47ADAM
47 ADAM
Adam: Well, things changed
Shep: Oh no
Matt: What happened?
Adam: Had to improvise
Emerson: That is not advised
Nate: And?
Adam: Ended up blabbing everything early
Shep: Dammit man. I’m too sleep deprived to deal with this.
Dennis: [facepalm emoji]
Adam: I asked her out
Adam: She said no
Shep: CALLED IT!!!
Matt: Yes, Shep, you’re such a genius for predicting this unlikely event
[Dennis Liked “Yes, Shep, you’re such a genius for predicting this unlikely event”]
[Nate Liked “Yes, Shep, you’re such a genius for predicting this unlikely event”]
[Emerson Liked “Yes, Shep, you’re such a genius for predicting this unlikely event”]
Shep: gtfoh all of you
Shep: Why are these tools even on this text thread? I’m the one helping you with the plan!
Emerson: And how is that progressing so far?
Shep: Fine. It’s still fine, right?
Adam: I don’t know now, I kinda laid all my cards on the table already
Shep: That’s good, vulnerability is good
Nate: Are you using the thesaurus I sent?
Adam: [middle finger emoji]
Emerson: Surprisingly, Shep is right
Shep: Surprisingly my glorious ass.
Emerson: Stick to the plan. Keep sharing. Leave all the cards on the table again and again. Don’t give up.
Matt: Might want to take everything up a few notches though
Dennis: I agree.
Nate: Are we all just going to ignore that Shepherd just called his own ass glorious?
Emerson: Yes
Adam: Yes
Dennis: Yes
Matt: I try to ignore Shep as much as possible, really.
[Shep has left the group]
[Shep has joined the group]
Matt: Thirty seconds out of the group chat! Are you okay, buddy?
Shep: I came back out of the goodness of my heart. You all love me.
Matt: I can neither confirm nor deny
Adam: I’ll confirm
Emerson: Me as well.
Nate: I mean, I still don’t know you that well
Dennis: No comment.
Shep: AT LEAST KICK DENNIS OUT
Adam: No. He has good ideas.
Shep: [eye roll emoji]
Emerson: She’s got to spend more time with you. Move on to the next steps to make it happen. Keep us posted.
Adam: Will do
.
_____
“Adam?” I hear her call over the sound of the garage door closing. It’s been a few very long days since I told her everything. Almost everything. I’m…nervous.
I answer back from the living room where I have two boys hanging onto my arms like monkeys. “Yeah, in here.”
She walks in and sets down some grocery bags as well as her big work bag and her purse. My chest gets tight. She looks great. Like always.
“What are you doing here? I thought your mom was picking up today.”
I nod, “She was, but Loretta is off and Shep and Sadie are in town. I thought you’d want to go see the baby.”
“You filled in for your mom because Sadie is here?” She frowns. It’s cute.
“I am staying here with the boys tonight so you can see Sadie and the baby, they’re only here today and leave in the morning, right?”
“Right but Loretta is off for the week.”
I laugh a little. Then I wince, is this really that strange that she doesn’t get it? “Susan. I know Loretta is off, that’s why I’m here. So you can leave and see your sister and your new nephew.”
“But, I mean to be back for dinner and bath and bedtime, I will only have a couple minutes—”
“No,” I interrupt. “I’ll do all that. You go and stay with them at your dad’s as long as you want.”
Her mouth falls open. It makes me feel awful.
“You’re going to do dinner and bath time and bedtime…by yourself?”
“Yeah, no sweat. Right team?”
Mikey agrees, “Wwwwwight!”
“I’m a robot now,” Eli says. “Pre.pare.to.be.de.act.iv.at.ed.”
I chuckle, “Close enough.”
“That’s nice, but you don’t understand, three to one can be…crazy.”
I shrug, “You do it alone all the time.”
“Yes, but…” she doesn’t say that she’s a pro and I’ve been an absent loser for the last year. Longer than that.
“I got this, Suze. Go see your sister.”
She finally relaxes a fraction and smiles. My stomach does some flippy thing. Damn. Been a long time since I made her smile. Too long.
“I’ll go change really fast and maybe I can be back before the end of bedtime,” she starts talking fast as she runs to the closet.
“No, no rushing!” I say to her back.
