Chapter 21
Though the next morning dawned cloudy and gray and wet, Kate still felt buoyed up by the shared faith in Christ so freely expressed by the dying embers of last night’s fire.
Even the fact that this was her eleventh straight day of driving the wagon couldn’t dampen her mood.
She smiled under the brim of her sodden hat and quoted to the rain: “If God is for us, who can be against us?” She sent a prayer of thanks to her Father in heaven.
“Talkin’ to yourself, Miss McGrath?”
Kate looked up in surprise to see Jacob keeping pace beside her.
He sat comfortably in the saddle, creating a striking picture with his broad frame swathed in a rain-darkened jacket.
Her heart quickened. She had asked if they could be friends, and here he was, finally, extending an olive branch.
Although the use of her last name stung a little.
She smiled brightly, hiding her jumbled feelings, bringing things back to the way they were before they got so complicated.
“I was just talkin’ to the Lord, I’ll have you know,” she said lightly, “and you just interrupted our conversation, so you’d better have somethin’ important to say, Mr. Munroe. ”
“Beggin’ your pardon, ma’am, sir.” He tipped his hat first to her and then to the sky. Kate smiled, relieved he could joke with her after all that had happened. He continued, “I was just informin’ everyone that we’ll make Scott’s Bluff by sundown tomorrow.”
“Really?” Kate craned her neck excitedly around the canvas mast of her wagon, trying to look south. “If we’re that close to Scott’s Bluff, shouldn’t we be able to see Chimney Rock right about now?”
“Oh, you can most days, but it’ll be real tough in this weather.” He squinted up at the dripping clouds and tugged at the collar of his slicker.
Kate sighed in disappointment. “It’d be downright unjust if I missed somethin’ like Chimney Rock because of a little rain!
I wanted to see everythin’.” She searched through the curtain of raindrops, trying to make out the pillar of stone she had painted in her imagination.
“And here I was thankful for the rain because at least that meant no dust!”
“We’ll be back in the dust in no time, I can tell you that. But,” he continued, voice casual and nonchalant, “if you don’t mind a bit of rain, or eatin’ in the saddle, I could be persuaded into leadin’ an expedition.”
She smiled gleefully. “Oh, I never mind a bit of rain, Mr. Munroe.”
“I figured as much,” he responded with a small laugh. Glancing up the train, he continued quickly. “If it’s all right by you, I’ll swing by as soon as we’ve stopped.”
“It’s a plan, Mr. Munroe.” Kate followed his gaze and caught sight of another outrider coming down the train.
“’Til later then, Miss McGrath.” Tipping his hat again, he nudged his buckskin mount into an easy jog.
Kate watched the two riders pass, acknowledge each other with stiff nods, and continue with straight backs and squared shoulders, oozing masculine tension.
For some reason unknown to her, Jacob and Andrew had been barely civil to each other since the events at Fort Kearney.
Did Jacob hold Andrew responsible for her attack?
Did Andrew hold himself responsible? He had seemed aloof, rarely coming by in the evenings as he used to.
Kate shook her head. No. Only her own na?veté was responsible for what happened that night.
If only she hadn’t been blinded by a dashing uniform and meaningless flattery.
If only she hadn’t been deluded by a romantic daydream.
She shuddered, pushing down the memories, tasting bile.
Andrew rode up and turned his big bay gelding into the exact spot Jacob had just vacated. Forcing a smile, Kate said, “Good mornin’, Andrew.”
“Mornin’, Miss Kate,” he responded stoically.
There was a long pause. He looked away, then at her, then away again. She didn’t know what to say. They hadn’t really talked about what happened at Fort Kearney. She didn’t want to talk about what happened at Fort Kearney.
He cleared his throat. “Uh, and how—how are you this mornin’, Miss Kate?”
“Just fine, thanks for askin’,” she responded, relieved to stay in neutral territory. “And how are you doin’?”
“Fine, fine. Thanks.” Another long pause. Another glance in her direction. Then he squinted out at the rain in a way so much like Jacob just had she let out a soft laugh.
“What are you laughin’ at?” he asked, scowling.
Goodness, this conversation was like dancing through a thornbush! She refrained from rolling her eyes. “I wasn’t laughin’ at you, Andrew. I was merely enjoyin’ the similarities in how you and Mr. Munroe observe the weather.”
“We’re nothin’ alike, him and I,” he replied curtly.
“No,” she mused, “I suppose you’re not.”
It was a moment before he asked with affected casualness, “What did Munroe want?”
“He was just lettin’ everyone know that we’d be comin’ on Scott’s Bluff by sundown tomorrow, and that our stop will bring us close to Chimney Rock.”
