15
Here goes nothing.
Stick to the truth, Susan. You got this.
“Hey soooo, something to tell you.” I start with Megan, gripping my phone for dear life. I’m not sure how this is going to go.
“Hit me.”
“Well, you know since Josh turned out to be a massive scumbag and had to go to rehab, you know how the other Bell and I have been forced to go on these site visits.”
“Yes, poor you.”
I laugh nervously. “Right, about that. It turns out he’s, um, not so bad.”
“Okaaaay?”
“Well, I mean I know this is weird, but, I guess we’re kind of dating?”
“Shut the front door!” She says and it sounds like she just dropped something. I wait for more. “Seriously? That is kinky, girl. I love it.”
I laugh again with relief. “Isn’t it weird? Brothers?”
“Yes but who cares? You’re a hottie, everybody wants a piece.”
“Well,” I wince, thinking about the rejections she doesn’t know about, “I’m not sure Josh ever really wanted a piece, looking back. I think he just thought I was, like, good on paper. For his image or whatever.”
“Could be. But Adam, he doesn’t give a rat’s tiny ass about his image. So it must be true love this time. I mean on his end, but for you, Suze, seriously? That mean, grumpy jerk is doing it for you now?”
“Well, you can’t deny he is also super hot.”
“I suppose I agree. But I find it hard to believe that that guy is going to make the Susan Canton Cut.”
“What do you mean?”
I hear her bend over, picking up pieces of whatever broke earlier, maybe? “I mean, you have had a husband checklist since we were six. Adam is tall, good family. Handsome in a big, scary bear kind of way. But that’s it. The rest that you’ve always talked about…frankly all the things you liked about his brother, I don’t see it. You really think he’s going to dazzle the nation with you? Press conferences? Magazine spreads? Writing a non-fiction leadership book together?”
I swallow and try to back pedal. “Those were just general ideas.”
“After you and Steven broke up, Carlton tried to woo you during STUCO class senior year, and you rewrote that list and added in bold all caps at the top ‘non negotiable.’”
“It wasn’t that serious.”
“Susan. You laminated it.”
“I love laminating! People change!” I try again.
“Maybe…maybe if there’s a magic penis involved. Did you finally boink a Bell, Susan?!”
“No!” I say, then I move to my closet, hearing a couple of my roommates moving down the hall of our sorority house to our room.
“There’s something you’re not telling me here,” she says. Dang it! Think! “…Suze?”
“Almost boinked!” I blurt.
“What! I need all the details immediately.”
I duck further into my long hanging clothes and quickly pile on more lies. “My roommates are coming but we went basically almost all the way, way further than I ever went with Josh.”
“You finally got naked with someone! Congratulations! So, tell me everything! How was it?”
I lean into her idea to help the thought take root. “Yup, yup you were right. Magic penis. It was life changing, obviously. Like you said.”
“So are you dragging him out with you tonight? First big party of the semesterrrrr!”
Ha! Her idea again! This is easier than I thought.
“It’s Shep’s party so he was already going to be there. Most of the players will.”
“Nice.”
I emerge from my closet but keep my back to my room and voice low. “Do you think people will think it’s weird though?”
“People aren’t paying attention to anything other than themselves. Josh hasn’t been on campus for years and it wasn’t very long that you guys dated. Barely dated. It’ll be fine. What’d your sisters say?”
“Haven’t told them yet, wanted to test the waters with you.”
“Inaccurate test. I am the coolest, most progressive and liberated person you know. Your family, though…”
“Yeah. Good call.” I pretend, feeling bad about it. My parents of course already know and support our sham relationship. I don’t know how my sisters will react. Not that it matters. “I’ll see if we actually turn into something first, then tell them.”
“If he’s changed your list, that’s something, girl. I mean, it was freaking laminated.”
“Ugh, seriously, c’mon, Megan, I laminate everything!”
She thinks about it and then laughs. “That’s true. See you in a couple hours you lovable laminating weirdo.”
I smile, so relieved I am pulling this off, “K!”
I hang up and realize what I just said.
My smile vanishes.
I just told my best friend that I almost had sex with a guy who barely tolerates me. We haven’t hugged, we haven’t held hands, I don’t think we’ve smiled at each other longer than a few seconds!
Crap crap crap!
I pull out my phone with shaky hands.
I see the previous text thread with Adam and feel a wave of unease. We’ve swapped numbers and then confirmed departure times.
That’s it.
This is going to be awkward.
Oh well! Direct, open communication. Lead by example. Be his friend.
Susan: Hey quick heads up, I told Megan about us.
