Chapter 6 #2
“Has someone been stalking me online? I don't remember any question in your forms for my qualifications.”
“Background check. We don't allow everyone to join.”
“So, what did you find in my background check?” I add air quotes to mess with him.
“Only about a famous Professor Aditya Hirani, giving lectures on history while girls sat swooning over him in the front row.”
“Oh, did the students inform you about the swooning?”
“I know the look.” Jimmy bats his eyelashes and tilts his head on his folded hands.
The big, burly man is an absolute goof. The laughter bubbles out of my chest.
He smiles at his antics, but sobers up faster than me. “But I want to know the real Addy. Why did he leave everything and settle in a small village outside Almora? All alone. Teaching school kids.”
The sun's first rays have started playing hide-and-seek with the forest. I consider my words. Jimmy has been transparent with me; I should do the same.
“Have you ever seen the advertisement where the actor Asrani says, ‘I will change all the bulbs in the house?’”
Jimmy shrugs. “No, but my uncles once mentioned the jingle.”
Shit, what a reminder of our age difference. He stops me from moving away by grabbing my hand. “Oops. Sorry, I did not mean to imply you were old or my uncle.”
“I am not young either. Maybe not your uncle's age, but way ahead of you in years. Anyway, after my divorce, I changed everything in my life, down to my friends. I wanted a fresh start, and the old tethers had to go. Life had become suffocating. Lingering on those binds would have ended in pain for all involved.” I dread glancing at him, afraid of the judgment for abandoning my family.
The way all my friends and relatives condemned me.
Except for Jatin and Jasmeet, no one listened to my viewpoint.
Jimmy nudges my arm. I lift my head, and he points me to the view. I gasp at the sight.
“Wow, this is surreal.”
When did we reach the top? I admire the lush green treetops plunging into a deep ravine.
Leaves glitter in the early morning sun, and myriad shades of green sway in the cool breeze, paying salutations to the giver of life.
At a distance, across the blue sky, the peaks of the mighty Himalayas glisten in golden hues.
Few are cloaked in a coat of mist, their heads peeking through the fluff collars made of clouds.
Thanks to all the nature Gods, this beauty helps wash away the dampness about to seep into my mood.
Jimmy's smile greets me once I complete a full sweep of the view, my arms raised to my sides, palms and face relishing the freshness of the breeze.
“Want to take some photos?”
“Sure.” I hand over my phone. He guides me to the best possible positions and clicks away, showing me each picture once he is satisfied.
“You are good at this. How about a pic of the two of us? I must warn you: I am not great at selfies. Shalini-” I stop and sigh. Why spoil the morning? “Never mind. Where do you want us to stand?”
Jimmy does not flinch at the mention of Shalini or ask about her. He manoeuvres us both to prevent the sun from blotting us out and fusses over capturing the vivid colours in the background.
“Addy, why are you so serious? Make some goofy faces.” He pouts and pokes his tongue out to the side like a dog.
I laugh, watching his face on the screen.
“Here. How is this?” He shoves the phone in front of me.
The pic is cute. My head is snug against his.
Our cheeks touch, and the laugh lines reach my eyes.
The sunlight glistens on our hair, making a halo around our heads.
Jimmy is making a funny face with his pink tongue poking out from one side, eyes full of mirth.
Caught up in the moment, I blurt out, “Will you be my coach? Show me the gay way of life?”
***
JIMMY
I wanted to kiss him. Those lips on the skittish man have been calling me since we started the trek.
And when he said ‘show me the gay way of life,’ I almost climbed him.
With no one around for miles, a lot could be done.
But the saner side of my mind prevailed, warning me of my past rapid tumbles for men who showed even the slightest interest in me.
Throughout our descent from the mountaintop, I kept reminding myself that he was a client, even though the devil inside kept poking me. No. Not your client.
I am still brooding about what Aditya meant by the ‘gay way of life.’ Did he mean a simple, ‘show me where to find a mesh shirt on the Mall Road,’ or more in line with the lucid images cavorting in my dreams for the past two weeks since ambushing him at the park?
Aditya's brooding cuteness has been testing me.
