Chapter 16
Charlie
The sound at the door is quiet, almost tentative. A soft rap of knuckles against wood.
“Yes?” I call out, my heart tripping over itself at the unexpected company. It’s far too early for Arthur to be home, which means someone else is at the chamber door.
Bess’s voice filters through the wood. “I don’t mean to intrude. A quick word, if I may?”
The silence weighs heavily as I drop my feet slowly to the floor, setting my father’s astronomy journal aside. I contemplate, ever briefly, changing into my own clothes. Into a dress. But then Bess’s voice comes again.
“Sir?”
I inhale a shuddering breath at the honorific and reach for the doorknob. Bess stands in the hallway, a polite smile on her face that never wavers, even as she sees me in Arthur’s attire. If anything, she smiles brighter as she inclines her head.
“Yes?” I ask somewhat shakily .
“Would you prefer to come down to the dining room for your luncheon today? Ella has prepared an assortment of sandwiches and is keen to know which you prefer.”
“Oh. I…”
“The front drapes have been drawn. The door is locked as always. You are quite welcome in all areas of your home, Mr. Kane.”
It takes me a long moment to speak, my disbelief warring with immense gratitude. With fear and relief and an aching sort of desire to hear those words again and again and again.
Mr. Kane .
“All right,” I say at last, glancing back at the room before following Bess into the hall. She gives me a wide smile.
The dining room table is already set. One place setting that reminds me of how lonely I’ve felt my entire life.
“Bess,” I say before she can retreat. “May I sit in the kitchen?”
She looks surprised but nods quickly. We pass through the dim pantry, one door swinging shut before the other opens.
Ella and Ruby are both inside the room, Ella putting the final touches on a tray of food as Ruby cleans the stovetop.
They pause, curtsying quickly before standing with their hands clasped in front of themselves.
The younger woman speaks first. “Ma—sir.”
Ruby looks mortified by her disjointed greeting. Ella simply appraises me.
I give them both a nod, my heart beating furiously in my chest. “Good day. Would it trouble you if I had my meal in here?”
Ruby looks to Ella for guidance. Ella is the one to answer me. “The dining room is more befitting your station. Surely you would be most comfortable there? ”
Squaring my shoulders, I pluck up some of that nerve waiting inside of me. That voice I’ve squashed time and again since I was young. My flight of fancy , as my mother would call it. My confidence.
My wings.
“I’ve rarely been comfortable in my life, Ella,” I tell the woman truthfully.
“Sitting alone in the dining room while I wait for Arthur to return sounds quite boorish, if I’m to be honest. You must see I am no lady.
It’s an endeavor I’ve failed, no matter how hard I’ve tried.
And perhaps I’ll never be a lord, but what I would like, for once in my life, is to sit in a nice warm kitchen and not have to pretend like titles are the marker of a person.
It’s asinine, is it not? To be who we are simply because it’s what someone else told us to be?
I’m done standing on custom, and I hope that does not offend, but I don’t need anyone here to stand on custom, either.
This is a table, correct?” I pat the surface of the roughened wood beside me. “Surely I may eat on it?”
It’s quiet for all of a beat before Ruby scrambles forward. She moves a tea towel off the table and then motions me toward the nearest seat, a smile on her face that takes me by surprise. I sit down, and Bess joins me, just as the door opens.
Willard steps through and stills, his eyes sweeping the room. He lingers, briefly, on me, but politely doesn’t stare, his head dipping in a bow. “Has there been a problem?”
I don’t have time to answer him before Ella does, speaking matter-of-factly while dusting her hands on her apron. “Charlie is joining us for lunch. Take a seat, Willard.”
The butler, looking rather startled, sits down opposite me. I pull in a slow, steadying breath, my eyes stinging and my chest oh so tight beneath my bindings. Ella places a tray in the center of the table, laden with petite sandwiches. Ruby passes out plates.
So this , I think to myself, is rebellion .
I’m in the library when Arthur arrives home.
There’s a smile on my face before he even clears the doorway, the quick cadence of his heavy footsteps easy to identify.
He stops at the door, locating me before striding forward.
He’s still wearing his coat, and I can only imagine Willard, flustered in the parlor as Arthur breezed by, not wanting to stop for a task as simple as removing the outerwear.
I expect the bodily upheaval of my person this time, so it’s less of a surprise when Arthur lifts me into his arms. It’s no less welcome, however.
“My love.” He kisses my cheek and then my lips and my nose, of all places, smelling like the outdoors, his hair ruffled and his own cheeks carrying the slightest chill. “I’m glad to find you out of our chamber.”
“You make me sound like a turtle hiding in his shell.”
He snorts an indelicate laugh. “The loveliest turtle, perhaps.”
Arthur lowers to the nearest settee with me still in his arms. I settle on the cushion beside him, Arthur crossing one leg over the other before he notices the small plate on the tea table in front of us .
Letting his leg drop, he leans forward, plucking a delicate cookie off the plate. “Are these my favorite honey cookies?”
“They are,” I tell him, pleased to hear his happy moan as he takes a bite. “Ella taught me how to make them.”
He stills, eyebrow high as he looks at me. “Truly? You’ve baked these yourself?”
“With help,” I amend. “Does that bother you?”
“My dear, you could run naked through the gardens, and I wouldn’t be bothered.” At my dubious expression, he tosses his eyes about and says, “A bad example, perhaps. There is not a single endeavor I would ask you to abandon, not if it makes you happy.”
A smile quirks my lips. “You’re quite committed to my happiness, it would seem.”
The bounce of Arthur’s eyebrows is all mischief, yet his eyes remain warm. “You’ve caught me out, I fear.”
A laugh bubbles up from my throat, and Arthur looks immensely gratified.
