Chapter 30
Noir
The restraints felt like old friends. I’d been bound more times than I could count, but never by living shadows. The way they moved in a subtle dance with the nearest light was fascinating.
Another tendril of darkness formed a fist and slammed into my face. The shadows constricting around me kept me upright.
“You’re lucky you’re still breathing, bloodsucker,” the shadow wielder snapped, beginning a litany of other, slightly more creative curses.
Oh, right. I’d just made his vampiress stab herself. Oopsie.
It looked like she was going to live. I wasn’t as disappointed as I could’ve been. My head was already awfully crowded with the bits and snatches of everyone else whose powers I’d stolen at their deaths. It’d be foolish to assume I could hold a piece of every power in existence.
Yet I must’ve been a touch foolish. Because I wanted to try.
Through the material of my shirt, my amplifier felt hot. The heat would be radiating from the ruby. It was a rare token, a gift of affection from—
No, I wouldn’t think of her.
It’s not supposed to be overloading yet, I thought with forced cheer.
How exciting. If it grew too hot and stopped working, it’d make this predicament an actual challenge.
It must’ve taken more power than I realized to break the suffocating magic from the vampiress—Sidney, as the shadow wielder had so helpfully shouted in his distress.
Maybe I had run into her power before? I’d met so many vampires in my time. They all started to look the same after a while. The situations they put me in, too.
The team of three Queen Sabine had sent were young. They’d underestimated me from the moment they stepped into the room, and they continued to do so now that I was bound in shadows. I could’ve still escaped at any time.
Probably.
Maybe if I focused.
The shadow wielder had taken my silence for submission and turned back to Sidney, helping her sit up as the wounds in her gut mended with incredible speed.
She breathed raggedly, clutching at the bloodied rag that he held firmly to her belly.
The unique blend of her blood replaced the sickly sweet tang of fresh death.
I sniffed, trying to place why it seemed different.
Sidney stood on shaky limbs, bracketed by her two companions. Sweat dripped from her wan face. The trio clustered around me. Well, more like a quintet. A mouse peered at me from the collar of the redheaded male’s shirt, and the honey badger snuffled by his side, muzzle still stained with my blood.
When had we gotten a menagerie? I so wanted to compliment Queen Sabine on it, but I was cross with her.
“That honey badger is magnificent. I once gutted a man with a badger. It was a different beast…probably.” I squinted at the creature. “Same judgmental eyes, at least. Do you think he’d enjoy watching me gut someone? It’d make for some excellent enrichment. He’s a predator, after all.”
Sidney and her shadow wielder recoiled in surprise. The redhead raised a brow, glancing between them and me like he’d missed something. I turned my focus elsewhere.
“Queenie Sabiney,” I sang in her mind, making the mental connection effortlessly.
Telepathy was one of my first stolen powers from a rather unhelpful mentor.
He’d thought he could wield a blade better than I could.
When he’d tried to eliminate me for my “combativeness,” well, turned out I was faster.
Maybe it was a bad thing my mind wandered each time I used a stolen ability. Sidney was trying to talk to me. Her words drifted in and out of my ears, unheard.
Well, it didn’t really matter. Situations like this were all kind of the same after a few hundred times. Blah blah blah challenge. Blah blah blah ancient revenge pact. Blah blah blah deserved it.
“…Help us,” she said in a pained rasp. My attention sharpened all at once. That wasn’t in the script. “The enemy of my enemy is my friend. I think we could be great friends.”
I chortled. “This is a unique overture of friendship, don’t you think? You could’ve just brought me bananas and asked nicely. Did you know they float when you put them in water?”
My gaze drifted to the yummy fruit laying bruised and forgotten on the floor. Such an unforgivable offense.
“I really don’t care,” she muttered.
“Well, if we’re going to be friends, I’m going to tell you every banana fact I know.” I grinned up at her from the thicket of my beard.
Queen Sabine responded to me telepathically. She always took her time. I’d almost forgotten why I’d started the conversation…oh right. I was mad at her.
“What is it this time?” she asked in her whip of a voice. So young. So impatient.
“Anyway. I’m going to tell you a few secrets because I want to make a deal with you. Okay?” Sidney’s question drew my attention back to reality when she was about halfway done speaking.
“Your secrets are safe with me,” I responded honestly. “What were we talking about again?”
The shadow wielder groaned low in his throat. “Let’s just kill this clown and find someone else,” he suggested.
Sidney waved him off. She took off a bracelet, and her body transformed, complete with mouthwatering curves and burnished hair.
