Chapter 28 #2
“We won't be able to persuade Jimmy. The money is up to him to take or refuse.” Kiron stops me from talking.
“He has every right to be angry at me, but the money is his hard work. The amount will support Jimmy in whatever he wishes to do next.” I protest.
“Aditya, his principles matter, not the amount. Let Jimmy make the call.” Kiron's tone is firm.
“Please help me find a way.” My eyes dart between Kiron and Sudhanshu, my hands clasped in a plea, tears trickling down my cheeks.
After a brief silence, Sudhanshu clears his throat. “Invest the amount for Jimmy's future. A safety net. A cushion while Jimmy makes up his mind.”
“Will you? Will you help me plan things out?”
I send a silent prayer to God and release my breath when Sudhanshu agrees.
***
“So, this is Sir Wilfred.” Jatin runs his fingers around the bust of my stone-faced friend. He salutes Sir Wilfred and marches to join me on the park bench facing the statue.
“Your psychologist's couch is uncomfortable.” Jatin surveys the black wrought iron bench. He winces when the freezing metal chills his butt through the jeans.
“Dork.” I nudge him with my elbow. Since he arrived, Jatin has managed to elicit faint smiles with his antics in the past two days.
He sighs, “What are you planning to do?”
I stare straight, tracking my squirrel friend on the fence. Gillu has kept me company in the desolate weeks.
“You should meet Jimmy.” Jatin settles to rest his back, head lying on interlocked fingers. He stares at the overcast sky.
“Jimmy is brave. I am not.” Always taking the easier non-confrontational path.
Except while giving my lectures, I make sure not to stand out.
“He needs someone strong like him.” Someone who faces rejection and adversity but still lives their true selves.
Jimmy deserves a person who is a safe space for him, so his confidence beams like sunshine.
Not me, who will only drag him behind doors, discomforted by the slightest judgmental gaze of the world.
“Addy, caring for someone to put your life on hold, whether for a mother or an ex, is a character strength.” Jatin places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes.
I roll my eyes. He is so biased. “Yeah, so you are saying lying is a virtue.”
“No. Don’t misinterpret me. Putting others before yourself is a virtue. Your means may not have been right, but there is no doubt about your intent.”
Is good intent enough? Would my intentions be enough to wash away the guilt?
Every dictator or emperor in history never doubted the righteousness of their actions before plunging millions into war.
We do things in the moment under the illusion of being the one in power, but those acts set off ripples in time beyond our control.
Call this karma, or by any other name, the consequences determine how history judges.
Intent disappears in the dust left behind by time.
Jatin sighs. “You are the strength Jimmy should have in his life. Look how you fought for him. How you are determined, he gets justice. Go talk to Jimmy.”
“I can't.” The words stumble out of my parched throat. “I have caused enough trouble in his life. Besides, Jimmy does not want to see me again.”
“Yeah, so why does he allow Sahil to send you photos of his recovery?” Jatin counters.
I turn to face him. “Photos are different. Sahil sends them to others also.”
“Oh yeah, you think so? I am sure Jimmy knows one of the recipients of those pictures is you.”
Jatin may be correct in his assumption, but I won't let the spark rekindle my hopes.
Every day for the past three weeks, Sahil has updated me on Jimmy's progress, sending photos, doctors' prescriptions, and even the menu.
In addition, Kiron and Kenny consulted me before sending home-cooked meals, ensuring Jimmy received the best nutrition on his road back to health.
“Jimmy has people to support and love him.” To protect him from his real family, who are out to murder him.
The Hissar police nabbed his cousin from a remote village in Haryana.
Jatinder confessed to hatching the plot with his father and Jimmy's father.
I shudder at the report shared by the police officer.
How can a father bay for his own son's blood?
As a key witness to the attack, trips to the court are in my future, but the discomfort is a small price to ensure the culprits are behind bars for their crimes.
“Aditya, Jimmy spoke those words in the heat of the moment. Things change. People change. Give him another chance.” Jatin places his hand on mine.
