Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Prayer Journal
Entry Sixty
My holy guidance,
Today was my first day at The Altar Church of Lost Souls.
My detour through the forest was one I felt you drew me to.
You draw me to the woods, to the water, to the simplicity and beauty of your creation.
However, the divinity you revealed was much beyond pine needles and bird songs.
Your guidance always surprises me in that way.
You sent me on this path to this church.
I did not want to go.
I do not feel up for answering the call put upon me by The Abbey of Silent Damnation—though I know I must obey their sovereignty over me.
To steady myself, the forest beckoned me, and within its waters I found her.
Was she sent to torment or to tease?
Is this Sister Jezebella my apple upon the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?
If that is the case, I wouldn’t say I devoured her like I wanted to… though I did let her taste my fruit.
That is not what should be my focus.
Perhaps it was meaningless to her.
She didn’t know I was a holy woman.
I did not know she was a nun at the church I was to stay at. It could be pardoned as happenstance. A one-time occurrence, a lapse in reality, a moment within a dream that could never manifest in the waking hours.
It’s all she can be to me.
Even still… the fruit upon her pale branches calls to me.
Her red lips, lily skin, and black hair…
a crimson apple upon a white birch with stripes of onyx.
Those green eyes looking up at me… Sister Jezebella has a face that not even our vows of poverty and modesty can conceal.
There is nothing lacking in her form, there is not a thing that our loose tunics or head coverings can hide…
I see it all. I imagine it all… though I cannot.
I must not.
If I fail, the judgement that will rain down upon me is not only mine to endure. This isn’t solely about me. It never is. It never has been. I suspect it never shall be.
You know that.
So, I ask, oh, please, my holy guidance, help me.
Give me strength to resist this temptation of the flesh. Forgive how my mind and eyes are wandering… Keep her away from me. Aid me in my calling from her and whisk me away. Make haste. For the love of all, please, make haste.
Let it be so,
Lilith