Chapter 21
Grayson
“I don’t get it,” Madison is saying to Ezra. The two are in the living room, Madison having come to visit. I stepped away a minute ago to take a call, but my daughter’s tone has me stopping outside the room, listening despite the invasion of privacy.
Ezra’s response is calm. “Which part?”
He’s always been like an uncle to Madison. Or even a big brother. Their relationship has been close since the time Madison was a child, as that’s when Ezra and I became close, too.
“I know you two have always had this weird, overly familiar connection,” Madison says, to which Ezra snorts. “But he says you guys aren’t… you know . That he’s not gay.”
“He doesn’t consider himself to be. He’s explained this to you?”
“Yeah, but… He has to be lying to himself, right? Is it internalized ho mophobia?”
My chest twinges, and I nearly step out from the hall, but Ezra’s voice halts me.
“He’s ace, Madison. And aro. He’s not interested in anybody like that. Not sexually. Not romantically.”
“But he married my mom.”
“He did. When he was very young. When he felt like it was what he was supposed to do. How he was supposed to feel.”
Ezra lets out a sigh that’s loud enough for me to hear.
“Your dad doesn’t consider himself to be straight, queer, bisexual, or anything.
He doesn’t identify with those labels because he doesn’t feel attraction to people on that level.
He never has. But that’s not something most people understand.
Even ace people can enjoy sex or want a romantic partnership. Gray…doesn’t.”
The two of them are quiet for a moment. The silence seems to last a lifetime.
“Do you love him?” Madison asks.
The hum Ezra lets out is so familiar my heart squeezes tight. “Yeah. Of course I do. I love him more than anyone.”
“And you’re bi,” she says.
“I see where you’re going with this, but don’t, okay? It’s not like that.”
“Then explain it to me,” my daughter pleads, almost frantic. “Because all I see are two grown men who’ve been in love with each other for decades and aren’t doing anything about it.”
“Peaches.” Ezra’s tone is steady, but my pulse hammers. “We are doing something about it. He moved in.”
“Yet you both say you’re not in a relationship.”
“That’s right.”
Madison makes an incredulous sound. “But don’t you want more from him? Doesn’t this hurt you? ”
“No.” Ezra’s answer is immediate and sure, a direct line to my chest, soothing and stilling the nervous beat of my heart. “What I have with Gray is perfect as it is. There’s not a single thing more I need from him.”
“But you’re giving up so much,” she practically whispers. “To be, what…roommates with my dad?”
I look up at the ceiling, blinking heavily as Ezra answers my daughter.
“Do you know what I felt when I first met Gray? It was like I’d found a piece of myself that had been living outside of my body.
And I didn’t even know it until he was close enough to bring it home.
If soulmates are a thing, he’s mine. It’s not romantic.
It doesn’t have to be. He’s part of me, and I would no sooner cut out my own lungs than be without that man in my life. ”
A tear slips down my cheek, and I hastily brush it away.
“So you’re happy?” my daughter asks.
“So fucking happy. So be happy for us, okay? This is what we want.”
I step into the room, and Madison straightens, ducking her face as she wipes below her eyes. Ezra’s smile is warm. I have no doubt he knows I heard at least some of that.
“Are we ready for dinner?” I ask, cutting through the tension.
Madison nods.
The three of us head into the city for our meal.
It won’t be long before the media catches wind of my new living arrangement, so this might be our last chance for a while to enjoy a night out in relative peace.
Relative because, no matter where we go or when, fans and paparazzi always show up if Ezra is there .
The man is like a flashing beacon. He can’t even help it. He doesn’t try to draw attention to himself, but draw it he does. It’s always been this way, as long as I’ve known him.
I get my fair share of requests for autographs, as well, or people sneakily taking my picture. But it pales in comparison to the infamous Ezra Gold.
If charisma had a face, it’d be my best friend’s.
We decide on a cozy restaurant that can seat us at a fairly secluded table. Ezra browses the wine selection as Madison removes her light jacket. She’s seated opposite us. Less likely to be caught in a photograph that way.
“How are classes?” Ezra asks her.
She makes a quiet sound, glancing at the menu. “Fine. Are you scared?”
We both pause at the question, and Madison’s gaze lifts, her blue eyes catching Ezra’s first and then my own.
She looks worried—for us —and I hate that we live in a time where being anything other than straight still comes with stigma and potential danger.