“Oh, I’ve good news.” He reaches for a second cookie before leaning back against the couch, popping the buttons on his coat. “Your new wardrobe is here. Boxed up still. But Willard assured me he’d have everything steamed and hung by this evening.”
“Arthur. You didn’t have to go to such trouble.”
“Charlie, my love, what’s mine is yours. But you have to admit, my trousers do not fit you well.”
No, I suppose I can’t deny that.
He goes on, voice ever gentle. “If any of the fabrics or colors don’t suit, let me know, and I’ll exchange them for another. And if any pieces need adjustment, I’ll have them brought to the tailor. It’s no trouble at all. ”
I let out a breath that draws Arthur’s concern. He relaxes at my smile. “I learned something today.”
“Is that so?”
I nod and wave a hand toward the desk, where the book I was looking through still resides. “I found your family history. Kane. Do you know what the surname means?”
Arthur looks curious, but he shakes his head. “I’m afraid I don’t.”
“Descendant of the battle,” I tell him, swinging my leg over his lap. Arthur’s hands settle on my hips, broad and warm. “You’ve gone to battle for me, Arthur Kane. I wonder if it’s in your blood.”
He hums. “What would that make you then? My king?”
A shiver rolls through my body.
Arthur’s hands glide up my sides as he leans closer, his lips near my ear. “Say the word, my darling king, and I’ll vanquish any and all that stand between us.”
“I daresay you’re telling the truth,” I whisper.
Arthur doesn’t answer, but the fire in his eyes leaves little room for doubt. I bring my lips to his, a gentle press, a thank-you for more than I could ever hope to encompass with a single word or touch. Arthur tugs me closer still.
“Pardon.” The voice comes from the doorway, Ruby standing in the opening with her eyes downcast. “Supper is ready.”
Arthur’s newly hired kitchen maid walks off, cheeks flushed. I turn my gaze back to my husband, who’s biting his lip and looking rather unrepentant.
“We’ll traumatize her at this rate,” I say, stepping to the floor. “It’d be a shame. I rather like Ruby.”
“Is that so?” Arthur follows after me, taking off his coat as he goes and settling it over his arm. His waistcoat today is gray, the fit accentuating the broadness of his shoulders and his tapered waist.
“Mm. So do try to be a little less alluring, would you?”
Arthur’s laughter has me smiling as we walk together down the hall.
When we enter the dining room, two place settings are out on the table, an oil lamp near for the impending night.
I grab Arthur’s hand and lead him right past. He makes a small, befuddled sound but doesn’t try to stop me.
We walk through the pantry, the fine dishware to our right, and on into the kitchen.
Ella barely blinks at our arrival, continuing to ladle soup into bowls. “Did he like the cookies?”
“He did,” I answer, pushing Arthur toward a seat before taking my own. “Although I’m certain, even if he hadn’t, he would have finished every bite with a smile on his face.”
She chuckles. “He’s no fool, that one.”
Arthur watches us with what looks like amusement, and Bess sweeps into the room.
“Ah, you’re here.” Bess inclines her head toward me and then Arthur. “Sir. Sir. Are you joining us for supper?”
“Are we?” Arthur sounds delighted by the prospect.
“It seems a shame to waste such good conversation,” I say, noticing Ruby’s smile as she brings over a stack of plates. “Of course there’s plenty of room at the dining table if we’d rather eat there?”
Ella raises an eyebrow.
Arthur simply hums, settling back in his seat as he looks around the room. “I quite like it in here. But perhaps we should put it to a vote? Dining room or kitchen?”
Ella tsks, the sound light. “The two of you will see the order in this house brought to ruins. ”
Ruby and Bess exchange a look. I give Arthur a smile. Willard walks through the door, once again coming to a perplexed halt.
Arthur nods slowly, a gleam in his eye I recognize well. “I think it’s about time. What say you, Willard? Kitchen or dining room?”
“Sir?”
Ruby covers her mouth as she begins to laugh.
We end up staying in the kitchen for our evening supper, and I feel, for maybe the first time in my life, settled in a way I haven’t before.
Arthur helps scrub the dishes. Bess shows me where the linens are laundered.
And once the house has grown quiet, I draw myself a bath without any assistance whatsoever.
While lying in bed with Arthur, the oil lamps and candles extinguished, my mind turns over. Arthur seems to notice, although how in such dark quiet, I’m unsure.
“Charlie? Are you quite all right?”
“Yes,” I tell him, knowing it to be the absolute truth.
His hand drifts up my arm to my shoulder before he brushes my hair back, the motion soothing. “Yet your mind is spinning.”
“There is…so much, Arthur. So much I want to do.”
“Ah.” He understands, as always. “Where do you wish to start?”
The answer to that is easy. “The observatory.”
“And then?”
“I don’t quite know. That’s the problem.”
He chuckles softly. “You have time to figure it out.”
I do, don’t I? I have all the time in the world now that I’m with Arthur .
“Do you think I’ll ever have the body I want?” I ask, an ache in my voice I can’t quite disguise. “Without the bindings, I mean.”
Arthur makes a soft, thoughtful sound. “I cannot say, my love. I hope for it. If there is a way, I will find it. I can promise you that.”
I nod, my throat tight. Arthur’s fingers threading through my hair help to keep me rooted in the present. In all the good I’ve found, my husband included.
There’s a wistfulness in Arthur’s tone when he speaks. “Perhaps we should wish upon the stars. One is never too old to wish, don’t you think?”
Maybe not.
If I could wish for anything, it would be for Arthur’s love to follow me into whatever is waiting next. Heaven. Hell. I don’t much care, so long as we can be together.
But if I had a second wish… Then perhaps, yes. I would wish for the chance to be seen for exactly who I am.