40
THE END
(THE PRESENT)
“And that brings us to now, basically.”
I lean back against the couch behind me, stretching my legs out on Kat’s rug, exhausted.
The girls stare at me. Or at the wall. Or at their eyelids. Though I’m positive not one of them is asleep.
“I can’t get over that you’re like, out there, dating other people.” Skye says.
“I can’t either. Feels strange. Like sugar free cookies or imitation butter. I mean I know they’re out there in the universe but, like, why?” Kat adds.
Sadie rubs her pregnant belly, eyes wide, “I can’t get over Eli walking in on you and Adam—”
“Don’t say it, I beg you.” Sally says quickly.
“Sally, listen. When two people love each other very much—” Skye teases and Sally cuts her off by whacking her with a pillow.
“About that…” I say.
“About what part?” Sadie says, sounding as spent as I feel. “You just breezed through and kind of rewrote our entire lives in just a few hours.”
I scoff. “Always so dramatic, Sade. I didn’t rewrite anything. I maybe added some, uh, subtext. Some backstory.”
“I’m with Sadie.” Samantha finally chimes in, sounding sad.
“The that I’m referring to is the dating. Jenn came up short. Zero for three so far. So, Sam, Sal, Kat, I need you to get me on some dating apps.” They stare at me, blinking. Like I’ve just asked them to explain theoretical physics or something. “I’m not asking you to see the guys or, like, be a part of it. No coaching or anything that would feel…like imitation butter. I want to get back out there. It’s not like you’d be betraying Adam. He’s moving on.” I say, my voice getting shaky.
“He is?”
“With who?”
“No way.”
“I hate this.”
“Are you really sure?”
They all ask over each other.
I start to answer when they die down but Sally pipes up.
“But at the hospital, he…I really thought…”
They all look at me.
“He was great when you were in the hospital. I agree. And he loves all of you, he loves this family, the boys, Dad. He just,” I steady myself. “He just doesn’t love me. Or isn’t in love with me. I do think he seems better lately. Happier. Lighter.
“He’s been extra helpful with the boys, I think I actually heard him humming to himself the other day, if you can imagine that. But it’s not because of me. He’s moved on. I don’t know her name,” Samantha picks up her phone but I stop her. “No! We’re not going to find out her name! It’s better if I don’t know. We’re going to leave it. We’re not asking your husbands to ask him either.” I give all of them my serious face. “We’re going to be…happy for him.” Okay, that’s a lie. I can’t be happy for him. But they can. “This isn’t even about Adam. This is about you guys helping me.”
After more shocked silence, Sam says, “Of course, Suze. Of course we’ll help you.”
Skye sucks in a breath. “Has anyone warned you about what you find,” she waves her hand wide, her eyes looking terrified, “out there.”
I laugh. “Jenn said the apps are kind of crazy.”
“Honey, if you take three exits past crazy, take a right at the meth-lab-slash-truck-stop on I-10 and then do a hard left to end up in that deserted pasture with a haunted house that’s probably got a registered sex offender squatting in it, you’re not even getting close to what you can find on dating apps.”
Everyone takes one second to digest what Kat just spouted off in her accent, then we all die laughing. All the big tense feelings from the last few hours flow out of us in guffaws and cackles.
Sally falls off of her chair.
“I’m gonna pee!” Sadie manages to say.
“Squatting sex offender? Where do you get this stuff?” Skye wheezes.
I wipe my eyes.
“It’s not all that bad,” Sam finally says as we begin to settle. “I have many friends who have found amazing guys on apps. You just gotta do a lot of swiping and sorting.”
“Did someone say sorting? Because that’s kind of Susan’s life calling.” Skye teases.
I flip her the bird.
“OH coming in hot with the middle finger!” Kat calls out. “Who are you and what have you done with Mama Canton?!”
“Suze, do you know that that means eff you? ” Sadie whispers dramatically.
We all start laughing all over again.
For the first time in a very long time. I feel lighter. Better.
Hopeful.
Hopeful for something—maybe someone—new.