Chapter 17 #2
Instead, I lay in the dark with her pinkie hooked around mine and wondered if Aaron was as dead as I thought he was or if I was still the same arrogant, self-righteous prick I’d been.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
Bridget squeezed our pinkies together.
“I shouldn’t’ve—”
“Shh, Theo.”
God, I was such a dick.
“No, Bridget, I was harsh and that was uncalled for.”
“I’m stronger than that.”
She was not wrong but that didn’t mean I got to treat her to my bullshit.
“I just need some time.”
“Like I said, in a day, or a week, or a year. When you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.”
Goddamn, I loved this woman.
* * *
“You look like shit,” Garrett said and tossed a stack of folders on my desk.
“What are these?” I asked, ignoring his comment.
“You first.”
Jesus fuck, I didn’t want to do this.
“One—”
“You know,” he cut me off. “You’re just like Easton.
When he doesn’t want to talk about something he slips into work mode and uses call signs.
In here.” He stopped to motion around my office.
“I’m not One. I’m not the team leader, I’m not the operator, I’m me.
So, brother to brother—why do you look like shit? ”
I could’ve lied and told him I was worried about Bridget and how long we’d have to stay in one of the holding rooms. He’d believe that and wouldn’t question me being stressed.
But I couldn’t lie to Garrett.
“Does it get easier? The memories, I mean. Does the replay ever stop? All the shit you wish you would’ve done differently.”
Garrett pulled out the chair in front of my desk and sat.
“Are we talking about Finn or the shit we did for the CIA or both?”
Christ, I couldn’t believe we were doing this.
“Maybe we should do this later.”
“Tried that. The problem is, later never comes. There’s always an excuse why now’s not the right time to think about it or talk about it or deal with it.
I lost more years to this shit than I care to think about.
The truth is the memories are always there.
The replay stops when I stop pushing rewind.
And that’s a hard habit to break and that’s exactly what it is.
I’d start to heal then I’d rewind and keep it fresh.
I’d have a good day, rewind. When I wanted to punish myself, rewind.
Another hard truth—Yaser Said killed Finn Winters.
Not me, not you, not Zane. Yaser killed him. ”
My lip curled into a sneer hearing that motherfucker’s name.
“As far as the CIA goes, it’s the CIA. Lies, manipulation, more lies, and secrets.
The layers of bullshit are so deep I’ve learned not to expend the energy it would take to get to the truth.
Did my team do good work? Fuck yeah, we did.
Do I regret the years I spent working with them?
Hell no. Do I regret leaving them the way I did?
Yeah. But that’s no longer crushing guilt, that’s a regret. I’ve made peace with it.”
Garrett had been the team leader of a CIA Ground Branch unit—Drifter Team.
After the mission to rescue Finn Winters went south, Garrett bailed and left the team.
Cash, Jonas, Easton, and Smith were not pissed at his deflection; they were concerned.
And at no time during the ten years when I worked with them had that concern waned.
Neither had their respect. So much so that when they came on to work for Patheon and I became their team leader they’d refused to allow me to be assigned the call sign One.
I’d become Two.
Garrett was, and always would be, One.
I got it then, after meeting Garrett. I understood why they respected him the way they did.
“I don’t know how to make peace with the role I played in Yaser having the opportunity to kill Finn.”
“I don’t know how to cushion this for you,” Garrett started and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “ You didn’t play any role in how that played out. We all had our jobs to do. We did them. And that’s it.”
“I provided that fucker with the money he needed to start his network.”
“And if it hadn’t been you, Mr. Green or Mr. Black or Mrs. Blue would’ve. That’s the mind fuck, Theo. You think you played a role when really you and I were inconsequential. Totally meaningless in a game that started long before we got there and will continue until the end of time.”
My body froze while my mind raced.
Christ.
“It’s time to let it go,” he finished.
That may be so but I don’t know how.
But I know who does.
Bridget .
Inch by inch, she’d help me untangle the mess in my head.
“Appreciate the talk.”
Garrett gave me a lift of his chin and pointed to the files.
“The answers you need are in there.”
I opened the top file to an eight by ten glossy image of a badly beaten Phil Lancaster who was very obviously dead.
“Where’d they find him?” I asked instead of reading the report I knew would outline the details.
“Landfill in Wisconsin.”
Well, that explained why he hadn’t used his credit cards or phone.
I tossed the file to the side and opened the next.
