Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
Felix
I help Grey into his room, my eyes going straight to the side I slept on last night. I have to say I’ve never felt happier sleeping next to someone. After everything he shared about his ex and father, then how he handled Steven last night, I feel like I can trust him.
What if I shouldn’t?
Steven was nice at first. This is the thing, though. Grey has a village. His sister loves him, his niece, those friends that stop by. He has people who care for him. Steven never had that. I’ve never met his family. He used to tell me they weren’t close and didn’t approve of his sexuality.
I wonder if that’s even true.
I’m not saying being alone is suspicious, because I’m alone. It’s just that Grey has people who love him dearly. They treat him like the kind man I hope he is. His friends are worried for him. They love him.
“I hate spending so much time lying down.”
“No! You?” I help him sit, smiling as he grumbles. I’m starting to like the grumbling. His defiance is a flame that snuffs out when I give it right back to him.
“Mean.” His eyes brighten as he settles into bed. “You know, before this I’d be outside every off season.”
“Doing what?”
He shrugs. “Hiking, fishing, you name it.”
“Hunting?”
He shakes his head. “I really hate guns. No hunting. Mine stays in the safe just for protection since I’m kind of alone up here.
I just love being outdoors, sitting outside around my fire pit looking up at the stars.
I love nature.” That all sounds wonderful.
Okay, maybe not the fishing, but I wouldn’t mind watching him or keeping him company.
“Can you help me take my sweats off?” My face flames as I look up at him.
“What’s the matter? Don’t you want to undress me? ” He chuckles.
“I assure you that’s not the issue.” Okay, professional time. Alyssa is still paying me to do a job, and that job doesn’t involve hitting on her very attractive, very muscular brother.
I slide them down his thick thighs. Seriously, they’re huge. I swear they’re bigger than my head.
As gently as I can, I slip them off his bad leg. His knee looks pretty angry. I pull them off completely, and he reaches behind himself to take off his shirt. My eyes flick up briefly, taking in his hairy chest. “Believe it or not I used to have abs.”
That makes me laugh. I have no clue what he’s talking about.
He still very much has abs, they’re just less prominent.
“I think your body is perfect the way it is.” And I mean that.
I know it must have been hard for him to stop everything he clearly loves to do.
It’s not the first time he’s mentioned his body in this way.
But Grey looks amazing. I wish he wasn’t so hard on himself.
“The amazing things you can probably do. How strong you are.” I smile.
“Have you ever been skating?”
I shake my head.
“Once I’m cleared, I’ll have to take you out.”
“I’ll fall.” I’ll break my ass one thousand percent.
“I’ll teach you.” He smiles at me. That all sounds so nice, but I feel like we’re at this weird impasse since I asked him to kiss me.
I don’t know why I did it. Well, yeah, I do.
Look at him. And he was so kind to me yesterday.
I just wanted to know what it’s like to kiss someone who won’t hurt me. “Felix?”
“Huh?”
“Are you alright? You went kind of spacey.”
I smile softly, helping him adjust on the bed by putting the spare pillow under his knee. “I was just thinking about yesterday.” My nose tingles.
“What about yesterday?”
“The kiss.” I swallow. “We haven’t talked about it.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” The warm whiskey of his voice sends a thrill down my spine. Grey is effortlessly sexy, and it’s really unfortunate that I can’t stop thinking about it. More than that, he’s sweet in a way I’ve never experienced, and it’s messing with my head.
I sit beside him, leaning over to help him prop up the pillows behind his head, and his eyes dance on my lips.
I’ve never felt like this in my life. It’s terrifying and exciting.
I’ve been so miserable for so long. This feels like I’m in an alternate dimension.
This version of me never met Steven. Who lives his life openly and doesn’t fear everything and everyone.
I don’t fear him, though, and maybe I should. This feels dangerous in the best way possible. “I liked it.”
Grey laughs softly, the deep rumble caressing my stomach. “I liked it too.”
I smile at that. “Have you eaten anything today?”
He blinks at my change of conversation. I still have a job to do. “No. I’ve been nauseous all day.”
“Can I make you anything?”
“No, I’m not hungry.” I look at him. “Really, I’m not. I’ll eat breakfast in the morning, I promise.”
“Good boy.”
A soft rumble sounds from his chest. “Be careful now. Words have power.” Heat caresses my stomach.
“I um, I’m . . . let me go get you ice. You need ice.”
Grey smirks. “Look at you, Mr. Caregiver.”
I laugh. “I still have a job to do. I am taking this seriously, I want you to know that, even if the reasons I’m here are selfish.”
Grey’s blond brows furrow. “You are not selfish.” He grabs my hand. “I’m glad you’re here. Safe.” He lets go, and I want so badly to slip my hand back into his.
“I’ll go get your ice pack.”
“Can you also grab my phone? For the camera. The doors are already locked.”
“Of course.” I get up and find his phone on the kitchen table and grab mine while I’m at it. I know he already told me they’re locked, but I check anyway for my own peace of mind.
As I grab his ice pack, both our phones ping with camera app notifications. Ice sloshes down my spine. It’s nearly eight now. I grab my phone, swiping up.
Nothing is there.
It becomes too thick to breathe here in the kitchen. I feel like eyes are on me even though the curtains are closed, and I rush back down the hall. I know Grey has a great security system. I know this house is locked up tight. Still, something feels off.
I quickly change into pajamas before I go back into his room. When I walk in, Grey has the remote and is clicking through channels. He stops on a hockey game. “Oli and Andre’s?”
