Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
The three of us stood frozen, arms still clutching each other. Though now the embrace felt less like celebration and more like trepidation.
Sister Delilyx spoke first in a low whisper, as if the source of the howl could hear us if she were too loud. “I’ve angered god, haven’t I?”
“No,” Sister Lilith answered. “How could you?”
“By forcing the bat to give me my bible back. He took it for a reason. Like Father Benedict said, I wasn’t ready or good enough for god’s word.”
“Father Benedict is an idiot,” I answered.
To my surprise, Lilith did not hit my arm or scold me. Instead, she broke our collective hug and tiptoed over to the tiny window facing the forest. She peered out for a long, silent moment.
Sister Delilyx, still holding my arm, her lost bible pressed between us, asked, “Do—do you see anything? What made that noise? It didn’t even sound… it didn’t sound real. Oh, heavens.” Delilyx looked up at me with wide brown eyes. “The verse. Beasts of the field.”
“It’s not… no,” was all I could utter.
Lilith stood unsettlingly still as she stared out the window. Finally, she took a small, slow step backwards. “We should all go to bed… now.”
I made to move towards her, but Delilyx held my arm tighter. “Don’t leave me. I’m scared now.”
My heart waited for Lilith to assure her that everything was fine, to not be afraid…
my mind knew something was amiss when those assurances did not come.
“I’ll walk you to your room,” I said to the fearful nun on my arm.
“Can you lead the way? I have no idea how I got here and I don’t know the way back to our quarters. ”
Delilyx nodded. “Let’s all hold hands, okay?” She locked her hand with mine.
I looked to Lilith and reached out my palm in offering. She eyed it, sucking in a breath and finally taking my hand. Delilyx picked up the lantern, holding it up, and guided us down the stairs.
Lilith’s hand was soft and small in mine. I rubbed my thumb gently over her knuckles, not stopping to glance back at her reaction, though she did not pull away.
I wanted to ask her what she saw, what made her decide we needed to leave so quickly?
But in an effort to not terrify Delilyx further, I kept quiet.
There was also the consideration of something more formidable than whatever howled in the night…
and that was our Reverend Mother. If she caught us wandering about in the night, she’d likely have us memorizing and reciting bible verses on being virtuous women for weeks.
We reached the bottom of the stairs and curved down the hall, following Delilyx and her lantern light. With a short glance over my shoulder, I took in Lilith’s pale expression. “Are you okay?”
“Shh,” Delilyx said, halting her steps. “Why is Reverend Mother’s office light on?”
“What?” I pulled ahead, still not breaking our line of hand holding. Peeking around the corner, sure enough, the orange glow of the many candles from Veilentine’s office warmed beneath the door of her office. “The door is cracked, too.”
“We’re doomed,” Delilyx lamented. “She’s going to see us. There’s no other way to our rooms.”
I hadn’t even realized I’d walked past her office, though there had been no other candlelight in any of the rooms I’d passed. So why was she there now?
“We have to try. Maybe if we’re quick and quiet, she won’t notice. We don’t even know if she’s in there, it’s possible she left some candles lit.”
“She would never,” Delilyx responded.
I looked back at Lilith who only gave a small lift of her shoulder. “Guess we have no other option. Let’s be swift, girls.”
I nodded, taking the lantern from Delilyx. “Let’s switch, I’ll take the lead. If she sees me, you two duck into another room while she scolds me.”
“We won’t let you take the fall alone,” Lilith argued.
“Yes, we will,” Delilyx countered. “You say that after she puts you on dish duty for community meals for three months because you laughed at Father Benedict’s hiccups during Mass.”
I snorted. “I remember that.”
“You were laughing, too, but only I got punished.”
“Oh, I got punished, too… in a different way.”
Delilyx rolled her eyes, thankfully oblivious to my meaning. Pretty sure I couldn’t sit comfortably for days after that incident. “Lead the way.”
I creeped forward, aware of every noise and every shuffle of our footsteps as we neared the ajar door. When I was right outside the door, calculating if I was going to pass by the sliver of an opening or not, sounds from inside froze my movements.
Father Benedict’s aged tenor hummed through the night air. “The vicar and bishop of Silent Damnation expect my report soon. I cannot hide this, word has reached them already. I’m sure you know just how. The devil is in our midst.”
“Are you quite familiar with the devil, Father?” Reverend Mother’s low voice was confident and a smidge bored. Something thrummed, and I imagined it was her fingernails tapping the top of her desk as they so often did at the breakfast table in the mornings while she read her bible.