“Won’t be able to see it today, not in this rain.”
“I plan on seein’ everythin’ I can from St. Joe to, well, however far we get. A bit of rain won’t stop me,” she declared boldly.
He looked at her sharply, dark eyes intense and an edge in his voice. “You’re headin’ out there alone?”
“No, not alone. Mr. Munroe is takin’ me.”
“Unchaperoned?”
Exasperated, Kate blurted out, “Come on, Andrew! It’s only Jacob. Or don’t you remember he was the one who came to my rescue at Fort Kearney?” She saw him go rigid in the saddle. Too late, she realized what she had just said. “I’m sorry, Andrew, I didn’t mean—”
“No, it’s true. Don’t try to say it ain’t. I shoulda been the one to protect you that night and I didn’t. I was bein’ stupid, and I wasn’t there, and you were almost …” He looked away, jaw clenched, swallowing hard.
“Andrew, please! I don’t think that, not at all! It was my own foolish daydreamin’ that led to what happened. It’s not your fault.”
“Don’t make excuses for me, Miss Kate. I know when I done wrong.” He stared out into the soaking mist. “I’m sorry. Maybe one day you’ll be able to forgive me.” He booted his horse into a run.
“Andrew, wait!” Kate called after him, but he was already swallowed by the gray curtain.
She sighed. She didn’t want Andrew to blame himself.
She knew it was her fault, but he was so defensive she couldn’t get that idea past his walls.
Kate’s shoulders ached with tension, her mind preoccupied, her heart heavy.
As the rain continued through the day, the trail slowly churned into a thick, clinging mud that grasped mercilessly at the wheels of the wagons, and the mules struggled to pull their load through the sucking sludge.
They finally staggered to a weary halt, and Kate jumped down from the high wagon seat with a squelch, sinking up to her ankles in muck.
One thing about Ma being sick was that she didn’t have the energy to argue over Kate’s clothing choices, so she wore trousers most days.
Her hands moved automatically, loosening harnesses while her mind drifted.
“Heya, sis!”
Kate nearly jumped out of her skin. Danny tied his horse to the wagon, covered from head to toe with splattered mud.
“Goodness, Danny! Don’t sneak up on a body like that!
You nearly scared me half to death!” He merely grinned at her, teeth standing out brightly against his dirty face, and his red hair nearly glowing in the gloomy light.
Kate squinted at him. “If that’s even you under all that mud. ”
He pushed the back of a gloved hand across his cheek, leaving a black smear. “Better?”
“Hardly,” she chuckled, and she went around to the other side of the team, loosening their yokes. Danny followed, lending a hand. “Would you mind catchin’ Sadie for me real quick while I set out dinner for Ma?”
“Sure thing. What do you need her for?”
“I’m headin’ out to see Chimney Rock. Jacob says we can get there and back before sunset.”
Danny sidled up beside her, a smirk on his face. “So, Jacob, is it? Not Mr. Munroe?”
She gave him a swat but turned away to hide the blush that flared in her cheeks. Did he know about the kiss? Keeping her voice light, she responded, “Just a slip of the tongue, Danny.”
“Sure, sure.” He gave her an exaggerated wink. He continued, his voice turning serious, “You know, Katie, I think he really cares for you. What he did for you when … you could do a lot worse than Jacob Munroe.”
Kate busied herself with the last of the harness and replied flatly, “There could never be anythin’ between us. We’re friends, Danny, just friends. Just let it be.”
He paused, looking at her pensively. “All right, Katie, if that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
Danny followed her around to the back of the wagon and leaned against the tongue as she set out their cold meal. All this rain meant no fire. He raised an eyebrow at her. “So Chimney Rock, eh?”
“What about it?”
“Nothin’,” he mused, absently slapping his gloves against his knee. “I’ve heard it’s quite the sight.”
She knew where this was going. “Yes, I’ve heard that as well. Quite the sight.”
He sighed dramatically, gazing forlornly out at the rain. “Sure’d be a sorry thing if a body crossed this whole wilderness without seein’ somethin’ like that.”
“Yes, quite sorry indeed.”
“Just sayin’, I’d be willin’ to drive the wagon tomorrow for a chance at joinin’ an expedition.” He glanced at her from the corner of his eye.
Kate cracked a smile. Holding out her hand, she said, “Deal.”
He whooped and pumped her arm, dashing away to fetch her horse.
Kate was actually relieved he was coming.
She didn’t know if she could trust herself being alone with Jacob.
He made her feel things, things she knew she shouldn’t be feeling.
She stamped down hard on the enchanting memory of that kiss.
Just friends, she reminded herself. That’s all we could ever be.