He bites his lower lip and scrunches his eyebrows when he is concentrating or fidgets by adjusting his glasses when he is nervous.
I restrained myself by chanting the sacred mantras to the Goddess.
By the time we stood inside the temple sanctum, I had made up my mind.
If things worked out with him, I would donate a day's meals to the community kitchen.
And more if we had a future. I'm a bit immature in letting my heart run ahead by planning a future, but I want a boyfriend after watching the couples in my friend circle.
Aditya is a rare butterfly in my world. Though I am young and still working to make something of my life, he causes a flutter, kindling a yearning for permanence in my mind.
Tham ja e dil... My tiny brain asks me to show restraint, remembering Daljit.
But Dil kya kare jab kiso ko... The heart is so fickle, panting with its tongue out at the first sight of a decent man.
“Sir, your chai and breakfast.” The server boy places the tea and the 'chadhanchi' — black chickpea curry with hot bread buns and butter on the table.
“How do you drink this?” Aditya enquires, picking the jaggery pieces.
“How can you live in Almora for more than two months and not taste our tea?” I tease him.
“I did not have a charming tour guide to join me for breakfast.” He snarks back.
Ah, the smile again. What am I going to do? Stop flirting and eat your food, the brain admonishes. “You drink the tea and eat the jaggery. The tea is bland without sugar. Like this.”
Aditya mimics my actions, “Mmh, tastes nice.”
“This will taste better.” I cut the bun, spread a dollop of butter, dip the piece in the gravy, and offer it to him. He leans forward and takes a bite. Before I withdraw my hand, he licks the dripping butter off my fingers and moans. The Satan in my pants is wide awake.
“Mmh, perfect.” He gives words to his delight.
“Ahem.” I clear my throat. “You sure are hungry after a two-hour hike.”
“Hmm, this curry is delicious with the perfect level of spice for me.” He sips his tea and adds in an even, unaffected tone. “I love to taste things that sizzle the tongue, make my eyes water, and send a buzz from head to toe.”
The tea in my mouth spurts out, followed by a hacking cough at the images my mind conjures. Aditya rushes to rub my back and offers me water after I settle.
“Are you okay?” He studies me, all worried. “Was the tea too hot for you?”
I wave for him to sit down. Not ready to open my mouth. Afraid of all the inappropriate, kinky things I want to say.
The next half-hour passes, relishing our food while talking about the trek. We promise to do a few more in these parts before we head back to drop Aditya at his home. On the turn to the pathway leading to his house, I test the waters.
“Do you want to meet a few friends? We are a small group of LGBTQ people. Two are foreigners; the rest are Indians. We meet once every two weeks in one of our houses. The next gathering is in a week.”
“What do you do at these meets?” A subtle fear laces Aditya’s curiosity.
“Umm, we gather and catch up on our lives. Offer support and advice if someone is facing an issue. Entry is by invitation only. No strangers are allowed.” After grabbing his attention, I lay the bait.
“We can't do anything in public, so the group is our little safe space for some PDA. No one will stop you if you want to kiss someone.”
Aditya stops in his tracks and surveys our surroundings.
He clenches and unclenches his fist. Uncertain and searching.
For what? He bites his lower lip before lunging at me.
He grabs my t-shirt, rises on his haunches in a snap, making up the few inches in height, and kisses my lips.
Caught by surprise, I am stupefied. My lack of reaction makes him step back.
“I... I am sorry. I should not have come on to you.” He turns, rushing to open his door.
I grab his shoulders and spin him around, cupping his face. “Do you think I would have allowed you to even touch me if I did not want the kiss?”
“S-Still. I am thirty-seven. Old enough to be your father.” Aditya drops his head and whispers, “Or your chacha.”
“So what? I am twenty-two and have lived alone for enough years to make my own decisions. We are both adults. Those numbers are not obstacles as long as we want the same thing.” I trace the roundness of his soft cheeks before moving on to the freshly shaven cupid's bow.
“You are only fifteen years older. How can you be my father? Who gets married before eighteen nowadays?”
I push the door with my shoulders and lead Aditya inside, shoving the door shut with my foot.
