19. June
CHAPTER 19
JUNE
M aybe I spent more time than needed in the shower. My toes and fingers are pruny, but I’m feeling a million times better now that I got rid of the day’s gunk. I smell fresh, and my hair is silky smooth, all dried and not a freaking mess.
I chose to wear another pretty dress. Normally, I’d put on comfy sweatpants and a T-shirt during the week, but I’m not going up to the boys’ apartment dressed like a potato sack.
I’m humming Taylor Swift’s new song “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me” when I walk out of my room and find Jake sitting on the couch. I jump back and yelp.
He turns to me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
My face is burning up. I can’t believe he heard me singing off-key.
“I... how long have you been here?”
He rubs his chin. “I’m not sure.”
His eyes are troubled, and I don’t know if he’s feeling bad for scaring me or if it’s something else. I walk over and take a seat next to him. “Did you want to talk to me?”
My heart is beating fast and loud. Jake and I haven’t spent time alone since he came back from the trip, and after the awkward exchange we had yesterday, I’m unsure what he wants from me. He desires sex, that much I know, but does he want more? He could have offered to be my official boyfriend for any number of reasons that have nothing to do with his feelings for me.
“Yes, but first...” He cups my cheek and leans closer. “I need to do this.” His lips brush mine, soft and electrifying, making me tingle all over.
I lean into him, opening my mouth to his sweet invasion. God, I love kissing this man. He takes control, his tongue commanding mine, and I’m more than willing to let him lead. Every cell in my body is supercharged, humming and calling out to him.
He ends the kiss too soon, leaving me panting and wanting more. I stare at his lips, trying to catch my breath.
“What did you want to talk about?” I whisper.
He rubs his thumb over my lips. “You’re breathtaking, June.”
I stare into his eyes. “I am?”
“Yes. And terrible for my self-control.”
I’m blushing, but I push through the involuntary reaction. “You had a serious expression before. Surely, you don’t want to talk about how irresistible I am.”
He chuckles. “You always know what to say to brighten my mood.”
“Well, it’s all by accident, really.” I shrug.
“That’s what makes you special. You’re amazing without trying.” He stares into my eyes with his intense gaze, drinking me in— reeling me in.
I caress his face, needing to touch him. “You’re amazing, too, Jake.”
He takes my hand and kisses my palm. “You might change your opinion about me one day.”
My brows furrow together. “Why?”
“I’m not a perfect man. I’ve done things that most people would find deplorable.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, then decide to ask him the same question I asked April. “Have you killed anyone?”
A shadow of guilt crosses his eyes. Crap. I didn’t expect that reaction from him. I was hoping he’d say no and I could follow up with then it’s not that bad . But even if the answer is yes, I won’t walk away from him. I’m already too lost in him.
He shakes his head, closing his eyes for a moment. “No, but I came close.”
The anguish squeezing my heart releases its tight hold. “It wouldn’t change my feelings for you if you had.”
He arches his brows. “And what type of feelings do you have for me, Junebug?”
A bolt of fear strikes my chest, making me tongue-tied. I already confessed to Lachy and Ryan. Why am I so afraid to do the same with Jake?
He cups my cheek, his eyes turning softer. “Fine. I’ll go first. Back on the plane, in the seconds when we didn’t know if we’d survive, you were all I could think about. You were my only regret.”
My heart sinks. “I was your regret?”
“Yes, I regretted not having more time with you.”
“Oh.” I laugh nervously. “That would have been a real downer.”
“It would have been a tragedy, not telling you how crazy I am about you.”
Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Is Jake saying he’s in love with me?
“Jake... I couldn’t breathe when I heard the news. The possibility that I might never see you again...” I take a deep breath to contain my emotions. “The grief almost made me lose my mind. I’m crazy about you too.”
His face splits into a broad smile. “I was hoping you were.”
Unable to control myself, I lean into him, dying for another kiss, but he stops me. “What?”
He pulls back, and the increased distance between us feels like a chasm. “I need to tell you something first.”
“Is it about the thing you did in the past?”
“Yes,” he says through a choke.
“Jake... I don’t need to know.”
“I want to tell you because I’d rather you hear it from me than the tabloids.”
My entire body becomes tense. “Okay, then.”
“I got into a fight when I was just shy of turning eighteen.” He grimaces. “Well, fight was the word my father used in my defense. It wasn’t a fight. I jumped the guy, and he didn’t have a chance to throw a punch.”