He doesn’t reply, so I just rip the bandaid off.
Susan: Long story short, I’m going to have to be all over you at this party Adam: Why
Why? That’s not the reply of someone who is on board with an idea.
Susan: If I’m not, she’ll never buy it.
Adam: OK
Susan: Is that okay? We could try to avoid her? We should’ve made a game plan for our public appearances. Like the jersey debacle. Sorry about that!
I blush again thinking about the other day.
I’ve heard Adam use his bossy voice. I’ve heard his grumpy voice, his go-to. I’ve even heard a polite voice he used with his mother once. But the way he stared at my chest, at my boobs, with Shep’s number on them, then ripped his clothes off and leaned in to talk quietly near my ear.
That was a very different voice altogether.
Well…
Maybe it was the voice, maybe it was the muscle on top of muscle hiding under those pads.
I feel a wave of heat run down my body again just thinking about it.
Adam: It’s fine
Susan: Can I call you? Shouldn’t we make a plan?
Adam: Can’t talk right now.
Adam: We don’t need a checklist. Do what you need to do.
Susan: Okay. I guess consider yourself warned!
Adam: OK
____
I walk up to Shep’s house, stepping around girls, players and discarded solo cups. I’m not all that late but apparently things have been going for a while. I tug on my tight ribbed tank dress one more time and nervously straighten the biggest gem on my bubble necklace.
Stop fidgeting! Project confidence, feel confidence.
I glance around looking for Megan when I reach the open front door, just as her text comes through.
Megan: Going to be a while, we pre-partied too hard and now we need pizza. Nom nom
I feel some of the tension evaporate from my shoulders. Megan isn’t here yet. I have time.
I move further into the house, waving and smiling at acquaintances. I have a few good friends who are already here somewhere, and more on their way with Megan, but I wanted to show up on my own so I’d be able to find Adam first.
Oh.
Found him.
At this point, I’d know that butt anywhere. And his hair, a little long and a lot thick and dark. Muscular neck tanned a deep brown from all his work at the job sites this summer. He’s at the island, talking with some players, holding a cup in his giant hand.
“Whoa Susannahhhhh!” Shep calls from the kitchen as he sees me, his small town accent thick from the beers. “What you doin’ girl?”
Just staring at Adam’s butt.
“Hey, Shep.” I smile and wave.
Adam turns around, looking almost dreamy. His body looks different in a loose, thin faded t-shirt and a nicer pair of jeans. Not as rugged as I’m used to. More huggable maybe? Yes, huggable.
Plus he’s sporting a wide smile at something one of the guys just said. Until he sees me. Then he frowns. Of course. I walk up to him anyway. “Hey.”
“Hey?” He draws out the word. I realize up close that his eyes are already a bit droopy.
“Exactly what time did this party start?”
He huffs a small chuckle, “Early. This is the last time we can let loose for a while.”
“Gotcha.” I say, knowing Shep is watching us and wondering what the heck we are doing.
I, too, am wondering.
Should we hug? Probably? Or maybe I should just reach up and kiss him hello? Except hello was a whole minute ago and now it’s just awkward. Adam is staring, waiting.
I have to do something!
“Good to see you,” I mumble as I jokingly punch his arm.
What.
What did I just do?
I punched his arm?!
What is this fifth grade? Adam’s mouth actually drops open a little bit in shock. Or second hand embarrassment. Hard to say. Ugh!
God, I know you’re there watching, probably cringing as well, could you please save me somehow?
“Susan, you want a beer?” Shep finally asks.
“Yes!” I yell.
Saved by Shep Riggs. I’ll take it.
I make a mad dash around my fake boyfriend to grab a plastic cup. Then I think I chirp something like “Thanks” before making another mad dash to any room that’s not the kitchen to find anyone that’s not Adam to talk to. It’s not hard, because I know basically everyone here at least a little bit.
I catch my breath and try to will the blush out of my cheeks while I listen to a girl from my literature class talk about her new false eyelashes. Then I listen to Tug tell one of his crazy stories about Louisiana. There’s always a surprise alligator involved in the punch line. Finally, I feel a little better so I go back to find a second beer.
Midstep across the living room I’m caught.
Literally.
Yanked by my waist down onto the couch.
Onto Adam’s lap.
I shriek and he makes some low chuckle grunt sound, but when I go to straighten up and look back at him, he pulls me in, close. Hard. His hot thick arm locks around me, gluing my back to his front.
Then his voice, that voice, is back, right along the shell of my ear.
“Susan. Have you never had a boyfriend before?”