The silent yearning in his eyes has broken my restraint.
I push him against the door and press my lips to his.
He moans and opens, allowing my tongue to explore his mouth.
I lean into him, squashing him against the door, as his fingers tighten their grip on my head.
Our tongues frolic in lust-filled loops.
I pull his leg up, aligning our groins, and press him harder against the door.
He goes feral. Nips and tugs enter the scene where our mouths are devouring each other.
My hand moves to his groin, rubbing his bulge.
Aditya's grip on my arms tightens as he lets out a loud moan, breaking the kiss. Ragged breaths escape his mouth. He squeezes his eyes shut. “Y-you are my first.” He stutters, opening his eyes wide in fear. “Jimmy, I have never been with a man.”
Ah. This is what he meant.
“I will be your guide on this gay way of life.”
His downcast eyes and drooping shoulders trigger the protective instinct in me.
I lift his chin and trace his swollen lips with my thumb before pressing it into his mouth, laying my claim on him.
He sucks in a breath and closes his eyes.
The opportunity is there to move things to the bedroom, but I want him to consider what I am offering with a rational mind.
He is too turned on at present. So am I.
When he opens his eyes, I peck his cheek. “Think about this.” I wiggle my eyebrows, wink, and depart with a sly smile of a promise of possibilities. This is one outcome I had not counted on when I woke at four this morning. A trip to the temple is due tomorrow.
***
ADITYA
Once the door closes, I rush to the window in the lobby.
Jimmy whistles and waves before disappearing down the road.
I watch him walk away, my heart hammering against my chest. On the opposite wall, I glance at the man in the mirror.
Hair ruffled, lips swollen, and spectacles tilted.
Gosh, I want more of this dishevelled, blown-away Aditya.
The light from outside, however, catches on to the few strands of grey hair and plunges me back into the shadows of my life.
Was I brazen? Should I have behaved more my age instead of coming across as a lust-filled, horny teenager?
I must process each step on this journey before moving to the next.
There is an entire swamp of regret to steer clear of, but I find it hard to do.
Should I... should I not allow this indulgence?
What will Shalini say? Will she be offended?
Am I free from the shackles of my past to make a choice?
Yes, you do. Everyone has.
Or does not. What if I hurt myself? Worse, what if I hurt Jimmy?
When presented with more than one path, we choose one way.
Only to walk ahead and find, this is not what we wanted.
But we have trudged too far down the road to turn.
The choice is taken away from us. Who could understand this better than me?
Am I brave enough to live free of all the crumpled pages in my life?
The concept is still alien to me. In the past year, I have read about the proud and out people living their best lives and pondered about their journeys.
Would I have taken the road they took if the fork presented on my path?
As a history professor, I try to read between the lines.
Find the tipping point. The exact moment a person became a hero, a legend.
The pages of history never capture the daily choices of the Maratha King Shivaji Raje or the brave Rani Padmavati.
I believe every being has an immense capacity to give love.
But we hold back and share ourselves in pieces.
What if I had found someone and shared my full power of loving them?
Did I deny myself the possibility of a loving life by living a lie?
Do I continue to deny myself the chance to find love?
Jatin’s words come flooding back. I wipe my sweating palm on my tracksuit, take out my phone, and type a message to Jimmy.
Join me for lunch tomorrow.
I send the text to Jimmy before any doubts dissuade me.
I will cook.
My second text follows without waiting for Jimmy's response. The three dots appear and disappear, and a pit starts to form in my stomach. I release my breath at his reply, holding the phone against my thumping heart.
At your service, sir.
The mind conjures up images of the table setting on my porch and runs away, listing the dishes for the menu.
Humming to myself, I make a list of ingredients and spend the rest of the day gathering stuff and preparing the fire pit.
The hardwood lump charcoal and applewood chunks are stocked in my store.
After rummaging through my kitchen supplies, I head to the weekly market to pick up the missing spices and condiments.
When I return, I am exhausted. Sleep comes fast, tucked in by the memories of the kiss with Jimmy, singing lullabies, and promising more exciting things the next day.