Chapter 32 Full Circle
Charlie
Dusk was settling over the rubble of what had once been Charlie’s home and business.
The London skies were vivid with streaks of pinks, reds, yellows, and oranges.
Charlie let himself slump against one of the few interior walls still standing.
With the familiar worn door frame beneath his hands, he could close his eyes and believe that the building was still there.
Once they had extracted what survived of their possessions, Betty, Frank, and Ellie hadn’t wanted to come back.
They found the cadaver of the place they had once called home too morbid to see.
Charlie, however, often returned to stand amongst the rubble whenever he needed a moment to clear his head.
His whole life, this place had been both his anchor and the millstone around his neck.
He still didn’t know how to feel now that it was gone.
A comforting outline of a round hat box pressed up against his leg reminded him that tonight’s visit to the shop was different.
The idea of making Ned a hat had come to him slowly.
He hadn’t picked up his millinery tools in years.
The design was the product of waking up beside Ned morning after morning and watching his long eyelashes flutter in sleep, of feeling Ned’s breathing slow and his shoulders relax the moment he lay down beside Charlie.
The bone-deep peace Charlie felt at his side, unlocking an instinct Charlie hadn’t felt in years.
The hat had been both a torture and a joy to make, stretching Charlie’s abilities and almost falling apart multiple times.
The final pieces had come together shortly after his objector trial.
What creativity he needed to finish the hat was unleashed knowing that he had found his place in the war effort.
Now, a week before Charlie was to leave for the NCC, it was time to give the finished product to Ned.
Charlie glanced towards the street through the shards of what had once been the shop’s exterior walls. He was impatient but not nervous. He knew what he needed to do.
Then he saw Ned striding down the street, tall and lean, wind blowing in his greying hair, catching the folds of his jacket and trousers.
God, the man was stunning. Charlie didn’t understand why he wasn’t fighting off rivals for Ned’s affections night and day.
How could anyone, man or woman, resist that elegance and confidence?
“Is everything alright?” Ned called out as he stepped over blackened, fallen beams. “You had me worried when Miss Forbes told me to meet you here.”
“Everything’s fine. No, actually, everything is better than fine.
” Charlie let a grin spread across his face.
Another man would have practised a speech, or at least written notes.
He trusted the words would come as naturally as they always did when he opened his soul to Ned.
“This is something I probably should have done years ago. Decades, even.”
As the words flowed, Charlie took a step towards Ned.
“God knows you could do better than me. I’m stubborn and contrary.
I’ve barely ten pounds to my name, and a ruined business to sort out.
My heart will always be shared with my wife and children.
I can’t offer much, except that I love all of you, lip tint with a good right hook and all. ”
“You make me so, so happy.” Ned’s voice trembled, and perhaps he already knew what Charlie was building to.
Charlie took another step forward, now standing so close that he could feel Ned’s breaths against his cheeks.
The light from the setting sun was fading fast, but there was in that fraction of a minute where the light was golden and the sky a blaze of yellow light, creating long shadows across the burned-out room.
“Edmund Pinsent, you have been the brightest part of my life for going on twenty-five years. I have survived a world war, a depression, and my house getting bombed. I have lost you and found you.” He took a deep breath, gathering his courage.
“I want more than just to do right by you. I want more than to stand by your side. My gorgeous Ned, will you let me vow to love you for the rest of our days?”
Before Ned could answer, Charlie picked the hat box off the ground and offered it towards Ned.
Ned grabbed the box and opened it without hesitation. Charlie didn’t even try to fight back the smile. Ned had always been powerless before a wrapped package. “You made me a hat.”
“It seemed appropriate.” They both stared down into the now opened box, where Charlie’s efforts lay nestled.
The hat was made from classic black felt, nothing scandalous there.
It was the form where Charlie had gotten creative, smooth lines with a wide brim that hung flirtatiously over the brow.
A worn-in quality, without losing its shape.
Ned was blinking very quickly as he looked at Charlie’s expression of love in his hands, but he’d yet to say a word.
