Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
QUINN
The scene inside the house is equally satisfying.
Aleksei is talking to Roshka while he gets a bowl of food ready for him.
Kade is limping slowly through to the main room, plates and cutlery in his hands, with Nalla trailing after him.
They bonded a lot during their recovery, and it doesn’t look like their new alliance is going to change anytime soon.
But seeing them together, I’m struck with a new problem we need to solve.
I swing around to face Aleksei. “What about the dogs?”
Santiago walks past me with another armful of belongings from their car, answering me. “They’ll come with us.”
“You two have spoken about this already?”
He stops mid-step, in a spot he can talk to me, but he’s clearly including Aleksei in the conversation.
“Yes, bebe. We have spoken. If you can give us ten or so minutes to freshen up, get the food ready, then we can sit down and go through how we see things going forward. Of course, you are our deciding factor, so all these plans we made can change if they don’t match what you see happening. Go sit, I’ll bring you a drink.”
Aleksei says something to Roshka, and all of a sudden, he is encroaching on my space, and he doesn’t stop his shepherding until I’m in the main room.
It looks like I’m not allowed to help. Roshka turns to walk off, but he keeps checking over his shoulder, like he’s making sure I’m not going to try and rejoin them.
“Bossy dog,” I hiss at him as he disappears back into the kitchen.
“Sit down!” Santiago insists at the same time.
“Bossy Alpha!” I yell back, making both Santiago and Aleksei walk to where I can see them.
Their challenge is mimicked in the same way they stand and their similar expressions, leveling me nearly submissive without trying too hard.
Kade clears his throat, and my gaze flies to him. He shrugs innocently, but he is far from it. “That wasn’t bossy, and you know it.”
From out of nowhere, I poke my tongue out.
I’m mortified. Since when do I poke my tongue out?
Except, on top of dealing with the horror of what I did, they throw me even more because, instead of laughing, they respond encouragingly. A trio of whispered, growled “brat” winds through the room, bringing a wave of them.
Their combined focus, presence, scents—everything—hits like a feather anvil.
For whatever reason, they are more, and right this second, I’m somehow more open to their influence.
I stand there, imprisoned and consumed by them as much as I am cast adrift by the subtle cinnamon, deep and sensual amber, and the mysterious luxury of agarwood perfume in the air.
“I need to get better at this,” I say to myself, torn by expectation and longing. My voice is barely above a whisper as I look hard for control again.
Santiago, with his super hearing, answers, but they all heard. “No, you don’t. I hope you never do. Each time you look surprised or in awe of this obvious thing we share, it only confirms to me, we’re all where we need to be.”
“And you’re so sur…”
Kade clears his throat. “Quinny, give yourself a break. It’s overwhelming for us too.
You have to trust in yourself. I doubt you’ve ever let yourself down yet.
Simplify it to basic biology. Scent compatibility is a major factor used to indicate potential mates to make up a new pack or when packs are inviting new members in. Right?”
“I know this,” I offer quietly, suddenly self-conscious.
“I know you do. I’m breaking it down to your way of thinking because you’re going up and down between skepticism and acceptance like a yo-yo.
If I take out what you know, which is the biological side of our scent matching, then we can focus on alleviating the stress of your Omega.
It’s okay to look at other people for answers, sweetheart. ”
I’m aware of where a huge part of this insecurity stems from. My own swirling apprehension is one thing, but the root of a lot of my designation-effacing is Victor.
Because of him, I never let myself properly experience being an Omega.
Comfort came in small doses because I couldn’t afford to become a vessel full of softness and submission.
Building a nest wasn’t something I had a lot of time for.
I had people relying on me, so it was easier to simply not foster that side of me.
After everything I have endured and sacrificed, I’m horrified by how easy it feels for me to stop my crusade and give in to them completely.
The thought of being a victim of my designation sends me reeling, torn in half, really.
My reaction to a simple look and a bit of banter feels ominously like I’m losing who I am in my desperation for them.
It really rattles me to my core. I am confident in who I am.
I’m Quinn the doctor, the person tasked with being strong enough, stable enough, and determined enough to take down Victor Hernandez.
