Chapter Twenty-Seven
“It’s the little things, ya know? Like them buying you a fresh bouquet because they’re thinking of you, or cleaning the kitchen after dinner so you don’t have to, or making the coffee in the morning. Little acts of kindness add up to very big impressions.” - Viviana
DEREK
I groan as I look at the statements laid out on the counter in front of me. There are too many of them.
For months I’ve been able to keep afloat. The work that Birdie has done for me has nearly doubled the amount of income I’ve been making, which is great, but not quite enough to keep us going for a long time.
I’ve also started working Sundays and taking off Mondays. Which is great for business and bad for a relationship. Though Birdie and Rora usually end up at the store on one or both weekend days, helping me with inventory and running the store.
Those are my favorite days, because, like my father taught me, I’ve been teaching Rora certain things about running a store. Birdie is a natural at the register and happily converses with patrons every weekend, and I swear, some people come in just to get a chance to say hi to the girls.
They’ve changed my life in more ways than one, but this is one of the biggest. The support and love they both show me on the daily humbles me and makes me take a serious look at the statements in front of me.
How do I keep sustaining this store and take care of the girls? It’s been months since we started dating, and her family and my friends have accepted the relationship so flawlessly that I bet both sides were waiting for a proposal any day now.
I’d do it tonight if I could afford a ring.
I rake my fingers through my hair, stress eating me from the inside out. I’d give anything to be able to afford even a comfortable home for the three of us, for a small, intimate wedding, for a decent ring, since she will be wearing it for the rest of her life.
I don’t know how I’m going to do it, and that stress is leading to a backlog of anger.
When my father got sick, he went to all kinds of doctors. He was hospitalized three times for fainting and dehydration, none of which I knew anything about.
But those bills have piled on, and even all these years later, I’m still working on paying them off. Every time I sent a payment, anger mounted.
“Hey bud.” I glance up, shocked to see Archer standing in front of me. I must have been so caught up that I didn’t hear the bell chime.
“Oh hey,” I say, quickly stacking my bills and shoving papers to the side. The last thing I need is my friends knowing about my bills. “Missed my pretty face, huh?”
Archer smirks and shakes his head. “Absolutely. You know me so well.”
“How’s my future niece or nephew?” I ask, casually dropping a notebook over the bills.
Archer nods and says, “Great. We’re in the second trimester now, and Viv’s morning sickness has finally subsided enough that she can get some sleep.”
I frown. “I didn’t know it was that bad.”
He smiles, cocking his head. “Well, we haven’t seen much of you since you became attached. Relationship life keeps you busy, huh?”
It’s true that I’ve spent more time at Birdie’s than she’s spent at my place, but that’s because of Rora. It’s easier to stick to their place so that we can keep up with the bedtime routine for her.
“It does,” I admit. “But we have the little one to consider.”
He shakes his head. “You’re really serious about them, it’s nice to see. It’s good you found someone who treats you well.”
“I have, she’s the best,” I reply, almost defensively, though I know Archer would never say anything that could be taken the wrong way.
He’s one of the best people I know; he takes care of everyone, and he cares for all of our well-being.
Even when he struggled with his own finances, he never let it show.
“Question for you. How did you dig yourself out of a hole? Didn’t your grandma leave you with some debt? ”
Archer frowns and leans against the counter. “Not so much. It was those investors that really got me.”
I nod. “Right. Forgot about that.”
“I didn’t go into debt, per se. More like I just lost all my savings,” he replies, looking at me with concern. “Why? You doing okay?”
For a moment, I almost say it. I want to.
I want to lay my burdens on someone who isn’t Birdie.
I don’t want her to have to worry about this crap, this is on me.
My father’s store is no one else’s concern.
So I just smile and play it off. “Oh yeah. Just thinking about future stuff and want to make the right moves.”
“Future as in marriage and family and houses and such?” he asks teasingly, leaning against the counter. His shirt is pristine and has the Henry Blake Construction logo typed on it. Henry Blake was Warren’s dad, which is how Archer ended up getting hired to work for them.