My heart is thundering in my chest. I know about Jake’s reputation. He’s a short-fused guy, and many in the league question why he’s the team captain, a position usually bestowed upon players who can lead by example.
“Was there a reason you wanted to hurt him?” I ask.
He nods. “The guy was an asshole. He was a senior, and like most of my classmates, he was also a rich kid. Many believed I went after him because I didn’t like him. That wasn’t the reason. He almost killed one of my teammates, Wilson Perkins.”
“How?”
“The guy I attacked was a drug dealer. Wilson was a freshman, and a scholarship student. Felix—that’s the asshole drug dealer—made it his mission to fuck up Wilson’s life. Got him hooked on drugs, which cost Wilson his spot on the hockey team. Then he sold him a bad batch, which led Wilson to OD.”
Jake’s eyes become brighter as they fill with tears. The tightness in my chest returns. “What happened to Wilson? Did he ever recover?”
Jake rubs his face, then looks into the distance. “His mother quit her job, and they moved back to Ohio. I tried to keep in touch, but after what happened to him, his mother thought it best to sever all connections to my world.”
I reach for his hand and squeeze it tight. “I’m so sorry, Jake.”
He looks at me, and the sadness in his eyes hurts my soul. “I’m sorry about Wilson too, but I’m not sorry about what I did to Felix. I beat the shit out of him, and if my teammates hadn’t pulled me away from him, I’d probably have killed him.”
“I broke someone’s arm when I was nine.”
Jake’s eyes widen. “On purpose?”
I nod. “There was this girl, Annabeth, who was a bully. We were the same age, but she was much taller than everyone in our grade. One day, I caught her hurting Timothy, who was the sweetest boy in our class. I didn’t think twice—I jumped on her back and pulled her away from him. I’m not sure what happened. I got caught in a red haze. I just remember my teacher dragging me away from Annabeth. Later, I was told I had broken her arm.”
“Oh my God,” Jake laughs. “I would never have guessed that about you.”
I smile. “Oh, I go feral if someone tries to hurt the people I love.”
“God, you’re amazing. I don’t deserve you.”
His outburst surprises me. “What are you talking about? You’re a god on the ice, intelligent, loyal, and a piece of hot ass. I’m the one who feels undeserving of your attention.”
“Okay, you didn’t just say that. You’re the goddess here.”
“Settle for a tie?” I arch a brow.
“Okay, fine. Now, will you let me finish my thoughts, woman?”
I snicker. “All right.”
He turns serious again. “After I almost killed Felix, his parents wanted to see me rot in jail. They didn’t accept the deal my father offered. In the end, I was convicted of assault, but I got community service instead of jail time, and my record was sealed.”
“But you’re afraid your secret will be exposed?”
“Yes. My father is threatening to leak my past to the tabloids if I don’t do what he wants.”
I frown. “What does he want?”
Running his fingers through his hair, Jake laughs without humor. “He wants me to leave the Titans, move back to New York, and play for the Bobcats.”
A sharp pang in my chest makes me wince. I hate the idea that Jake could move across the country. It never occurred to me that any of my boys could be offered a contract to another team. Hockey players move all the time.
“Why would he do that? I thought he didn’t think much of your hockey career.”
“He doesn’t. But he hates that he can’t control me anymore. I don’t care about my reputation. I told him as much. If he wants to expose me, he can go right ahead. But he’s threatening to come after Lachy, Ryan, and now you.”
My eyebrows shoot to the heavens. “Me? Why?”
“My father is a very smart man. He probably realized how important you are to me before I did. And now that I’m your official boyfriend, he won’t hold back on attacking you to get to me.”
I nibble on my lower lip, looking down. So that’s what was eating at Jake. He’s worried about what his father will do to me. I face him again. “He can try to hurt me, but he’ll find out Southern women are built differently. We’re sweet, but we’re also made of steel. I’m not afraid of him.”
Jake watches me without saying a word. I want to know what’s on his mind, but my phone rings on the kitchen counter, and I jump up to get it before it goes to voicemail.
“It’s Ryan,” I tell Jake before answering the phone. “Hey... yeah, I’m ready. We’re coming up now. See you soon.”
When I turn, Jake is already waiting for me by the front door, and, once again, I find him watching me in a peculiar way, as if he can’t quite believe I’m real.