Chapter 16
The upright man and the devil
JIMMY
“Umm, I find his lilt sexy. Jimmy's voice is his identity. Why change?”
Aditya is still unhappy with the fuss about my English-speaking skills.
He stands with his hands on his hips and a cute frown.
Dressed in a white button-down shirt over dark blue trousers, his dapper teacher persona does things to me, but he will kill me if I give him one more kiss.
We have been sneaking around Kiron and Kenny all morning.
“You find every part of him sexy.” Kiron croons, batting their mauve-coloured lids.
“I find Addy sexy too.” My words and goofy grin earn a smack from Aditya.
Kiron rolls their eyes.
Aditya and I have explored every part of our bodies in a slow build-up with blowjobs over the past few weeks. Not my usual style, but I am patient to make the ultimate connection. He is more than a hook-up. Between kisses and spending time in bed, the hunger for him is insatiable.
“Hush. Stop behaving like teenagers.” Kenny admonishes our bickering. “Jimmy should appear polished and at his best. We will not let anyone make our Jimmy feel less.”
“Besides,” Kiron adds. “An author should come across as sophisticated.”
“Why? Not everyone has a convent education. The agency wants to build the backstory of an author from a small town in India. Jimmy is a smart, confident, self-made man. He is no less than anyone.” Aditya bristles.
My heart jumps over hoops at his protectiveness. Apart from my friends, no one has ever stood up for me. Not even my mother when my father and uncles slapped, punched, and kicked me. Without giving two hoots about our company, I gather Aditya in my arms and kiss his forehead.
But he stiffens and pushes me away. “I–I should be getting along. The meeting with the District Education Officer is at eleven.” Aditya scrambles to collect his bag and rushes out, head hanging low, without even a second glance at Kiron and Kenny, the two grinning idiots.
His reaction unsettles me. I scramble to catch up to him. “Hey, Addy, wait. Did I do something wrong?”
He takes my hand and squeezes a reassurance. “Jimmy, the kiss in front of others—”
I interrupt him. “They are friends.”
He stares into my eyes before continuing, “I am new to this. Give me some time to adjust.”
“Sorry if I have upset you. I will be careful.” I lace our fingers together.
“I want to do all these things, but public displays have always made me uneasy.” Aditya squeezes my hand. “Give me some time to become comfortable.”
I rub my thumb on his palm. “Take your time. We will go at your pace.”
“Thanks. Good luck with the photo shoot.” Aditya heads toward the bus stand.
I wait till he disappears around the corner. After a month of practising and learning, today is the big day — my photoshoot for author pics and the modelling portfolio. When I return, Kiron and Kenny greet me with concern on their faces. I reassure them. “Aditya is like a rabbit. Shy and skittish.”
“Hmm. But the professor is a nice person.” Kenny pats my shoulder.
“Yeah, he is.” A kind-hearted soul. Pure and honest. Someone I hoped to find one day — a person with whom I can build a life.
My biggest dread is the loneliness after losing my family.
I am lucky to find a small group of queer friends in this town, but a life companion is way beyond my dreams. Now, a glimmer of light shines in my heart with Aditya walking into the scene. A new hope rises every day.
“Ouch.”
Kiron pinches me. I must be dreamy-eyed. “Jimmy, are things becoming serious with Aditya?”
I smile at Kiron’s question. “Yeah.”
“Ooh, Jimmy got himself a daddy.” Kenny teases.
“Shut up.” I shove him to the side. “No daddy-shaddy for me.”
“Why not? A mature man brings stability to a relationship.” Kiron gangs up against me, joining hands with Kenny. Kiron speaks from experience. They are well-versed in the dynamics of such a relationship. Sudhanshu is ten years older than them.
“I want to be his equal partner, but Aditya is educated and established in his career. Why would he want to settle for me? I am not even a graduate.” I express the fears nibbling in my mind.
“Don't you dare sell yourself short! Aditya is lucky to have you in his life. You are committed, truthful, and not to mention, hot as fuck.” Kenny fans himself.
“Jimmy, from our meetings with Aditya, I don't think he considers your lack of education a barrier.
But, if the difference is a worry, why don't you do something about it? Now you have a safety net and some spare money.” Kiron sits me on a chair, holding my attention with their intense, no-bullshitting gaze.
“Yeah, Kiron is right. You should look up certifications for physiotherapy or physical training.” Kenny adds his two bits.
“Jimmy, so many courses are now online. Explore and find out what's best for you. We are all there to support you. I am sure Aditya will be a great guide to help you choose a course.”
Kenny’s words sow a seed in my mind.
“Yeah. But first, let's set the ball rolling on this job.” I gather my friends in a group hug. A fire lights in my heart for a better life.
***
ADITYA
“Jimmy, this is an excellent online course. You only have to go to Delhi for exams.” Kenny waves with his hands.
“Who learns physical fitness by watching videos?” Jimmy shakes his head, protesting Kenny's argument.
“Says the man who has built his reputation as a trainer on video tutorials.” Sahil scoffs.
“Yeah, but I never claim I am certified. If I do a course, I want to learn the finer nuances from the pros, to stop people pointing fingers at me.” Jimmy glares at Sahil.
“What is your real problem?” Kenny is irritated.
