28
“I’ll sleep on the floor.” Adam says in a low voice as soon as we get inside.
“What?”
“I can see your brain panicking. It’s fine, Susan I can bunk on the floor.” I shake my head but I can’t seem to find any words. “I’ll hit the head first.” He says. Then he all but runs away from me.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
He’s in the bathroom. He’s going to sleep on the floor.
Sleep…right. I should get into pjs quickly before he comes out. I reach around my back and start the zipper. And it starts, but stops. This dress wasn’t so tight earlier? I didn’t even eat! It’s nerves. Okay, I can deal with nerves. I start to talk my pulse down.
Susan. Remain calm. You are not going to die from this. Death by wedding dress compression is not a thing.
I’m not sure if a pulse can laugh at a person but I think mine just did.
It’s not slowing.
And. Great. He’s done in there.
Here he—
Oh God. Why do you hate me so?
He’s naked. I mean, not naked. He has boxers on but there’s just so much…Adam. Hard, bulging muscle, tan lined and scattered with short dark hair. Manly and big and I want to touch him. I want to…
Crap, I’m staring.
“You need help?” He says, voice so quiet I almost don’t hear him.
I slump, “Yes, stupid clasp at the top of the zipper is stuck.”
He comes over and I turn, giving him my back. I can smell him, wood shavings and cologne. I can feel him too, huge and literally hot behind me. My hands, which were already shaking, I guess, tremble even more.
He undoes the zipper, slowly and carefully. I hope maybe he’ll put a knuckle to my skin, and breathe words onto my neck. I think of all the kisses, the grabbing, the long, hot hugs. I will him to touch me in my mind. But he doesn’t.
He clears his throat and steps back.
“Done.”
“Thanks.”
He swiftly moves around where I’m frozen, grabbing a pillow off the bed and tossing it on the floor. He glares at it, then looks at the closet behind me. I doubt a place like this has extra blankets in the wardrobe. He won’t even look at me, frozen here, holding my dress up in the front. If I dropped it right now he’d get a real eyeful since the dress has a built in bra, so all I have on are tiny nude thong panties.
But he’s not paying attention.
Which pisses me off.
“So, this is how it’s going to be? Are we going to, like, sleep in separate rooms? Our whole lives?”
He glares at me from the closet, dark eyes flashing with feelings I can’t read. Except maybe anger. But that’s always there.
“I don’t know.” He finally says to the ceiling, hands on hips.
“I mean, don’t guys…you were the one who said…if…like even if you don’t like me like that, don’t you need to? Do that? I mean, do it, I mean, like not with someone else, though, right? But then that only leaves me, or just like you and uh, yourself, but crap, we didn’t even talk about stuff because this wasn’t happening! Like kids! We didn’t talk about kids! Hello, that’s how you have kids! Don’t you want kids?!” I stammer on, louder and louder, hating myself and every awkward word but unable to stop myself.
“Stop saying kids!” He yells back at me.
“Okay!” I yell back.
We stand still and silent except his panting and my own, which swishes the bodice of my dress a little bit, in out, in out, in out. He clenches his jaw and once again refuses to look in my direction.
“Well!” I screech, moving into the fake positivity of my fix-it mode. “We don’t have to figure it all out tonight.” Then I start to move to the bathroom but he stops me, one hand on my arm. It burns and sets off chills at the same time.
“I do like you.” He grinds out.
“What?” I whisper.
“Like that. I do.” He says, but he’s yet to actually make eye contact.
I snort, “You don’t have to lie to me about it.” Then I try to pull my arm out of his grip.
“It’s not. I—” He paces away, then finally looks at me. His chocolate eyes are furious. “He—it kills me. Fucking keeps me up nights. Kills me that he…he…I mean I can’t stand it.”
“He?”
“My asshole brother.”
“Josh?”
“That he…I…he kissed you, touched you, had you.” Adam says, pulling on the back of his neck and glancing down my body.
“He didn’t.” I frown, confused. There’s no way he thinks Josh and I had sex? Seriously? “He never touched me, Adam.” I hug myself a little tighter. “No one’s ever, um, had me.”
