52. Ryan
CHAPTER 52
RYAN
I ’ve been operating in a state of numbness for the past few days. If it weren’t for June, Lachy, and Jake helping me through one of the most difficult moments of my life, I would have fallen apart. We drove to San Diego on the evening I got the news. Cory and Mackenzie were a fucking mess, and seeing them so broken made my remorse double. I should have done more, maybe visited more often, despite the chaos in my life.
The evening before the funeral, I slip out of our hotel suite and head to the bar. I need to be alone. June and the guys won’t let me feel guilty, but I think that’s exactly what I need.
I’m wearing a hat, and I haven’t bothered shaving in a few days. I hope no one recognizes me. I can’t deal with fans. I usually sit at the bar when I’m by myself, but I’m in no mood to chat with strangers, so I pick a corner booth and hide in the shadows.
I’m well into my third drink well I hear a woman tell someone to back off. I slide over in my seat to take a peek. Son of a bitch. It’s Mackenzie, arguing with a man who’s clearly invading her personal space. I get out of my booth and march toward them.
“Get the fuck away from my sister before I make you,” I tell the douche.
The guy looks at me with glazed eyes. Fucking drunk. “Chill. I was just talking with her.”
“Oh, I’m not chill, I’m ice cold... and that’s when I do the most damage.” I take a step toward the guy, and he balks.
“Jesus, relax man, I’m going.” He turns around and staggers back to his table.
“Are you okay?” the bartender asks Mackenzie.
“She is now, no thanks to you,” I retort.
“I was getting ready to call security, man. And nothing happened.”
“I’m fine,” Mackenzie grits out.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
She looks at her drink. “What do you think? I came to talk to you.”
My brows shoot up. “How did you know I was at the hotel bar?”
She turns to me. “I didn’t. I chickened out when I got here, so I figured I could use a bit of encouragement.”
I narrow my eyes. “Are you even legal to drink?”
“I turned twenty-one a few months ago, asshole. Not that you care.”
Normally, her comment would set me off. The old Ryan would have told her to go to hell. But I’m no longer that bitter man who blames a child for his mother’s abandonment. Mackenzie is not responsible for our mother’s actions, and I can’t keep using her as a punching bag.
“I didn’t care before, but I do now.”
“Because Mom died,” she mutters.
“No. Because I’ve finally taken my head out of my ass. Forgiving Mom for what she did was the first step.”
“I didn’t want to come here. Cory convinced me to give you another chance.”
I shake my head and laugh. “Cory and his meddling ways.”
“Tell me about it. I don’t mind though. It’s good to know someone cares enough to meddle. Mom wasn’t exactly motherly.”
“What did she do?”
“It’s more like what she didn’t do. I learned to be independent at an early age.”
“What about your father?”
She shakes her head. “He was too in love with Mom to pay much attention to me. I think that’s the core of the problem. My parents should never have had me.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth. Some people aren’t meant to be parents.” She shrugs.
“At least they stuck around for you.” I look at the liquor shelf behind the bar as bleak memories of my father drinking himself into a stupor come to the forefront of my mind.
“True. You and Cory had it much worse. I know that and believe me, I do feel guilty that Mom never went back for you. I actually would have loved to have known you when I was a child.”
I laugh without humor. “Maybe Cory, but I was a cocky asshole.”
“Was?” She arches a brow.
“Touché.” I flag down the bartender and ask Mackenzie, “Do you want another drink?”
She finishes what’s left in her glass and replies, “Sure. Why not? What’s a funeral if you’re not hungover.”
“Pfft... Hungover? What’s a funeral if you’re not drunk?”
“I can’t drink all night long with you. I’ll pass out before sunrise.”
I smile. “I have a system. Trust me. You won’t pass out. You can ask Cory if you don’t believe me.”
“Maybe we should ask him to join us.”
“Let’s do it.” I grab my phone and text Cory. I didn’t plan to drown my sorrows with my siblings, but misery does love company.