Chapter 7 #2
“Every day, she spoke of only one thing. Find a wife. How will you live alone? My mama ji introduced Shalini, a niece of his friend. A simple, middle-class girl. She used to teach primary school kids. I did not dare to say no to Ma. The run-up to the marriage made her so happy.” My throat clogs. “Ma died a month after my marriage.”
He rubs my back. “Were you happy in your marriage?”
Was I? “Things were great during the first couple of years, but the pressure to have a child bore down on us from the extended family. We avoided family gatherings and spent most of our time at home. Intimacy became a chore, timed to the doctor’s orders.
In our solitude, we created silos. Words between Shalini and me dried.
Whatever slivers of love we had trickled out of the relationship.
Even returning home from work felt like a walk to the gallows. ”
I rub my eyes and clear my throat. Jimmy fills a glass of water and offers it to me. What impression am I leaving? Sniffling like a child, but the floodgates are now open.
“Fights broke out over trivial things. Living together became suffocating. I hated each day. The bickering only brought pain. Shalini wanted to separate, but I clung to the shrivelling thread binding us in the false hope of reviving our relationship.” Or the legacy of my promise to Ma.
“Did Shalini hurt you? I mean with words.” Jimmy is still on his knees beside me, rubbing my thigh.
“Sorry, I am painting the wrong portrait. Shalini is not evil. We were a square peg and a round hole. Deep down, I understood the reason. Marriage should never be a compromise. I should have been brave enough to say no to Ma. Every time I considered telling her my truth, a whirlpool of what-if’s opened.
I did not want to be the reason for Ma’s death. ”
“Were you ever tempted?” His question is earnest. “...to explore.” He adds, confirming my hunch of where he is taking this conversation.
“Social media opened my eyes. Watching other queer men live an out and proud life did tempt me to seek happiness outside. I would never cheat on Shalini even though our marriage had turned to ashes. I needed my independence to find my way. Shalini needed freedom to live a life she deserves, filled with happiness and love.”
“You are kind and considerate. I would never be able to survive. When my Bapu insisted on meeting prospective brides, I revolted.” He stands and stares into the distance. The turmoil is visible on his face.
“Jimmy, you are brave to make your path. Not giving in to the pressures of family or society takes a lot of courage at eighteen years of age.” I stand beside him and hold his hand.
He squeezes mine. “Sometimes, I wonder if I were foolish to give up the comfort of life at home. We were wealthy farmers. While here, I am struggling to make ends meet.”
I turn Jimmy to face me and place my hands on his shoulders. “What do you want to achieve in life?”
Jimmy sighs and smiles. “This.” He strikes a pose, settling on the wooden railing.
“I want to be a model. I want to make enough money so I never have to worry about my next meal. Marriage is out of the question in this country, but someday, I hope to have a house, a small farm, and a partner with whom I can grow old.” His eyes sparkle as he narrates his dreams.
The flickers of hope in Jimmy stir my heart. What do I do to make this man’s life better? I am not a God, and I failed as a human. I am no saviour and will never be anybody’s hero, but I can give him a few minutes of joy.
“Come. I want to show you something.” I drag him down the steps from the porch. We walk down a small path to the left of the house.
“You are kidding me.” Jimmy rushes ahead and opens the wooden gate, securing my kitchen garden. He kneels and runs his hands over the coriander leaves. “You grow your food.”
“Yeah, the secret ingredient to our meal.” I point to my small farm. “The coriander and okra were fresh. Harvested this morning.”
“Will you teach me to grow vegetables?” Jimmy pleads like a child as he examines the pale-yellow okra flowers. “Papa shooed me away from the farm. He wanted me to focus on boxing, but the farm was the one place which gave me peace. I miss my farm the most.”
Jimmy's eyes study the garden with longing. Promises of sharing our lives are too early to make, but we can share this passion, “I will, as long as you never call me a professor.”
“Promise.” He clasps his hands around me, humming with excitement.
“I have some potato seeds to plant. Are you interested?”
“Yes. What do you want me to do?” His face lights up like a child’s does upon receiving a gift.
“The soil bed is ready. We need to plant the seed potatoes about an inch below the ground level.” I open the shed on the side of the garden and bring out the pieces. “We plant only the slices with one or two eyes sprouting.”
Jimmy joins me, shovelling and burrowing the seed potatoes. He starts to hum a Hindi film song. I struggle to recall the lyrics, but the notes remind me of a question I wanted to ask.
“Jimmy, who gave you your name?”
“Why?” He looks up from a few feet ahead of where I am planting.
“The name is uncommon for your part of the world. Someone in your family must be a fan of the actor?”
“Yeah, my mother,” he mumbles as he continues his work.
“How did she know you would be more handsome than the actor?”
I have never seen a man blush. The pink on Jimmy's fair cheeks is kiss-worthy.
“So, I am attractive?” He cocks his head and winks.
“Putting words in my mouth, are you?” I tease him. “But you are cute.”
He leaves the spade and seeds behind, crawling to me like a tiger. He pats his hands to remove the dirt. His phone buzzes. He takes it out and groans.
“Why is it 4.30 already?” With remorse, he turns to me. “Will you be upset if I leave this unfinished? I can come tomorrow to finish?”
Why wait until tomorrow? Come back tonight. I want to say, but the ‘wanting to act mature’ high horse comes in the way. “No problem. I will leave the planting at this stage, and we can finish when you are free.”
Dusting my hands, I stand and join him as he closes the gate to the garden.
“I had a fantastic time today. Thanks for everything. I owe you a date.” He walks beside me as we make our trip to the house.
“You owe me nothing. Instead, I should thank you for spending time with a lonely old man.”
“From this angle, you are an adorable old man.” Jimmy uses his fingers to make a square camera shape and pans the frame from my face to my body. I shove him on the shoulder. He stumbles. I grab and pull, but he is too heavy. We crash on the grass bed — me on top of him.
“What about from this angle?” I tease him with a raised eyebrow and kiss his nose.
“Beautiful.” Jimmy traces my cheek with his knuckle. “I hate leaving, but Sahil will be upset, and the owner turns up at the gym in the evening.” He whispers.
“I understand. If the schools were open, I also would have been unable to entertain you on a weekday.” I help him off the ground. We brush off the grass and leaves.
“When do the schools open?” He asks as we reach my door.
“Next week.”
Jimmy's face drops. “Damn, we will only be able to meet on Sundays.” He runs his fingers through the thick black waves of hair covering his forehead.
“We meet daily in the morning.”
“Yeah, but I am busy with the clients.” Jimmy huffs.
I, too, am frustrated. When I see him at the gym, I stifle my smile and keep my hands to myself.
“I have an idea. Will your boss let you take an hour off from the gym at around 8 AM? Only once a week. We can have breakfast together.”
Jimmy’s eyebrows bunch up over the bridge of his nose. “What do you have in mind?”
“We need a physical education instructor for the children. Can you develop some exercises for teenage kids?”
“Why not?” His eyes sparkle as he smiles.
“Will your boss agree?” I don’t want Jimmy to get into trouble or lose his job.
“Leave Bhatia Ji to me.” He plants a kiss on my cheek and waves goodbye.
I stand and take in every second of the view, soaking in the warmth wrapping my soul. The fragrance riding the first whiffs of a new beginning.