Chapter 34
Tilly hasn’t spoken to Harper in two weeks. As she walks down the street towards the bookshop she scrolls through their messages.
Harper:
I know you said not to follow you but I’m still up if you need me. I hate the thought of having upset you. Let’s talk about this, Tils Xx
*
Please, Tilly. I know you’re not asleep, I can see the light under your door xx
*
I can’t believe you left, Tilly. When I woke up Constanza told me you’d got a taxi to the airport and are getting an early flight home.
I know you’re upset but you didn’t have to leave.
Let’s meet up when I get back in a couple of days and we can talk properly.
Everyone else says hi and that they were sorry not to get to say goodbye xx
*
Come on, Tilly. You can’t ignore me forever. Let’s just talk about this.
The string of messages ends with the words Tilly sent this morning.
Tilly:
I don’t feel ready to talk. I need some space. Please respect that.
There have been no further messages from Harper but there is one from Joe’s mum.
Ellen:
See you next weekend. Send us your flight details and we can pick you up from the airport. It will be good to see you. And to talk x
Tilly slips her phone back in her bag as she approaches the bookshop. The window is full of books piled in a colourful striped deckchair, with beach balls dotted about. The sight of the shop calms her and she has managed to stop shaking by the time she pushes open the door.
Prudence is busy with a customer but gives Tilly a wave. Alfie looks up from behind the counter and smiles.
‘Tilly!’ The enthusiasm in his voice makes Tilly smile too. ‘How was Italy?’
Her smile immediately drops.
‘It was beautiful and the pasta making was great. I met some brilliant people. But Harper and I had a huge fight.’
Alfie closes the large leather-bound book he’d been looking at, his eyes fixed on Tilly, eyebrows dipping in concern.
‘Oh no, I’m sorry. What happened?’
‘It turns out she created a secret dating profile and has been trying to set me up with someone behind my back.’
‘Oh wow, that’s –’
‘Crazy?’ Tilly finishes for him. ‘Especially after I’ve told her so many times that I’m not ready to date.’
Alfie coughs, a hand rising to rub his jaw. ‘Of course. So, what do you think you’re going to do?’
‘Nothing for now. I’m off to America next weekend for Joe’s birthday. I can’t deal with everything with Harper, on top of that.’
‘How are you feeling about seeing your in-laws again?’
‘Nervous. My mother-in-law says she wants to talk, but if it’s just to remind me how wrong she always thought I was for her son then I’m not sure I want to hear it.
But I’ve booked a few days in New York, because it seems silly to go all the way there and not go to New York.
I’m looking forward to that. I’ll just have to get through the weekend with Joe’s family first.’
When she booked the hotel in New York she experienced a small flash of anxiety. There is still a healthy amount in her bank account but she isn’t used to spending money without any coming in. Before too long she is going to have to make some big decisions.
‘I hear there are some wonderful bookshops in New York. I’ve never been.’
‘Joe and I went a few times together. It’s an amazing place. But this time I don’t feel the need to go to the big tourist places. I plan on eating and reading my way around the city.’
‘That sounds perfect.’
‘Anyway,’ she lets out a breath. ‘It’s nice having that to look forward to, what with everything going on with Harper and the thought of seeing my in-laws again. And I’m hoping you have a book for me? I need something to read to take my mind off things.’
‘Absolutely, let me just get it for you.’
He hands her this month’s small parcel and Tilly takes it gratefully, unable to stop herself from thinking as she does: just four more books.
‘I can’t believe it,’ Tilly blurts out when she opens August’s book in the quiet of her living room. ‘What are the chances?’
Sitting in her lap is a hardback book with a cover showing a simple black-and-white line drawing of a woman walking a dog in front of a city skyline. Letter from New York, Helene Hanff, reads the title.
Dear Tilly,
Do you remember our first trip to New York when we stopped off on the way to meet my parents for the first time?
It was your first time in the city and I had so much fun showing you the sights.
Cycling together in Central Park, walking the High Line, getting lost in The Met.
And I thought I was never going to get you out of the Strand bookstore.
When I told you the store housed 18 miles of books I didn’t think you’d take it upon yourself to walk up and down every single one. But what should I have expected really?
This book reminded me of that trip. It was on that trip that I decided I would one day ask you to marry me.
I can remember the exact moment, actually.
We were at the top of the Empire State Building because you insisted on going, even though I told you the Rockefeller Center was better.
You said you couldn’t come to New York and not go up the Empire State Building.
When we got to the top, your eyes got so wide at the view and it made me realize that it was pretty cool, to be at the top of one of the most famous buildings in the world with you.
You made me see the place in a new way. Your excitement made me excited, about that moment and about our future.
I wonder if you will ever go back to New York now. If you do find yourself there, I know my parents would love to see you. I know it might not have always felt that way at times but they are your family too. And they love you.
If you do see them, can you do something for me? Will you give my mom a hug from me? And my dad too.
Thank you for agreeing to be my wife. Thank you for making our life together an adventure.
I love you.
Joe x
Tilly hugs the book and the letter to her chest, pain, love and regret swirling like a storm inside her. Her eyes flick to the blue urn on the bookshelf, lingering there.