Chapter 26
ELLIE
There was nothing worse than working inside in the height of summer. While everyone basked in the sun and drank beers outside, I was stuck here, double-checking our bar inventory and trying not to scream.
I spared a jealous thought of Jake and Noah spending the afternoon at the local park. Jake had already sent three selfies of the two of them eating ice cream, paddling in the pond, and taking an afternoon snooze in the shade of a willow tree. I kept my phone close waiting for a fourth.
Predictably, my smile climbed when my phone buzzed an hour later, although it tumbled the second I read the text bubble on the screen.
Jake
Noah fell down the slide. I think he’s broken his arm. I don’t want you to panic but you need to come to Kings A&E.
Ellie
OMG I’m on my way.
Jake
He’s being brave, but he wants his mum.
Ellie
Tell him I’m coming. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’m so glad you’re with him. Xxx
I raced to grab my belongings, pausing briefly to let Martin know what had happened. I didn’t wait for a reply. I already knew it wouldn’t be a good one.
When I made it to King’s College Hospital an hour later, Jake was perched on the edge of a seat in the waiting area, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. He looked up at the sound of my approach and shot me a look of pure devastation.
“What’s wrong?” I demanded, falling into the seat beside him and clutching at his top. “Is it bad?”
“No. Sorry. It’s a fracture of the distal radius. Pretty common in kids apparently.”
“Okay.” I sank back in relief. “That’s… That’s okay. It’s his wrist, right? I’m guessing he has to wear a cast?”
“Yeah, for four to six weeks.”
“Okay, that’s manageable. I mean, it’ll be a little uncomfortable, but he’ll adapt.” I palmed my heart and let out a deep breath. “Oh my god, the look on your face. I thought it was far worse, like he needed surgery or something.”
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
“Hey, it’s okay. No real harm done.” I squeezed his arm, glancing around. “Where is he?”
“He’s in a bay along the corridor waiting for a cast. I only came out to wait for you so you’d know where to go.”
I shouldered my handbag, and offered Jake my hand. “Come on then, take me to him.”
“I think you should go alone.”
“Don’t be daft. He’ll want both of us. Probably you more than me, if we’re being honest.”
“I can’t, Ellie.”
Something about his broken tone and refusal to look at me set me on edge. “Why?”
He shook his head instead of providing any sort of answer, and my heart dropped.
“Jake.”
“I’ll wait out here.”
This time, his tone wasn’t broken, but it was final.
Two hours and one blue cast later, we left the hospital armed with fracture aftercare leaflets and assurances from one of the nurses that Noah could put stickers on his cast.
His arm was in a sling and he seemed a bit uncomfortable, but he perked up the moment Jake gave him a cherry flavoured lollipop.
“Are you okay, buddy?” he asked.
“Yeah. I wanna put stickers on my cast when we get home. Will you draw on it for me?”
Jake gently lifted him into his arms, careful not to disturb the sling, and kissed his forehead. “I’ll draw whatever you want. Anything at all.”
The rest of the night was a subdued affair.
Frustrated with his new arm-wear and exhausted by the events of the day, Noah went to bed early, while Jake holed up on the sofa staring at his laptop so intently I thought the screen might crack.
I recognised the signs of someone trapped in thought, so I gave him some space, relaxing in the bath and deep conditioning my hair.
By the time I finished, Jake was watching TV and drinking beer, and a glass of white wine waited for me on the coffee table. It was a simple gesture, but it worked at settling some of my anxiety.
“Thanks.” I took a sip before curling up beside him.
I slotted into my favourite spot, but Jake didn’t fold his arms around me and his body was entirely too tense, and I was instantly on alert.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I asked. “You can always talk to me.”
“Nothing’s going on.”
“Please don’t lie to me.”
Jake sighed through my name.
“Do you think I’m an idiot? You’ve been weird all day.”
“What do you expect?” he snapped, then let his head drop. “Sorry. Today was awful. Worst day of my fucking life.”
“I’m sorry.” I caressed his thigh with soothing strokes back and forth. “I can understand that. It must’ve been terrifying. My heart dropped when I saw your texts.”
“You didn’t see his face. The way he looked at me. The pain in his eyes. I can’t stop picturing it. The panic I felt was a million times worse than that day I lost him at the playground, and that was bad enough.”
“I know. But he’s absolutely fine. Kids bounce back quicker than you think.”
“Right.”
“Jake, please don’t worry. It’s okay.”
“It’s not. But this was a good reminder.”
“For what?”
“That I’m not cut out for this.”
My face dropped.
“Don’t say that,” I whispered desperately.
“It’s the truth, Ellie. You know it, I know it. Everyone fucking knows it.” He shifted away from me and perched on the edge of the sofa to bury his head in his hands.
All the while my heart climbed into my throat and stayed there. Even when he’d been drunk and annoyed over Oliver and Avery, Jake had never been like this.
A slow, cold dread iced my spine.
“I don’t agree,” I told him. “That’s not my truth.”
Jake let out a bitter-sounding breath. “For months now, all the way back to when I first moved in, all anyone has said to me is that I wasn’t cut out for this.
