31
Julia started the ignition, instinctively wanting to head back to the motel, for safety.
Samuel’s note gave her the creeps, making her suspect him more.
Its very presence meant that he had been stalking her just like he stalked Kay.
Chalk up another thing that her supposed psychic powers hadn’t warned her about.
Julia called Bennie as she drove from the parking lot, but the lawyer didn’t answer, so Julia left her a message about the note, then called Alex, who did answer. She filled him in as she hit the main road.
“Are you sure it’s from him?” Alex asked, sounding surprised.
“I’ll send you a picture.” Julia snapped a photo and texted it to him when she stopped at a light.
“Got the pic.” Alex groaned. “Oh no, that’s his handwriting.”
“How does he know we suspect him of killing Kay? Even if he noticed the photos were out of place when he went back, how would he know it was us? Unless somebody told him.”
“He could’ve listened to the message I left him. He could’ve assumed I’d go see him. He’d know he left the photos out, like you say, and it’s not illogical to suspect him.”
“But you don’t, still?”
“No. He’s trying to tell you he’s innocent.”
“An innocent stalker?” Julia wasn’t buying. “What if Glushenko told him? Or another cop, or even Kowalski?”
“More likely, people gossip. You’re not the only person who suspects him. I’m on my way back to the office and I’m getting texts from everybody, talking about Courtney’s arrest and who killed Kay.”
“Or maybe he was watching the cabin. Is that possible?” Julia passed the sign for the city limits, relieved to be getting out of town.
“No, there would be no reason to.”
“Could he have cameras?”
“No.”
Julia let it go. “I called Bennie and left her a message about the note.”
“Good, are you going to tell Glushenko or Kowalski?”
“I’ll ask Bennie. The communications should go through her from now on.”
“Good point. Stay in touch. Will you text me if you hear anything from Courtney?”
Julia could hear the wistfulness in his voice. “Absolutely.”
Julia pulled into the motel lot and spotted Paul in a blue oxford shirt with tan Dockers, getting out of a white Honda.
Paul Prescott had been her late husband Mike’s best friend, and seeing Paul brought back Mike so acutely that it hurt.
Both men were tall and athletic, having played intramural basketball at Notre Dame, but Mike had been lean and lanky, where Paul had a heavier frame with bigger bones.
Julia could see that the expensive layers of Paul’s sandy brown hair had begun to thin, and crow’s feet wrinkled at the corners of Paul’s round brown eyes.
She realized with a twinge of grief that he had gotten older, but Mike would be forever thirty-two.
Paul had gained a few pounds, which showed in ruddy cheeks sporting a year-round golfer’s tan, which left his left hand a shade lighter from his glove.
Paul spotted her pulling in and rushed over, distraught. “Julia, my God, what the fuck’s going on? I went to the funeral home and they told me Courtney was arrested for Kay’s murder! That’s insane! She’d never kill anybody! She loved Kay!”
“I know—”
“I got a call from a lawyer named Bennie Rosato. I can’t even believe Courtney has a lawyer now, a criminal lawyer. She told me you guys were staying here. This is crazy!” Paul shook his head, his brown eyes flaring with incredulity. “How in the world could this happen? Why didn’t you call me?”
“I’m sorry, but everything happened so fast, and I remembered you changed your number and I don’t have the new one.”
“Bennie called me.”
“Maybe Courtney gave her the new one.”
“Okay, well fill me in, would you?” Paul huffed, still shaking his head. “Jesus, I can’t believe this is happening. I need to move, I’m so stiff. I’ve been driving for hours. Let’s walk, okay?”
“Okay.” Julia got out of the car and fell in step beside him, as they walked through the lot for the sidewalk.
The main drag in New Dover was a busy one, its two lanes of light traffic lined with well-maintained rowhomes interspersed with commercial buildings like a mechanic’s garage, a vape shop, a medical supply store, a busy McDonald’s, and her favorite, Dunkin’ Donuts.
Julia started by telling Paul about her FaceTime call with Courtney and finished with bringing him up to date on Samuel’s note left in her car. He listened as they walked, his head slightly down because he was so tall. Mike used to do the same thing, calling himself the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
Paul mulled it over. “So the Buckley cops are white supremacists?”
“Some are, but we don’t know who. I suspect Glushenko.”
“Did they kill Kay because she was Black?”
“Maybe, but I think it’s because of whatever she found at the clean-up.”
“What could it be? Did this Alex guy say?”
“No, he doesn’t know more than Courtney or I do.”
“But he lives here. Could he be more helpful?” Paul snorted, and Julia thought he was acting selfish.
“Can I just say that you haven’t been very helpful?”
Paul stopped, his mouth downturned. “Look, I’m sorry I’m late.”
“You missed the funeral, even the delayed funeral.”
“I couldn’t help it. I got held up.”
“What could be more important than your wife, at the worst time of her life?”
“I didn’t know she’d get arrested,” Paul said, with a defensive frown.
“You knew she was going to Kay’s funeral. How’d you miss that flight? You know how important Kay was to her. She needed your support.”
“She had you, Jules.”
“You’re her husband, and she needed us both. Kay was the last family member she has besides you.”
“I didn’t think about it that way.” Paul spread his palms in appeal. “I thought she had it under control.”
“What, her emotions? How could she? She walked in on her grandmother, who was shot to death.”
