Chapter Four – Liam
Liam
Winnie stared up at me with her big blue eyes and some homemade jam smeared all over her face.
“I take it you liked it.”
She smiled.
“I’ll be sure to let Cadie know her venture into jam is a hit with at least one two-year-old in Moose Village.”
Winnie laughed as if I had just said the funniest thing in the world.
“Liam! Winnie!” The sound of Opal’s voice rang through the house.
I called over my shoulder, “We’re in the kitchen having a snack.”
The sound of Opal and Jake’s footsteps should have lowered my anxiety, but it did the opposite. I knew why they had asked to stop by. Mary had warned me earlier that day when she called to FaceTime with Winnie. I appreciated the heads-up.
“My goodness, did she get any of it into her mouth?” Opal laughed.
“Look at my little princess,” Jake said as he reached down and picked Winnie up out of her highchair. She smashed her mouth against his and smeared blackberry jam all over him.
He drew back and licked his lips. “Cadie’s?”
Laughing, I nodded. “Yes. She has a lifelong fan in Winnie here.”
Opal chuckled. “Why don’t you let me take her and give her a bath. It’s about time, right?”
I didn’t want to admit I was relieved she had offered. It had been one hell of a day. Nothing like bringing your two-year-old to work with you while the health inspector is there. Luckily, we passed with flying colors.
“It is, and only if you want to.”
Opal kissed Winnie’s cheek, making her laugh. “Of course I do!”
The two of them left, and I let out a breath before looking at Jake.
“I’ll save you from having to break the news to me.
Mary told me earlier today about you and Opal wanting to travel.
I one-hundred-percent agree that you should.
This is your time, Jake. You raised your girls, and now it’s your time to be with Opal. ”
He looked down at the floor, then back up at me. “What will you do?”
“I’ll figure it out.”
“You can’t bring her to work with you.”
Smiling, I replied, “I know. Daycare isn’t an option when you own a bar, so I’ll look at other alternatives. Maybe a nanny.”
Jake nodded. “I know Hope put some unrealistic demands on you before she passed away, but you must realize that you can’t follow through with them.”
“I know. I think she was scared, that’s all.” At least part of me wanted to believe that. The other part knew Hope was doing it to just be…Hope.
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “The end was hard on all of us, but more so on you, Liam. She wasn’t in her right mind, and some of the things that she asked of you were…well, they were unfair to you.”
“I know.” Jake didn’t know half of it. I had never told him the reason I had asked Hope for a divorce, and neither had Hope. If he knew, he would have been devastated.
We sat in silence for a few moments before he cleared his throat. “People were only helping because they cared about you three. You know that, right?”
I looked up and met his eyes. Why is he saying this?
“If you’re talking about me not taking any help from anyone…”
My voice trailed off because a part of me knew exactly what he was talking about. He was here that night, and so was Mary. The night I unleashed on Aurora.
“You know what I’m talking about, Liam. Aurora was friends with Hope and you. She cared about all three of you and was hurting as well. She lost more than just one friend; she lost two and Winnie.”
“Winnie wasn’t hers to lose.”
He rolled his eyes. “For Pete’s sake, Liam.
You know what I’m talking about. She was never after anything, and you know it.
I was there for a few of Hope’s rants about Aurora.
I heard her accusing you of sleeping with her.
I know what my daughter put you through.
Hope wasn’t herself. But deep down I think she knew Aurora cared about her and was there for you for over a year and never asked for a damn thing in return.
You dismissed her with a few harsh words.
” He shook his head. “I never had any sons, but I always thought of you as a son, and that day, for the first time since I had met you, I was ashamed of you, Liam.”
I closed my eyes. I didn’t need this. The guilt I carried around was punishment enough. Now I was getting it from Hope’s father.
“Your father was, too, but he won’t ever admit it because he thinks you’re suffering.
But it’s been over four months now. Hope was my daughter, and the pain I feel is something I cannot even put into words, but life goes on.
Hope wouldn’t want you to be like this, Liam.
She wouldn’t want you to push away people who care about you. She adored Aurora.”
Fucking hell. Should I tell him the truth?
That my love for Hope had been stripped away long before she passed away?
