Chapter 24 #2
Was one of the blonde-haired women… Lilith? I assumed so. Who was the other woman? Who were the children?
My heart raced as I opened the other page.
A letter.
Dear Lilith,
We trust you are walking in the ways of the lord in fulfillment of his divine will. We wish to hear your account of your time at The Altar Church of Lost Souls and will be expecting your letter soon. To ensure the outcome we discussed, your testimony is required.
The Abbey of Silent Damnation
My heart sank into my shoes.
Lilith’s home church was waiting on her letter to them. A letter outlining… her account of her time here… in order to receive something.
This did not sound like a friendly check-in on her ministry. Nor did it seem as if she were only here to minister and visit a sister convent. Lilith had come here for a reason, a purpose, and had left behind some sort of agreement… she’d also left behind some kids, by the looks of it.
Everything in me told me to take my findings immediately to Reverend Mother. Yet… how could I betray the woman I’d been so intimate with? At the same time, how much did I know about Lilith at all?
With shaking hands, I folded the pages back up and stuffed them under a stack of pillowcases in the closet. My ribs felt tight, and though I’d only been wearing my garb for less than an hour, my collar already felt tight too. I left my room, seeking the nearest path to air.
Stumbling through the mudroom, I opened the door and stepped into welcome sunshine. Leaning against the porch banister, I inhaled and closed my eyes, tilting my head towards the sky and soaking in the sun’s warming rays.
What was that?
Who was the woman I’d been sleeping with?
Who were the children?
What did her church want with us?
What did her church want with her?
Soft fur grazed my palm, followed by the wet slurp of a dog’s tongue. Pulling my face from the light, my eyes adjusted on Bernard as I petted his shaggy head. “Hi, buddy. Want to go for a walk with me?”
I trailed away from town and church, opting to venture towards the gardens and priest’s rectory.
No part of me wanted to run into Lilith in that moment.
Too many questions floated through my mind and the only thing that could begin to untangle them was a walk.
I looked towards the woods, wondering if I could sneak away and check on my moth trap.
There was the tiny detail of the howls and missing man that kept me wary of such a trek alone. Though, I did have Bernard… and Bernard was a very big dog, albeit blind and old.
“Don’t even think about it,” a cool voice said. I hadn’t even heard Reverend Mother’s approach. She pulled off a muddy garden glove and gave Bernard an ear rub. “The forest is off limits until further notice.”
“That’s a shame.” I sighed, taking in the smudge of dirt on Veilentine’s cheek. “I’m in great need of fresh air right now.”
“Well, thankfully, Sister Pandorian says the weather should stay nice for today and tomorrow. Is something on your mind, Sister Jezebella? I feel I have not seen much of you lately. I apologize if I’ve been… more distant than usual.”
An apology from my Reverend Mother? Today was indeed so very odd.
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I know you have a lot on your plate, what with everything going on in town.”
“Yes.” Her hazel eyes lifted towards the forest. “It has been quite a disaster, hasn’t it?” She stepped forward, standing only an inch too close, an inch closer than she would to someone else, and brushed something off my shoulder. “Tell me, Sister Jezebella. What do you think of our visitor?”
My cheeks heated as my words burned in my throat.
What could I say? That I desired this newcomer more than anyone I ever had in all my life?
Did I tell her about the letter I found?
About all of Lilith’s little prying questions that were now starting to pile up in my brain as I tried to unlock the meaning of each.
That reminded me… Lilith’s lock she kept in her pocket. The one we’d lost on the mountain that day. Another piece to the puzzle that I couldn’t quite get a handle on. All I could muster was an unsure, “She seems fine.”
Veilentine cocked an eyebrow. “After all of our time together, Sister, I think you know you’re going to have to do better than that.”
“I can’t,” I said quickly. “I don’t know what you want from me or what you want me to say but—I don’t know, I just…
All of this and now the woods, the noises, Archie Maison is missing…
I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.
I never know if I’m doing the right thing or not—” My voice trailed off as awareness hit that I was letting my anxieties spill out onto her muddy garden boots.
Veilentine took a step back, giving me a painfully slow once over. Starting with my feet, her gaze lifted up my body before finally settling on my eyes. I felt more naked in that moment then I had when my other two Sisters in Christ had walked in on me nude that very morning.
I braced myself for a scolding. However, my Reverend Mother simply took off her other glove and motioned for me to follow. “Join me for a stroll in my garden.”