Those sharp facial features gained human imperfection and softness.
My mouth parted in an intrigued O. I just wanted to lick her.
Maybe nibble on her neck and leave my mark behind after a little taste of her unusual blood.
“I think something marvelous is happening,” I informed Queen Sabine in a slow, measured voice. Just to annoy her.
“I’m secretly a vampire slayer. Look, I’m showing you my biggest secret as a sign of trust so you know I’m speaking true. If you agree to help us, I will get you into the House of the Sanguine, and you can feast on as much of your enemy’s blood as you like.”
Ah. I would’ve snapped my fingers but…right, shadow restraints. She was not quite human. A dhampir. It’d been another age since I’d last smelled the blood of a half-breed, but its aroma was unmistakable since she’d removed the magic cloaking it.
Oh my. I couldn’t kill such a fascinating flower, even if she did attack me in my own retirement suite.
“Well, what is it?” The queen’s voice jarred into my thoughts, further fracturing them.
“I’m taking a holiday at the House of the Sanguine. Want any souvenirs?”
There was a beat of judgmental silence. “Noir. What?”
“I’m going to present you as my nemesis at the second trial for the Sanguine crown. After that, we can pretend that you’re my servant while you help us eliminate our enemies. And some of your own. What do you think?” the dhampir was asking.
I worked my jaw. “Let me get this straight. You want to kidnap me?”
“That isn’t precisely what I said,” she responded coolly.
The redhead was looking her way. He signed, It is kind of what you said, though. Oh, was he Deaf? What an interesting little group. I was flattered they’d singled me out for this.
My face split into a big smile. “Sounds like the most fun I’ve had in centuries!”
Her brow furrowed. “What?”
“As long as there are bananas. I eat several a day for my complexion,” I added.
She exchanged a glance with her shadow wielder, then her Deaf companion, gesturing toward me. Shrugs were passed around.
“Got any particular Sanguine vampire you want murdered while I’m away?” I asked Queen Sabine while we were on the topic.
My latest queen was somewhat used to me by this point. Unlike Sidney, she didn’t hesitate. She started naming names. I tried to remember them all, but it wasn’t like I had a chance to write them down.
She’d get what she’d get. I was supposed to be retired.
Plus, we’d have another queen by the time I was done with one of my beauty naps. Queens had a bad habit of dying. Don’t know why anyone would want to be next.
Sidney put her bracelet back on and transformed into a different person, a full vampire. I couldn’t help but eye her in disappointment. Her dhampir body was much more lickable.
“Call me Ilyana,” she said.
“I thought it was Sidney.”
“That’s my real name, but you cannot use it when we’re in the House of the Sanguine. Understand?”
That was too much to remember. “I’ll just call you flower.”
Her eyes flashed with a hint of ire. “It’s Ilyana, not flower.”
“I’m Nifty Noir.” If I weren’t tied down, I would’ve put a hand to my chest. “You’re a fascinating flower, but no Ilyana. That name doesn’t fit.”
Her eyebrow twitched. “Just…call me Ilyana. Please.”
I said “flower” in return, exaggerating every syllable.
“You keep pestering her, and I’ll make sure you don’t make it to the Trial of the Nemesis without losing something vital,” the shadow wielder muttered.
“Oh! Take my spleen,” I said enthusiastically. He looked at me like I was a piece of dung that’d gotten stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Wow, no sense of humor. “Hey, you brought it up. You can’t blame me for following up on a thought you started.”
“Are you five years old?” he sighed.
I turned back to Sidney. “Who is this darling inkblot anyway?” The shadows around me constricted in warning as he took offense to my cooing tone.
“Zane,” he said through his teeth.
I tsked. “Zane. Terrible name for alliteration. I’ll just call you Irritable Inkblot.”
Oh, alliteration. Do you think I should be fabulous or fantastic? the Deaf vampire signed.
I smiled his way. “You seem like a fantastic to me.”
He read my lips and startled; then his fingers moved in a blur. You know sign language?
“I do. Admittedly rusty, though. I would sign back but…you know.” I tried to shrug. “All right, everyone. Roll call before we skip off to the nest of our shared enemies. I’ll start. I’m Nifty Noir, retired professional menace, now a full-time delight.”
It was the redhead who picked up on what I wanted first. “Fantastic Finn,” he said aloud. So he could speak. I’d ask him about the whole Deaf thing later. Didn’t meet a Deaf vampire every day—maybe just one or two a century.