Chapter 22
Pride and fall
ADITYA
Phew, too many close calls. Jimmy should be careful. The way his eyes searched and lingered on me, a discerning gaze would make the connection. I hope no one paid attention to the gentle brushes of the arm or his fingers tracing the back of my hand whenever Jimmy passed by me.
Priya had invited a carefully curated list of people, which I had vetted to ensure no one from my past circle of acquaintances was included. The agency personnel were not strangers. The rest of the book launch went as per the script. Jimmy handled the questions like a pro.
I wait for him at the corner of B block in the outer circle at our pre-determined place before joining the Pride parade.
Brrr. I grit my teeth and cover my neck with my scarf.
Delhi is cold in November, but not as chilly as Almora.
The gang had reassured me about Almora. The place had not received snow for years.
I should survive my first winter in the hills, with Jimmy to warm my bed.
“Hi, Mr Latecomer.” The point of my affection appears. Jimmy places his hands on his hips, looking me over with a stern face. Shit, I am about to be whipped.
“What happened? Why are you limping? Where did you fall?” He squeezes my shoulder.
“Ouch.” I wince and clasp my arm. The pain stings, and my eyes water.
“Oh, shit.” His eyes soften with concern. “Addy, we should find a doctor.”
“Already showed a doctor. Nothing to worry about.” Unfortunately, my raspy voice is not convincing.
“We should go to your room. You should rest. Do you have ice in the refrigerator?” He grabs my hands and pulls me towards the Metro station.
“Whoa. Stop, Mr Hotty-shotty.” I try to bring Jimmy's temperature down with some endearing words and a smile. He is having none of my lame efforts at distraction. One quirk of an eyebrow and all the secrets come tumbling out. I narrate the events at the restaurant.
He is shocked. He balls his hands and lets out his frustration in curses. “What the hell, Addy? Why did you not call me? I would have punched the daylights out of the fucker.”
“How would your beating Rahul have calmed things down? I have no intention for you or me to ever land in jail. Besides, the book show is important for you.” And to me, today's events are a stark reminder of why having Jimmy as my fake author persona is a correct decision.
“Addy, we should file a complaint or find a legal way to keep those thugs away.” He bristles.
“Involving the police is out of the question, but Jatin is talking to a few lawyers.
Let's hope we find a permanent solution. I am tired of Shalini and her family.” My shoulders slump at how my relationship with them moved from love to hatred in two years.
Is this hostility deserved? Will they stop after sending me to a hospital, or are they out for my blood?
“Addy, we will find a solution. Sudhanshu and Brian have a few friends in the Almora police department. They can guide us.” Jimmy gathers me in his arms.
In his warm arms, I forget the frustrations of my past, my lying, the impending implosion of this life I am building with Jimmy, and the pain of today's events, till he squeezes.
“Aah.” I wince.
“Oh, sorry. I hurt you again. Let us go to your apartment.” He holds my hands and looks on with concern in his eyes.
I need a diversion. My place is a risk. We can't walk in together. I never imagined the situation with Shalini's family would become violent.
“Nah, the injuries are minor. We should not miss the parade.” He had been eager to attend. The gang had pestered us to take pictures and videos.
“Addy, are you sure? The parade is not so important.”
“I want to go. The parade will distract me from what happened at lunch.” I plead with my eyes.
This is an opportunity for me to be more comfortable with who I am and take the next step in my journey.
To find my place in the LGBT community. Today, I can observe and absorb.
Someday in the future, I will walk amongst my queer friends with my head held high.
Out and proud to the world. Like my Jimmy.
“You will let me know if the pain becomes too much and you want to rest.”
“Sure.”
He grins and entwines our fingers. We walk to the crossing to the starting point of the parade, chatting about the book launch.
“You were fantastic.” I pat his back.
“The best people have trained me.” Jimmy squeezes my arm. “Which reminds me, Priya wants to meet me after the parade, so we have about forty-five minutes to ourselves.”
“What does she want?” I feign ignorance, despite being aware of the agenda. I hate myself, but things at the launch worked out well.
