Chapter Ten
“Sometimes all you need is vodka and sunshine. And a vent sesh with your girls.” - Viviana
ELIZABETH
When I was a teen and all the way into my adulthood, my family would load up in our large SUV, hook up our boat that we’ve had since I was thirteen, and head out to the lake.
Since becoming adults, Hattie and I haven’t made much time for this tradition, leaving it to our parents to take on, but now that I’m a mom myself, I want to make it something that Aurora would get to experience too.
The sun is high in the sky by the time we make it to the lake. Dad is impatient to launch the boat, and Mom’s trying to get the coolers she packed situated.
“Let me help, Mom,” I say again, trying to help her heave them up. Usually we load these empty and fill them in the boat, but for whatever reason, she ran it backward.
“Okay.” She blows out a breath and claps her hands. “Done! Let’s go!”
“I’m coming!” I turn and see my sister running down the long stretch of road that led to the water. She has a big sun hat on her head that she’s holding on to, and her cover-up leaves nothing to the imagination. Her sandals clop every step, and her bag on her shoulder overflows. “I’m here!”
“I didn’t know you were coming; you were gone when I woke up this morning,” I state, watching her eyes as they drill lasers into mine, and I realize what she doesn’t want said. “I figured you were working.”
“I was, well, kind of. Just, yeah. Are we going?” She moves past me and down to the dock.
My dad, Roger, comes out of the truck with Aurora in hand and passes her off to me. He looks Valerie, my mother, dead in the eyes and with more love and affection than I’ve ever seen on anyone else, and says, “You ready, babe?”
“Always, babe,” she answers.
Then he leans forward and kisses the bejesus out of her. I smile, and Hattie and Aurora cover their eyes, Hattie making it a game for my daughter.
My parents were those parents. The ones that found their soulmate when they were young, when all they had was the neighborhood kids around them and school to socialize. Before the age of online dating, of Facebook, of whatever other online platform there is today.
I envy them that. They grew up without all the pressures of perfection you see online.
But mostly, I envy that they have known since the moment they met that they would be together for the rest of their lives.
There had been a time when my na?ve thirteen-year-old brain had thought I may have found something like that.
When I went to camp as a kid, there was one boy who I liked, and he was the first boy to put butterflies in my stomach.
I looked forward to seeing him every summer, because that was all the time we had together.
During the school months, we’d all go our separate ways, all dreaming of the day we would be back at camp again.
We head down the dock, Mom backs the trailer into the water, and Dad gets on and drives the boat off. As my mom goes to park, we all climb aboard the boat, Aurora’s life vest securely in place.
Once Mom is aboard, we’re off.
The sun beats down on my face, and being on the water means that I can let all of my worries go. Aurora squeals in delight as lake spray washes over us and the wind blows our hair back. Hattie lets out a scream, and Aurora copies her, both throwing their hands up into the air.
It feels good to be out here, to be with family. It was something I missed doing, and I feel bad that I haven’t made it a priority over the last few years.
The boat slows as Dad finds a good fishing spot, and Mom holds the wheel steady for him for a minute, trolling it along so Dad can find what he wants. They have their routine down pat, and I smile as I watch them.
“So, how was your d-a-t-e? I’ve barely seen you this week, and we haven’t discussed it.”
Hattie rips open a pack of gummy candy, and Aurora is settled right next to her, waiting for her aunt to spoil her. Which, of course, she does without thought.
“My date?” I scrunch my brows together and shake my head. “That was over a week ago.”
“I know! But I never got details!” Hattie implores. “How was it? How was he?” She wiggles her brows, and I stick my tongue out, miming a gag. “No. Really?”
“Really. I barely made it through dinner before I hightailed it out of there.”
Hattie groans. “No. He’s hot, but that’s all he has?”
“I don’t know. He wouldn’t stop talking about himself, and himself is very boring.” I joke, making Aurora giggle. My daughter is good at picking up social cues but thankfully doesn’t understand what I’m saying.
Our conversation bores her, so she jumps up and runs over to her grandma.
I turn my attention to my sister. “He might be great for someone else, but he’s just not for me.”
“That’s because you like the goofy guys.”
I gape at her as the sun blinds me, and I hold my hand up in front of my face. “I do not.”
“Yes, you do.” She laughs, tossing her hair back and laying her obnoxious sun hat on her head again. I need one of those hats. “You like the chill guy, the laid-back one, the fun one. You don’t need a corporate drone.”
“I wasn’t planning on dating for seriousness. I was trying to…” I glance at my daughter and just look at my sister to show her what I mean.
She nods and shrugs. “Maybe that’s not for you. You might be the type that needs connection before you have”—she looks down the boat—“dessert.”
I scoff out laughter at her words and sigh. “I just don’t know if I ever want to go down that road again.”
Hattie gives me a sympathetic look. “I know. What Shane did to you was not cool, but he’s gone. He’s out of your life. You need to be able to let that go so you can be the best you can be, for you and for her.”
