Chapter 11 #2
“Yes, and he knows I care about you. So, he’ll go all out to make sure you’re safe and at the end of this I get what I want.”
My heart rate ticked up tenfold when I asked, “And what is it you want?”
“You,” he said. “You safe. You happy. You free to make decisions about your future without danger lingering. You in my house, in my bed, and me being part of that future.”
Holy…
Holy smokes .
I sucked in a breath and held it. I was too afraid to breathe, to move, to blink and have the last three seconds be a daydream.
“You do?” I asked on an exhale.
“Yep. I want to prove to you I’m worth taking a chance on.”
He wanted to prove he was worth taking a chance on?
Him?
Theo?
I was the bad bet, not him.
I was the one who’d gotten involved with something that was so far above my pay grade I’d allowed myself to be bamboozled.
“You have nothing to prove,” I told him.
“Wrong. I have everything to prove.”
With that, he pressed a kiss to my temple and tagged my hand.
“Let’s get going. We have a far drive.”
“Awesome,” I mumbled, not looking forward to another long drive.
* * *
Back before my life turned upside down I didn’t mind road trips. Actually, I liked them. I could turn up the radio, or listen to an audiobook, or just sit in the silence and think.
Now, after all the moving around I’d done in the last year I never wanted to move again.
If I survived this situation the next house I lived in was going to be my forever home.
I didn’t care if it was a studio apartment with a mini fridge and nothing but a hot plate to cook on.
I was settling then that was it. And all this running for my life had officially ruined road trips.
I didn’t care that I had a hot chauffeur who looked sexy as hell as he drove.
Neither did I care I was being carted around in a luxury SUV with soft, comfortable leather seats and a premium sound system.
Again, if I survived I’d be ordering my groceries from Amazon Fresh and having them delivered to my front door. From then on if I couldn’t order it online I didn’t need it.
I glanced over at Theo and watched him check all of his mirrors before he switched lanes.
I knew Easton was somewhere behind us but Theo was still watching for a tail.
That was kinda hot, too, in an I-might-die kind of way.
Which made no sense because I didn’t want to die and I’d rather Theo not have to watch for a tail.
But if he had to do it luckily he looked hot while he did.
“Are you Mediterranean?” I asked.
Without looking at me he muttered, “Huh?”
“Your dark hair and tan complexion,” I noted.
“Spanish and Italian.”
I could totally see that.
“So you’re fashionably late, enjoy wine, and are a hothead,” I teased him about the typical stereotypes.
“You got one out of three right. I’m never late. I prefer beer or vodka, and I’ll drink bourbon if the situation calls for it, but never wine. And I learned a long time ago to keep my temper in check so you could say I’m a reformed hothead.”
“What’s a situation that calls for bourbon?” I inquired.
Theo didn’t need to think about his answer. “When there’s wisdom that needs to be dispensed. The birth of a child. Commiserating with a brother about a breakup. A toast to the fallen.”
I was going to ignore the comment about toasting the fallen. I was worried what Theo’s answer would be if I asked him how many of those toasts he’d been part of.
“Is Theo your real name?”
Unlike before, Theo took his time with his response.
“No. It’s Aaron.”
I blinked, then blinked some more as I attempted to wrap my mind around Theo being an Aaron.
No way .
“Is it really?”
“I hear the skepticism, but I’m not sure why you think I’m lying. My real name’s Aaron Cardon.”
“You don’t look like an Aaron,” I blurted out.
The inside of the SUV filled with Theo’s laughter. Very loud, very happy laughter. I took a moment to think if I’d ever heard him laugh that way before.
“I don’t?” he said through a chuckle.
“Nope. You look like a Theo.”
“You can thank Layla for the name; she picked it.”
I hadn’t met Layla though I’d heard the name enough.
“I will when I meet her. That’s if I’m allowed to meet her,” I quickly tacked on, not wanting to be presumptuous but unable to hide my desire to meet more of Theo’s friends.