“Not sure, something to do with new offers and assignments. Do you think I may land an acting gig?” Jimmy wonders out loud.
The joy on his face is another reason this charade should continue until his dream comes true. A surprise awaits him at Priya's office. He is on his way to modelling stardom, which can set him up for TV and movie roles.
“Did you see the Instagram posts of the event? Two hundred new people followed me in the last hour.” He stops and scrolls to the posts and his follower count.
I snicker at the follower profiles; most are female.
“At the event, the ladies were swooning over you,” I tease him.
“Hard luck. I am already taken and by the wrong gender.” Jimmy winks.
A loud pop draws our attention. Paper confetti in rainbow colours rains down on us.
My eyes bug out at the hundreds of people holding rainbow flags and banners.
A group of people is dancing to bhangra beats, cheered on by the crowd.
Some are dressed in leather, while a few have make-up.
The gathering is an amalgamation of people of all ages.
A parent support group is also here. I spot a few drag queens in bold and bright clothing.
A rainbow arch made of balloons moves through the crowd at a distance.
Jimmy pulls me, but my legs are nailed to the ground. “Jimmy, I... I am scared.”
“Addy, these are our people. No need to be afraid. We can be the butterflies we want to be.” He holds my hand tight. “I am here with you.”
I gulp down my doubts and walk into the parade with him. Jimmy is in his element, smiling and talking with people. He even pecks a few on their cheeks.
“Oh, look what we found. My cutie pie.” A person dressed in a shimmering pink salwar kameez walks up to us. Their lips are coloured red, and glitter covers their cheeks and upper eyelids.
Jimmy leaves my hand and rushes to gather them in his arms. “Heer? What a surprise.” Both hug and plant kisses on each other.
“Who is this?” Heer's eyes land on me, giving me a once-over.
“Heer, meet my boyfriend, Aditya.” Jimmy introduces us. “Addy, this is Heer. We met when they came to Almora for a vacation two years ago.”
A jealous serpent writhes up my spine. How close are these two? Jimmy has never talked about his past relationships.
“Ooh. Jimmy baba got a sugar daddy.” Heer walks to me and pats my back.
Their touch prickles like sandpaper, but the words have a caustic effect.
They singe my chest. I know how uneasy Jimmy is with this label.
I am also not interested in playing such a role in his life.
I respect him for the man he is, despite the rocks thrown at him by life.
Jimmy cringes, but surprises me with his reaction. “Don't embarrass him, Heer. Addy is my shy lover.” He holds my head in his hands and pulls my face to lock our lips.
Hoots go off. Chants of ‘Hot, hot, hot’ start.
Someone whistles, and claps erupt around us.
I startle and push Jimmy to find people with mobile phones directed at us.
A cameraman is filming the scene we made in front of the crowd.
My chest tightens, breathing becomes difficult, and sweat trickles down my temples.
The scarf feels like a noose. The faces of strangers swirl and blur.
Nauseated, I stumble in the crowd. A hand grips my elbow, and a familiar voice calls, but I snap my hand away and run.
Jimmy's voice fades as the distance increases.
***
JIMMY
What happened? I run after Aditya, keeping track of the bobbing head amidst the crowd, till a group of dancers blocks my way.
The loud drums and singing drown my hollers to him.
By the time I manage to manoeuvre past the drag queens, Aditya is gone.
I run through the crowd, searching for a glimpse of his whereabouts. Shit, man. Where the hell did he go?
Confused and worried, I make my way to the sidewalk and dial Aditya's number. Come on, please pick up the call. Three more calls go unanswered. Did Heer spook him, or was it our kiss? But Aditya and I have kissed so many times. Not in public. Don’t forget Aditya still has a foot in the closet.
A few months cannot undo years of fear. I should check at his apartment.
I shoot him a quick text and walk to the Metro station.
My mobile buzzes, and I fumble to take the phone out of my pocket.
Urgh. Not now. I swipe to take Priya's call.
“Jimmy, where are you?”
Dammit, I forgot. What should I do? Go after Aditya, or meet Priya? Her words force the decision for me.