“Who’s Jaime Goodman?”
I scanned the document while Garrett answered, “Jaime is Kathy’s daughter. Jaime is married to Albert Goodman who works for the Department of Justice.”
“Fuck,” I muttered and continued to scan Garrett’s report.
“Yep. And Albert’s brother Bryan works in the attorney general’s office.”
There it was—how Kathy was able to find Bridget and send someone after her.
The US Marshal Service falls under the Department of Justice and receives their direction from the attorney general’s office. Either Albert or Bryan could’ve gotten Bridget’s file.
“Any idea which one gave Kathy the information?”
“Could be either of them. Zane called Johnson and told him he had information on the case and requested a meeting. They’ll be here tomorrow.”
“Easton called in,” I told Garrett.
“Cash called in, too. He said he’s ordering extra room service tonight since there’s been no action.”
I pushed the file on Kathy Cobb to the side and started to open the third file.
“What’s this one?”
“Charlie Michaels,” he said. “I went over the investors. I think the Marshal Service overestimated the reach these men have. Everyone except Charlie. Zane called Charlie this morning and had a talk with him and explained that if Bridget Keller were to come back to life she would fall under Z Corps’ protection. ”
Christ, I owed Zane.
“How’d Charlie take the news?”
“He wants a favor in return.”
I felt my muscles string tight.
“You and Easton are going to Connecticut next week.”
“Zane made a deal with the fucking mob,” I fumed.
“Charlie has no ties to the mob. He’s a very wealthy businessman with shady dealings. Zane’s willing to hear him out mainly because he wants you and Easton to get a read on him. His dossier is complete.” Garrett nodded at the folder. “Happy reading.”
With that, Garrett stood but he made no move to leave.
“One last thing. About last night—”
“Zane already explained the power was turned off to a ten-mile grid.”
“Still no excuse, brother. I didn’t see the fifth man because he was in that goddamn ghillie suit and that’s not an excuse, either. I fucked up.”
I got it before. I fully understood why my team respected Garrett. But the more I got to know him, the deeper my respect grew. It took balls to admit you fucked up and apologize.
“Still not your fault, Garrett. He was in a yowie, there’s a reason snipers use them. The access to the grid is a concern.”
“As a precaution, most of the safe houses have gennies but not all. That will be addressed later this week. Ivy’s ordered backup generators for the houses that don’t have them.”
“Good.”
“Good? That’s it? Have at me, brother. I fucked up and your girl had to unload a mag into some piece of shit who tried to kill her. And before you ask about the five tangos, I don’t have IDs back on them yet.”
Yeah, Garrett had my respect.
“And right now she’s sleeping in the bed I left her in, so it’s all good.”
“ Is she good?”
“She wasn’t after it happened. I reminded her it was her or him and that pacified her last night but it’s a Band-Aid. I’m going to watch her and if she needs it, I’ll find her someone to talk to.”
“Layla or Ivy. Either one of them will help get her where she needs to be.”
I was more thinking along the lines of professional help but he was right—Layla or Ivy would be a good starting point.
“Mellie wants to meet her.”
“She wants to meet everyone. As soon as it’s safe for us to go home we’ll arrange something.”
“So she’s staying.”
That wasn’t a question, but still I answered.
“Yup. I’m gonna marry that woman.”
Garrett’s mouth twitched before he asked, “Does she know that?”
“Not yet. I figure I’d give her a couple weeks to settle into the house first.”
“Couple of weeks?” Garrett chuckled.
“Not big on wasting time, and waiting more than a couple weeks to get my ring on her finger would be a fucking waste.”
“No, I meant I’m shocked you’d give her a couple of weeks. Hell, I was floored when you didn’t snatch her up in the middle of the night and disappear with her before they could take her to WITSEC. I actually warned Zane he might need to start looking for your replacement in case you vanished.”
A regret; that was what that was.
I never should’ve let her leave.
I didn’t tell that to Garrett.
“Damn, Garrett, I thought you knew, there’s no replacing me.”
“I’m sorry, have we met? I’m One .” He paused to point to himself. “And you’re Two .” He finished, pointing at me.
Smartass.
On a day after a shit night I didn’t think it was possible yet it was…
I busted out laughing.
And because I could, I flipped Garrett off.
With that, he left.
I didn’t pick up the file and get to work like I should’ve. Instead, I pushed back from my desk.
I needed to see Bridget.