Chapter 16
I was losing it.
Whatever hold I’d had on my sanity had splintered.
Ten bullets.
I’d counted each one.
“Stay with me, baby.”
I glanced over at Theo.
He was pacing the small hotel room, phone up to his ear, talking to someone—Zane maybe. There had been a lot of growling and menacing rumbling. He sounded positively rabid.
But that wasn’t what had me on the verge of a breakdown. And if I was being honest it wasn’t even the ten bullets I put into the man who’d opened the closet.
It was because I’d had enough.
When was this going to end?
How long was I supposed to live like this?
How many more times would Theo and Easton put themselves in harm’s way for me before something bad happened to them?
“How in the fuck does someone take out the fucking power grid?” Theo raged.
I looked at Easton.
He looked as tired as I felt. He had one hand gripping the back of his neck, his other in the front pocket of his jeans, and he was scowling at Theo.
“I’ll look and call you back.”
Theo pocketed his phone and prowled to the bed next to the one I was sitting on—the one with all the bags on it.
I watched him unzip his bag and dump it on the bed.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Zane says he’s positive there’s no security breach. I’m positive no one followed us to the last two safe houses. Yet both places have been compromised.”
I thought I understood.
“You’re looking for a tracking device?”
“Yeah.”
I pushed up from the bed I was sitting on and went to my bag.
“You should—”
“You’ve never treated me like I’m anything but strong, Theo, don’t you dare start now. I need to do something to keep my mind busy. I can help you.”
I watched as Theo ground his molars and flexed his jaw muscles.
But he made no further suggestions about what I should do.
I opened my backpack and dumped it on the bed.
As soon as I did, Theo straightened and stared down at the contents.
“Shit,” he grumbled and reached for the key fob of my old, abandoned car.
“What?”
He didn’t answer me. Instead, he pulled his knife out of his pocket and popped open the plastic case. As soon as it was opened he closely inspected the thing for what felt like an eternity.
His eyes closed and his head lolled forward.
“Find it?” Easton asked.
“Yes.”
“What’d you find?”
Theo held out the device and in the softest, gentlest voice I’d heard him use he broke the devastating news, “Location tracker in your key fob, baby.”
I took a step back and looked down at the offending plastic.
“What?”
“It’s okay. Now we know.”
“It’s my fault?”
Two equally forceful nos filled the room. One from Theo, the other from Easton.
“I should’ve checked before we left the office,” Theo said in an attempt to absolve me of my stupidity.
How dumb was I?
“I tried to do everything right! I dumped my phone, my car, I only took cash with me. I never thought about the stupid key.”
“It’s not your fault,” Easton put in.
“Really, it’s not? Then whose fault is it? I’m the dumbass who had the tracking device in my bag leading the bad guys straight to us this whole time.”
Theo advanced quickly. His hands came up to cup my jaw, the pads of his fingers pressed in, and he tilted my head back.
“Don’t you ever call yourself a dumbass again.” Anger was still radiating out of him. His big palms shook. His eyes narrowed. “Not ever, Bridget. You are far from stupid. You did everything right. Do you hear me? Every damn thing. We found the tracker, problem solved, now we move on.”
“We move on?”
“Yes. That’s how this works. There’s always a snag, shit always goes sideways. We fix it and move on.”
“I killed someone today!”
Theo lowered his face so he was all I could see. Then in a low, ominous tone he schooled me. “No, Bridget, you didn’t kill anyone. You saved your life.”
“A man’s dead,” I argued.
“But you’re not.”
I clamped my mouth closed because there was no debating that.
“Let’s change it up,” he rapped out. “You didn’t pull the trigger, he killed you.
Now you’re dead. I dedicate every waking moment to hunting down the motherfucker so I can put a bullet in his head.
Now you’re dead and he’s dead. Either way the moment he decided to enter that house he was a dead man. ”
“You would’ve hunted—”
“Yes,” he cut me off.
“And put a bullet in his head?”
“No, baby, I would’ve taken my time and carved out his organs before I allowed him the luxury of death. I was being gentle with the bullet thing.”
He was serious. Theo would’ve avenged my death.
In some sick, twisted way I’d never felt more loved in my life.
“You ready to move out?”
I groaned like a toddler gearing up for a temper tantrum, which wasn’t far off from what I wanted to do.
“One more question. Am I going to go to jail?”
“No. That man broke into a house. He was armed and you defended yourself. But it won’t come to that because the bodies have been cleaned up.”
I decided I didn’t want to know what that meant so I stopped asking questions.
“Okay, I’m ready now.”
Theo stepped out of my space but didn’t go far.
“I’m staying here. Cash is on his way. Zane’s already prepped the holding room for you.”
“Thanks, Three.”
“Why are you staying behind?”
Easton dangled the key fob that Theo had tossed onto the bed.
He was going to use himself as bait to see who came next.
“No! I don’t like that plan. Leave the damn thing on the bed and come with us.”
“Not my first rodeo, Birdie. I’ll be fine.”
“Easton—”
“Go with Theo and get yourself safe. This will all be over soon.”
“And when it’s over will you be alive?” I snapped.
This was not right.
The smile Easton gave me scared the hell out of me.
He faked jovial when he winked and said, “I can’t miss my brother walking down the aisle.”
I knew he was talking about Theo, and my heart should’ve thumped at the insinuation that Easton thought Theo and I were getting married.