I cringe at the mention of my ex. He was such a charmer at first. Until he got stuck in a situation he apparently never wanted and took off.
My mind drifts, and I’m not surprised that it drifts to the one guy that I seem to be unable to take my mind off of.
He’s someone special, I could tell by the way he acts.
His behavior at the wedding showed he really cares about his friends, and his laid-back attitude at the game night showed me he isn’t too intense, that things can roll off his back.
Him showing up for me to babysit Aurora, that is huge for me. Not only that he’s great with kids—she hasn’t stopped talking about him since he babysat—but also that he follows through on his promises.
There were many facets to Derek that I liked way too much. Because he was definitely clear that the feelings were not mutual.
Of course, I would fall for a guy who isn’t interested in me.
Story of my life.
Mom lets the boat idle for a while and comes over to chat with us girls, Aurora runs over to fish with her grandfather, and I bask in the sunshine and joy I feel from just being able to do this with my family.
There were more things to be grateful for than there were to worry about. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, I have a well-paid job, and Aurora loves her school. We have family that cares for us and supports us.
There was nothing we needed. Not really.
But there may be something I want. A partner. A friend. Someone I can talk to about my problems, who cares about me not because of blood relation but because he just… loves me.
I crave the intimacy that comes with being in a relationship. It’s something I haven’t had in over four years, and being only twenty-nine, I’m mad at myself that I don’t have that. Even if it isn’t my fault.
“So, how is work going?” our mom asks us both, and I gesture to Hattie to go first. She launches into some tales from her job, as she works as a PR rep for the local professional baseball team, the Colorado Cobras. Her hours are wildly sporadic, but the tales from the job are always entertaining.
“Sounds like everything is going well there,” Mom says when Hattie finishes her tales. “How’s that new player they signed?”
Hattie clicks her tongue. “He’s a piece of work. He thinks he’s got everything all figured out, and sitting down to prep him for press sounds like a nightmare I want nothing to do with.”
“Isn’t that part of your job?” Mom asks, a frown curving her eyebrows.
“Sometimes. But when they feared that I was going to kill their new star player, they decided I might not be the right fit for him.”
I laugh at her, wishing I had a little more of her fighting spirit. She was a firecracker, and I love her for it.
“What about you, Birdie? That boss of yours being kind?”
I smile at her and nod my head. “He’s doing okay, at least for now. I made a client happy last week, so he has to be nice for that sake.”
“Any new clients coming your way?” Hattie asks, knowing what kind of game I end up having to play when it comes to this job.
“Not at the moment. Trip is the golden child, even more so now,” I say, wishing I’d never agreed to the date. He asked me for a second one, and I turned him down, stating that I need to focus on my parenting right now.
That’s not a lie, I always need to be focused on my parenting. However, if I had hit it off with Trip, I probably could have made an exception.
“What happened?” Mom asks, reaching into the cooler and doling out sandwiches.
“She went out with him.” Hattie rats me out, and I glare at her, though through our sunglasses I’m sure she can’t actually see my eyes.
“You did? On a date?” Mom’s surprised tone is not shocking, considering I haven’t even thought about dating in years.
“I tried it out. He was persistent.”
“And?”
“And… it was as dull as I expected.”
“Aw, I’m sorry, honey,” she says, shaking her head. “Let me guess, now he’s making work difficult for you because he’s butthurt.”
“Try, more difficult,” Hattie interjects. “He’s always been a pain.”
“Why not get a new job? That company does not operate the way they should.” Mom walks over and hands Aurora a sandwich before returning.
I pick up from her question. “Because getting a new job that would be at this salary is not easy. I get paid well, and I don’t want to mess that up because I’m picky.”
“It’s not picky to want respect,” Hattie says, biting into her sandwich.
“I know that, but I can’t risk losing my job because the boys’ club is being mean to me. I just have to suck it up, and maybe.” I shrug, thinking it over. “I don’t know. Maybe I can open my own business someday. Or maybe I can work in-house for a private company.”
“Your own business?” Mom asks, surprise lacing her tone. “That’s a lot of work.”
“It can be so worth it though,” Hattie chimes in, backing me like she always does.
“I know it wouldn’t be easy to own my own business, and right now, being a single mom, it doesn’t seem very doable. But I can’t imagine working for Hanson for the rest of my life.” I sigh, looking up to the sun shining high above me, and wonder if I could actually take on building my own company.
But the thought of that doesn’t sound appealing at all. If anything, I would work a job where I had good people around me and good hours so that I can take care of my daughter and see her as much as possible.
“Well, whatever you decide, you know your father and I are behind you.” Mom looks over to the back of the boat, where my dad and Aurora are standing, Aurora giggling at something my father says. “All we want is for you girls to be happy.”
Hattie lifts her drink from the cup holder and says, sarcastically and just to irritate my mom, “To marrying rich!”
Mom groans, and I laugh, tapping my cup to hers. “Hear, hear!”