Chapter Thirty-Four
“Spring is the best. It’s time for a fresh start, new perspectives, and hope fills the air. Chocolate also gives me similar feelings.” – April
ELIZABETH
March is a hopeful month.
After being in the cold for months, dredging through the frozen streets and dealing with the sludge that was created by us humans, the sun finally starts shining again, and I am eyeballing my little hanging herb garden on the patio.
“How comes the gardening?” Hattie asks from the sliding door that leads into our apartment. She seems to be in much better spirits these days. Her mood is nearly always good, and I have a feeling it has something to do with a certain baseball player, though I haven’t gotten proof yet.
“I’m not sure I’d qualify this for gardening,” I reply, smiling softly. “I think it requires a little more than some mint and basil.”
“Hey, be nice to my sister. There’s rosemary in there too,” she jests, sipping her coffee and watching me closely. “It’s been a week.”
“Ten days,” I say softly, correcting her.
“What are you going to do?” Hattie doesn’t ask this as a demand. She asks as a concerned sister, someone who is sticking up for me against me.
Since Derek came to the apartment, he hasn’t exactly left me alone.
He’s continued to text every morning and every night, and he’s sent flowers, which are absolutely stunning off-white and orange cream-colored dahlias with baby’s breath sprinkled between them.
The vase was packed full, and I could tell the flowers were worth a pretty penny.
They were the most beautiful flowers I’ve ever seen, and I was already plotting how I’m going to preserve them.
Then he sent a goodie basket with brand-new coloring books, markers, crayons, and all sorts of crafty things. Along with a card for Rora that said he couldn’t wait to see her soon, but he was busy working hard right now.
I want to know what that means. I want to know what he’s working on, how he’s doing, who he’s working with. I want to know how he’s doing, period.
I just don’t know how to push past my hurt.
“Ten days.” Hattie clicks her tongue. “Must feel like an eternity to him.”
I give her a hurt look. “For him? What about me?”
Hattie nods and says, “Well, of course for you too. But you’re the one with the key to making it all better. He’s gotta sit around and wait for you to let him in again.”
“I…” I pause, unsure how to respond without sounding… mean or jealous, or even more hurt than I was.
“Listen,” Hattie starts, setting her coffee down and coming to stand by me. Rora is inside at the kitchen table, doing one of the crafts Derek had so thoughtfully sent. “I know he hurt your feelings, I get that. But he’s trying to do right by you now.”
“I know.” I do know. I’ve seen it, everyone can see that.
“I guess what you need to ask yourself is, can you fully forgive him and move on? Can you let this go and live with the man you love, knowing you likely won’t ever find someone like him again? Or is it time to let him go and put you both out of your misery?”
I give her a sarcastic look. “Well, when you put it that way.”
“I’m serious, Birdie. Derek is mad for you. He loves you and Rora so much. He is absolutely ready to be a husband and father, I could see it.”
I feel a not totally unpleasant warmth slide through my gut at her words.
“But I also know he has so much love and respect for you that if you asked him to, he would let you go.”
My brain and heart both start protesting loudly at that thought. That he would let us go.
“I don’t want him to let me go.”
Hattie smiles softly as if she’s already well aware of what I was going to say. “I know. So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Talk to him, I guess.”
“That’s a good start.”
“Okay, but I don’t know where to start.”
She looks at me for a minute and twists her mouth. “Did he text you this morning?”
“Of course.”
“Maybe just.” She shrugs, her eyes looking happier than I’ve maybe ever seen them. “Text him back.”
I reread the text Derek sent at five thirty this morning. I had no idea he got up so early, and of course, I’m concerned when I don’t really feel as if I have a right to be.
DEREK: Good morning, beautiful. I hope you have a great Saturday.
I bite my lip, unsure what to reply with. It’s four hours later, and I’m sure he’s not expecting one, which might make this easier.
But I stick with something simple.
ELIZABETH: Good morning, I hope you do too. How are you?
There, simple, to the point, and not too intrusive or out of the box.
He starts typing back immediately, and I blink in surprise. Derek isn’t one to hang around his phone all the time, he’s the type of person who keeps it in his pocket. He doesn’t use it to avoid eye contact or conversation. I love that about him.
DEREK: I’m okay. How are you?
Okay, so we’re sticking with some simple conversation, light and breezy, nothing too deep.
ELIZABETH: Okay. How are things at the store?
Come on, Birdie. Say you want to see him. Say you want him to come to dinner, say you want to make love and build a home together.
Okay, maybe that is a little too much, but dinner, with Rora there, might be a good place to start.
DEREK: The store is doing well. There are some things I’d love to show you.
Right, so. He wants to see me, that much I’ve gathered from his messages and his unrelenting love for me. I’m almost relieved as a breath slips from my lips, and I type back.
ELIZABETH: I can’t wait to see it.
Then, before I can stop or second-guess my actions, I send another text.
ELIZABETH: Would you like to come to dinner soon? Rora would love to see you.
Yeah, that’s a total cop-out, but what is done is done. There’s no going back. I’m not lying when I say that Rora would love to see him, she’s been asking more insistently the last few days to see him again, and I’m running out of excuses why we haven’t.
Neither of us girls wants to wait any longer.
I’m still nervous, still apprehensive, not because I think that Derek is going to yell at me again—I know he learned his lesson on that front—but because I’m scared of how we’re going to act with each other.
My phone buzzes, and I take a look at the screen.
DEREK: I would love to. Tonight?