That she had betrayed me in the most significant way imaginable.
That I had developed feelings for Aurora while my wife battled fucking cancer?
He’d never forgive me. Hell, I couldn’t even forgive myself.
Do I tell him the reason I pushed Aurora away that night is because all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and lose myself in her?
Yeah. He’d hate me, no doubt about it.
“It was Hope who told me Aurora was pushing her way in. That she wanted to replace Hope in Winnie’s life.”
Jake frowned. “And you believed that? Or was it because you had begun to rely on Aurora, and that scared you?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Nathan suddenly appeared. “Hey, what’s going on? I knocked, but I guess no one heard. You need to get that doorbell fixed, Liam.”
Jake stood and walked over to shake Nathan’s hand. “Good to see you, Nathan.”
“You too, Jake. Is Opal here?”
“She’s giving Winnie a bath. I think I’ll join them.”
He started out of the kitchen but stopped. “Opal can help you find a nanny for Winnie if you want her to help.”
Nathan’s eyes bounced from me to Jake and back again. All I could do was nod.
Once Jake was gone, Nathan turned to me. “You’re going to hire a nanny then?”
Pushing my hand through my hair, I sighed. “Yeah. Jake and Opal are leaving town. Going to go travel for a bit, and I certainly cannot ask my dad to help with Winnie.”
Nathan reached into my fridge and grabbed a beer. “Good for them.”
I nodded and leaned back in the chair. “Yeah. That means I have to find someone to watch Winnie for me at night and some days I have to go in early. I promised Hope I wouldn’t put Winnie in daycare, and I don’t really want her in daycare. So, a private nanny it is.”
He didn’t say anything, just took a drink of his beer.
After a few moments, he asked, “Do you even know what to ask when interviewing a nanny?”
I looked at him. “I do know how to take care of my daughter, you know.”
“I didn’t ask that, Liam. I asked if you have any idea how to interview someone who will be taking care of your daughter?”
“I’ll figure it out.” And I wasn’t about to ask Opal to do it. I had relied on Jake and Opal far too much these last four months.
He stared at me. “Why don’t you ask Aurora?”
My head jerked back. “Aurora?”
“What’s wrong with my sister? I’m sure she’s capable of helping you interview someone.”
“Nothing is wrong with her, and I agree. The question is, will she want to help me? I ran into her at the hotel and she…”
“She what?” Nathan asked.
“Well, I think she’s still angry with me about what I said to her.”
A look passed over Nathan’s face, but it was gone as quick as it came.
“Is she? Still mad?”
Nathan shrugged. “You’d have to ask her that, Liam.”
I sighed. “I don’t know what in the fuck I’m doing anymore, Nathan. I feel like I’m losing control of everything. My business, my daughter, my life. I just keep hearing Hope’s voice repeatedly in my head at the end, and I’m reminded of the impossible things she asked of me.”
“What did she ask of you other than no daycare or stranger watching Winnie?”
Looking at him, I frowned.
“You don’t have to tell me; it’s just that you never said. Whatever the hell she said to you has fucked with your head like I mentioned to you a few weeks ago.”
Exhaling, I shook my head. “It was that and she said some shit to me that I can’t help but wonder if she was right.”
“Like?”
I looked up at him. “She said she felt like I didn’t take care of her like a loving husband should have.
That she knew every day that I woke up, I wished I had divorced her before I found out about the cancer.
I mean, it’s not a secret that I didn’t go through with the divorce because she had cancer, but I swear to you, Nathan, I tried so fucking hard to be there for her.
Everyone thinks I’m brokenhearted, and that is what feels worse.
I’m not brokenhearted. I mean, I never wanted her to die, but she wasn’t the love of my life, and seeing people give me that look of pity just pisses me off because it makes me feel like fucking shit that I didn’t love her.
Maybe I could have done better. Maybe she didn’t beat the cancer because I didn’t love her anymore, and she knew that.
She knew she didn’t have anything else to live for besides Winnie.
Which then makes me think was her own daughter not enough either? ”
His mouth fell open then snapped shut. “That’s bullshit, Liam.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “The crazy thing is, after months of thinking Aurora was trying to take her place with Winnie, Hope told me to lean on Aurora, that she would help with Winnie. I know that she was most likely just upset that she couldn’t take Winnie places, and Aurora stepped in a lot, but so did many other people. She just decided to single out Aurora.”