“Jimmy is young. He will find someone better.” I pray he finds happiness and love.
“What about you? You also need someone in your life.” Jatin looks on, pleading with me.
“I have you, Priya, and the school. Besides, my writing will keep me going.” I reassure him.
Jatin shakes his head in dismay. “Why are you hell-bent on becoming a hermit? Aditya, we are social animals. We need love in our lives. You can't go on like this.”
“Give me time. Till then, I will keep troubling you in Delhi. If nothing works, I may return.” Or go to another part of the hills, far away from Almora.
Jatin changes the topic. “Do you plan to reveal yourself to the world?”
“Hmm. Yeah. About time I take the onus of my reality and face the world.” The brooding over the challenges in Jimmy's life is a lesson for me. How to be proud, how to never cow down to bullies.
“Have you told anyone else?” Worry furrows Jatin's forehead.
“Yeah. The first ones were Shalini's family.”
Jatin is surprised. “Oh. How did they react?”
“I had no expectations there, but at least they are off my back now.”
“Yeah, those two are another horror story. Man, the depths people can stoop to. Who gave them the foolish idea of breaking into Priya's office?” Jatin rolls his eyes.
“When hate turns to vengeance, people become blind to their actions.” I narrate the events at the police station. “Rahul was such a sweet boy. How did my divorce transform him into a snake?”
“Don’t guilt yourself on Rahul’s account. Your ex-father-in-law and his notions of family honour are potent mixtures to poison any mind.” Jatin rolls his eyes.
“Hmm,” I sigh. “Rahul is only twenty-six. His whole life is ahead of him. If Priya had not agreed to drop the charges, Rahul would carry a criminal record for the rest of his life.”
“Forget about them. I hope lessons were learned, and they stay off your back. What about your NGO and school? Will they create any issue?”
“I informed the management. So far, things are the same. But I am not going to hide anymore.” Coming out is now a daily act.
Accepting myself and saying those words to Shalini took ten-odd years.
Ever since, the cycles have become frequent.
Shalini stayed in shock, in disbelief, but she accepted the inevitable.
My cousins sneered, and uncles and aunts gasped, hawed, and hemmed.
Jatin’s intrigue turned into understanding and acceptance.
He had questions —so many about what the changes meant for me.
Priya, being the consummate professional, accepted me from the start.
Jimmy and his friends were the ones who welcomed me and opened their hearts.
No hate. No bigotry. Jimmy is right; I see the world standing from the comfort of my high tower of privileges.
The gravel of reality scraped my feet when I came down the stairs to mingle with the queer community.
The hate perpetrated by Jimmy's relatives or the absolute disregard for human values at the hospital when I fought to put my name as next of kin, the indignity faced by Sudhanshu and Kiron when they went to donate blood... those moments are eye-openers.
Jatin studies me, eyes shining with love and respect. He pats my back. “One good thing to come out of all this is the book sales. They have soared. Gosh, I am sitting next to a best-selling author.”
“Yeah, but not for the reasons the book should have done well. People are more interested in the novel as a collector's item of my infamy.”
“Still, the money doesn’t hurt.” Jatin nudges me.
“What use are the riches? Jimmy is not budging on his stance. He won't accept a rupee.”
“Hmm, but you are investing in Jimmy's name. I am sure one day he will change his mind about you.”
I shrug, unsure whether Jimmy will ever agree to use those funds.
Jatin must have sensed my helplessness. “How is your second novel coming along?”
I turn to him in surprise. “How do you know about my second book?”
He squirms in his seat. “I peeped into the new manuscript on your writing desk.” When my eyebrows rise, Jatin raises his palms. “Last night, when I did not find you in your bedroom, I went to the study. Your notes and diary were open.”
“I will ask Priya to make you sign a non-disclosure, Mr Snooper.” I ease some of Jatin's tension.
“Will you publish this one under your pen name?”
“No. Going forward, I want to build things on a bedrock of truth. No secrets. No deceptions.”