Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
EVIE
It's the boy's first year of basketball, and we've been busy, between practices two nights a week followed by games every Saturday. Seriously, what do six year olds need to practice two nights a week for? It looks more like a game of herding chickens with basketballs than anything else, but they love it, and that's good enough for me.
Lou got us matching shirts with the boy's name on the back. She got mine a size smaller than I'd usually wear, putting all my curves on display, and when I complained she just laughed. During their first game, I tugged at the damn shirt until she reached over, slapped my hands, and scolded me like a child.
After the taser incident, Vic showed up the next day with the brightest smile I'd ever seen on him and a beer to celebrate me finally using the damn thing. He laughed so hard that tears came down his face as I retold the story and then about the gift I received the following day. Vic just smiled and said he respected that.
This Monday, Maddox's new focus is teaching me how to break holds and I’m exhausted. The past hour, Maddox has been trying to teach me how to break free when someone grabs you from behind, but the second he wraps his arms around me immobilizing my arms, I damn near have a panic attack. Every time he releases me, he takes a step back and gives me space. I feel powerless and angry, and let him know that.
"Trauma doesn't work like that."
"I know that Maddox. I'm not stupid," I snap.
"Evie."
"I’m sorry Maddox. It's all here, and I know it," I say, tapping my head. "Plus, it's you. I know you won't hurt me."
The smile on his lips makes me struggle to breathe. Although he’s handsome without smiling, I find it difficult to breathe as he does. His smile is captivating and entrancing, making it hard for me to focus on anything else. It’s as if I’m under a spell, and can’t look away. Maddox Wilder is a hazard to my damn system every time he smiles.
"I know I can do it. Let's give it another try." Determinedly, I brush my hair out of my face, willing to focus back on the task at hand. Maddox moves behind me and waits for permission to proceed. I square my shoulders and nod my head. He gently wraps me in a bear hug and applies just enough pressure for me to know I'm okay but still need to work to get out of his hold. My heart beats like a racehorse, and I can feel panic slither up my spine like an unwanted visitor. My palms sweat as my breath deepens. I try to remind myself to take slow, deep breaths, but it feels like my chest is caving in. I need to calm down.
"Tell me five things you see," Maddox whispers against the shell of my ear.
I quickly adjust my eyes and focus on what's in front of me. "The wall, Mercy's name, the door, that stupid ass smiley face, and your arm." I don't feel the panic ebbing away like it did last time, and that causes me to panic more. The fear of not being able to control my anxiety is overwhelming and it only adds to my distress.
"Breathe, baby. It’s just you and me, Evie and Maddox. "
As I exhale a shaky breath, I notice that his arms have loosened slightly. "Help me through this, please," I plead, and he immediately tightens his grip around me again.
"Tell me four things you can feel." The deep timber of his voice sounds strong and unwavering.
I close my eyes. What can I feel? I feel the ground under my feet, the heavy weight of Maddox on me, the steady beating of his heart, and the material of his shorts in my hand. The panic slithers slowly back down my spine, and I can feel myself breathe easier. My breathing matches Maddox's, and I find myself leaning entirely into him for support. It occurs to me that I don’t feel trapped against his heaviness; instead, I feel centered.
"Good girl. Now pull those claws out and fucking break this hold."
Good girl . Lord above, grant me strength because my panties weren't ready for that. Ignoring that he probably feels my hard nipples pressing into his arms, I quickly drop my body low. Maddox, of course, expects this, so I don’t move at all. I think back to what he taught me, tuck my chin to my chest, and throw my head back.
I didn't think I'd connect, but I do, causing his grip to loosen. Without thinking, I drop low, grab onto one of Maddox's legs with both hands and yank with all my might. I hear a loud thump and spin around to find Maddox on his back. I took him down! I feel a surge of energy and confidence, and I’m ready for anything. A proud look spreads across his face as I step forward to meet him on the mat.
"Oh, my goodness! I did it, Maddox!" I feel my face light up and smile so big my face could split in two. I put my hands on both sides of my head in disbelief. I did it! I got out of the hold and put him on his back. Wait, he didn't let me do that, did he?
"Maddox Cole, please tell me I did that, and it wasn't you letting me out of that hold."
He flashes me a proud smile. "After you tased me? Hell no."