Add onto that being high-profile like Ezra and I are, and I understand my daughter’s concern.
“We’ll be okay,” I assure her.
“I know you will,” she says, although her voice shakes. “But that’s not what I asked. I asked if you’re scared.”
Ezra reaches for Madison’s hand from across the table.
“Peaches. I’ve been ready to come out for a very long time.
This is just the push I needed. Our agent will be assigning us extra security until things die down.
Our assistants will be checking our mail and email and filtering out any hate we don’t need to see.
It won’t be easy. I know that. We know that. But I’m not scared. I’m…relieved.”
She nods, swallowing .
“It’ll be worth it,” I put in, knowing it’s the absolute truth. “It’s hard to understand for you, I get that. But spending the rest of my life with this guy?” I tip my head in Ezra’s direction. “Worth everything coming our way.”
Ezra bumps my shoulder with his own, his smile so warm and familiar I ache with it. His eyes flick up the next second, and he leans back, letting Madison’s hand go.
Our waiter takes our order as my mind turns over.
No, none of this will be easy. We’ll be bombarded with attention, questions, requests for interviews.
The world will make assumptions, but Ezra and I already decided we’ll let them think what they’d like.
We won’t lie by saying we’re in a relationship.
But we won’t bother defending the truth, either.
Shawn is right. No one would understand it. They certainly wouldn’t believe it.
But every bit of the attention will be worth it at the end of the day. Because I’ll have Ezra. Close, like I’ve always wanted, even before I understood it.
I notice a few gazes finding our table throughout dinner.
It’s no surprise, and I ignore it like usual.
When the waiter comes with the bill, Madison takes a moment to use the restroom.
I keep one eye on the back hall while she’s gone, even though I know my daughter is perfectly capable of looking out for herself.
The mace in her purse is a nice reassurance, too.
Ezra chuckles lightly, apparently having noticed my protective glances. “Life of a dad.”
“Yeah? And what’s your excuse?” I ask, knowing he’s just as watchful of Madison as I am.
He snorts. “Loving said dad?”
“Ez,” I say without heat, my gaze turning his way. “Maybe keep that to yourself until after all hell breaks loose? I’d rather not have someone overhear you and get swarmed on our way out the door.”
He shakes his head, arm on the back of my seat as he finishes off his wine. “Gray, buddy. If people can’t see how much I love you, they haven’t been paying attention.”
I let out a sigh. “You’re going to have a field day with this, aren’t you?”
He grins. “Honestly? I can’t wait. Do you think Shawn would have a conniption if I tell the reporters I enjoy taking it up the ass just as much as dishing it?”
“Christ, Ez.”
He laughs, the sound of his infectious enthusiasm catching the other diners’ attention. Ezra Gold. Can’t take him anywhere.
When Madison returns, we leave the restaurant. The moment we’re out the door, there’s the flash of a camera bulb.
“Everywhere we go,” I mutter.
Ezra doesn’t even blink, giving the paparazzi a winning smile. “More. Give me more. C’mon, you know I love it.”
Madison snickers as the camera flashes again.
I merely shake my head at Ezra’s antics, glad we’re almost to the parking lot. “The only actor who’s friendly with the paparazzi.”
Ezra shrugs, unlocking his vehicle for the three of us to get in. “If I’m nice, they get my good side.”
“You have a bad side?”
Ezra acts astonished, looking at Madison in the back seat. “Did you know your dad is such a charmer?”
“You two are ridiculous,” she says, although she’s smiling.
“Me, yes.” Ezra checks both ways before pulling out onto the road. “Your dad, on the other hand, is an unfortunate passenger in my ridiculous life. I’ve kidnapped him, I’m afraid. And I’m loath to let him go.”
“A poet,” I tell him. “Such beautiful words.”
He all but cackles before his voice falls soft and solemn, as if reciting verses.
“‘The strongest affection and utmost zeal should, I think, promote the studies concerned with the most beautiful objects. This is the discipline that deals with the universe’s divine revolutions, the stars’ motions, sizes, distances, risings and settings…
for what is more beautiful than heaven?’”
I stare at Ezra, shocked. “Did you just quote Copernicus? He was an astronomer, you know. Not a poet.”
Ezra’s smirk is devastating. “And yet his words are poetry to you.”
I can’t deny it.
When I glance in the back seat, Madison’s gaze is out the window. But her expression is pensive.