Minutes later, all three boys trying to wrestle me to the ground, she reenters the open kitchen and living space in a loose sweater type top and leggings. Tight leggings. I can’t help but stare as she walks over. Her ass looks amazing in those.
She catches me.
I don’t even try to hide what I was doing. She looks good. She needs to know it.
After looking away with an expression that seems a little embarrassed and also a little bit proud of herself, her face resets to worry. A look I know very well.
“Hit me with it,” I stand.
“With what?”
“The checklist you’re thinking through, Suze. We’ll be fine, but you’ll feel better if you tell me everything you want me to know.”
Her brows go up and she fights a smile. She rambles off a bunch of stuff about the boys’ routines and needs, most of which I know, a couple things that are new. She seems a million pounds lighter afterward. Calmer. Happier.
That was so easy, letting her think that through out loud.
Why couldn’t I have done that every time instead of being a proud, irritable jerk?
“Okay,” I say after she’s done.
“Okay?” she asks. I nod. “Great! I’m going to go squeeze that baby!” Her voice is all squeaky with excitement. She almost hops a little bit. Then she takes a couple steps to me, and pauses. “Um, well. Thanks. I’ll be back later.”
Was she?
She was.
She was going to kiss me goodbye. Or hug me, at least.
Like putting on an old favorite shirt.
Muscle memory.
That’s Good.
Great, actually.
“Text me if you need anything,” she adds as she walks away.
“All right. Have fun,” I call after her. Then I look down at my little mini-me's. They’re 10, 8 and 5, it’s not like they’re babies anymore. “Okay boys, you and me and dinner, bath and bed, how hard could it be?”
_____
“Daaaaad!” I hear someone call. It’s muffled from where I am, grunting and scrubbing on the floor.
“Give me a minute!” I yell back. “How can one tiny plate of Sloppy Joe make such a huge mess?”
“Dad!” I hear Eli clearly now. “Mikey got toothpaste all over the wall again.”
“He what? How?”
Eli says, “And he got it on my shirt! This is why Mom makes him come get toothpaste from her in the kitchen.”
I frown, “Huh? Toothpaste in the kitchen?”
My five-year-old rushes in, “I was fixing it!”
I stand, now thoroughly annoyed, “On the wall?!”
“Mommy says we’re not a welling family! We’re not awowed to well!”
I feel my eye brows fly off the top of my head. “Well she’s not here, is she? And it’s yell, Mikey. C’mon! Ya-ya-yell.”
“Mommy says my wetters are devewopmentawy appwowiate!” he sobs, running away yelling, “I don’t wike you anymowe!”
Great.
Just great.
Eli looks at his younger brother and then back at me before giving a deadpan, “You let us have sugar after six p.m.”
“Since when is that a rule?” I say, exasperated. “Where is Jonathan? He could’ve given me a heads up about the toothpaste.”
“He asked you about his iPad when you were distracted and you said yes. Nice move, dad, we may never see him again.”
I point my finger and feel my eyes go wide. “You watch it, funny guy.” I turn to call upstairs, “Jon! Turn that thing off!”
“Headphones, dad. Duh.” My middle son laughs at me and I can feel every cell in my body starting to vibrate with rage.
“Go help your little brother with the damn toothpaste.” His eyes go wide. “And don’t tell your mother I said damn!”
I’m about to let a few other choice words fly when I hear screaming in the direction of the boys’ shared bathroom a whole twenty seconds later. Fantastic. I make my way quickly down the hall but the commotion is in the younger kids’ room.
“I bwoke it! I bwoke my foot!”
“He also broke the lamp.”
“Dude. Come. On!” is all I can say so I don’t further hurt my youngest’s feelings. Eli opens his mouth but I shoot him a glare. “Too much sugar. Don’t say it. What was he doing, exactly?” I examine the hurt foot.
“Parkour.”
“Michael,” I use his full name in my serious voice. “We all know that rule. No parkour in the house! Quit trying to play me because your mom’s not here!”
They both look guilty as hell. They’re so damn cute. I don’t let myself smile.
“There’s no blood, you’re fine. Get in bed, both of you. No talking, no reading, no playing around! I’m going to go find your brother.”