“It is my job to be,” Father Benedict replied.
“Do you disagree with my discernment, Sister? After what transpired with Miss Batilda’s swans…
how could anyone ascertain any other conclusion?
It chills my nerves to the core to even think of such evil befalling innocence such as that. It is a sign from god.”
“To the contrary, I believe you’re correct. The devil prowls like a hungry lion…”
“… seeking someone to devour. First Peter, five, eight.” The priest sighed. “When they find out in the morning… all hell will break loose.”
Veilentine’s tapping ceased. “Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear her who can destroy both body and soul in hell.”
“Him,” Father Benedict replied. After a beat of silence, which I could only imagine was Veilentine’s raised brow, he clarified. “As always, you’re quick with your verses, Sister. Though the one you quote from Revelation twenty-one says to fear him, not her.”
“That’s right,” Veilentine said with a small smile in her voice. “Silly me.”
I let go of Delilyx’s hand, hoping this was my chance.
They were busy talking. With quick steps, and as silent as I could muster, I ducked past the crack in the door and waited.
The low murmur of conversation continued, and I let out a breath.
I motioned for the girls to follow. With quick movements, they did, and we were safely on the other side of the hall.
I deposited Delilyx in her room, carefully shutting her door, still expecting Veilentine to pop out from around a corner at any moment.
Lilith whispered as we lingered outside Delilyx’s door. “I should get to Iris’s to help with the baby.”
“No,” I protested immediately. Without thinking, I took Lilith’s hand. “What did you see when we were upstairs?”
Lilith let out an unsteady breath. “She will need help… though since teaching her my swaddle technique, Archie Junior is sleeping much better.”
“You’re not going out there… not with whatever we just heard creeping about.”
“I am a bit… uneasy about going outside right now.”
“Come to bed,” I insisted. Looking down, I realized she was holding my hand back.
We reached our room, and once safely inside, I sank onto the end of Lilith’s bed, letting out a long exhale of relief. “Tell me.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” she replied, sitting next to me on her thin mattress.
“Don’t lie to me. What did you see?”
“I can’t be sure if I saw anything at all.”
“What do you think you saw?”
“Figures… something at the tree line.”
Air froze in my chest. “I think I’ve seen them, too.”
“What… do you think they are?”
“I don’t know.”
Lilith looked down at her feet, her braid falling over her shoulder. Taking liberties I shouldn’t have, I smoothed the stray blonde hair from her face. “Lilith?”
“Yes?”
“What was in the letter you received? Has… Damnation called you home?” I gripped the end of the sheets, bracing myself for the answer.
She looked over at me, tilting her head. “They have not asked me to return yet, no.”
“Oh.” I let out a sigh. “Good.”
“Is it?”
“For me, even if you don’t want me anymore, at least I get to… I don’t know. Look at you, have you in our room at night, know where you are, know you’re safe.” I lifted a shoulder. “That can be enough.”
Lilith shook her head. “You really feel this could ever be enough, Jezebella?”
“It has to be, doesn’t it?” I spread my fingers overtop hers, memorizing the grooves in her knuckles. “If it’s not enough… could we simply pretend that it is? If only just for however long we have left.”
“Like we pretended in the lake?” she answered on a small whisper. “Feigning freedom… playing at something wild and untamed.”
I squeezed her hand, catching her avoidant glance in the snare of my green eyes. “We’re nuns, Sister. Aren’t we experts at praying for things we’ll never receive? It is our vow, our life, to be promised to god, to obey him… to live in poverty of material goods… and to remain chaste from… men…”
Lilith’s gaze dropped to my lips. “I never liked men.”
“Me neither.”
The air around us heated into something warm and dense. “So, we…” Lilith’s gaze landed on my mouth. “Pray for something we cannot have?”
I inched closer, feeling her heat, basking in the heightened energy of the moment. “Yes… we pray together… as often as we can… for as long as we are able.”
Her palm landed on my thigh, her fingers tracing a lazy oval atop the thin fabric of my nightgown. “If that is to be so, I’d like for you to pray… and I’d like to receive your blessings.”
Our lips hovered over each other’s, inhaling our shared breaths. The electricity on my thigh from her caress had my mind dizzying with want before I could untangle the meaning of her request. “Are you sure?” I questioned.
“Are you afraid you might actually like praying and ruin your bad nun reputation?” she teased, brushing her lips along mine.