Obviously, there was no talking Easton out of his plan.
“I want it on record that I am fully, super-extra against this plan. I think all three of us should leave together and you should call Cash and tell him not to come.”
“Noted.”
I wanted to smack some sense into the hardheaded man but I knew that wouldn’t do me any good.
“If something happens to Easton will you dedicate every waking moment to avenging him as well?” I asked Theo.
“Yep.”
“Good.”
Theo leaned down and kissed my temple.
“Let’s pack up and hit the road.”
I sat on the empty bed and looked up at Theo.
“Maybe you should pack my bag and look through all my stuff. You know, just to be safe.”
“Right.”
Theo said nothing more as he put my mind at ease and went through the scant items I owned as he packed them away.
I didn’t care what either of them said, I was a dumbass.
And no one was going to convince me otherwise.
* * *
I felt like I was living the same day of my life on repeat. Once again I’d found myself in the car, fleeing. Once again, I was mentally complaining about being in the car and swearing off road trips for the rest of my life.
“You know, I’m seriously sick of my life,” I blurted.
“I bet.”
“This is total bullshit.”
“It is,” Theo agreed.
I shifted sideways in my seat, tucked my foot under my thigh, rested my head on the back cushion, and stared at Theo driving.
“I’m lucky you look hot while you drive or all this driving around would be boring as shit.”
Theo chuckled and that ended on a smile.
“I look hot while I drive?” he queried.
“Oh, yeah.”
“If you say so.”
“Can you tell me about what you did while you were dead?”
Again, it wasn’t lost on me how absurd it was to denote a time in a person’s life as “while you were dead” but there we were—two people who had returned to the land of the living. Not that I was back officially but I did feel more alive than I had since my grandmother died.
“I can’t tell you the specifics,” he started and I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “We moved all over Europe, Africa, and Asia. Our mission set was broad—anything from weapons, drugs, humanitarian aid, pretty much anything a terrorist could buy, trade, or sell we were after.”
“Humanitarian aid?”
“Warlords love to get their hands on aid drops. One, they can sell what’s in the crates and two, the people who need the aid don’t get it and have to rely on the warlord for everything.
Water, medicine, supplies, food. It’s about controlling the population.
It is amazing what a man will do for his sick child, or a son will do for his mother. ”
I thought back to what he said about Troy.
“You’ve seen otherwise decent men forced to do things they didn’t want to do.”
“Yeah,” he whispered. “I can’t judge a man for wanting to feed and protect his family. It’s a vicious cycle.”
It sounded like it was.
I wasn’t na?ve to the ways of the world.
I had a clue about what went on in some third world countries, but a clue didn’t mean I could fully understand the travesty.
I didn’t think that was something you could get from reading a book or watching a documentary.
I think to fully grasp the desperation you had to see it firsthand, smell the devastation, taste the fear, hold the hand of a local, listen to them tell their story.
I had no doubt Theo lived with the greatest of understandings.
“Do you miss doing the work?”
“Yes. Do I miss the toll it took on my mental state? No. There’s an expiration date to that kind of work. Both a mental and physical end date. Each day you’re over there is another day closer to capture or death.”
There was something in his tone that niggled.
“Were you ever captured?”
Silence.
Ugly, thick, painful silence.
I immediately regretted my question.
And I wasn’t sure I was in the right frame of mind to hear the answer.
“Theo—”
“Yes. I was captured. I’m the reason Layla pulled the team out of the field and closed the program.”
I was finding it hard to breathe with all the oxygen in the car turning noxious.
“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted.
“Nothing to say. If it wasn’t for Layla going to Zane and convincing him to help her I’d be dead.”
Well, thank God for Layla and Zane, too.
That mountain of misplaced guilt will be your downfall.
“Wait. Is that why you feel guilty?”
“Come again?”
“Zane said that the mountain of misplaced guilt will be your downfall. I think he was talking about your brother. But that guilt—is it because Layla closed the program?”
Holy smokes, if I thought the air was noxious before it was now infused with toxic waste.
“Yes. That and he and Kevin got captured and almost died because of me. Seems like a whole lot of risk for very little reward.”
“I swear, if you weren’t driving I’d punch you right in your chest, Aaron Cardon!”
“Don’t call me that,” he growled.
“Why not? You sure as fuck don’t sound like my Theo right now.
Very little reward? That reward you’re talking about is your life so thank God those risks were taken.
And seeing as it was Zane who called it misplaced it doesn’t sound like he blames you.
You didn’t capture them and almost kill them.
You were captured yourself. And what if they’d left you there to die?
Where would that leave Layla? She was your team leader, right?
What if they’d turned her down and she had to live knowing that you died because she couldn’t talk Zane into helping her?
Or Kira. Where would she be? You don’t think she’d wonder if it was because of some bad intel she gave you that you died? ”
Theo had no response, not that I thought he would.
I was pissed as hell at him and frankly I was over the whole damn day.
I stayed facing him but I closed my eyes.
I hadn’t meant to fall asleep; I’d only meant to close my eyes to escape the events of that afternoon.
And since my life was still on repeat, the same thing happened as before. When we got to wherever, Theo lifted me out of the car murmuring softly, “I’ve got you, baby.”
And just like before, I stayed asleep, still trusting I was safe in his arms.