Chapter 28 #2
Jacob heard the silent request in her voice.
She was asking him to do something, something that might very well break him.
She was asking him to deny that his world had just been set on fire with a kiss, asking him to deny his very reason for existence.
And she didn’t have the decency to even look in his direction.
He went cold all over. His voice was strangled. “That’s right.”
Andrew walked over to Kate, putting a possessive arm around her shoulders. She looked so small. Andrew looked down at her then smirked at Jacob. “Well, looks like you’re just in time then.”
“For what?” Why wouldn’t she look at him? Why doesn’t she say something?
“For the weddin’, of course. Kate didn’t tell you? We’re gettin’ married.”
The last of the air left Jacob’s lungs. “Married?” Surely she couldn’t be …
that kiss. She loved him! Didn’t she? For goodness’ sake, Kate, say somethin’!
Anger, that malevolent beast that had taken up residence inside him, awoke once again, raising its head to sink its fangs into his heart.
“Kate?” he asked softly, all the fragile hope in the world in his voice.
She finally raised her tortured gaze to his. She nodded.
The earth seemed to tilt. Jacob couldn’t look at her anymore, standing there under Andrew’s arm. He had to get away from her, from them. Jacob stumbled out into the harsh light of day. His breath came in short gasps.
“Jacob!” Kate’s pleading voice burned in his ears. He mounted. “Jacob, please! Please don’t go.”
“No, Kate!” He snapped at her. “You don’t get to ask me that! Not anymore.”
“Jacob, I’m sorry!”
“Not as much as I am,” he said, voice low and hard. He stared down at her tear-streaked face as his heart froze as cold and black as a pond in the depths of winter. He turned away.
“Jacob!”
He heeled Kip into a vicious gallop. There was nothing left for him here. Jacob lifted his haunted eyes to the northern mountains and vowed to never think of Kate McGrath again.
Kate fought back her tears, staring at the spot where Jacob had disappeared into the trees.
She had worked so hard to forget him, and here he comes crashing back into her life on a balmy December morning like a meteor from the stars.
It was like no time had passed since their parting.
She still loved him. Desperately wanted him.
And she would never see him again. Her heart shattered.
“Come on, Kate. You’ll catch your death standin’ out in the snow.” Andrew took her hand and led her back into the barn. “Sorry ’bout him makin’ a scene and all that. And he calls himself a gentleman.”
She hurriedly brushed the tears from her cheeks.
What had Andrew heard? Had he seen them kissing?
Her pulse still raced. No, he couldn’t have seen anything.
Andrew was not the kind of person to let something like that go.
She didn’t want to think of the dark jealousy that would erupt if he knew she had kissed another man.
Andrew busied himself with his mount, the coil of rope slung over his shoulder. Kate stood unmoving in the middle of the barn. He continued, not looking at her. “You know what I think? I think he’s sweet on you. That’s why he ran off when he heard about the weddin’.”
“Quite possible.” Her voice sounded small in her own ears. She couldn't stop staring at the hat Jacob had left behind, sitting forgotten in the dirt.
“Well,” he said, checking the cinch, “he’s gone now. Don’t ’spect we’ll see him again. Best not to tell your folks he was here at all. On account of him actin’ the way he did.”
“Yes,” she replied dully. “Best not. They would’ve liked to say hello.”
Andrew gave her a quick, hard kiss on her cold cheek then swung into the saddle. “Be back ’fore sundown,” he said over his shoulder, and left.
Kate bent slowly and picked up Jacob’s hat.
Had she known that Jacob loved her she would’ve …
what? Rejected Andrew? Waited, wasting away, pining for a man she had said goodbye to on the trail, a man she thought she’d never see again?
A man she knew didn’t share her faith? Oh, but that kiss!
The heat of it still thrummed through her body.
She could still feel his hand tangling in her hair, his mouth hungry for her.
No! She clenched her eyes shut. It was just passion, only lust, these feelings she had for him!
And she had kissed him back when she was engaged to another!
Kate hung her head in shame. Oh Lord, why does it have to be like this?
Why bring this man into my life just to demand that I reject him, deny him, against the yearning of my heart?
She dropped to her knees, crushing his hat to her chest as fresh tears coursed down her face.
I love him, Lord. Why must I choose? Why can't I have both a beautiful love here on earth and a beautiful faith in you?
She thought of Andrew. Stalwart, familiar, broody Andrew.
He cared for her, Kate knew, and he loved the Lord in his own way.
Everyone thought they were meant for each other.
She sighed. Andrew was a good man, and with their betrothal she had accepted her one shot at a good, steady home of her own.
And she cared for him—really, she did; they’d been friends for years.
In time, she would grow to love him as they made their life together and grew their partnership.
She stood up and shook the dirt from her skirts.
She had made her choice, and Jacob was gone.
Kate looked at his worn, brown hat, his intoxicating musk still emanating from it.
She quickly stuffed it behind the sacks of feed.
Maybe he’d come back for it. But she couldn’t look at it again.
Kate took a deep breath and strode determinedly up to the house, her face set, her chin high, the last of her tears drying on her cheeks. Supper wouldn’t make itself.