“As soon as it’s safe, you’ll meet everyone.”
That filled me with excitement and anxiety. I hoped he didn’t mean all at once. I loved a good get-together and I was social but I could get easily overwhelmed and when that happened I turned a little awkward and talked too much.
I pushed that out of my mind. I had enough to worry about without adding me making an ass out of myself in front of Theo’s friends to the list.
It was Theo’s turn to ask a question and he went straight to the uncomfortable and heavy.
“I know you never met your dad, but have you ever looked for him?”
My dad.
That wasn’t a sore subject—it was a no-go subject.
“Nope.”
“Is there a reason?”
There were six-hundred-million-and-seventy-two reasons why.
“No interest.”
“Okay, baby, I can tell you don’t want to talk about him so I’ll drop it.”
My heart filled with gratitude while my stomach knotted with guilt. I’d asked him uncomfortable questions about his brother and he’d been open and honest about his relationship and feelings.
I owed him the same.
“It’s just…” I started. “I’ve never really talked about him.
My grandmother rightly despised him but she had too much class to say anything bad about him so she never spoke of him.
As in never. My mom loved him and never got over him which made my grandmother hate him more.
And when I got older, and I understood the life my mom was missing out on because she was still in love with a man who’d abandoned her, I began to hate him, too.
Not because he left me before I was born, but because my mom deserved so much more.
She was beautiful and funny and had this huge heart that she shared with everyone she knew.
She never met a stranger, as the saying goes.
She just loved freely and spread kindness.
But there was this hole inside of her and it wouldn’t heal. ”
I paused to breathe through the pain that thinking about my mom caused. The pain of knowing she died loving a man who didn’t love her back.
“One time my mom told me to be careful who I gave my heart to. She said that different people would come in and out of my life, that I’d experience crushes and infatuations, but when the real thing happened—that once-in-a-lifetime, all-consuming love that stole my breath—I needed to be sure before I gave away my heart because once it’s given it could never be taken back.
That was who my dad was to her—her once-in-a-lifetime, all-consuming love.
She gave him her heart and he didn’t want it.
Didn’t want me either, seeing as he took off the day after she told him she was pregnant with me and she never saw him or spoke to him again. He was just g-o-n-e, gone.”
Perhaps spelling out ‘gone’ was a little overboard, however I felt it necessary to punctuate the goneness that my father was.
He left before I was born and with that he lost the opportunity to know me.
Ever .
Even if he hadn’t broken my mother, I’d still have enough self-respect not to allow a coward into my life.
“The fucked-up part is I still wonder,” I admitted.
“I don’t ever want to meet him but I do wonder who he is and what he did with his life.
If he got married and had kids. I don’t want to wonder about him, but I do.
So, there you have it, that’s the story about my father.
I know it’s not much, but it’s all I know of him. ”
There was a long stretch of silence before Theo said, “It’s not fucked-up to wonder.
It’s natural. What’s fucked-up is a man got his woman pregnant and took off on her.
Worse, he took off on his kid. I get why you wouldn’t want to meet him and I agree with you.
He left, there are consequences to him doing so, and part of that is not having the honor of knowing you.
And make no mistake, Bridget, it’s an honor to know you.
He’s missing out on someone special. He could be remarried and have ten kids but none of them would be you, none of them could erase the black mark he has on his soul.
I’d say I’m sorry you missed out on having a dad, but truthfully, I’m sorry he missed out on all the beauty you bring to the world. ”
He’s missing out on someone special.
He missed out on all the beauty you bring to the world.
I didn’t know what to say to that.
So I said nothing while I stared at his profile.
I did this for a long time.
We sat there in silence.
Theo drove.
I let my mind wander to the future.
A beautiful future with Theo by my side.
The next thing I knew I was being lifted out of the car with Theo murmuring softly, “I’ve got you, baby.”
I stayed asleep, trusting I was safe in his arms.