He’s worked his way well up the ranks now.
“Yes, Dr. Seuss, precisely.”
He nods. “Figured. I’m happy for you.” He slaps the counter.
“And I’m here for some shit we need for my site.
The order we had for some of the materials fell through, and I know you have a way of ordering things like that.
Figured I’d throw the cash your way instead of through my guy that freaking failed me. ”
I brighten at this. “Absolutely, hit me.”
We spend the next hour going over everything he needs, and I immediately get it ordered. The order will put me in a good position financially. It’ll help a lot to get some bills paid, including the overhead for the store.
Archer leaves, and I sit in contemplation. I rifle through the bills next to me and sigh. I’ll pick the ones that have urgency, like the ones that keep the power on and the building safe from eviction.
I rub my head just as my phone pings with a text. It’s just a picture of Birdie and Rora at home drawing, and it brightens my whole day. Rora had a rough night and needed some downtime, so Birdie took the day off.
Staring at that picture has me wishing for things that are just out of my grasp right now. Like telling Birdie that I want to marry her, like buying us a house to live in together, like not drowning in medical bills and other things.
I send a text back, telling her how much I miss them, even though I saw them last night.
We haven’t evolved into sleepovers yet, something I’d like to get around to, but I also understand Birdie’s reluctance.
She needs to be one thousand percent sure of me, of who I am and what that will mean for us as a family.
But I am committed. I am sure.
I just have to get on top of my finances first.
Game night is still one of my favorite nights of the month, but these days I get to bring the love of my life there with me.
The group is laughing and enjoying their time together, everyone gathered around the large coffee table between us. It’s a very rare occasion when the entirety of the group is here.
Graham and Quinn had come to town to meet her ex, who was in town for a few days so Alex, Quinn’s daughter, could see him.
It was great to see that they could co-parent so well, that they acted as if they were adults.
Although, I’m sure it helps that there were no wrongdoings that happened while Quinn and he were together and they maintained their friendship.
But it’s a great opportunity for them to come and visit.
Elizabeth and Quinn are talking together, laughing over old times.
I hear a snippet or two from their stories, talking about college days and the hijinks that Quinn was up to.
I’m not surprised in the least that she was the troublemaker of the two of them.
They start a game of Monopoly, and everyone couples up so we can all play. Birdie leans into me and presses her lips to my cheek.
“Are you okay? You’re quiet tonight.”
I nod, pressing my head into her shoulder and breathing her in. “Yeah. Just tired.”
I catch Archer’s eye across the room, and he lifts a brow as if to ask if I’m good, and I nod, not wanting to get into it tonight.
Birdie watches me for a moment, and I can tell that she knows something isn’t right. I just don’t know how to hide it much longer. I don’t want to weigh her down with my burdens, I want to be the guy that lifts hers off of her shoulders.
But right now, I don’t know how to do that. I can babysit Rora, make dinner, do laundry, and run errands until my feet bleed, but I can’t take on financial responsibility for any of it.
That makes me feel like a fucking failure, and I know I’m in my head about it.
I don’t want to take it out on her, though. Never. I don’t want her to ever think that anything that is going on is reflective of anything she and I have. We’re perfect together, she was and is and will always be the love of my life.
I just don’t know if I’m hers.
I don’t know if I’m good enough to be that for her, and that kills part of me.
She leans over, pressing her lips to my cheek and holding my head to her. “I love you.”
Those words nearly crack the dam that is holding me together, and I turn to her, breathing her in and winding my hand into her hair, holding her here with me. “I love you more.”
Her lips tip into a smile, and we turn back to the game when the catcalling begins. I shake my head and stand. “Why would you ever want to rush? You’re all about to get your asses beat.”
The group boos at me, and I grab the shoe, it’s my favorite piece. I hold it out to Birdie, and she smiles. “That’s always my piece.”
Just another thing that makes us fit. It’s small and seemingly unimportant to what I’m feeling, but it’s another notch to the puzzle piece for me. Another prize that’s won in our relationship.
I press a kiss to her lips, and we start the game.