More guilt because I didn’t have the balls to tell him my wife had picked up on my feelings for his sister.
“Anyway, I made her a promise out of guilt. Now I feel like I’m going back on that promise.”
“Liam, she wasn’t thinking clearly at the end, which is obvious. It was a stupid ass thing to promise and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.”
I nodded.
“She didn’t ask you not to fall in love again, did she?”
Closing my eyes, I shook my head. There was no way I was going to tell him that moments before Hope died, she asked me to promise her I wouldn’t fall in love with Aurora. So I lied.
“The opposite. She told me not to be afraid to fall in love again.”
“Have you?”
I shook my head. My reason for dating wasn’t what he thought. “I miss the touch of a woman, but am I ready to date? No.”
“You’ll know when the right woman comes along. You know, you could just hook up with someone one night. It would be nothing but sex.”
I shook my head. “My hand can do the same thing.”
“Dude, I didn’t need that mental picture.”
Laughing, I smiled. “Right now, I have to figure out what to do with Winnie. I don’t want to keep Jake and Opal here any longer. They deserve to get on with their life.”
“I can help out at The Muddled Moose anytime you need me to until you get things straightened out.”
“Thanks, Nathan, I appreciate it. I can work from home, and Jeremy or Alex can keep an eye on things if I’m unable to be there. I’ll figure it out.”
“That’s a great idea. Jeremy and Alex are both great managers. The front and back end are well taken care of with those two.”
The sound of Winnie laughing caused us both to turn and see Jake carrying Winnie. “I’m weady for bed!”
“Nate!” Winnie cried out as she reached for Nathan. He immediately took her and kissed her cheek, causing her to blush and bury her face into his chest. Jake and I both laughed.
I stood. “Do you want Uncle Nate to help put you to bed?”
Winnie nodded. “Rora.”
Nathan looked at me, then back at Winnie. Then he made her a promise I wasn’t sure he could keep. “Aurora will be by soon to visit, I promise.”
Frowning, I shook my head when Nathan glanced back my way.
He ignored me and headed out of the kitchen.
I followed him up the steps and to her room.
After reading to her, I watched my best friend expertly put my daughter to bed then quietly left the room.
I walked over and kissed her goodnight, tucking Perry the Moose next to her side.
A small bunny that her mother and I had bought for her was on her other side.
She said her little prayers and whispered goodnight to Hope.
“Sleep well, my precious angel.”
She smiled and whispered goodnight to me.
I turned on her nightlight and shut her door halfway before returning downstairs. Nathan was at the front door, saying goodbye to Jake and Opal, who were about to leave as well.
“Thank you for getting her ready for bed.”
Opal grinned. “It’s always a pleasure. I see she’s adjusting to her big girl bed.”
“She is! Hasn’t crawled out of it yet.”
Jake laughed, then turned serious. “Make sure the alarm is set each night.”
I crossed my heart. “Will do.”
After I said goodbye and shut the door, I faced Nathan. “Why would you promise Winnie that Aurora would come to visit.”
Nathan shrugged.
“Nate, I can’t have people making promises to Winnie and then her heart be broken in two.”
“Then fucking do something to make up with my sister, Liam. Fucking hell, you’re hardheaded.”
He opened the front door. “You really should go get laid, Liam. You’re too fucking tense.”
And with that, he walked out and quietly shut the door behind him.
I huffed and opened the front door. He was about to get into his car when I yelled out, “Getting laid isn’t going to fix my problems!”
Nathan stopped, looked around, and laughed as he slipped into his car. One quick look across the street, and I saw Mrs. Randall on her porch. Even from where I stood, I could see her mouth hanging open.
Lifting my hand, I waved. “’Night, Mrs. Randall!”
Before she could say a word, I quickly shut my door and made my way into the family room.
Jesus, my life was still a mess. I poured a double whiskey and stared at it for a good five minutes before I tossed it back and shut all the lights off.
Then I made my way to my bedroom—but not before setting the alarm.