Charlie tried to not look like he was having a heart attack. “You haven’t answered me, Pinsent.”
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Ned
Ned fought to keep tears from streaming down his face. Never in all of Ned’s most romantic dreams, even in his golden youth when everything was possible, did he think he would find a man who would want to spend his life with him. That it would even be possible.
Ned kept staring at the hat. When on earth had Charlie found the time to make something so stunning?
He wanted to collapse into Charlie’s arms, pull him into a darkened corner of this rubble, and kiss him until neither of them could breathe. Looking up to see the slight panic on his lover’s face, Ned reminded himself that he had come to this meeting with a mission himself.
Straightening his spine, Ned looked directly into Charlie’s deep blue eyes. “Yes, Charlie, yes. A thousand times. Forever and a day.”
Forever. A future. Words that were now part of his relationship with Charlie. Ned was bowled over by what they had just done. Charlie reached out and squeezed Ned’s hand, his own eyes brimming with the same unshed tears that were in Ned’s.
“I’m going to get a new job.” When Charlie looked like he was going to interrupt, Ned leaned in to quickly kiss him. “Let me finish? Then you can tell me why I’m wrong?
“I’m going to request a governor posting.
I’ve the title for it, and I’ve the seniority within the government.
I would be far enough away from the centre of power that I wouldn’t be so actively gossiped about, and senior enough that I would have the empire’s protection wherever I am sent.
Before you say anything about abandoning my duty for you, when we survive this war, independence will rightfully be on the tip of people’s tongues across the empire.
I want to help make that transition happen.
” Ned held on to Charlie’s hands and prayed this next bit would be understood as he meant it.
“I spoke about the empire’s protection? Well, that would extend to anyone I brought with me.
There is a lot of latitude for how a governor wants to run his home, including bringing staff from England. ”
Ned searched Charlie’s face for an opinion.
“I know it is not a perfect solution. I would be asking you to move across the world with me, to ostensibly be part of my staff, to potentially be separated from Betty or the children, although they would be welcome to come if they wanted. We will have to wait until the end of the war, so it may be years, but I want us to have a plan, something we can work towards.”
“You would do this for us?” Charlie spoke softly.
“Yes, and I’m also tired of having to fight for power for the sake of it.
I’m tired of having a job that requires constant vigilance about gossip.
I want to go back to making people’s lives better, and help shepherd independence.
I want to have you by my side. Also, I would have a very practical need for a driver. ”
Charlie laughed. “Even if we weren’t in love, I would feel obligated to come with you to make sure you didn’t try to drive yourself anywhere.” Ned grinned, the foolish grin of a man in love. With Charlie’s joke, Ned knew he had his agreement.
“I meant what I said about your family joining us. That you brought them into my life has been a gift.”
“We could live all over the world?” Charlie’s eyes were bright. Ned remembered the postcards Charlie had kept, his visits to museums, unspoken dreams of seeing far-off places, of travel that was impossible for a shopkeeper.
“Depends on the wills of the Colonial Office, but I’ve always wanted to know what Jamaica looked like.”
Charlie grinned and Ned braced himself for a comprehensive overview of the flora and fauna of the Caribbean, but instead Charlie said something completely different.
“We should exchange vows on April twenty-fifth.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, when I asked if I could make a vow to you, I thought you would want something proper, formal.”
“You want us to have a wedding?”
“I want to give you everything,” Charlie answered. Ned’s heart exploded all over again.
“Why the twenty-fifth?” He ignored the tears streaking down his face.
“The anniversary of the first time we kissed.”
Charlie had remembered?
Ned let himself fall into Charlie’s arms, the hat box pressed between them. The darkness protected them from being seen, and Ned showed Charlie what he remembered from their first kiss.
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Flanders, 25 April 1916
Charlie
Charlie stepped out of the dank Flemish bar and into the fresh air, practically dragging the other man behind him. In the pitch black, it wasn’t like anyone could see.
“Where are we going?” The lieutenant’s voice was painfully posh. It made Charlie’s teeth hurt, though other parts of his body found it very attractive, and, apparently, they were making the decisions tonight.