Words can't describe how empowered I feel. I pushed through and accomplished something huge. Told my demons to fuck off and put this man twice my size on his back. The first tear falls, and Maddox is instantly on his feet.
"No fucking tears, woman," he growls.
"Their happy tears, I promise."
"Still, I don't like to see them," he grumbles, thumbing the tears away.
Holding his hands to my face, I feel their roughness and warmth. I want him to feel the magnitude of what this means to me. I’m so grateful for all that he’s done for me. I never could’ve done it without him. "Thank you."
Maddox swallows. "I didn't do anything. That was all you."
"Would you shut up and say you're welcome, you angry ass Clark Kent," I sass, dropping my hands from his.
Maddox leans his face closer to mine, his eyebrows raised. "Angry ass Clark Kent?"
"Well, yeah. You know, with the glasses, and curly hair, except you're grumpy as hell, and he isn't," I say breathlessly.
Maddox stares at my mouth, and I lick my lips. I could do one of two things. I could leave out of here regretting not kissing this man or grow a damn backbone and kiss him like I desperately want to. Looking at his full lips I swallow, he’s letting me run this show just like the night I tased him. He gives me control so effortlessly that it does something to my insides. It makes me feel secure, safe, and powerful— all at the same time. The horny bitch in my panties doesn't mind it either.
Standing on my tip toes, I whisper in his ear, "You could kiss me for being a good girl."
"Last time we were in this situation, it resulted in one of us getting tased." His deep voice drops an octave deeper going straight to my clit.
"Better make it memorable then," I purr running my fingers through his hair while tugging his lips to mine. Unlike the last time, I feel no fears or prickles of the past trying to slide in. I feel alive, ignited, and desired.
I might be in control, but make no mistake, Maddox Wilder devours me. I lick the scar across his mouth, earning me the most delicious toe-curling moan I've ever heard. Pulling back, I place my forehead against his, each of us breathing heavily. My hands are still gripping his corded arms tightly. I let go, feeling a little ashamed for my forward behavior.
"That was hot as hell. Do it again.”
I had one hot and heavy kiss, and life became hectic. The other waitress Joe hired officially flaked, which left us one short on rotation, so we’re all working crazy ass schedules between the other waitress, Joe, and myself. Joe kept apologizing, but after all she's done for the boys and me, pulling extra weight is nothing.
The only time I’d seen Maddox was in passing or when he came in for his coffee. I hadn't had time for our sessions, and I had to ask Lou and Vic to help with getting the boys to and from school. I dropped them off with Vic this morning when my phone dinged.
You know you could always ask me to help with the boys.
Who’s this?
The latest person to fall victim to your taser.
I chuckle at his response, saving the number in my phone.
Only person to fall victim to my taser, and I don’t want to bother you.
Bother me.
I didn't know how to respond, so I don’t until Saturday morning slightly before 5:00 a.m. Joe has just called; she's come down with a fever—probably from all the extra work she's been doing, and I need someone to help with the boys. Lou has been spread thin between the bakery and the bar, and I can’t call her. She needs to rest, and Vic’s out of town with his fishing buddies for the weekend.
That leaves one person—a person who cared for my boys and me when I was sick. Somebody with as much baggage as I have. Hell, between the two of us, we could fill a commercial plane with the shit we carry around. I also know he will keep my babies safe, and I trust him, so I hit send on my phone and wait for him to pick up. Maddox picks up on the third ring.
Maddox's deep groggy voice breathes my name into the phone, "Evie?"
"Hey, big guy. I'm so sorry to call and wake you up."
"Is everything okay?" he asks, sounding more alert and slightly worried.
"Yes, everything’s fine. I have a favor to ask if that's alright?"
"Woman. What do you think?"
"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you," I tell him honestly.
Maddox blows out a slightly annoyed breath. "Tell me what you need Pretty Girl."
"We're down a waitress at work, so we’ve all been pulling the extra weight. Joe called me about ten minutes ago, and she's sick and needs me to come in. I'd hate to bring the boys in, and Lou's been working so much at the bar and bakery. I know she needs the rest, and I've already called her twice this week for help?—"
"You want me to come and watch the boys?" Maddox interrupts my rambling.
"I understand if it's too much. I don't want to overwhelm you or make you uncomfortable. "
"I'll be there in ten."