But the way they can so effortlessly disarm me with just their scents, looks, and presence is intimidating and shocking.
A big part of all this is due to the life I’ve had to live.
It’s rising up hard and fast, feeding the smallest doubt, twisting it until it’s so big it’s going to consume me and the entire situation.
That’s the thing about trauma; it strikes as often on good days as it does during bad times.
Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don’t see a single mark or blemish of my past. I get a brief reprieve from them and start living differently until someone says something or does something, then all of a sudden, the scars inside me burn white hot.
The pain drags me back to that time in my life.
It steals my courage, my worth, and renders my success to nothing more than dust.
The flashbacks make me question everything, and I am overwhelmed by simple things.
It festers doubt, it eats away my hope, it gets louder and louder until the only thing I can hear is, what if they don’t like who I am on the inside?
What if they only like the Quinn I am now?
What if I can never be a soft and meek Omega who makes beautiful nests for everyone to coo over?
What if they abandon me when they find out the truth?
What if Victor makes them believe him and not me? What if they get tired of all this?
The torrent of uncertainty and suspicions intensifies. My designation responds like nature intended, and I can scent my need for reassurance. It scares the shit out of me and makes me feel weak.
I sense them everywhere. Their presence holds me up; their scent is all I can breathe. Santiago guides me with a soft touch on my back.
“Keep your eyes closed, bebe. Just trust.”
It only takes a few steps and another set of hands on my hips turning me gently before a tug on my hand makes me sit down. Something soft settles over my shoulders, it smells like Kade. I know Santiago is sitting in front of me, Kade is on one side, Aleksei on the other.
“Talk to us, Quinny.”
I take a deep breath, searching for the right words.
“Or perhaps we go first?”
I nod my head, agreeing to Aleksei’s suggestion. And they all shuffle closer, six hands finding their place on my body. And goddamn it feels right, despite the voices in my head taunting me otherwise.
Except before he can say a word, I start. “I’ve never done anything like this, and I don’t know if what I’m feeling is true and right or if I’m imagining things. I feel powerless around you.”
Santiago leans in close, his scent invading my senses. “What if it’s not powerless but something else?”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember at the airport, there was so much static around us, it made me think a storm was coming. My storm was you. When we came together, it was as loud and blinding as being caught in a powerful, consuming storm. Something inside of us was becoming one again, which is overwhelming, but it’s right. ”
“The static is a good analogy. From my perspective, it was as though a veil was lifted, and I could see the decisions I’d made, the life I’d led were made subconsciously in preparation for you.
” Kade’s voice is full of conviction, even though his words are softly spoken.
“Your presence was like a vice; your scent was my drug of choice. I thought I knew control, I thought I knew restraint, but you challenged all that in the first few words you spoke.”
Aleksei is using our bond to rush forth part of his explanation.
He makes it feel like I have an avalanche happening inside me.
“I was disciplined, set in a direction. The ground under me moved and hasn’t stopped.
Yes, it feels like I am walking on clouds one moment and in white water the next, but then I feel you inside me, and I’m tethered on my way again.
My path has so many freckles on her nose, I hope I never run out of time counting them.
My path scents like the sweetest temptation, but she is not soft.
She has a fortitude that makes me question how I will ever match her strength. ”
They stir up everything inside me again. Being so open and honest, and articulating themselves so effortlessly but in their own ways.
“I don’t know who I am,” I admit, barely managing to say the awful truth.
Santiago squeezes my hand. “You are ours, Quinn. And if you’re like me, you’ve had to lock away parts of you to get here. But you’re here, and we will catch you every time you ask yourself who you are.”
My chest feels tight, and my throat is dry, but my fears keep on coming. “We’re happening so fast. Like, has a week passed since we’ve all come together?”
“I lost track of time the second I met you. But on what line time is it you ask about?” Aleksei says, and I finally open my eyes.
“Timeline,” Kade corrects. “I’m with Aleksei—who says we can’t be sure, and we can’t know right away? I’m going to run on my gut and trust what I feel here.” He presses his hand to my heart.