“Oh, no,” he says, as I hand him the ice pack so he can place it how he wants. “It’s the Utah Yetis versus the New York Hawks.” His gaze doesn’t leave the screen. “It’s almost playoff season and teams are now fighting to qualify.” Grey beams. “My guys are already on the ticket.”
“Here, I grabbed your medicine for the nausea and a sports drink. Take this too, for the swelling.” He thanks me, his eyes briefly leaving the screen. “Oh, and um, the camera app went off. Nothing was there, though.” I try to play it casually but fail. He must see it in my face.
He takes his phone from my hand gently, with a frown, and plays it back, his face relaxing.
“Sometimes small animals trigger the alarm. It happens. No one’s there.
I have trail cams out back. I like to look at the deer when they cross into my back yard.
The occasional Elk and momma bear and cubs.
Everything’s okay.” He squeezes my hand before his eyes go back to the TV.
“If um, you need anything, just text me.”
He frowns as I get up. “Aren’t you going to stay and watch the game with me?” He sounds so vulnerable.
“I’ve never watched hockey before.” I look at the chaotic screen. Players are skating faster than I can fathom, and there are numbers in the top right corner. Banners. People are talking fast. How can they even keep track of the puck? I can’t make sense of any of it.
Grey pats the space next to him. “Only if you want to. No pressure, okay? I um . . . I like your company.”
I can’t help the smile that slips onto my lips.
“Can you explain it to me?” He smiles, pulling the blanket out for me to slip in beside him.
I do. It’s not like last night. Last night I was too afraid to enjoy it.
This feels different. I sit against the propped-up pillows on my side. “Everyone is moving so fast.”
“That box in the top left corner tells you the score. The Yetis are at the top. They’re winning five to four. Yetis are the white with ice-blue-trimmed jerseys; the Hawks are black and gold. See that timer next to it?” I nod. “There’s seventeen minutes left in the third period.”
“How many periods are there?”
“Three.”
“So, the game’s almost over?”
“Not quite. They still have about half an hour, forty minutes roughly.”
“But it says seventeen minutes.” As I say this the whistle blows.
“Offside call. They stop a lot. That one was for an offside.”
“What does that mean?”
“It’s when a player crosses that blue line in the center before the puck gets into the opponent’s zone. The puck has to cross it first. It’s annoying, but it prevents your opponent just hanging out in your D zone.”
I watch them all reset. It’s fascinating. “They move so fast. I can’t imagine being down there. It seems chaotic.”
Grey smiles. “It’s the best feeling in the world.”
“How long have you played on your team?” I sink deeper into the bed, his shoulder right next to my head. It’s funny. I shared a bed with Steven for almost eight years, but I never felt as at ease as I do right now with Grey beside me.
“I played for a farm league back in Maryland for a few years, then I was drafted by the Otters when I was twenty. Third round pick. Been there the entire time. Home sweet home. This was my thirteenth season. Talk about unlucky.” He laughs with no humor.
“Did you play any other sports growing up?”
He stares ahead at the TV. “I tried. I hated football. Baseball and soccer are too boring for me—not enough contact. Wrestling wasn’t for me either.
Then I started hockey and I’ve never looked back.
There’s no better feeling than putting on a pair of skates and leaving it all on the ice. ” He chuckles. “It was my escape.”
“Escape?”
Grey swallows then looks at me. “From my father.”
“Oh.” Grey briefly mentioned it down at the lake. “Can I ask more about that? If you want to talk about it.”
Grey’s quiet for a moment, then his head lolls toward me. “My father was a mean sonofabitch. At times I felt so helpless. Sometimes I could get between him and my mom and make him stop. He never touched Alyssa and me, but he was awful to our mother.”
“You said he died in the line of duty.”
He nods. “While everyone mourned him with memorials and ceremonies, at home we were quietly celebrating his absence. I was thirteen. After that I threw myself into hockey. It was hard to enjoy it before. I just kept thinking about what he was doing at home. I was always so worried. My mom came to all my games, but practices were tricky. Too early for my little sister to hang out at the rink, so my mom would drop me off, but all I could think about was whether he was hurting her.”
“How far apart are you? Alyssa looks younger.”
“Ouch.” He laughs. “We’re eight years apart. She’s going to be twenty-five in July.” He leans in closer to me, settling against the pillows. The timer says ten minutes left. “A lot of time and no time at all in hockey.”
I’m still stuck on the parallels between his mother and me. “I bet your mother was amazing.” She had to be to raise a son like him. Alyssa is also very kind.
He smiles sadly. “I’m just glad she was around to meet Lianna. Even with her disease she tried her best to be there for her. She would have loved you.”
His eyes go far away. I don’t know what to say to that, but understanding a lot more about Grey eases some of my worry.
He reaches his arm up, and it takes me a moment to understand that he’s offering his chest for me to lie on.
I move. I can’t help myself. His arm pulls me into his side.
It’s comforting in a way I’ve never felt before, and my throat starts to tighten.
I don’t know why. I watch the game through a blur of tears.
His chest hair tickles my face. He’s smells so good. Musky and warm like rain or freshly done laundry. “I won’t let him hurt you. Not while you’re here,” he whispers. “I protect the people I care about.”
He cares about me? Why?
I hate that I brought him into this. I wish Steven would just let me go. I also know it’s not that easy. “I just wanted a fresh start. I’m sorry.” The buzzer rings on the screen. The Yetis win, or at least that’s what Grey says. It’s hard to focus.
Grey looks at me, cocooned in his big arms, and his large hand cups my cheek. “No one gets to tell you what to do. You’re in control of your fresh start.”
I swallow hard, then nod. With his blue-green eyes searching mine, I almost believe him.
The thing about Steven is, he always gets what he wants.