Chapter 12 #3
That was somehow both comforting and unsettling.
I climbed into bed before I could spiral too far about it.
The sheets were even softer than the pajamas.
The storm kept going outside, rain hissing against the glass, wind pushing around the edges of the house, but the room itself was warm and comfortable and sealed away from the worst of it.
After a while, my body stopped bracing against every roll of thunder, my thoughts blurred, and the day loosened its grip.
I fell asleep facing the window, watching lightning flicker behind my eyelids.
I didn’t know what woke me.
I thought it was the storm at first.
The room was dark except for the soft, shifting gray of rain-washed moonlight and the occasional pulse of lightning beyond the glass. For several seconds, I lay still, caught in that strange space between sleep and waking.
Then I felt it.
Not heard.
Felt.
The awareness of not being alone.
My eyes opened and found Tobias sitting in the armchair near the window.
I didn’t move.
I’d never had sleep paralysis before, but there was a first time for everything. I guess it made sense that my boss was my sleep paralysis demon..?
He was dressed in dark clothes, one ankle crossed over the opposite knee, hands resting calmly against the arms of the chair. The storm flickered behind him, turning him into a strong silhouette cut from shadow and pale light.
“Tobias?” My voice came out rough with sleep.
“You were restless.”
His voice snapped me fully awake.
Holy fuck. What the fuck?! My boss was not my sleep paralysis demon, but he was watching me sleep.
I pushed myself up on one elbow and tried to breath through what felt like a goddamn heart attack. “What?!”
“You appeared distressed.”
“What? How would you know that?”
“I was passing by.”
That was not a good answer.
I pulled the blanket higher over my chest, suddenly very aware of the pajamas, the unfamiliar bed, the storm, and the utter focus in Tobias’s eyes.
“You were passing by,” I repeated.
“Yes.”
“And then you came in?”
“You seemed frightened.”
“And sitting in my room while I’m sleeping seemed like the next logical step to you?” I asked incredulously.
“Yes, to make sure you were okay.”
“Tobias…” I said carefully, despite my rapidly racing pulse, because something in me still wanted not to upset him even while every reasonable part of my brain was sounding an alarm, “you can’t just come into my room while I’m sleeping, and—and watch me.”
His expression didn’t change. “I did not intend to frighten you.”
I think I believed him.
If he’d sounded smug, or amused, or even remotely aware of how horrifying it was to wake up and find him sitting there in the dark, I think something in me would’ve snapped into place faster.
Anger, maybe. Fear, definitely. A clean, obvious reaction I could hold onto without having to think about it too much.
But he just looked like Tobias.
Unreadable in a way that felt less like concealment and more like the world had never taught him which parts of himself were supposed to show.
He didn’t look like someone who had meant to do something wrong.
He looked like someone who had decided my distress required observation and then followed that decision to its most invasive conclusion.
Even so, I needed him out.
“Tobias,” I said again, quieter this time, because my voice still felt unsteady and I hated that. “Please leave.”
He didn’t move right away, and instead frowned, like the words required processing.
“I was only making sure—”
“I know what you were doing,” I interrupted, then swallowed because interrupting him felt wrong even now, even here, even with my heart slamming against my ribs. “Or—I know what you thought you were doing. But you can’t be in here. Not while I’m sleeping.”
The silence after that felt too large for the room.
His gaze stayed on me, and for a second, I had the awful thought that he was going to argue.
Rather, he stood—purposefully and very slowly. I understood he was trying not to frighten me further, but it didn’t exactly help in the way I think he thought it would.
I stayed where I was until he turned toward the door, then I moved too.
The floor was frigid beneath my bare feet when I slipped out from under the covers, and the feel of the silk pajamas against my body made me hyper-aware of just how inappropriate the whole situation was.
I wasn’t sure if it was the silk itself, or just the pajamas in general, but either way, it felt far too intimate to be wearing in front of my employer.
Tobias paused when he realized I was following him, abruptly enough that I almost ran into him. “You didn’t need to get up.”
The answer came out faster than I expected. “Yes, I really, really did.”
His eyes flicked over my face, and my stomach twisted at the regret and confusion in them.
As he continued to the bedroom door, I followed several steps behind him, my fingers curled tightly against my palms. The distance between the bed and the door was not long, but it felt like a mile.
When he finally reached the threshold, he stepped out into the darkened hallway, then turned to face me.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
“I… It’s okay—I mean, it’s not okay at all to do that, but um, just please don’t do it again.” I cringed at myself for trying to comfort him in that moment, when he was the one who’d done something I would’ve thought he’d known was fucked up and creepy and a huge violation of my privacy.
And yet somehow I couldn’t help but feel bad for him when he was looking at me like he didn’t really understand why I was upset with him.
His gaze dropped briefly, not to my body, but to my hands where they were clenched so tightly the knuckles had gone pale.
His lips pinched together before he stepped farther back into the hall. “Good night, Cove.”
I hesitated for a second with my hand on the knob, then murmured back, “Good night, Tobias.”
I closed the door, turning the lock the moment it clicked shut.
I stood there for a while afterward, palm still pressed against the door, listening for movement on the other side. I heard nothing at first except the storm and my own breathing. Then, after several seconds, footsteps moved away down the hall.
Only when they faded did I let my forehead fall gently against the wood.
I took one breath, then another.
My body didn’t believe it was over yet. My pulse was still too fast, my mind too awake, with every nerve in me waiting for the door to open again even though I knew it wouldn’t.
Probably.
No.
I closed my eyes.
It wouldn’t.
I turned and leaned back against the door, letting my head fall back against it as I fought to calm the trembling in my limbs.
“Okay,” I whispered to myself. “It’s okay.”
I didn’t move from the door for a long time.