“Please tell me the rest, . I’m not going to judge you, not ever.” Mercy kissed his forehead and he just about lost his nerve. She had to be the kindest woman that he had ever met. Telling her his ugly story felt wrong, but he knew that he had to finish what he started.
“She died, Mercy.” He didn’t try to hide his tears, letting them freely fall. Mercy thumbed away a tear, framing his face with her gentle hands.
“I’m so sorry, . How did she die?” Mercy held him, waiting him out.
“She killed herself here in my bedroom.” Mercy’s gasp nearly did him in, but he didn’t chance to look into her eyes, too afraid to find disappointment or disgust staring back at him. He had seen all those things and so much anger in Slade’s eyes when he rushed back home after called him to tell him about Jasmine.
“When I told her that I couldn’t be a part of her and Slade’s relationship any longer, she broke it off with both of us. She wasn’t in love with Slade, just me. It was quite a triangle that we had with all the wrong people in love with each other. Slade was so hurt that he packed his shit and left, swearing that he’d never speak to me again. Jasmine also moved out, telling me that if I changed my mind, to call her.” laughed. He remembered that day so vividly that his heart still ached. He rubbed at the imaginary hurt, willing it to stop but nothing seemed to soothe it. Mercy placed her hand on top of his as if knowing his pain.
“So, you lost your best friend, and he lost the woman that he loved?” nodded.
“It still fucking hurts but that’s why I won’t share anymore. Or at least why I didn’t share before that night with you and Callan.” Mercy pulled his hand to her mouth, gently kissing each one of his fingers and he felt some of his defenses melt away.
“What happened after they both moved out?” Mercy asked resting his hand under hers on her lap.
“Nothing really, not at first. Months passed and I tried like hell to see Slade. I called and sent messages, and he continued to ignore me. It was like I was losing my brother, and I wasn’t sure how to fix things with him. He was angry with me for fucking everything up with Jasmine. I hoped that with time he’d forgive me, and we could be friends again, but I was wrong. One day, I was bartending, and I noticed that my office door was open. No one is allowed back there without my permission, so I went to check it out. When I saw that my apartment door was also left open I ran upstairs half hoping that Slade had come back. Instead, I found Jasmine in my bed, dead from a sleeping pill overdose. She had a prescription for them, and she swallowed the whole bottle. By the time I found her, she was unresponsive. The EMT’s told me that she had been gone for about half an hour. I still wonder what would have happened if the bar wasn’t so busy that night and I would have noticed my office door being open sooner.” shook his head, still disgusted with himself for not paying more attention to details that might have saved Jasmine’s life. He wasn’t in love with her, but he cared for her, and seeing her dead was the last thing he wanted.
“Oh ,” Mercy’s voice cracked, and he could tell that she was crying again. He still refused to look at her, not wanting to see the monster that he had become reflected in her beautiful brown eyes.
“I think it might be best if I just take you home, Mercy,” he whispered. He stood to grab his truck keys from the kitchen counter, and she grabbed his hand, effectively stopping him.
“Please don’t, ,” Mercy squeaked. “Don’t shut me out again. Look at me,” she said with a little more force. He hesitated but couldn’t help himself. If this was the last time that he might ever see Mercy again he wanted to look at her, memorize her face, and store it away for safekeeping. Because whether he liked it or not, she was starting to mean something to him, something more than just a one-night threesome.
Mercy stood and pulled him into her body, her little bump pressing up against him. “You didn’t do anything wrong, . Jasmine decided to take her own life and Slade made the decision to walk away from your friendship. You were just being true to your heart.” Mercy covered her hand over his beating heart, and he thought that it might just leap out of his damn chest. How did she do that to him? With her, he felt more than he ever had with anyone else, and it scared him. What if Mercy didn’t want him the way that he was beginning to want her? Fuck, what if she wanted Callan instead of him, then what? Would he be able to bow out gracefully and not lose one of his closest friends or would he fuck up and lose them both? He wasn’t sure that he liked his odds, in either case. All knew was that the three of them needed to figure something out and fast because there was about to be a baby in the mix, and he wouldn’t let their fuckups mess up their kid.