“Jimmy, we have a client waiting for you. Please be on time.” She disconnects, leaving me with no option. But my mind will not be at peace till I confirm Aditya is safe. I search my contacts to dial Jatin's number. He picks after two rings.
“Hi, I am Jimmy. Aditya's friend.”
“Hey, nice to finally speak to you.”
Not bothering with idle chit-chat, I go straight to my concern. “Jatin, I am calling about Aditya. We were at the Delhi Pride parade. Something spooked him, and he panicked. I tried to follow him when he ran, but lost him in the crowd. Now he is not answering my phone or messages.”
“Oh, umm. Let me see if I can reach him. I will ask him to contact you. Don't worry. Aditya has lived in Delhi all his life. He won't lose his way.”
“Thanks. I am heading to a meeting with my agent. If I don't pick up, leave a message. I should be free in an hour. I will check my phone once I am done.”
Jatin’s assurance is a relief. At least he will trace Aditya while I am busy. Priya greets me at the agency reception. Her frown disappears at my sight. “What happened? You look hassled.”
I narrate the events of the past hour to her.
Though she reassures me about Aditya, the furrows on her forehead indicate she is not convinced herself.
“Let us finish this meeting. If you still have no word about your friend, I will drive you to his apartment and check. You have his address, don’t you? ”
Priya walks me to the boardroom, where a lady dressed in beige business attire is waiting for us.
“Jimmy, meet Ms Natasha.” After the introductions, we get down to business.
My heart starts pounding as Priya informs me about the offer.
Natasha represents a marketing agency working for an upcoming men's hair and beard grooming firm.
The company wants me to be the face of their new line of products.
My body starts humming as Natasha explains her vision for the shoot. Three ads would be filmed at different locations in Delhi. Priya talks about the money involved, sending my eyes out of my sockets. A whole year's worth of my gym salary. Things are about to take a definite upturn in my life.
This is exciting news, but the first person I want to share this with is missing. The concerns about Aditya's whereabouts sober the joy of landing a TV commercial. God, please let him be safe.
“Can I go over the agreement and get back? Today has been hectic, and I need to rest.”
Priya and Natasha agree to my request to end the meeting. I rush out and check my phone for messages. Ah, thank God. Jatin's text is a balm to my bristling emotions. Aditya is safe. But the next text is from him. The words gnaw at my heart.
Sorry. I had to rush. Something came up in Almora. See you on your return. The apartment keys are with you.
Am I only worth a text to him? No explanation. No call. What matter is so critical? Why did Aditya not wait?
“Everything okay. Has your friend contacted you?” Priya steps beside me.
“Hmm, yeah. Thanks for doing all this for me.” I wave the advertising contract at Priya.
“This is my job, Jimmy. Stay with us, and more success will follow. We will talk once you settle things with your friend.” She pats my back and goes to her office.
Friend, boyfriend, acquaintance, or a nobody — who am I to Aditya?
His unease at public displays of affection had started an itch in me today.
Okay, at the book launch, I can understand.
There were media people with cameras. One court verdict does not change deep-seated social or cultural prejudices.
But at the Pride? We were amongst our own.
If Aditya can't free himself amongst our people, how will we build a future together?
I have sacrificed every relationship to be where I am; nothing will push me back into the dark emptiness of the closet.
“Uff. Aah.” The groan startles me. An older man rubs his shoulder as I step onto the street outside Priya's office.
“Oh, sorry, Uncle ji. I missed my step.”
Another man pushes my hand away and thwarts my efforts to steady him.
“You should be careful. My father could have slipped and hurt himself.” The twenty-something man wearing a home-knitted grey and white striped sweater swears at me.
I step back, giving the duo space. Uncle ji straightens, adjusting his suspenders; the recognition dawns on us.
“You, the writer?” The older man frowns. “We meet again.” A smirk crosses his face.
My stomach clenches, and a wisp of dread rushes through my veins. Who is this man? Why does he keep bumping into me? I should confront him, but at present, I have more pressing matters on my hand. A question mark on my relationship with Aditya.