Rumors
RUMORS
Then
Shirin was wrong. About many things. Kian and Carmen met up twice and it quickly fizzled out. Shirin pretended she wasn’t burning inside the entire time. While this was happening, Rob continued to message her. He was a distraction. Kian might be seeing her friend, but she was talking to a boy, which made her feel less pathetic, though no one even knew they were talking. At school Rob acted like they never spoke, unless it was only them in a corridor, in which case he would smile at her. He would message her afterward saying she looked pretty, or that he liked her hair tied up.
When Kian and Carmen were no longer a thing, she was surprised that she continued to look forward to logging on to MSN after school to talk to Rob. He was sensitive, and much softer than he appeared. He told her he enjoyed studying Romeo and Juliet, that he liked Shakespeare in general, which surprised her. She had always assumed he didn’t like literature—likely because she was in the same class as Jordan, and he always mucked about in English literature. Now she was slowly untangling Jordan from Rob and seeing them as two separate people.
They talked for almost two months, and it was over the Christmas break that things began to escalate.
Rob_93: can you send me a pic?
Shirin_x_x: of what?
Rob_93: a sexy pic, you know what i mean
Shirin_x_x: no lol
Rob_93: oh come on, why not?? I promise i wont show anyone
She logged off, discomfort coursing through her. When she logged back in, a few hours later, she saw a string of messages:
Rob_93: hello?
Rob_93: ur such a tease—are you really not gonna send any?
Rob_93: we’ve been talking for months
Rob_93: ur ugly anyway bitch
Rob_93: i was only talking to u cause i felt sorry for you
Rob_93: u probs only suck paki cock
Rob_93: slut
Initially she was stunned, her hands trembling as her eyes scanned the words over and over. Then surprised that she was even surprised by this. She removed him as a friend from MSN. The rest of the Christmas break was spent wondering if she was ugly, looking in the mirror, and critiquing the features on her face that she’d once thought were attractive.
She thought that was the end of it. But when she returned to school in January, at lunch Phoebe took her aside and said, “There’s some rumors going around about you…” They were just outside the canteen, down one of the corridors, and no one except for the occasional student passed them to go inside.
“What do you mean?”
Phoebe’s face was pinched. “I heard in maths you’d given Rob a…”
“A what?”
“A blow job,” Phoebe whispered, though not that quietly.
The color had gone from Shirin’s face. “What? That’s obviously not true.”
“I know, I said that. I mean, you’ve not even kissed a boy before, right?”
“Okay, you don’t need to shout that, Phoebe. What the hell—who has he said this to?”
“Everyone was talking about it. He said you’d begun messaging him on MSN and asked if you could come round. Then he said he’d stopped talking to you after.” Judging from Phoebe’s expression, Shirin knew there was more to the story.
“What else did he say?” she asked. Phoebe shook her head, so Shirin pushed again. “Phoebe, please.”
“He said some other gross things, like you’re easy, that it wasn’t good, and that you begged to see him again, so he blocked you.”
They were interrupted by Jordan, Rob, and Tom walking out of the canteen past them. Rob had his head down, like he was a victim in all of this, while Jordan and Tom laughed loudly when they saw Shirin, making gestures with their hands and choking sounds.
As they passed Jordan muttered, “Paki slut.”
Now, as an adult, Shirin can see clearly the power that certain white men have. That they can rise through the ranks, no matter their views, that they can stand there and say freedom of speech is more important than treating people fairly and with respect. That what Rob did to Shirin was merely the start of what he would do to her—and to people in general. The rumors Rob made up about her are something she buried within the recesses of her mind. She had intended to keep them there, but she accidentally told Hana in their second year of university. They were high in the smoking area of a club, and it just came out. Hana was horrified, hugged her tightly, which felt nice given her touchy-feely state, and said, “I bet he has a shit and sad little life now.” And when she said it, Shirin thought he probably did. She saw herself living in London, working her dream job, as karmic retribution. It had been something, subconsciously, that she had held on to when she thought back to school. It was fine because she was doing well, and the people who had bothered her back then weren’t. The tables turned on her when she began to see Rob’s gigs being shared on Facebook and Instagram. A profile of up-and-coming comedian Rob Grayson in The Guardian . His shows being reviewed by Time Out .
He caused so much embarrassment, so much pain, and with no consequence. His book deal being canceled is nothing. He should never have been given one—let alone a million-pound one—in the first place. In fact he is only getting more attention because of the cancellation. None of it is fair. Because that wasn’t even the worst thing he did.