Chapter 10 Nova
Nova
When Lainey heads out to go to school, Rachel walks into the living room with a camera, a large notepad, and pens.
The past few days have been rocky, especially when I had the panic attack yesterday, and Rachel teased me about having a thing for Easton. Since then, it’s been bothering me. Maybe I’m not hiding my feelings as well as I thought.
Seeing it’s just the two of us, I move closer to her and ask, “Um, do I give off any vibes that I have a thing for Easton?”
Rachel lifts her head from where she’s fiddling with the camera and gives me a questioning look. “No. Is this because I teased you yesterday?”
I nod as I take a seat beside her. “The last thing I want to do is cross that line and make everyone uncomfortable.”
Rachel stares at me for a moment, then the corner of her mouth lifts into a grin. “You have the hots for Easton, don’t you?”
“No.” I shake my head wildly, then I double down, “No, I don’t.”
She nods, her grin widening. “Yes, you do.” She reaches out to me and places her hand on my forearm. “Be honest with me.”
My shoulders sag, and I mutter, “Nothing will come of it, and it started way before you moved to LA, so it’s not because he’s famous.” Needing to reassure her, I add, “Seriously. I promise it’s nothing for you to worry about. I’ll just have to be better at hiding it.”
She keeps staring at me, then tilts her head. “Before we moved to LA? How long has it been?”
I let out a sigh, admitting, “Since we were fourteen.”
She gives my arm a squeeze, then asks, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because he’s your brother.”
She lets out a chuckle. “You didn’t have to hide it. It wouldn’t have bothered me at all.” She shrugs. “We all have crushes growing up.”
I give her a sheepish look. “It’s not a crush.”
Surprise flits over her face, then her features soften. “You love him?”
When I nod, it feels freeing that I finally get to share my secret with her, but then I quickly add, “Please don’t tell him.”
“I won’t.” Her eyes narrow on me. “Are there any other secrets you’re keeping from me?”
I quickly shake my head. “Nope.”
“Good.” She hands me the camera. “Point it at me and press record.”
“Okay.” I look for the record button, and after pressing it, I peer through the lens and make sure Rachel is in focus. “Ready.”
She sits up straight, and a loving smile curves her lips. “Hi, bestie. This video is for you to watch whenever you need me after I’m gone.”
Oh God.
“You’re the most kindhearted person I know, and I love you so much, but you have to stop letting people walk all over you.
You deserve so much better.” She leans a little forward, and it feels like she’s looking into my soul as she says, “You deserve to be cherished and loved, Nova. The right man will come along, and you’ll get your happily-ever-after.
I believe it with all my heart. When that day comes, I ask only four things of you.
Accept that you’re allowed to be happy, and don’t forget about Lainey. ”
“I won’t,” I promise. “I will love her with all my heart.”
Rachel gives me a grateful look. “Thank you.” Sitting back, she continues, “The third thing I need from you is to look out for Easton. Keep him grounded and remind him to take breaks, or he’ll work himself to death.”
“How do I keep him grounded?” I ask, fully intent on carrying out all her wishes.
“It’s the little things like making breakfast together, or having a barbeque, or just talking about the old days and reminding him where he came from.”
I nod. “I can do that.”
She sucks in a deep breath before continuing, “The fourth thing. I really want you to see a therapist. I don’t want you getting panic attacks and living in fear of men. Okay?”
With a lump forming in my throat, I can only nod.
For a moment, she stares at me with so much love shining from her eyes it makes a tear spill down my cheek.
“You’re an amazing friend, Nova. I’ve loved every second we’ve spent together. From the first day when I saw you in the classroom, I just knew you were mine.”
My chin quivers as I think back on that day. I thought Rachel was the prettiest girl I’d ever seen, and I followed her around like a lost puppy.
“I don’t know what comes next, but if there’s a way for me to look out for you from the other side, I will.”
The sound escaping from me is a cross between a sob and a chuckle. “If anyone can find a way, it will be you.”
She takes the camera from me and keeps the lens on her as she scoots closer until she’s pressed against my side. She wraps her arm around my shoulders and gives me a kiss on my cheek, then says, “No matter where I am, I will always love you, Nova.”
I nod, and unable to stop the tears from falling, I say, “I’ll always love you, Rach.” I blink quickly so I can keep eye contact with her. “You’re the most important person in my life.”
“We got through puberty and a lot of other shit together,” she says, letting out a sad chuckle. “We’ll get through this as well.”
I’m not so sure I’ll get through it, but I’ll do my best.
Rachel stops the recording, then closes her eyes, and sucks in a trembling breath.
Placing my hand on her back, I gently rub up and down in an attempt to comfort her. “If I could swap places with you, I would.”
She has so much more to live for than I do.
She opens her eyes to look at me, and as tears escape her eyes, she whispers, “I know. That’s why I love you so much.” She takes another deep breath, then says, “Next video.”
God, today might just break me.
When it’s almost nine o’clock at night, Rachel says, “It’s been a long day. I’m heading to bed.”
I watch as she gets up off the couch. “Night. I hope you sleep tight. Wake me if you need anything.”
“Good night, Rach,” Easton murmurs. “I’ll check in on you later.”
Lainey went to bed half an hour ago, and as Rachel heads up the stairs, I consider going to my bedroom.
Before I can make up my mind, Easton climbs to his feet and asks, “I’m in the mood for a glass of wine. Want to join me?”
“Ah . . . sure.”
I stand up from the couch and follow him to the kitchen.
Next to the pantry, there’s a wine cooler with a glass door, and I see rows and rows of bottles.
