20. Colton
TWENTY
COLTON
K inleigh is the only thing keeping me somewhat sane right now.
Her hands explore the knots in my shoulders and neck, kneading them with expert pressure and sensitivity. Just having her near me soothes my jagged nerves, and allows me to think instead of panic.
We’ve talked through this a million times but every time I start up again, Kin obliges me. “But why take her if they just meant to kill her, you know? Seems to me they’d have killed her instead of kidnapping her.” I take a pause, and consider something Nash has floated out in the last few weeks. What if this is just strange timing but has absolutely nothing to do with Forrest Conway? Is it even possible? He seems to think it is, but I can’t let myself believe that. Because if it was just a random man who took Carsyn from the bar that night, she surely ain’t alive still.
Somehow, Forrest Conway taking her leaves her with the best chances of survival. That never fails to make my head spin.
“I agree,” Kinney says softly, her fingertips delving into a particularly sore spot on my left shoulder. “She’s alive, Colton, we have to believe it. She never stopped believing for us.”
Believe in her being alive the same way you believed in me being alive . That’s what Kinney whispers to me at night, when the house is quiet and the sky is still, and coitus has worn off and nothing remains but the fact that my baby sister is missing. Kinney, the love of my life, stretches her hand over my chest, presses her lips to my ear and assures me that my strength and soul will keep my sister alive, and that we’ll be reunited.
I don’t know if I believe her, but I love the fuck out of her for saying it. For knowing what I need to hear even when I don’t ask. For piecing together my thoughts from the dense silence at night. For everything, really, I just love her.
And she loves Carsyn, too. They weren’t ever close growing up but that was partly because I kept Kinney all to myself. It was almost like I knew I’d have to survive ten long years without her, and my desire to keep her all to myself was emotional stockpiling for the future. Not sure it worked, since those ten years apart were agonizing, but none of it matters now. She’s mine, and together, she assures me, we will find Carsyn.
“Just because he was a monster doesn’t mean whoever took her is,” Kinleigh reminds me as she sifts a hand beneath my plain white t-shirt. I haven’t stopped working, riding my horse and tending to the land. I can’t stop working or else I’ll go crazy. But every few hours during the work day, I ride back to the house and hold Kinney, let her kiss away my tears and fill me with strength. Today I called it after just a few hours, when I rode home and collapsed in her arms. And here I am, hours later.
“If Forrest took her,” I start, but Kinney interrupts. She never lets my mind run that way, the direction of that man who inflicted her so much pain.
“No, he doesn’t have her,” she says simply.
“But they’re looking for him, in association with her, Kin.” My voice grows hoarse, and while we don’t always discuss this, we both know it to be true. “Forrest wanted us both to die. And we’re alive. That in itself gives him reason?—”
“You think if that arrogant, egotistical monster had Carsyn that he’d hold her for weeks and weeks? Hmm? No. No way, Colton. He’d be flaunting her to us the moment he could, to torture us all, because that’s where he thrives, that’s where he’s the strongest—amidst the pain of others. He wouldn’t just hold onto her like that. Especially when the hunt for him is so public.”
I let out a sigh. I agree with what she’s saying but with a man like Forrest Conway, you just can’t be too sure. And if he didn’t take her, who did? As if reading my mind, Kinleigh’s hands smooth along my jaw, twisting my face to the side to meet hers over my shoulder. She dusts her lips to mine. “Every law enforcement officer in a hundred-mile radius is looking for her,” she says, shifting the focus off of Forrest, back to my sister. “There are men out there everywhere looking for her. They’ll find her. We’ll get her back.”
She kisses me before I can protest, before I can remind her that until me, Kinleigh was a prisoner and that every police officer in town came by that place and saw her bruised face and thin frame and didn’t do a thing. I know the corrupted sheriff’s department has been disbanded, but my trust issues are rooted deep inside me.
Like clockwork, because my other half knows me so well, Kinney breaks our kiss, holding my face in her hands. “She’s not me. The Buffalo Trails shit squad is disbanded. Actual law enforcement is looking for her. Okay? What happened to me will not happen to her.”
The way she can comfort me when she’s also still healing is another part of Kinleigh that amazes me. I twist, pulling her into my lap. My lips rest comfortably on the top of her head as she nuzzles into my neck, pressing her lips to my throat. “I love you, Colton. We’re gonna get her. We’re gonna find her.”
She never focuses on Forrest, and what he did to her, and getting revenge. Kinleigh is truly happy being in my arms and moving on.
I wish I could say the same.
Because even after I find Carsyn—and I will find Carsyn—I won’t be satisfied.
The only thing that will bring me peace is seeing Forrest Conway dead.