He blinks.
Blinks again.
“What?”
“I mean,” I laugh to let out all my nervous energy as he starts inching closer to me, “Steven and I did mess around a little bit, you know, just hand stuff, but we weren’t very good at it, but with him, I tried to, um, I did—”
“Stop talking.” He says, closer still.
“O-okay.” I breathe.
“What about me?”
“Huh? You? I’m sure you’ve done all the things with all the girls so, like, congrats to you I guess, not really great for—”
“No.” He’s so close I can feel his words on my lips. “Do you like me like that?”
“Are, are you kidding?” I whisper. “Look at you.”
“Look at you.” He says right back, glancing down at my cleavage. He bites his lip.
It’s the lip bite that does it. Gives me the confidence.
I drop my hands. Without the pressure, the dress sags, catching on the tight points of my chest.
But that’s all I can handle. I’m not going to strip, I—
His hand.
He moves both hands to tuck his fingers in the sides of the dress, and he tugs. It falls down to my hips, leaving my whole torso bare before him. His lips part as his eyes get greedy, looking everywhere, my neck, chest, belly button.
He makes a guttural sound as he kneels, helping me shimmy out of the dress completely. He looks up at me from the floor, patches of red appearing on his skin. All his muscles are taut, like a predator about to pounce. And, like a little doe caught, I’m scared. I start to tremble, and can’t stop.
I don’t know how to do this!
He stands up, slowly, his breath caressing my skin all the way up, even though he’s not touching me. He’s just…close. His big body towering over mine, he takes my face in his hands again.
He swallows and then whispers, “I am so damn lucky.”
“I…I’m nervous.” I whisper back.
“Me too.”
My eyebrows try to reach the ceiling. I was not expecting that. I don’t know what to say, I just feel my mouth fall open and his eyes track the movement.
“Trust me?” He asks.
I nod.
Then his mouth crashes down on mine. He nips at my bottom lip and takes me over, owning me completely with his tongue. I whimper at the force of it, which only encourages him to shift my head, to consume me further. We kiss and kiss until my knees get weak and my insides heat to match his tanned skin that’s brushing up against me everywhere. His chest against mine, his calloused fingers all over my back, my butt and thighs, neck, face, all of me.
It feels amazing.
It also feels like…not enough. I twist my thighs together and he pulls away to look at me. He’s still got my neck in his left hand, keeping my face up. So he can watch my reaction as his right hand slides down my side, then traces the lines of my tiny underwear. He traces around for longer than I want, until I sigh a pleading type of moan and the corner of his mouth raises slightly.
Then he pulls down one side, and finally, slowly, gives me what I want, right where I want it.
One finger.
Another?
“This okay?” I think he asks.
I can’t answer because…
It feels…
I…
He freezes. “Suzie? Baby? Are you all right?”
“Yes! Yes! Please,” I say and he grins, moving his hand again. Harder. He adds more. More kissing, my mouth, my neck, my chest.
Then his mouth is gone and I miss it, until I see he’s kneeling down. Before I can ask or think or worry his mouth is on me, there , with his fingers. He groans, the vibrations adding even more stimulation.
It’s…
My body moves on its own, using his hand, gripping his hair, holding onto his shoulder for support and…
I…
Explode.
I explode on his fingers.
“Adam!” I cry and he stands to kiss the sound from my lips. He also helps hold me up with one arm as my legs turn to jello. But his hand keeps moving as I tremble. He keeps watching me like he can’t look away. His mouth is hanging, his eyes wide. It’s like he’s in awe.
At some point, I can breathe again.
I can smile at him.
He grins back, a boyish proud smile I’m not sure I’ve seen before. That with the reverent expression a moment ago, it moves me to my knees in an instant.
“You don’t have to—”
But when I pull at his boxer’s elastic band, words leave him. The amazed look is back on his face and I savor it. I bask in it, letting it fill me up so I can do this. I don’t know what to do, exactly, but I’m sure he does.
“Can you?” I say, before I open my mouth and wait.