“Guys, cool down.” I intervene, carrying the ginger tea to the group, who are ready to tear one another apart. They have been busy reviewing physical trainer certification courses on Kenny's laptop. “First, drink your masala chai and savour these fresh pakodas.”
“Umm, delicious.” Sahil gobbles up a handful of the deep-fried, gram-flour-laced potato-and-vegetable crispies. “The perfect accompaniment to a haggling group of adults on a rainy day.” He licks his finger clean of the tamarind chutney.
“Wow. Kiron has competition now. These are terrific, and the chai, a perfect brew.” Kenny hums in delight.
Steam from the cups rises in the thick, humid air filled with petrihor as the pitter-patter of raindrops on the roof and leaves plays a symphony outside.
The monsoons in the mountains are relentless.
Jimmy is silent, sipping his tea and munching on the pakodas. I squeeze his knee below the table. He gives me a wry smile.
“Take your time. You don't need to decide now or even tomorrow.”
He sighs, dropping his shoulders, “I don't think I can take this course.”
“Why? You are intelligent and, with your experience working in a gym, a step ahead of others. You will ace this,” I reassure him.
Jimmy fidgets, running his finger over the edge of the steaming cup of tea.
“How will I take out time with all this?” He waves his hands in circles.
“How do I ask Bhatia ji for more time off? He is already accommodating me for this prep time. Once the book show gets on the road, I will be up to my neck.”
“Hmm, a niggle, but nothing we can't workaround. We only need to plan with the least disruption to your gym commitments.” I rub my hand on Jimmy's thigh in hopes of comforting him.
“And don't forget, Bhatia sir gets another leverage to advertise over other local gyms once you are certified. Plus, a few print and modelling assignments will only add to the gym's stature.” Sahil pats Jimmy's back.
But Jimmy is still tense. A thick tuft of wavy hair hides his furrowed forehead. Something Kenny too notices.
“What else is bothering you?” Kenny asks, as he helps me gather the teacups. I walk to the kitchen, rinse the cups, and place them in the sink, keeping one ear to the conversation in the living room.
“Did you guys not see the zeros in the course fee? Seventy thousand bucks. Add the costs for travel and stay. Where am I going to find the money? This book gig is not going to pay more unless the book sells. Modelling assignments are still a big question mark.” Jimmy rattles off more objections.
“I will fund your studies,” I blurt out.
The room goes silent. Jimmy straightens his back. Kenny leans over and whispers something in his ear, giggling at his own comment. Jimmy, though, is not amused. He pushes Kenny aside and storms out to the backyard.
“What the hell did you say to Jimmy?” I glare at Kenny.
“What is a sugar daddy? Does the phrase mean something bad in your gay world?” Sahil looks between Kenny and me.
“Umm, only a joke.” Kenny squirms.
I shake my head in dismay, but now is not the time to deal with Kenny. Besides, Jimmy is more important to me. So I walk out to find him.
He is leaning over the railing, staring at the rain sweeping across the freshly washed, lush green deodars. I stand beside him and place my hand on his.
“Jimmy, I am sorry. I crossed a line.” He does not respond. “Sometimes, I get carried away in my zeal to help people without realising how disrespectful such offers can be.” Even if I mean nothing to them, my inner voice adds in the confines of my head.
Jimmy turns and faces me. His eyes are wet. I tuck a strand of his hair behind his ears to allow me a clear view of the windows to his thoughts. Two forlorn eyes spear through me. “I am sorry I hurt you.”
Jimmy shakes his head and gathers me in his arms, “Addy, I—” He takes a deep breath. “Please forgive me, but I value my self-respect. I appreciate all you are doing for me, but if we are to make something for ourselves, we have to do this relationship on an equal footing.”
I burrow my head on his shoulder, “Jimmy, I am sorry.”
He caresses my head, running his fingers through my hair. “I understand my finances are not worth anywhere near yours, but I will never borrow money from you or anyone else. I am determined to make a life for myself.”
I dig my hands into Jimmy's back, scared of the implications of his words. The world I am trying to build with him rests on the shaky ground of my lies. One more foundation stone tumbles away. Jimmy is slipping through my fingers like the grains of sand on a beach. The thousand rupees’ cheque in his name from the NGO for Jimmy's physical education classes prickles in my shirt pocket.
I had planned to give him the envelope today, once the gang left.
I must confess. At least with this, I can be truthful. “Jimmy, I did a thing.” I keep my voice low, hoping he won’t panic.
He pulls away and gazes at me, holding my shoulders. “What did you do?”
My hands tremble as I dig out the envelope and hand the paper to Jimmy. “This cheque is for the classes you are taking for the kids at the school. They want you to continue for two more months. The amount is not much for your services, but we are dependent on donations to run our operations.”
He stares at the cheque. I take a step back, afraid of his reaction. He surprises me by pulling me into his arms and kissing me before joining our foreheads. “Why? Why are you doing this for me? Who are you, and where did you come from? Did God send me an angel?”
Nope. Not a smidgen of angel dust inside me.
I am the devil luring an upright, conscientious man into a life of sin.
I am sure with the right mirror, one will find a red-skinned devil with black horns in my place.
Once they find out, the kindling of lies I am gathering around me will burn my world to ashes.
I doubt if anything or anyone will survive.
But till the calamity is at my door, I will cherish every second I get in Jimmy's arms, embedding him into my memory cells.