“I tried to make the funeral.” Paul pursed fleshy lips. “I drove all the way here.”
Julia recalled what Courtney said. “If you’d made the flight, you wouldn’t have had to drive.”
Paul threw up his hands. “Okay, so I’m a terrible person.”
“No, you’re not a terrible person.”
“Yes, I am.” Paul’s brow furrowed. “For real, I am. You just never realized it before. You saw me the way Mike saw me. You think things are easy for me? They’re not. Courtney. Work. Everything, it’s all hard as hell.” Paul looked away, his throat catching. “Everything has gone to shit since…”
“Since when?”
“Since Mike died,” Paul answered, looking surprised by his own words. “My life sucks since Mike died.”
Julia swallowed hard. “I know what you mean.”
“No, you don’t. You remarried. You moved on.”
“That’s not fair,” Julia said, stung.
“Wait, sorry.” Paul put up his hands like a traffic cop. “That came out wrong. Look, all I’m saying is, you have things that make you happy now. New things, different things. Money, a villa in Tuscany, a kid, a new family. Isn’t that right?”
“So?” Julia’s heart hurt. “That doesn’t replace Mike. Nothing does. Grief is loss, forever and ever.”
“But what do I have since Mike died? What? Mike’s gone and there’s nothing.
” Paul shrugged, crestfallen. “We shot hoops. We ran. We did a million things, ever since freshman year. We talked about you guys, when he met you. I know all your issues from him, and I bet you know all mine from Courtney. I’m sure you know we haven’t been doing that great lately. ”
“Yes.” Julia realized that her relationship to Paul had been through Mike or Courtney. She’d never spoken with him alone about anything important.
“It’s so weird for me, seeing you without Mike. Really, it’s weird.” Paul’s eyes widened, looking down at her, and Julia looked up at him, feeling the exact same way.
“I was just thinking that. It’s weird for me, seeing you without Courtney. We never talked like this.”
“No, we didn’t. We never had to. You and me, we were never one-on-one. We had them. They were our human buffer zone.” Paul hesitated. “You know what Mike’s issues were with you? Silly stuff. He was crazy about you, and you were crazy about him. It was like you were made for each other.”
Julia felt the truth of it inside. “We were very compatible.”
“I know. I was, too, with Mike. He was the universal donor, he fit any blood type. Remember I used to call him that?”
“Yes.” Julia felt another pang of grief. Meanwhile twilight was descending, with a new chill in the air. Traffic had decreased, and the town quieted. A brassy sunshine tarnished behind the treeline.
“I’m starting to think that since he’s been gone, I haven’t felt good. I can’t remember the last time I felt really happy, like, complete.”
Julia recognized it as grief. “You miss him.”
Paul nodded, sealing his lips. “I miss him a lot. I miss stuff he would’ve said or done.
Shots he would’ve made or missed. Every March Madness pool, every Final Four, we were on the phone.
Every time I watch the Masters, I remember when we went.
I remember everything, like all the time, it’s like he’s with me. ”
Julia realized that in her own grief, she’d overlooked Paul’s. Maybe she’d been the selfish one, not him.
“Julia, I loved him. I’m a guy, but I did love him.”
Julia felt touched. “Guys are allowed to love other guys.”
“Not according to my father, but whatever.” Paul shrugged his broad shoulders. “And since Mike’s gone, it’s like I don’t know where I fit. Courtney called me his second banana and she’s right. Where’s the second banana without the first?”
“I’m sorry.” Julia put a hand on his shoulder, and Paul swallowed visibly.
“Courtney’s a badass at work now. They love her, and the sky’s the limit. She makes twice what I do. She moved on, and so did you. Your worlds are different, but mine is the same except Mike’s gone.” Paul’s eyes filmed. “My life, it closed down. I’m nothing.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I am, Julia.” Paul cleared his throat. “I’m not anybody, anymore.”
Julia felt for him. “Maybe therapy will help.”
“Oh, please.” Paul rolled wet eyes.
“No, truly. I had therapy after Mike died. It helped me deal with my grief.”
“I dealt with my grief.”
“What if you haven’t, really?” Julia asked, gently. “You said you haven’t been happy, and maybe that’s what’s making you unhappy. You’re making Courtney unhappy.”
Paul frowned. “Did she say that?”
“Did she have to? When you missed the flight, weren’t you pushing her away?
Aren’t you saying ‘I want out’? We know Courtney.
She’s not going to pretend it didn’t happen, because you matter to her.
You may think you don’t, but you do. She kept hoping you were going to come. She kept checking her phone.”
Paul groaned, looking away and shaking his head.
“She was arrested, and you weren’t even there. Do you really want her to be so alone? Did you want her to figure out how to live without you, even if she gets out of jail? Because that’s what you’re teaching her.”
Suddenly a police cruiser glided down the street, passing them slowly. It was the brown-and-yellow paint job of the Buckley police, and the cop turned in their direction, the bill of his cap moving.
Julia’s mouth went dry. “Why are Buckley police patrolling here? New Dover has its own police force.”
“He’s going way slow, isn’t he?”
“He’s making sure we see him. If he just wanted to see what we were up to, he would have followed in his own car or an unmarked car. He’s trying to intimidate us.”
“Shit, you’re right.” Paul clenched his jaw.
Julia didn’t feel safe here, either. “Let’s get back to the motel.”