I turn and try not to smirk at how pitiful they look after I laid down the law. But my smirk dies real quick.
“Shit!” Sure enough, that little punk broke the porcelain lamp. And a big chunk of it just lodged itself in my foot. Great. GREAT.
I hobble out of the room more worried about getting blood on the carpet than anything else. I call back when I hear whispering behind me. “And don’t tell your mother I said shit!”
_____
“Adam.”
I feel her hands on my shoulders. Without thinking, eyes still closed, my hands go to her thighs in front of me where she stands between my legs.
“Hm?”
“Adam!” Oh, I’m grabbing fistfuls of her asscheeks now. My eyes fly open. “Sorry, what?” I say, not moving my hands. She is frozen for at least another second before she pulls away. My hands were firmly on her ass and she didn’t immediately move. I’m taking that as a win.
“How did it go?” she says, standing back and blushing. She looks tired. But still so pretty.
“It was world war three, Suze.” I laugh at myself as I stand from the spot where I collapsed on the couch and passed out cold.
“No!”
“Yes. Sloppy Joe on the back door, toothpaste on the wall, broken lamp and I busted my foot open.” She starts to laugh. I do too. “How do you do this every night?”
She shrugs, “I don’t know, we have a routine I guess.” I huff and she laughs again. “How was bath time?”
My face falls. “I completely forgot about the bath.”
“Adam! They’re little boys! They stink!” We both laugh again. “They pulled one over on you, huh.”
“So hard. Karate at the table, sugar after dinner, Jonathan got his iPad out without permission, it’s like they forgot every rule they’ve ever known.”
Her eyes sparkle when she laughs at me. Maybe I should bust up my other foot.
“Do you need stitches?” she looks down.
“Nah, I used the first aid kit, it’s fine.”
She starts looking around the kitchen behind me. “I don’t see any Sloppy Joe. “
“I cleaned it already.”
She frowns further. “And the dishes?”
I shrug, “Loretta’s out, I didn’t want to leave them for you to do. Eli helped.”
“Oh.”
I can see she’s touched by such a small thing and I feel terrible all over again. I change the subject. “How’s Sadie doing?”
“Good, tired. J.J. is so cute! And so squishy and tiny! He had on little itty bitty socks! You forget how small newborns are.”
“Yeah,” I smile. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her so animated.
She takes another step back and looks away. “Well, thanks for tonight. I appreciate it.”
“Sure.”
Neither of us knows what to say.
This is weird.
I hate that it’s weird.
I step toward her. “Well, I’ll see you at drop off on Thursday.” She nods. Is she nervous like I am? Is that good or bad? I step forward again. “Can I get a hug?” She looks up with her big blue eyes and I’m not sure what emotions I see in them. So I gesture to my foot, “C’mon, I almost died, throw a guy a bone.”
She rolls her eyes with a small laugh and I take it as a yes. I wrap my arms around her, tight. I spread my fingers on her back and hold her head with my hand. I pull our bodies together. I want to feel as much of her as I can. She doesn’t pull away.
Yes!
I breathe in her girly scent and just hold her. She lets me. I move my hand up her back, switching to hold her head in my hands, maybe go in for a kiss, but she spooks.
“Okay, well, goodnight!” Her voice is all weird as she pulls away and steps around me. But her cheeks are pink and I felt how fast her heart was beating. I’m about to ask her out again, but I stop. I didn’t give her the time with her sister as an exchange. I mean, I am hoping it helps my odds. But I don’t want to ask now. So I just stop when I pass her where she waits in the kitchen, on my way to the back garage door.
I want to hug her again.
I miss hugging her.
“I miss hugging you,” I say, working on saying my thoughts out loud like—I still can’t believe it—Shep told me to.
She smiles but it turns sad. “You could’ve hugged me everyday, Adam. I loved your hugs. You could’ve hugged me anytime.”
Loved.
Past tense.
Damn.
“You’re right. I’m an idiot. I was so stupid and I’m sorry. But I’m not giving up yet.” Her brows raise a bit but I don’t stay to watch what else she’s thinking or feeling. Another thought comes back to my mind as I close the door. “And you look really hot in those leggings!”
I shut it quickly and leave, hoping that the last sentence made her smile and praying to God I get a chance to try the next phase of my plan.