Chapter 20
It’s after ten o’clock at night when I pull back into my driveway and kill the engine on my car. I take a moment to rest my forehead on my steering wheel. I’m exhausted. Honestly, I still can’t believe everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours. Was it really just this morning that I woke up in Andrew’s arms? It feels like a lifetime ago.
But, at least all is well, for now. Dad did great in surgery and he’s going to be okay. My mom is calm now, knowing that he is alright. Me? I’m just relieved to see everyone I love in one piece.
I glance next door to Andrew’s house. His truck is home, but the lights are all off. I completely forgot until I got back to the hospital that we had plans for tonight. By then, there wasn’t much I could do. I don’t have his number. Honestly, I’ve never needed it until now. I tried looking him up on Facebook, but he apparently doesn’t have social media. Who in the world doesn’t have a social media account these days? Andrew Hayes, that’s who. Eventually, Dad was out of surgery and I got distracted by that, giving up my search. I decided I’d catch him when I got home. Now, it appears that will have to wait until tomorrow.
I wearily drag myself inside the house and after a quick shower, I succumb to the exhaustion of the day. Falling asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.
I must have been exhausted because I don’t even stir until just after nine in the morning, when someone wakes me by banging on my front door. Assuming it’s Andrew, I climb out of bed and quickly rush to answer, not bothering to put on pants or even check out the peephole before I fling open the door. The person on the other side is far from who I was expecting.
“Elliott?” I step back, taking in the sight of the man standing on my porch. Of course, he would show up as soon as I really feel like I’m figuring things out. The last thing I need is for him to try to get back together with me. “What are you doing here?” I ask, bracing myself for his answer.
He snarls. “Why are you answering your front door dressed like that? Especially if you didn’t know who it was?” He asks, arms crossed over his chest and a judgmental look across his face.
I stare down at my naked legs, sticking out from under an oversize T-shirt. “Listen, it’s been a long couple of days.” I say as tears start building in my eyes.
His judgmental expression turns remorseful. “What’s wrong?” he asks, with genuine concern. That is enough to cause my tears to fall once again.
“Dad had a heart attack yesterday.” I respond through my sniffles.
Without warning, Elliott moves towards me to give me a hug. I don’t fight it. We may not be together anymore, but this man was my life for three years. I don’t hate him. I hate how much time we wasted, but neither of us is the bad guy. Sometimes things just don’t work out, right?
Honestly, a hug feels good after what I went through yesterday, and for just a second, I melt into his embrace. Finally, I step back, inviting him into the house, and he closes the door behind us.
I excuse myself before padding to the kitchen to start the coffeepot. Then, I move to my room to get dressed. I throw on sweatpants and a bra because even though he’s seen me millions of times in much less; it feels weird now to allow myself to be so exposed to him. It’s strange how much can change in such a short time. The entire time I dress, my mind jumps to conclusions about why he’s here. Is it to argue? Or what if he changed his mind? What if the time apart made him realize he loves me and he wants to settle down and give me the life I wanted?
How in the hell am I supposed to tell him I am falling for someone else so quickly?
“Coffee?” I offer Elliott when I reappear in the living room.
He declines, so I make myself a cup and then join him. I take a seat across the room to put plenty of space between the two of us.
His head swivels around the newly painted space. “It looks so different here. Did you do all this yourself?” He asks, in what appears to be an attempt to make small talk.
I nod, “I did. How’d you know where to find me?”
“There’s only so many places to look in Fawn Creek.” He smirks.
“I guess so.” I pull a throw blanket over my lap. Even fully dressed now, I feel more exposed sitting here with him, knowing that he’s been watching my every move from afar.
“How’s your dad?” He asks casually, as though driving to Fawn Creek and showing up in my doorway unannounced is a regular thing for him.
“He’s okay.” I nod. “He had surgery yesterday and they are just watching him now. Hopefully, he will be home soon.” I turn to look at him and sigh. “Elliott, why are you here?”
He shrugs, casually. “I found some of your stuff after you left. I thought maybe you’d want it back.”