He hangs up, and I quickly shower and brush my teeth. I'm standing at the coffee maker, when I hear a soft knock. I open my door to a slightly disheveled Maddox Wilder, and this may be my favorite side of him yet. His thick curls are messy, his hoodie’s on backwards, and his face is still groggy from sleep. However, the moment he sees me, he trades that signature scowl for a sleepy smile causing me to almost swallow my tongue.
After ushering him in, I set about braiding my hair while the smell of brewing coffee envelopes me as we walk to the kitchen. Maddox stands against my kitchen counter; he's so tall his ass is practically sitting on top of it. He watches me mindlessly braid one side of my hair before starting the other.
"Thank you so much. I should be back by one at the latest. I owe you," I tell him quietly.
"Let me braid your hair and we'll call it even," he says, gesturing to my hair.
"You want to braid my hair? Can you braid?" I ask, trying to mask my skepticism.
"Firstly, my mama is a biracial woman who braided hair on the side most of my life. Secondly, who do you think braided Soph’s hair before school most mornings?” he says and twirls his finger, gesturing for me to turn around. Gently he runs his long finger through my hair and separates the strands, and it feels so good I find myself relaxing beneath his touch.
That old demon panic flashes me a sinister smile, and before he invades, I tell Maddox, "If you can help it, don't yank on it too hard."
I notice the second I share with Maddox that panic vanishes. Maddox stills his hands. “I got you Pretty Girl."
I squirm uncomfortably with him calling me pretty. I am many things, but I don’t feel pretty is one of them.
"I just want you to know…" I chew my bottom lip and think about how to explain it. "I have triggers I can vocalize, and others I ca ll phantom triggers because they come out of the blue, but I want to tell you if something can be a trigger me because it seems to help."
Maddox doesn't speak. He finishes the braid, and I can feel him shuffle back and forth on his feet. "Can I hug you?"
"Yeah, Maddox, you can." Strong arms wrap around me, and Maddox rests his cheek on top of my head. I again feel nothing but centered, standing in his arms, and I can't help but notice I don’t flinch at his touch, not once.
I had to work later than expected, which led to asking Maddox to get the boys to their basketball game. I had twenty minutes to run home, change shirts, and throw on a clean pair of cut-off shorts before sprinting into the gymnasium. In my hurry to get inside, I collide with someone as soon as I blast through the door.
"Oh my! I’m so sorry!" I say, reaching out to steady the person.
A woman with long black hair gives me a small smile. "It's okay," she says barely above a whisper. Looking at the woman, she looks frail, she's wearing clothes that swallow her, her face is gaunt, and heavy dark circles sit below her eyes.
"Are you sure you’re, okay? I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
"Yeah, don't worry about it."
Just then the buzzer sounds, and I turn to look for the boys. When I turn back around the woman has gone. I find my guys right before the game starts, give them each a good luck kiss, and go to sit in their designated cheering section, which consists of all three Wilder men.
"Jesus Christ! I must have been a Saint in a past life for the good Lord to be blessing me with the sight of you in that shirt, with those shorts." Mercy lets out a low whistle causing me to laugh.
"Good to see you too, Mercy, and it wasn't God. It was Lou."
Maddox and Henry are sitting on the bottom bleachers, so their long legs don't get cramped up, and Mercy's sprawled across the bleachers as if he were lounging on the beach not giving one damn how much room he takes up in the crowded gym. I sit next to Mercy just behind Maddox. I groan as I finally sit and relax for the first time today.
"Stand up and sit down again, sugar." Mercy winks at me.
"Has he always been like this?" I ask the other two Wilder men.
"Since fucking birth, unfortunately," Maddox growls causing Henry to chuckle. Maddox moves to sit beside me. "Hey, Pretty Girl."
There it was again I shift uncomfortably, "Uh, hey there, yourself.”
Maddox leans down and whispers in my ear, “You’re the prettiest little thing I’ve ever seen.” I turn towards him, our faces inches apart, his green eyes bright. “One day you’ll believe it too. I’ll make damn sure of that.”
I swallow and nod my head, maybe I’m getting in way over my head with Maddox. Should I tell him we should just be friends? I didn’t plan on another relationship for the rest of my life, or whatever this is. It just doesn’t fit the plan.