Once we get back to Ezra’s house— our house—I give Madison a hug. “Be safe,” I tell her. “I love you.”
“You, too, Dad.” She squeezes me tight before letting go. “Mom will come around.”
I nod. “She will.”
Not that Camilla’s opinion of how I conduct my life has any bearing on my happiness. Not anymore. But I don’t want our relationship to end up any more strained than it already is. For Madison’s sake.
Ezra gives Madison an equally hearty hug. “Remember, I know boys are pretty, but if he won’t wrap it, he’s not worth it.”
“Oh my God,” Madison groans, shoving Ezra away as he laughs. “Gross. Bye. Don’t call.”
“Love you.” Ezra’s shout is followed by Madison shutting her car door. “Kids. They grow up so fast.”
I shake my head, a pang in my chest as Madison drives toward the gated exit. “She’s not going to appreciate the extra bodyguard we assigned her.”
Ezra makes a thoughtful noise. “Maybe not. But it’ll be temporary. Dying stars, remember? We can only shine for so long.”
I hum, but I don’t think there’s a star out there with as strong a gravitational pull as Ezra. When he goes out…the blast will be felt worlds over.
Ezra hits the button to shut the garage door, and I follow him inside, looking around the house that’s now my own. The spacious, open-concept living space, tall windows and ceilings, state-of-the-art appliances and tech, and a well-concealed backyard with a heated pool.
It’s extravagant, yes. But it’s also home.
Every inch of this place was decorated by Ezra himself, with my help.
There’s the antique Hepplewhite sideboard the TV sits atop.
The beautiful bronze oval mirror that hangs in the entryway just behind me.
The blues and light grays of the furniture, drapes, and pillows that are both comfortable and comforting.
I’ve always felt at home at Ezra’s. Now I really am.
“All right?”
The question comes from Ezra, the man himself vaulting over the back of the couch and landing in a sprawl. He grunts immediately afterwards, regretting, I’d bet, the move at his age.
“Fine,” I tell him, walking toward the wall of windows at the back of the house. The pool glimmers darkly in the evening light. “It’s just…odd. This is the point in the evening where we’d usually be on a video call. Assuming we weren’t already hanging out. ”
Ezra shoots me a grin I can see in the glass. “Now you have me all to yourself any time you want, and you’re wondering how you managed to get so lucky.”
“Something like that,” I mutter wryly, although my lips twitch. “I like it here, Ez. I always have.”
“And you’ve always been welcome.”
“I know.”
“But it’s just now hitting you.”
“Yes,” I agree.
Ezra rolls off the couch with a groan, the reflection of his silhouette getting closer in the window. He stops beside me, his presence warm. Big, too, even though he’s not quite my height. He’s always been…big.
“I would have had you here years ago, Grayson. If you were ready.”
My swallow is a harsh thing.
Ezra opens the slider door in front of us. “Come on.”
The air is cool outside, the lights surrounding the pool making it easy enough to see.
Ezra plops onto one of the poolside loungers, his hands behind his head.
I sit down beside him, looking up at the night sky.
The stars are hard to spot here, both because of the glimmer of sunlight still spreading over the horizon and the city’s light pollution.
I ache to visit somewhere I can see the sky in all its natural glory. It’s been a long time.
Ezra’s voice splits the quiet air. “Gray. There’s never been anything wrong with you. I know you know that deep down. But Camilla made it hard for you to accept because she saw your lack of interest as a problem. It wasn’t. You and her were just never meant to be. ”
He’s not saying anything I don’t already know, but having my friend speak aloud those thoughts that continue to plague me at times is a relief. Aloe on a healing, scratchy burn.
“And us?” I ask, turning my head to see his profile.
Ezra smiles, the corner of his lips drawing upwards. “We’re inevitable, Grayson Fox. Bound by fate or luck or maybe even gravity. The moment I found you, I knew there was no escape.”
“There’s a name for that, you know,” I tell him, my heart so full it’s a wonder I can speak through it. “When two stars are drawn together. Their energy shared.”
His head lolls my way. “Yeah? And what’s that?”
I can picture the blast of light in my mind’s eye clearly. A collapse of two stars and an explosion so great it can be seen across the universe, causing ripples in the very fabric of space-time.
Cataclysmic. Ruinous and miraculous.
No words better describe what Ezra is to me.
There’s a smile on my face when I answer my friend, the world around us dark. “Supernova.”