I shake my head. “So you just decided to just drive three hours up here to give me stuff that you could have shipped? That makes no sense. You always hated driving down here.”
Elliott lets out a deep sigh and drags the palms of his hands down the sides of his face. I watch him wearily and wait for him to speak. I have not had enough coffee for this beating around the bush business and my patience is wearing thin.
“Well, I also came to talk to you.” He pauses for a beat. “Tyler… I’m so sorry.”
I take another sip of my coffee and put a hand up to interrupt him. “Elliott, we don’t need to do this. You and I are not meant to be together.” I say, feeling almost bad for the guy. Obviously, he’s here because he misses me and I just have no feelings for him anymore. “This was best for us.”
He fidgets in his seat. “That’s actually not it.” He looks down at his hands that he is wringing over and over. “I…..” He looks up into my eyes again. “Kinda met someone.”
His words knock the air from my lungs and it makes no sense to me. I’ve met someone too. This shouldn’t hurt the way it does, but I can’t ignore the sting of it all.
“I know it’s soon…. but I think I’m going to propose to her.” He whispers.
In an instant, my hurt turns to anger. “Wait… what?” I say. “Surely I didn’t hear you right. Last I knew, you would never get married.”
Two weeks ago, we were living together, and he was content with me being his live-in girlfriend for the rest of his life. He had no desire to get married, but now he does? What kind of asshole comes all the way up here to tell me this?
“I know. I’m sorry, I just can’t explain it.” He says.
I stare down at the floor, trying to channel my feelings. “Who is it? Do I know her?”
He shakes his head. “Her name is Jessica. We work together.”
I rack my brain. Why does that name sound familiar? Did we meet at a party or a company picnic? That’s when it hits me, the girl I met after hot yoga. “Is she friends with Mandy and Caroline? Pretty thin brunette?” I ask with a furrowed brow.
He swallows hard. “Yes. How do you know her?”
“I met her when I went to hot yoga with them, the weekend before we broke up.” I say, blinking back my tears. But this time it’s because I’m livid, not because I’m hurt. “So, how long were you messing around with her while we were together? I never pegged you as a cheater, but not much surprises me about you anymore.”
Elliott stands immediately from the sofa to defend himself. “I know it looks bad, but I swear there was nothing going on until you left. She and I were just friends.”
“Well, how convenient for you that as soon as I was gone, she was there.” I say rolling my eyes, and pointing to the door. “Please get out of my house. We are done here.”
“Tyler, I’m sorry for hurting you. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.” He pauses, as though waiting for a response. When I offer none, he makes his way towards the door. “I’ll leave your things on the porch.” He mutters before walking out my door for what will hopefully be the last time ever.
As soon as he’s gone, I race across the room and turn the deadbolt. I then watch through the window as he leaves two boxes on the porch and backs out of my driveway.
I lean my back against the door and try to comprehend what just happened here. My feelings are all over the place and it’s hard to make sense of them. I’m hurt and angry. I want to throw something and cry and scream. But also, I’m mad at myself for even being upset? I don’t want him. I don’t miss him and I haven’t missed him at all since I left, but damn, what a punch in the gut. He may as well have gotten me a card that said, “Like always, you’ll never be enough.”
I admit, though, it hurts. For three years, I really tried to be what he wanted. I tried to make him happy. All I wanted was for him to want to spend his life with me, but in the end; I wasn’t enough. Then suddenly, she came along and she was everything I couldn’t be. He had no desire to marry me, but he can’t wait to settle down with her. I can’t believe I was willing to give up my chance to be a mother for a man that saw nothing in me.
I move my eyes toward Andrew’s house. His driveway is empty. I try to remember if his truck was there when Elliott arrived, but I don’t think I even looked that way. Elliott’s appearance had me too shocked to even notice.
My brain is swimming and I don’t even know how to feel anymore. I wish I felt like I was enough for anyone, or anything. But, just like my mother and Elliott and his stupid family and friends, I feel like maybe I am only meant to be mediocre. I lay down on the couch and curl up with a blanket, and cry myself to sleep.