I carefully look over my shoulder, scanning the crowd for anyone who seems out of place. Maddox watches me, offering no false assurances that we’re safe or that everyone is fine. He, too, casts a wary glance over his shoulder, assessing the crowd. I want to wrap my arms around him because he gets it, instead, I give him a grateful smile before turning to the game.
We watch the game, cheering every time one of the boys attempts to shoot a basket. It’s a shit show, but I love every minute of it. It’s more than worth it to see huge smiles on my boys' faces.
As the game wraps up, Henry gets a call. He hangs up and looks at Maddox. "Gotta split, little brother, you're going to have to ride with Mercy."
Wait. Maddox didn't drive here? Maddox looks green at the thought of riding with Mercy, so I offer to give him a ride since we're headed in the same direction. There's a slight hesitation, but he accepts my offer. Mercy gives each boy a fist bump and promises to come have dinner one night this week and bring them a new model car to help him work on if they’re good and mind their mama. He kisses my cheek before heading off.
"Let's go, boys. Mama’s tired."
After everyone gets in, I start the car. Suddenly, Maddox grips my steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turn white.
"Boy's buckle up." After making sure they've buckled up, he shoots me a scathing look. "Now you."
For the entire trip home, Maddox turns his head and doesn't look at me again. Leaving me to wonder what the hell just happened?
By the time we pull into the drive, I'm a bundle of nerves. Maddox's cold behavior has my back sweating like I'm a child being called into the principal's office. My hands are trembling on the steering wheel as think about what I could’ve done wrong. Putting the car into park, I turn to the boys. "Head to Vic's. He's finishing up the rope swing and could use a hand or two."
They climb out and run to greet Vic in his front yard. Maddox moves to get out, and I stop him with a shaky hand, trying to push my anxiety aside, and decide to resolve this now rather than let it tangle me in knots for days. "Not you. You’re going inside with me."
"Evie—"
"Now, Maddox Cole." I head inside the house as he curses Mercy for telling me his full name. He walks in behind me, shutting my front door with a little more force than necessary. I face him, hands on my hips, and notice he's standing with his arms crossed over his chest. So, it's like that? Fine by me.
"What was all that in the car about?" I ask him.
"What was all that at the game with my brother about?" he spits back at me.
"Nothing, and you know it. That man talks up every woman he sees, including Ethel at the grocery store, who's pushing eighty-seven. Now stop deflecting and answer me."
The look he gives me might intimidate others, but I'm not other people. "You started the car before checking to make sure they were buckled up! Do you have any idea how fucking reckless you were?"
"Reckless? For starting the car? I was going to put it in gear after they were buckled up!"
"How was I supposed to know that? Read your fucking mind?" he asks in a flat tone.
"You didn't give me a chance before fisting my steering wheel like Donkey Kong!" We're both breathing hard. Maddox's face is flushed with anger, and I'm shaking with it. Did he really think I'd endanger them like that? Or any of us? After these last few months, is this what he's reduced me to? Reckless? Talk about a slap in the face.
"Go home, big guy. I don't have the energy to do this with you. Thank you for this morning and today. It means a lot to me, but I'm exhausted," I tell him dismissively.
Instead of walking toward the door, Maddox stays rooted to his spot, glaring at me, letting me know he has no plans of doing anything I just said.
"You would rather argue with me than just talk to me to soothe whatever hurt you feel." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Do you really think I'd deliberately endanger the two things I cherish most? After everything I survived to bring them into this world? "
"YES!" he roars at me, and damn it, I can't help how my body flinches back.
"Why?" I scream back.
"Because I was driving, Evie!" Then it hits me like a ton of bricks . I was driving that night, Evie.
Maddox swallows, uncrossing his arms, not bothering at all to hide the depth of agony and pain he feels. Something I have never seen the man look before. "I don't drive anywhere, Evie. My brothers give me a ride, or I walk. I can't even sit in the driver's seat without that night playing out in my head."
Grief hangs heavy in the air between us, coldly seeping into my bones. Maddox tilts his face toward the ceiling, closing his eyes. I swallow when I notice a lone tear trail down his face. I close the distance between us and gently pull his chin down so I can see those green eyes that always betray him no matter how hard he tries to hide.
His large hands cup my face as he rests his forehead against mine, anchoring me to him. "She died because of me, Evie." His broken whisper mirrors his broken heart.