3
Julia deplaned at a packed terminal in Philadelphia International, experiencing the culture shock of an expat.
She’d forgotten how dense crowds could be in a major American airport, but for once, she was dressed like everybody else, in a loose cotton sweater and relaxed jeans rather than the Euro-cool look of her husband and in-laws, who lived in patterned Etro shirts, skinny jeans, and rimless Swiss glasses.
She joined a long line at Immigration, noticing that mostly everybody around her spoke English with a Philly accent, like hers.
She smiled to think she missed the sound of its notoriously tortured o’s, and it was new to be surrounded by anything but Italian.
It struck her that not only had it been a long time since she’d been in the U.S.
; it had been a long time since she’d been out of the house, encased in her new-mom cocoon.
Julia reached the front of the line and showed the officer her American and her Italian passports, since she had dual citizenship.
The officer checked only her U.S. one, then she went through Baggage Claim and Customs with a throng of Americans, feeling a surge of familiarity that surprised her.
The corporate brands at the terminal welcomed her with their trademarked signs and smells, the Tony Luke’s cheesesteaks set her stomach growling.
She beelined for a Dunkin’ Donuts realizing she’d never gotten used to Italian espresso, which tasted like distilled caffeine.
She ordered a coffee and glazed doughnuts, hoping the sugar would help her jet lag, since she hadn’t been able to sleep on the plane.
She went down the hallway and entered the International Arrivals Hall, where a cheering crowd of teenagers waved American flags and an oversize flag hung from a soaring glass ceiling.
On the wall was the preamble to the Declaration of Independence, which Julia read with a swell of patriotism.
She felt a lump in her throat that only expats know.
She’d missed the United States and this big, beautiful country that was home.
Home?
Julia had a second thought, reminding herself that America wasn’t the country of her birth, though for her entire life, she’d believed it had been.
She’d been born in Italy but adopted in the United States, so she was betwixt and between the two countries, a citizen of both feeling like a citizen of neither.
But she didn’t have time for an identity crisis.
She had to pick up her rental car and hit the road.
There was a long line at Hertz, so Julia figured it would be a good time to call Gianluca. He’d be home from work by now, and Leni might still be up. She scrolled to Favorites, pressed the screen, and the call connected. “Hey, honey, how’s it going?”
“Hi, sweetheart!” Gianluca answered warmly. “How was the flight?”
“Fine, but I miss you guys. How’s Leni?”
“Okay, but she was out of sorts when I got home. My mother said she was fussy all day, then I tried to put her to bed but she didn’t want to go.”
“That’s not like her.” Julia felt a guilty pang. “Would she nap? She still needs a nap sometimes.”
“My mother said she wouldn’t.”
“Did she eat?”
“No. She barely touched dinner. She wouldn’t sit still. Hold on, she’s up.”
Julia could hear Gianluca walking down the hall, then the sound of Leni crying hard. Julia felt an alarm that surprised her. Being an ocean away from her daughter seemed suddenly against nature.
“Wait a sec.” Gianluca said to Leni, “Leni, Mommy’s on the phone. Do you want to say hello to—”
“Mommy!” Leni wailed. “Mommy, when… are you coming home? You’re gone… so long.”
“I know it feels that way. I’ll be home soon.”
“Can I see you, on the phone?”
“Yes, I can FaceTime you now. Give Papa the phone.” Julia pressed the FaceTime button, and her own face came onto the screen, but Leni’s didn’t. “Gianluca, is it connecting?”
Leni cried, “I don’t see you!”
“Julia, it won’t connect. It says the connection is unstable.”
“Mommy? Mommy?”
“I’m here, honey, you can talk to me. Tell me—”
“I want… you!”
“I’ll be home very soon, honey.” Julia could hear Gianluca trying to calm Leni down, speaking to her in Italian, his tone soothing.
“Julia, I should go. Let me tend her now.”
“Okay, goodbye. Tell her I love her.”
“Of course. Love you.”
“Love you, too.” Julia hung up, shaken. She breathed a sigh.
Just knowing that her daughter was unhappy left her with an underlying unease, like disturbances in her personal field.
She realized how lucky she’d been to stay home with Leni and marveled at working mothers faced with a choice that felt no-win, every day.
She felt doubly guilty that Gianluca was having a hard go, and her mother-in-law as well.
Julia sensed she’d end up with her in-laws moving in, for penance.