She offered her elbow, which I took nervously, and walked silently beside her. “No one is allowed in your garden,” I said after a pause.
“Then it is an auspicious day and you are well favored by god to have received such a coveted invitation. Complete with a guide, no less.” Her tone was jovial yet sharp as we neared her mixture of plants and flowers on the far side of the church property.
The woods behind us could have had eyes for the way I felt they were boring into my shoulder blades as we strolled. “Are you afraid?” I asked, feeling goosebumps prick at the sensation—at the memories of the howls, the blood, Batilda’s story of her swans…
“Should I be?” she asked plainly.
I shrugged a shoulder. “The townsfolk are whispering of monsters in the woods, a man is missing, and I’ve heard… howls in the night. Seems like everyone is scared.”
“Are you?”
I nodded. “A little, yes.”
“The unknown is historically the most frightening thing imaginable, isn’t it?
That’s because your brain cannot imagine it, your soul cannot ascertain it, and your body cannot sense or feel it.
Man have done all sorts of things to contest with that innate vulnerability…
the unknown.” We reached her garden surrounded by splinter spikes of wood, and she reached over the gate, unlatching it, before holding it open for me.
I eyed the spears protruding all around the space. “Not very welcoming,” I said under my breath.
“Yes, indeed, especially if you are a rabbit or a crow. Are you a rabbit or a crow, Jezebella? Is that why you are so fearful?”
“Caw, caw,” I answered. Reverend Mother was in a rare mood today.
I treaded lightly, figuratively and literally, as I entered her lush garden.
The aroma of earthy lavender and sweet peony wafted through the air.
Little pathways of smooth river stones curved in different directions through long vines arching over curved branches that propelled from the ground at odd angles.
“I can see why you spend so much time out here. It’s peaceful. ”
Veilentine stopped by a bundle of stalks as tall as she was, with cone-like purple flowers cascading down its leaves. She lightly stroked its petals. “We’ve experienced a good bit together since you joined Lost Souls, have we not?”
I paused next to a wooden box where buzzing bees had gathered. “I didn’t know you kept bees,” I said absently before focusing my attention back to her. “Yes, I’d say we have. I’ve… learned a lot from you.”
“You have been a faithful disciple. Eager to learn, quick to please me in your search for righteousness. I’ve also noticed your bond with your fellow sisters… all of these fruits of the spirit are satisfying to behold.”
“Thank you.” I swatted a bee from my cheek. “Howl Moor feels like home to me now, really. I love it here.”
“So, as your home, you should want to see it protected. Do you not?”
“I do, of course, I do.”
Veilentine glided a step closer. “I will be blunt with you, Sister Jezebella. While I was hopeful upon Sister Lilith’s arrival that she was a fellow lost soul seeking harbor from the more stringent and narrow teachings of our neighboring church, The Abbey of Silent Damnation, my optimism has dwindled. ”
My ribs tightened and bees buzzed too close to my ears. “Why else would she be here?”
“As an informant.” Veilentine let out a sigh.
“We do things differently here, as you know firsthand now. Our community is small, this town secluded, and our church a small beacon to the people here. Though we are few in numbers, I believe we make an impact with our ministry. There are other churches like ours out there, though they work behind a thicker veil of secrecy and with bigger operations… not to mention more protection.”
“Protection? Protection from what?” My back hit the side of the beehouse, rustling up a small flurry of yellow and black and tiny wings.
“The monsters I contend with are not found in the trees, Jezebella. They wear white collars and speak in riddles from god’s word, enacting whatever verses suit their ignorance best.”
“You are being blunt,” I breathed. “Are you saying you believe Sister Lilith is, what, helping them get information on us?”
Veilentine nodded once. “It’s nothing I haven’t successfully fended off in the past. However, with our recent town drama, it could not be a worse time for a snake to be in our midst.”
My first instinct was to correct her. To defend the newcomer I’d found myself drawn to and caring about.
Though, Lilith’s letters sprang to mind and sank heavy in my gut.
A tiny voice nagged inside my head, connecting all the dots, all the little clues about Lilith.
What if Reverend Mother was right? A part of me, a part that wanted to deny it just for the sake of not confronting it, feared she was precisely right…
and I was betraying my home church, the town that had welcomed me in, and the Reverend Mother who’d mentored me by not coming clean with what I knew.
How could I choose between the connection I’d thought I’d found and the home that had found me?