He takes one out, and I practically drool over his strong hands as he pulls a cork from the bottle before pouring some of the deep-red liquid into two glasses.
Why does everything about this man have to be so damn hot?
I don’t drink much alcohol, so when he hands me a glass, I take a tentative sip. It’s strong and sweet all at the same time, leaving a dry sensation behind on my tongue.
“What do you think?” he asks.
“It’s okay.”
Chuckling, Easton shakes his head. “This bottle cost me over fifteen thousand dollars. It has to be better than okay.”
Holy crap!
Shocked by how expensive it is, I glance between Easton and the glass in my hand. “I know nothing about wines. You should’ve saved the bottle for when you have something to celebrate.”
He clinks his glass against mine. “We do have something to celebrate.”
“We do?” I can’t think of a single thing, especially not after making videos with Rachel all day. My heart is a pulverized mess in my chest.
“The fact that you’re finally here in LA with us.” Easton twirls the wine in his glass, and a serious expression settles on his face before his eyes lock with mine. His tone is deeper than usual as he says, “I’m sorry, Nova.”
His sudden apology catches me completely off guard. “For what?”
“For leaving you behind in Verona.” His features tighten with something akin to regret as he keeps looking at me. “I should’ve brought you with us.”
His words hit hard, and unable to keep eye contact, I lower my gaze as I place the glass on the island in the kitchen. Shaking my head, I try to chuckle. “Don’t be silly. You have nothing to apologize for.” I clear my throat. “I wasn’t your responsibility.”
When he moves closer to me, my heart instantly beats faster, and my gaze snaps to his face. He tilts his head, and the moment he places his hand on my shoulder, a wave of tingles wars with the ever-present anxiety caused by years of abuse.
“You’re family, and have always belonged with Rachel and me.”
I stare at the only man who’s never done anything to hurt me, and it feels good knowing I mean something to him.
“Thanks for saying that,” I whisper. “It means a lot coming from you.”
Easton’s fingers tighten on my shoulder, and as he moves closer, he gently tugs me toward him. My heart practically explodes into a wild beat when he presses me to his chest. His arms wrap around me, and I’m engulfed in a hug that actually makes me feel safe.
I stand still, soaking in how good it feels to be held by the man who owns my heart, then he says, “It would be nice if you hugged me back.”
I let out a burst of awkward laughter, doing as I’m told. After I wrap my arms around Easton’s waist and flatten my palms over his back, I turn my head and rest my cheek against his chest.
It’s been so long since a man showed me kindness I’m overwhelmed by how good it feels.
Unlike when Easton caught me crying and comforted me on Saturday, there’s no reason for him to hold me tonight, and it makes the moment so much more special.
He’s doing it because he wants to.
His arms tighten around me, and it makes me feel so safe I practically melt against him.
“You give really good hugs,” he murmurs.
While I’m still trying to process how good the embrace feels, he presses a kiss to the side of my head, and it has a tear escaping.
“I’m glad you think so,” I whisper, my voice a little hoarse from all the good emotions I’m feeling because of him.
When he begins to pull back, I remove my arms from around his waist. Instead of moving completely away, he keeps one arm locked around me while bringing his other hand to my face.
Oh God. What’s happening right now?
He takes hold of my chin and nudges my face up until I make eye contact with him. My stomach fills with a weird mixture of anticipation and anxiousness.
“I want you to know you’ll always have a home here with Lainey and me,” he pauses, and there’s a flash of heartache on his face before he finishes the sentence, “even after Rachel is gone.”
My heart is beating so fast, and I’m embarrassed when I realize my breaths are rushing over my lips.
Either Easton is ignoring my reaction or he doesn’t notice because he continues, “You’re safe here, and I’ll never hurt you.”
My thoughts come to a screeching halt, and my gaze widens while my face practically goes up in flames.
Oh God. He knows.
When I take a step backward, he lets go of me, but as I glance away, he says, “Don’t be embarrassed. And don’t be upset with Rachel. I made her tell me.”
“Easier said than done,” I mutter, taking another step away from him.
All the good emotions I’ve been feeling up and vanish like mist before the sun. My anxiety skyrockets again, and being aware that Easton knows about my traumatic past has the memories creeping out of the shadows.
A memory of Trent throwing me against a wall flashes through my mind, and I quickly wrap my arms around myself.
When Easton takes a step forward, I flinch, but somehow, I manage to keep still as he takes hold of my shoulder again.
He leans in closer. “Look at me.” Shame pours through me like hot lava as I reluctantly do as I’m told. “You’re safe with me, Nova.”
All Easton’s glamour and fame fade away until I’m staring at the man I fell in love with before everybody knew his name.
He always made sure I ate plenty when I spent time at their place. I celebrated every birthday with him and Rachel. He dropped us off at school dances and was always waiting outside to take us home afterward.
The same sense of safety he made me feel as a teenager weaves around me. I didn’t know how much I needed the sense of safety that comes from being with people you love until now.
Unable to control the wave of emotions hitting me, I dart forward and slam into his chest. Holding on tightly, I fight with every ounce of strength I have not to burst out in tears.
My voice quivers as I say, “Thank you.”
He engulfs me in an incredible hug, and I feel his breath warm the side of my head.
I know he only sees me as a little sister, but that’s something I can live with because at least he cares about me in some way. It’s the best feeling I’ve experienced in a really long time. I let out a sigh as I soak in the safety of his arms.
God, after feeling alone and being hurt for way too many years, it feels like I’m finally home.