That I wasn’t capable of looking after a kid.
I should’ve known then, but I ignored it and now I’m wondering if I should’ve listened instead.
Maybe it’s better in the long run to accept your limitations. ”
Oh, my heart ached.
“I don’t like you talking about yourself like this. You’re the best thing that’s happened to Noah in forever.”
And to me.
“Am I? I literally lost sight of him on our first day together, and now he has a broken wrist when I’m supposed to be looking after him and making sure he’s safe. I’m a joke.”
“Please don’t say that.” I ushered closer, sweeping a palm across his back. “Kids run off! They hide. They break their arms, and scuff their knees. It’s normal. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Jake said flatly, but it felt like he was placating me, which was somehow worse.
“Let’s write this day off and go to bed,” I suggested. “Hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning.”
“Hopefully.”
He peered at me for a long moment. It was part of his nightly routine to kiss my forehead on the way to the bathroom to brush his teeth, and I relished his lips lingering against my skin, unable to shake the feeling that something had changed.
Three days later, on a sunny July afternoon, Maggie finally moved back home.
“So you’re the infamous Maggie.” Jake bowed as if meeting royalty. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
“You know we’ve met before,” she said, leaning heavily on one crutch. “You were drunk off your ass. Could barely hold yourself up.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Do I get any points if that was the last time I was like that?”
Maggie’s gaze narrowed, and she took a few seconds to say, “One or two.”
“I’ll take it.”
She didn’t laugh, but there was amusement in her eyes now. “Hmm. You’re charming, aren’t you?”
“So I’ve been told.”
“He’s tall, too,” I added.
Jake’s grin popped wide, and I matched it, all too aware of the happy, nervous little flutter in my chest. I hadn’t seen that smile for days and I’d missed it.
“Don’t forget handsome,” he said.
“As if I could.”
We stared at each other until Noah flew into the room wearing his red football shirt and shorts, and waving his cast around. It was covered in Bluey and dinosaur stickers, and random Jake scribbles at Noah’s request.
“Oh my!” Maggie gasped. “What happened here?”
“I walked down the slide and fell off.”
“Well, you see the problem there, don’t you?” She bopped Noah on the nose. “You’re not supposed to walk down slides. You slide down them. No wonder you injured yourself. Does it hurt?”
“It did, but now it’s sooooo itchy!”
We laughed at his angry little itchy dance, but Jake’s smile had disappeared and he watched Noah with the same guilty look he’d worn for days. I wasn’t sure how to get through to him that the accident wasn’t his fault, and he only seemed to dwell on it more with every reminder.
Dwelling and drifting away.
“Right,” he said. “We should get going. Little Kicks starts soon.”
“Okay,” Noah said brightly. “I’m ready. Emma better not call me a farty pants today.”
“Well, she won’t if you don’t fart on her,” Jake told him.
“Do you think they’ll let him play with his arm in a cast?” I wondered, immediately regretting the question when Jake’s face dropped.
“I guess we’ll find out,” he said, ruffling Noah’s hair. “We’ll see you later. Nice to finally meet you properly, Maggie.”
“And you, dear.”
We watched them leave, both grinning at the sound of Noah’s excited chatter about showing off his cast and stickers, and Maggie waited until the front door had closed before she said, “So when did that happen?”
“When did what happen?” I replied, as if I didn’t know what she meant.
“The two of you becoming a thing. You both reek of it.”
I marched into the kitchen and switched on the kettle, unsurprised to hear the weighty tap tap tap of Maggie’s crutch following behind.
“We don’t really have a label, but it’s been a couple of months,” I said, gathering cups for tea.
“A couple of months! Why didn’t you tell me and what do you mean you don’t have a label? And why are you acting like it’s not a big deal?”
“Because it’s not,” I lied. “We decided to have some fun together and it stops when he leaves.”
“Oh, I see. You didn’t tell me because you knew I’d tell you how reckless that sounds.”
“Reckless?” I spat the word in a gush of disbelief. “I’ve had the time of my life.”
“Oh.” The grooves on her forehead deepened in thought. “Does he treat you well?”
I thought back on the last few months with a fond smile. The kisses and touches and laughter. The connection between us whenever we had sex. The thoughtful gifts. Time and again, over and over, Jake had proven himself willing to do anything to make Noah’s day better, to make my day better too.
“Yes,” I admitted. “He’s amazing, Maggie. I couldn’t have dreamed anyone better.”
The hot sting of tears caught me unawares, and Maggie crowded in close, drawing me against her chest in the kind of motherly embrace I’d craved for too long.
“Oh, my dear. I see it’s a bit more serious than you’re letting on.”
I sniffled. “No. I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it, and I doubt we will because he’s leaving soon. This always had a shelf life, Maggie.”
“What if it didn’t?” she asked. “What if he wanted to stay?”
The hope spiked inside me, but I couldn’t let it soar.
Jake had been pulling away for weeks, ever since he came home from lunch with his sister carrying a weight he wasn’t ready to share. We’d both tried to ignore it, but the truth was right there.
Jake was a whirlwind, and he was going to whirl out of my life as easily as he’d stormed into it.