“What!” The word comes out cracked. I’m annoyed with his condescending tone but I’m also feeling a little breathless at how big his frame is under me, around me, and how tight his hold is at my middle. “I had a serious boyfriend for two years!”
“Who.”
“Steven. Preston? I’m sure you know the Prestons from—”
His hold tightens and I can hear him smiling as he talks. “I know anyone who has actually had a boyfriend wouldn’t think that punching a guy’s arm is hanging all over him. ”
“Megan isn’t here yet, you jerk.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, so you can let me go.”
But he doesn’t. And his breath doesn’t leave my neck. “She could come in any second.”
“I…I guess.”
“Just stay put instead of hopping around the house like a crack rabbit.”
I start to pull away, “I wasn’t hopping!”
“Just stay put, woman.” I’m pretty sure after that he mutters crazy spice under his breath. I’m about to defend myself again but Shep walks by.
“I knew it! Whoa Susanna and the ringer himself!” Shep yells, slurring slightly on my nickname and Adam’s football moniker. “A few road trips and you’re at it like a couple of possums in the springtime! Whoooaaa!” The blond collection of compact muscle, shorter than most of the other players, yells like some kind of viking warrior. I can see why Sadie was so obsessed with him for a while when he first moved to Tulsa back in high school.
“Go eat something, backwoods hillbilly.” Adam mutters, I barely hear him over the sound of my own pulse.
“After you, Country Club. Oh man,” Shep lights up all over again. “Y’all’s parents must love this. I bet your dads are playing golf together right now!” I guess Shep wasn’t around enough over the summer to hear I dated Josh first.
“It’s night time, you idiot.” Adam’s laughing voice rumbles up my spine.
Shep ignores him. “This is the greatest night ever. Two of my besties getting it on.” He puts his hands up in celebration and starts to walk away but Adam stops him.
“Hey. You know a Preston?”
“Oh, from high school? Her ex?” Shep turns back, fully invested again. “Dude, that guy was a shrimp dick wanna be. Couldn’t play with the big boys so he stuck to golf. What a prick. Hated him.”
“You guys were friends!” I argue.
“Susan, I love you, but that guy was a snore and a snob and what else starts with s? Sssss…” He drunkenly loses his train of thought.
“He was not,” I start but I feel Adam flex around me and realize I’m defending my ex while sitting in my supposed boyfriend’s lap.
“He was, which is why you didn’t put up much of a fight when he decided to go to college a million miles away. Good ri-ri-what’s the word?”
“Riddance.” I answer quietly for him so he doesn’t burst an alcohol-soaked blood vessel.
“Yeah! So long, suckerrrrr!”
Adam sits up a bit, shifting me to the side. “Pizza Shep. Now.” He moves his head away from mine to yell, “Tug, you too! Go eat something!” All the players get out their keys and ring them.
“You got it, Cap.” Tug yells back.
I twist to look at him. “Cap? You’re…you’re the team captain this year?” I smile, but his face closes off completely. “See! I told you! Natural leader.” At that, he huffs out a grunt, picks me up and deposits me back on the couch.
“When she gets here, come find me.”
Then he stalks off.
What?
Why doesn’t he want me to compliment him?
Does he really hate the idea so much—that we might actually be compatible? That this could work? That we might make a good team?
I look around for Megan as I sip my beer.
But she never shows. Apparently their DD for the night forgot she was the DD. They had to get a ride and decided it’d be smarter to just go home.
I decide to go home too, even though I haven’t been out long. I find Shep, Adam and a group of guys gathered around a giant tv watching two guys play a video game. Luckily I can’t easily reach Adam without climbing over people, so I can just call out.
“Hey, I’m leaving.”
“Already?!” Shep says, not looking away from the screen. The whole group of guys yells as one half of the screen explodes in fake flames.
“Yeah,” I have to wait for the noise to die down. “Yeah, Megan lost her DD and had to go home. See you tomorrow?” I ask Shep.
“Tomorrow…tomorrow…” He tries to jog his memory out loud. “Oh! Moving the furniture. Yes, this gunshow is happy to come to the Kappa house tomorrow.” He flexes his massive arms like a moron.
I laugh. “Okay. Well…bye!” I say to Adam, who barely lifts his chin when we finally make eye contact.
I turn and go, shoulders back and head up. Even though on the inside I’m slumped over in disappointment, wishing I could stomp my feet like a toddler.
One (very hot) lap-sit forward, three giant steps back I guess.
Now with football season starting, we won’t have much time to see each other.
In fact, with our busy schedules and the lack of enthusiasm…when will my soon-to-be-fiance and I even go on our first date?!