“Are you sure?” He asks, hands twitching at his sides. I nod. He grabs my low ponytail and then takes over. He is slow, clearly holding himself back, and I’m grateful. Adam is not a small man. He’s huge and veiny and hot everywhere. “I can’t…” his voice is pinched. “I…” He picks up speed and then his eyes go wide, “Oh shhhh—!” He pulls out of my mouth quickly and makes a mess of my chest.
That was…fast.
I can’t help but blush. I fight a smile.
“I was not expecting you to do that.” He pants, then he smiles and closes his eyes for a beat. “That was a record I think.”
He walks to the bathroom and I frown after him, “Record good or record bad?”
He comes back with a washcloth, “Good.” He says quickly. “You were so good, Suzie. I just hope I can last a little longer…with you.” He looks at what we just did all over me. He swallows then bites his lip. “No promises though.” I start to take the towel but he shakes his head and whispers, “Let me.”
After he’s done he pulls his boxers back on and I go to my suitcase. I packed mostly very soft, very casual pj sets. But I did put in two white barely-there lacy sets and I’m grateful for it now. The one I slip on is a sheer spaghetti strap top with thin lace around the edges, with matching sheer undies.
I turn and Adam is staring. I blush deeply again, deeper still when he says “Wow,” under his breath. He’s still standing, holding the pillow.
“I think you can go ahead and sleep with me now,” I say.
“We can just sleep.” He says, though I think he said the words to my boobs more than to me. I fight a laugh.
I climb in and he follows my lead. Then we just lay next to each other. Stiff. And awkward. And not at all like what we just were.
“How about a hug?” I try.
He turns and opens his arm to me with a smirk and then pretends to gasp, “An unscheduled one?”
I poke at him but he pulls me close into his side.
He settles beside me, absently drawing circles on my shoulder. But I can’t quite relax. I have a million thoughts going through my head. Questions, mostly. Like uhhh, what now?!
He’s so still for so long I almost think he’s asleep when he says softly, “You sure you’re not sad about your wedding day?”
I shrug. “Maybe a little. I actually had everything I always dreamed of. It was beautiful.”
He clears his throat and his fingers still on my skin. “What about your dreams for the wedding night?”
“I don’t know,” I look up at him as he studies the ceiling. “So far so pretty freaking amazing.”
He smirks but it fades quickly. “We don’t have to…I…” he stammers. “I’m sure you had an idea of how you’d…”
“How I’d what?”
He sighs, exhaling the words quickly, “Lose your virginity.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“I mean I really only had one item on that checklist.” He shifts to look down at me, one eyebrow raised. “That it would be with my husband.”
He closes his eyes and sighs, pained.
“Last I checked, that’s you.” I smile but he doesn’t seem comforted. “Right?”
“Yes, but…”
“You don’t want to?”
I start to retreat in embarrassment but he grabs me tight and holds me to him.
“Oh, I do. I just…I don’t want to take anything else from you.”
“What if I want to give it to you?” I ask quietly.
He gathers me into his broad, firm chest. “We can just take it slow, okay?”
“Okay?” I draw out the question.
“I promise I want to. Look at your little outfit. I want to right now.” He pumps his hips the tiniest bit so I can feel that he’s not exaggerating. “But everything’s just been so messed up from the beginning. I want you to be sure. To be happy about it. Okay?”
“Okay.” I say, feeling a little deflated.
He rolls us a little so he can look down at me. “So far so amazing, huh?”
“Yeah,” I can’t help but smile.
“Was that your first…?”
He doesn’t like most words but I guess he’s drawn some line at the word orgasm. I shake my head, “First that wasn’t from myself.”
“Well a touchdown is good but I think I should go for two.” I chuckle but before I can come up with some witty football comeback, he starts kissing down the lace strap at my shoulder and is sucking on me through the thin bralette cups of the shirt. It feels amazing. Immediately I start to writhe under him, needy.
He doesn’t just go for two.
With his mouth and his hands and with that dazed, adoring look on his face—and one word questions, “Here? More? Faster?”—he goes for four.